Home Is Where the Heart Is

CHAPTER 4

The next day dawned, and Sirius woke up to find his sheets wrapped around him, knotted like ropes; dampness lingered on his skin. He showered, dressed, and went downstairs. He was surprised to find Hermione there eating breakfast when he came down. She looked very pale, almost ill. He tried to talk to her, but she refused to say anything to him and ate in silence.

When he carried on talking, she broke her silence long enough to snap at him, "The only reason why I'm down here is because Harry is coming, and after all he's been through recently, I don't want him to see us not speaking. I have not forgiven you, and I doubt I will any time soon."

"I understand," said Sirius, and they resumed eating in silence. After she finished breakfast, Hermione left to go back to her room, and when Sirius called up at half past ten to tell her he was going to collect Harry, she did not answer. Sirius left with a heavy heart, and although he embraced Harry when he saw him, he could not help but be less enthusiastic about his godson's appearance than normal.

He led Harry down to the cottage, and when they entered, Hermione threw herself at Harry, hugging him ferociously. They moved into the kitchen, and Sirius saw that Hermione had made a superb spread for lunch. Sirius sat through most of lunch in silence, only laughing at a few jokes with Harry. However, he was able to do this unnoticed, because Hermione spent the whole time firing questions at Harry about what was going on in the wizarding world, from which they had been separated.

Harry told her that all was going well and that many of the Death Eaters had been rounded up and sent to Azkaban. He said that progress was slow, because although the dementors had returned to their posts at the prison, they were no longer trusted. Some of the Aurors had to be deployed to make frequent flying trips over the prison to check they were doing their jobs.

This meant that the Ministry was very short on Aurors. So many had been killed in the battle, and the few left were split between these tasks. Harry informed them that because of this, he could only stay to the next evening before he had to return to help. Sirius saw Hermione's face fall at this news, but she did not say anything.

Sirius couldn't help but notice the way Harry's hand kept sliding over the table to hold Hermione's, and this made him feel cold inside. The way he kept looking at her made him feel sick; he knew beyond a doubt that he was interested in pursuing more than a friendly relationship with her. Sirius knew that Hermione had noticed Harry's interest at her, and he felt green with envy every time she smiled at Harry. Sirius went to bed that night thoroughly depressed, only cheered by the small thought that no matter how angry Hermione was with him, she was unlikely to let Harry into her bed the night after they had kissed.

Sure enough, the next day after breakfast, Harry asked Hermione if she wanted to go out in the garden for a bit. Sirius contemplated joining them, but he realised he could not prevent the inevitable. He also knew that if he couldn't have her, then somebody deserving of her should. However, these thoughts did not offer Sirius much comfort, and he resorted to watching them through a window.

As Sirius watched, he saw Harry lean in to kiss Hermione, and he immediately felt sick. He looked away and tears slid down his face. Five minutes later, Hermione appeared, cheeks flushed by the cold air. Either that or excitement; he couldn't really tell. He turned to face her and said, "I'm glad for you, really I am. There is no one more deserving of you than Harry."

Hermione stepped towards him, and seeing the tears on his face, wiped them away with her fingertips. "I said no," she told him softly.

"You did what?" asked Sirius, confused.

"I turned Harry down. I don't love him. Your tears tell me all I need to know: you love me. So, providing that you stop acting like a twat, you are forgiven."

"But I saw the way you looked at him when he held your hand over lunch," said Sirius, still confused.

"I was only doing it to make you jealous, to see if you cared," Hermione told him. "You really let me know, you were almost green!" Sirius started to speak, but before he could question her further, she reached up, and silenced him with a kiss.

The last of Sirius' resolve left him; he could not deny the woman he loved. But a small part of him still believed that she was torturing him, that she could not possibly love a man like him - so many years her senior with a body covered in scars. He considered that now she knew he loved her, she was getting her revenge on him for deserting her by breaking his heart. Then he remembered that this was Hermione, and she would never do anything like that; it wasn't in her nature to be that cruel. Just as he had given up trying to understand why and was just starting to enjoy the kiss, he heard an exclamation from the doorway.

"What the fuck?!" Harry had just walked in on them. Hermione slowly peeled herself away from Sirius and looked at Harry expectantly. "I understood in the garden when you said you loved someone else; I knew you could never consider me because of it. I respected that, but this is who you love?" Then Harry rounded on Sirius. "How could you?" he shouted.

But Sirius was not listening; his head was spinning. "Is that true? You love me?" he asked Hermione quietly, while inside his head he was yelling, It is true! She loves me, SHE LOVES ME!

"Yes I do, with every ounce of my soul," Hermione told him defiantly.

"But I don't understand - how can you love me? I'm so much older than you, and my body is covered in scars. You could have any man you want. Don't you want someone who is young and unblemished?" Sirius asked her, a small part of him still unbelieving of her love.

"No, I want you. My body calls out for you; my heart aches every time I see you. I can't bear to be apart from you, and it hurt me so much when you broke off our relationship. I didn't understand why, and I thought you had just used me. I know now how hard it has been for you, and although I know the reasons why you did it, no reasoning can stand in the way of love." Hermione told him quietly, ignoring Harry, who was muttering ominously by the door.

Sirius' face broke into a huge grin, and he enveloped her in an embrace. "I love you too, more than you could ever know," he said, his voice muffled by her hair. When they pulled apart, they looked over at Harry. He saw them looking at him and immediately started shouting obscenities again.

"How could you?!" he shouted at Sirius, taking a break from his stream of insults. "She's my best friend, and you're supposed to be her guardian, not her lover! This is sick and twisted."

"Harry, you must believe me," said Sirius urgently, "I never meant for it to happen, but it did. I tried to stop it, honestly I did, but I can't now. I'm sorry, but I love her."

Harry turned to Hermione. "You've slept with him, haven't you?" he asked her quietly. "You slept with a man old enough to be your father; can't you see how twisted that is?"

There was a steely glint in Hermione's eyes. "How dare you?" she snapped. "It is not your place to dictate what I do, Harry. Sirius is nowhere near old enough to be my father. You are forgetting that he joined Hogwarts three years early, because his magical ability was growing too strong. And even if he was, I wouldn't care, because I love him, Harry."

Harry looked at her, clearly amazed. "You really love him, honestly?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I love him," Hermione replied, smiling at Sirius, who beamed back at her. "I beg you not to tell anyone about this. We will tell them when we are ready," she implored of him. Harry spluttered, then Disapparated with a loud crack.

"Do you reckon he will tell anyone?" asked Sirius.

"I don't think so; he'll probably wait in case we break up or something. But even if he does, I don't really care. They will know soon enough," Hermione replied and grinned up at him. "Come on, let's go to bed."

"Speaking of beds, why didn't you tell him that we hadn't slept together?" asked Sirius. "That would have calmed him down a bit."

"So what if it would have?" said Hermione. "It's none of his business, and it doesn't matter whether we have or not; we're in love."

"Besides," she added with a wicked grin, "we're going to at some point."

They slept in the same bed again that night, and both fell asleep much quicker and had wonderful, dreamless sleep.