If I Look Deep Enough...

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I knew it was him. Who else could have made Dumbledore beam so heartily, when he hadn't so much as smiled once in the past eight years?

It had been hard for everyone to acknowledge the fact that he had tricked us all and run off to his likely death. Granger and Weasley were the worst, absolutely stunned into shock and agony over their best friend's lack of self concern. From the vague details the two Gryffindors could give us, all of us had deduced that he had been planning this for weeks.

He always had been a devious son of a bitch...wonder why he was never placed in Slytherin...

And then James Evans showed up with his little sister, Lily. Dumbledore introduced him to the staff as the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Lily was only ten years old, but we were to welcome her into our lectures if she were ever to appear. Apparently, she could perform more magic than most fifth years.

Even though Harry had told me (secretly, mind you) all about his parents, it was not the names that gave him away. It was his eyes.

Damn him. How could he defile his beautiful eyes with such a colour as blue? It was almost sacrilegious...

But then, he never did find out that I felt that way about him, now did he? And now, after eight years of nightmares of which no Dreamless Sleep potion could rid me, my nights were peaceful...

I couldn't bear to talk with him. We exchanged pleasantries for the first few weeks of the school year. He was secretly amused at how I treated my Potions classes; I was far fairer than Snape had ever been. I had decided from the beginning of my career that that was no way for students to learn competently.

Yes, these were the changes wrought in me by a year of secret friendship with him. And then he had to go and disappear.

His 'sister' was a giggling, happy ten-year-old girl. Within three hours of the new school year, she'd made friends with nearly all the first year students, and some of the second years as well. Her aptitude for magic amazed us all; not only was she more competent than most of the fifth years, but she could also perform N.E.W.T. level spells.

"I was wondering, Draco," he began saying one day while we were quietly working on correcting essays. I began to sweat immediately. I absolutely hated the effect he had on me. "Lily has never gotten the hang of potion-making. I'm quite inept at it." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. I REMEMBER! I wanted to scream. I nodded, not really looking up from the third-year essays that were currently driving me insane.

"Could you give her some lessons? She thinks it fascinating, loves watching your classes at work."

"I suppose so, Ha-James!" I rectified my mistake as quickly as possible, but it was too late, for him at least. No one else was in the room.

My face burned red as I felt his eyes turn to me and widen in surprise.

"How---how long have you known?" he asked hoarsely, sounding horrified.

"Since Dumbledore introduced you," I muttered sadly. "I won't tell anyone, if you don't want me to..."

"Please, don't!" he exclaimed. He heaved a sigh of relief. "I'm not ready to listen to everyone yelling at me...you're not going to yell, are you?"

I laughed suddenly. His completely horrified face was hysterical to look at. "Of course not!" I gasped in between chuckles. "Why on earth would I do something like that? Besides the satisfaction of watching Granger smack you upside the head repeatedly, I mean."

Harry scowled menacingly at me, but amusement was clearly etched in his horribly blue eyes. He sighed dramatically. "You always did enjoy watching me suffer, Draco."

No, I enjoyed watching you smile. "But I will give Lily the lessons, if you wish," I said. He nodded happily.

"And don't think you can use this as blackmail, Malfoy!"

I placed a hand over my heart. "I, blackmail you?" I inquired innocently. "Perish the thought!"

In the weeks after this discussion, it became easier to speak with him. He often accompanied Lily to her Potions lessons, and made snide little comments about my teaching abilities. This ended up in more than several arguments between the two of us, as Lily looked on, laughing.

Being with him became the highlight of my day. I found myself searching him out if he didn't come to the Teachers' Lounge after supper, or if he happened to miss a meal. He managed to trick me into walking with him on nice evenings (not that I put up much of a resistance). Lily often ran out to find us and tell us about the things she and her friends were doing. Harry gave her permission a few times to go into Hogsmeade by herself and buy chocolates and pranks.

"Isn't she a little young to be going on her own?" I asked one winter's eve. He shrugged.

"She knows more magic than I did when I was ten."

"You didn't even know about Hogwarts when you were ten."

"Sod off, Malfoy..."

I was beginning to feel like I had in sixth year, just after a skinny Gryffindor with black hair and green eyes had walked up to me and silently offered his hand to me: carefree, feeling more innocent than I had since I was five years old. I bantered back and forth with the one I loved.

One such night, as Harry, Lily, and I were walking the grounds, Harry remembered he had promised Professor Sprout to pick something up in the village. He bid his sister and me wait for him and sprinted off in its general direction. Lily asked me questions about Veritaserum, the potion we had just begun to study.

"Professor," she said suddenly after a short silence. "How do you know my brother? He never really explained it."

"I went to school with him," I replied simply. "We hated each other up until our sixth year, when we realised we were being stupid. We knew none of our friends could ever truly understand, so we kept it a secret. And then he disappeared right before seventh year..."

Lily nodded, and we were silent once more. The little girl suddenly became uncomfortable once more.

"He talked a lot about you," said Lily. I looked sharply at her. She shrugged in return. "He told me all about how you offered friendship before first year, and he refused it. He said he'd felt horrible, and wanted to make it up to you." She shrugged again. "He had a very high opinion of you, still does."

"Lily," I began nervously, "how did you meet Harry?"

She blinked. "He came out of the woods one day and wandered into the village I stayed at. I was only two; we guessed my parents either died and no one knew or cared, or they just abandoned me. Either way, I was lost and so was he. I wanted to know what a name was, and what parents were, but he didn't know. So we travelled around for weeks and watched people. He bought me my wand when I was four and taught me magic; he taught me how to fly and how to identify plants and things. He told me about Voldemort and his parents and the Death Eaters."

Lily looked straight up at me. "But, like I said, he talked most about you."

I couldn't speak. Lily nodded, understanding, and left me to find Harry. I wandered into the lounge about an hour later. My eyes were red and teary, something I tried to hide. No matter what the circumstances, I was still a Malfoy, and had to uphold some semblance of dignity.

Harry was there, waiting for me. I sat down next to him, but we didn't speak for several minutes. Finally, all he did was touch my hand gently.

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Fin

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*Wow. Umm, was that any good? I mean, it is my first slash story...

Don't forget to review!

BTW, here are the lyrics I based this story off, just in case you were wondering.

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You don't remember me, but I remember you;
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you.
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...

I believe in you:
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you to live, to breathe:
You're taking over me.

Have you forgotten all I know
and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand;
I knew you loved me then.

I believe in you:
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you to live, to breathe:

You're taking over me.

I look in the mirror and see your face.
If I look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over...

~Evanescence~

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