Sweet Sorrow

You lie awake. It's dark so dark and you can't wait for him to be gone. You look over at him and you cringe. You can't understand why you had agreed to marry him. He rolls over and his arm crawls over you. You want to retch, but you resist the urge. You can remeber when that comforting gesture had made you love him all the more. You think back and you can remeber the moment when you had decided that you could never love him. You look at him his dark lashes like fans spread on his tan cheeks. You had once thought him handsome now he made your eyes tear. He opens his eyes and looks into yours. He leans in and kisses you, you shudder in disgust. He pulls away looking hurt and you smile. His pain had brought you the joy that had been missing from your life for the past few months that you had been with him. He takes this as a good sign and leans towards you to kiss you again. You allow it this time. You don't shudder or cringe. You're not thinking about him any longer. Now you are thinking about the pale face with the cold grey eyes. You pretend that it is him kissing you. You moan in pleasure from just thinking of kissing this man. He grunts in reply. His hands move up your thigh and he is slowly pulling off your clothing. You allow it still thinking of those steely glances that had met your own and seemingly lit on fire. You moan again louder this time. He is beginning to get excited. He moves quickly now and fumbles with the clasp of your bra. You move your hands to help him but he stops them. He brings for fingers to his mouth and kisses them one by one. You keep your eyes shut through all of this thnking of that sharp face that you had looked into so longingly. He pulls off your last two garments and slips inside you. You moan in pleasure. He goes gently thinking that that is what you want, it is because of his gentleness that a realization comes over you. He loves you. Those cold grey eyes will help nothing now. It was this man ,that is being so caring, caressing every inch of your body, that had held you in his arms and allowed you to cry into his shoulder on that day when they had burried the man with the eyes that made your flesh crawl. It was this man who was there for you now. You had loved the boy that had set you on fire, but he was no longer with you. Nor would he ever be. You can not have him, you know this now. But this man that you are with. He loves you in every way it is possible for a man to love a women. It dawns on you that you can love him too. Just because you are in love with another person who is gone and has left, that doesn't mean that you cannot love your husband.

You open your eyes seeing that he has stopped. He looks deep into your eyes as if he is trying to see your soul. Your arms snake around his waist pulling his body as close to yours as possible. His ear is level with your mouth. You slightly part your lips and let the words flow out. They seem to naturally roll off of your tongue. He pulls away and looks at you in surprise.

It is the first time you have said this to him in the six months that you have been married.

He slowly allows a smile to creep it's way across his lips. You look up at him and repeat the words: "I love you Harry Potter."