Rating:
R
House:
Astronomy Tower
Ships:
Original Female Witch/Severus Snape
Characters:
Original Female Witch Severus Snape
Genres:
Romance Angst
Era:
The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
Spoilers:
Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 03/19/2005
Updated: 07/13/2015
Words: 282,703
Chapters: 64
Hits: 98,814

A Merciless Affection

Verity Brown

Story Summary:
When a N.E.W.T. Potions field trip goes badly wrong, a chain of events is set in motion that may cost Snape more than his life, and a student more than her heart. Angst/angsty romance. SS/OC (of-age student). AU after HBP but canon with OotP. Contains mature theme and some sex.

Chapter 45 - Anywhere You Go Let Me Go Too

Chapter Summary:
[i]In Which[/i] Sarah intervenes determinedly as events unfold.
Posted:
01/06/2006
Hits:
1,528
Author's Note:
I’m very, very, [i]very, very, [b]very[/b][/i] sorry this chapter (and the last) has taken so long to arrive! Christmas preparations have trumped everything else. But I’ve promised myself lots of time for writing during the week after Christmas. Many thanks to my faithful readers and especially reviewers! This week marks the first anniversary of my involvement in HP fan-fiction. I had a weird dream about Snape that produced a story idea—the one you’re reading now—and I started reading fan-fiction in hopes of getting it out of my system: a desperate (and clearly futile) attempt to avoid having to write it. I’ve read some great stories and made some great friends. I just hope you are all as glad I wandered into this as I am.


Chapter 45: Anywhere You Go Let Me Go Too

They drowsed, curled together, until well after midnight.

It was an uneasy dream and a squished bladder that drove Sarah out of bed. With a whispered "just the bathroom" to answer her bedmate's stirring, she felt around for her robe and shoes, slipping them on against the chill, making her way by the faintest wand light. Madam Pomfrey will wonder where I am, she thought sleepily, as she finished necessities. Then suddenly another thought brought her wide awake.

Potter! She had forgotten all about him. Of course, chances were that Severus was right. She forced herself to take as deep a breath as possible (no mean feat, anymore), trying to slow the frantic pounding of her heart. Likely the boy was sound asleep, if he could sleep well after whatever discipline Umbridge had applied.

Assuming he had ever come back from the Forest....

No, that's foolishness, she chided herself.

But Severus hates the boy. You know that. How can he possibly make a fair evaluation of the situation? How can he be sure what Umbridge is capable of?

It's the middle of the night, she complained to herself.

But now that the idea had taken hold, Sarah knew she could not go back to sleep without knowing for certain.

She adjusted her robes until she was fit to be seen. Well, decent at least. The illusion belt was somewhere on the bed, but she was afraid of waking Severus entirely if she went looking for it. He would almost certainly refuse to countenance her late night jaunt. She cast the muffling spell across the bathroom doorway. Then, hoping that everyone in her dormitory would be deeply enough asleep not to notice the pop of the Portkey transfer (and having no other choice, whether they did or not), she sat on the toilet seat and slipped on her ring.

As she landed on her own bed, she drew out her wand, prepared to Stupefy her dorm mates, if necessary. There was a grunt from across the room, and Florence turned over, settling immediately back into silence. Otherwise, nothing. After waiting several minutes to be sure, she stood up and began creeping toward the door.

"Sarah?"

She almost proved that wizards could fly without supplementary means. But there was no point in hexing Angelina--she knew about the Portkey already.

"What are you doing?" the other girl whispered blearily. "I thought you were still sleeping in the hospital wing?"

"I am. I just had to get something. Don't worry about it," she reassured her dorm mate, her heart still jumping up and down in her throat.

"Sarah?" Angelina raised herself onto her elbows, and her voice took on a note of astonishment. "Are you...?"

With dismay, Sarah realized that the faint silvery glow of the nightlights was probably adequate--if one saw her from the side, as Angelina had just done--to reveal her condition.

"Please don't tell anyone!" Sarah whispered desperately, slipping over to Angelina's bed to avoid the disaster of waking anyone else. "I've been counting on you all year. Please don't let me down now!"

"Of course not, but...isn't this awful? I mean, you broke up and...."

"I hope not. I really hope not." The longer this conversation went on, the more likely it was that someone else would wake up and hear it. And see her. "Look, I'll tell you more later, but I really need to get back to the hospital wing before I get in trouble."

"Okay," the other girl said uncertainly. "Be careful, Sarah."

"Believe me, I will."

Severus is going to kill me. If Pomfrey doesn't first.

But there was no point in turning back now.

Several trembling breaths later, and two flights down, Sarah poked her head into the fifth year girls' dormitory. Potter's friend, Hermione Granger, had reportedly been taken into the forest by Umbridge as well. Sarah saw four soundly sleeping girls and an empty bed. It was not a promising beginning to her search.

The common room was empty, and she hurried, as quickly as she was able, up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. She was out of breath again by the time she reached the fifth years' room: three weeks in bed had not helped her stamina in the least. Nor did the fear of being discovered by anyone else.

What she saw when she peered into the fifth year boys' chamber was positively alarming. Three empty beds, and two boys--neither of whom was Harry Potter--who sat up in bed immediately when she opened the door.

"Harry?" asked a sandy-haired boy. He blinked in surprise. "Who er you?

"I'm looking for Harry Potter," Sarah answered, hanging carefully back behind the door.

"He wasn't at dinner," said the other boy, his dark face set in a worried frown. "Ron or Neville either."

"We ain't seen any of them since the History of Magic O.W.L., after Harry up and fainted," the first boy said.

"You're not a prefect," the dark boy pointed out.

"Nevermind," Sarah answered, and shut the door.

Partway down the second flight, she sat down on the steps and used her ring.

* * *

"Severus!" Sarah reached out for some part of him to shake the moment she reappeared.

She needn't have bothered. He jerked upright, his wand in his hand; it was probably only the fact that she'd spoken that prevented her from being hexed instantly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he snapped, lowering his wand. "I heard--"

"It's Potter!"

"What?" Severus growled, reacting with instant antipathy to the hated name.

"He never came back from the Forbidden Forest. Neither did Granger. And his other friends are missing, too--Ron Weasley and that Neville-somebody." She called up the torches to a faint glow.

"Longbottom," he spat. "What are you talking about? How could you know--?"

"I went to check--"

"You what?"

"When I woke up...I realized...well...." How could she explain something so utterly illogical to this man? "I knew I couldn't get back to sleep thinking about it. So I went up to check. And they weren't in their beds. Potter's dorm mates hadn't seen any of them since before dinner."

"Damn it, in the middle of the night!" Sarah wasn't sure if he was angriest at her or at Potter. But he got up and began throwing his clothes on.

"Umbridge probably has killed him out there," she said, unable to resist vindicating herself.

"Along with the whole lot of them?" he asked sarcastically. "Good riddance, then." He threw his cloak around him.

"You can't mean that!" She spied the illusion belt under a fold of the eiderdown and snagged it. But hoping that he wouldn't notice was like hoping Umbridge would start handing out sweets.

"You went upstairs without--"

"Yes!" she confessed, not able to think of any acceptable excuse to give for herself.

"Were you seen?"

"That's hardly important right now, is it?" She fastened the belt around her.

"You were seen! You foolish little--" His voice was like a razor.

"It wasn't anyone important! And it was dark. Where are we going?" He had moved to the portrait door, and she followed.

"You are not going anywhere!"

"I'm safe to be seen now."

"Not with me."

"If anyone sees us, you can pretend you've caught me out after curfew. It's not as if Gryffindor has many more points to lose."

Whether it was the tempting prospect of draining Gryffindor of every last point it had, or an unwillingness to argue further, he opened the portrait door and climbed out into the narrow hallway.

"Where are we going?" She stumbled out after.

"I am going to Umbridge's office," he snapped. "You will return to the hospital wing."

"You think Umbridge'll just be sitting there gloating?" she gasped.

"It's possible. If she's there at all."

"You don't think...Potter could have...." She was running out of breath, trying to keep pace with him as he went up the stairs.

"As loathsome as it is to admit, the boy has proved to be annoyingly resourceful. With the help of his friends, and the assistance of Umbridge's own stupidity, she might have been overpowered."

"But why...wouldn't they...come back...for their...things? Unless they...killed her?" It seemed highly doubtful that even a group of fifth years could manage that, except by accident.

"We could hardly be that fortunate," Severus sneered. "To have two of our problems solved at once."

"You want Potter...to go to Azkaban?!" she managed in two furious breaths.

"At least he couldn't escape from there."

"Escape? You mean...." The idea that must have occurred to Severus immediately, finally occurred to her. "He might have gone...to help his godfather?"

"The Dark Lord has been attempting to lure Potter out of school for months." They had reached the landing, but Severus paused before he opened the secret door. "I have not been privy to the details of the plan, but I have reason to believe that a group of Death Eaters has been organized for the purpose of capturing him, should the Dark Lord succeed in doing so. Dumbledore believed the danger was minimal," Severus spoke the word disdainfully, "until the summer. He discounts the boy's ability to override all attempts to protect him."

Sarah's breath was coming back. "How could he go anywhere?" Fifth years couldn't Apparate, and Portkey spells were well above N.E.W.T. level. There was the Knight Bus, but Potter would have to do some awfully quick talking to convince the conductor to allow a student--let alone a group of students--on board before the term was over. On the other hand, if he made it as far as Hogsmeade, it was possible, she supposed, to break into a house and use the Floo or steal a broom.

"I have no idea," Severus answered testily. "But today the Dark Lord succeeded in creating an illusion that would tempt Potter tremendously. And if Dolores Umbridge has lost control of him, I cannot afford to discount the possibility that he has taken the bait." He reached out to push open the door.

"Wait! I don't understand. An illusion? How could the Dark Lord reach Potter here inside Hogwarts?" The wards around the school were meant to protect against such intrusions. It hadn't occurred to her to ask, earlier, why Potter believed his godfather to be in danger.

Severus grimaced. "Their minds are linked...through Potter's scar presumably."

"Dear God! And you were teaching him Occlumency!" If the Dark Lord realized that....

"The Dark Lord was aware that I was doing so on Dumbledore's orders and under his supervision. If the boy had actually made any effort, my failure to circumvent those orders might have been more difficult to explain." He leaned into the wall, and it gave way.

* * *

Out in the first floor corridor, they were in too much danger of being discovered for Sarah to risk any more questions. More than anything, she wanted to ask Severus where Potter would have gone, had he managed to get away from Umbridge. She did not like to think of Darkglass Hall being used as trap. Or Potter's body lying on the parquet floor of the drawing room.

She almost ran into Severus when he stopped short. Then she heard what he must have already: there were footsteps coming down the staircase they had been approaching.

Whoever it was halted as well. It couldn't be a teacher: only a student would be that wary. Sarah thought for a moment that Severus might let the infraction pass, simply to avoid the encounter. But there was a harsh whisper from above.

"Sarah?"

Sarah's eyes widened. Angelina?

"Come down here at once!" Severus ordered. His expression and manner lost any hint of another role than the terrifying Potions master of Hogwarts, and Sarah took a step backward, only partially by intention.

There was a muffled whisper from above: "Oh shit!" Then the culprit descended with obvious reluctance. Angelina's red satin pajamas were unmistakable as she came into sight.

"Well, well, Miss Johnson," the Potions master sneered. "There would appear to be an epidemic of students out of bed this evening. Or perhaps I've interrupted some clandestine meeting? Twenty more points from Gryffindor!"

Sarah tried to look as if she'd just lost twenty points. But Angelina's puzzled expression was not helpful.

"Return to your dormitory immediately, Miss Johnson."

"Yes, sir," Angelina grumbled, turning to go back up the stairs after a last worried glance at Sarah.

"Miss Darkglass," he went on, even more sardonically. "I think you belong in the hospital wing. Perhaps I need to accompany you there to ensure your safe arrival?"

"No, sir," she answered automatically. Then kicked herself: he was fabricating an excuse for them to continue up the stairs together. And to prevent Angelina from hanging back.

"I disagree," he snapped. He glanced at the staircase. The other girl was out of sight. Nevertheless, he continued, "Do not dawdle, Miss Darkglass."

He strode off down the corridor, and Sarah trailed after, momentarily confused. Oh, there was another staircase--one closer to the hospital wing--further along this way. They rounded a corner, and Severus hissed, "It was Johnson who saw you?"

"I told her I had to get back to the hospital wing." Sarah glowered sheepishly. "I never imagined she'd come looking for me."

"No one important!" he sneered. "A girl who already knows too much. You don't think she'll put the pieces together?"

"She won't tell anyone, even if she does." But the memory of Angelina's well-meant faithlessness sapped the confidence from her voice.

"She did not appear very hesitant to betray you before."

"Well, then, why didn't you just Obliviate her?" Sarah snapped back.

He stalked on, not looking at her. "It may never have occurred to you that Obliviation is a delicate skill, one I have not had the cause or occasion to learn."

"I would have thought that..." she lowered her voice even further, "as a spy, you'd have reason to know how."

"A spy's job is to avoid situations where Obliviation would be necessary." This pointed comment was all too obviously aimed at her. He began mounting the stairs at a ruthless pace.

"You can hardly...expect me to...be as good at this...all the time...as you are," she panted, trying to keep up. After all of his well-founded accusations, she dared not ask him to slow down.

"I can and do expect you not to make hazardous mistakes."

There was no point in trying to defend herself further, even if she'd had the breath for it. "What do you want...me to do...to try to...correct it? Professor?"

"Trying to deceive a young woman to whom you've already told far too many lies? I will leave that problem for you to solve. Happily, at the end of next week, Miss Johnson will leave Hogwarts, never to return."

They had reached the second floor, and Severus made to continue up to the third.

"Where are you going?" Sarah gasped in an urgent whisper.

"I am taking you to the hospital wing," he said, as if that should be obvious.

"No." She stopped in her tracks, taking advantage of the pause to try to get her breath back. "If you think I'm going to lie there...worrying about what's going on.... I'm not supposed to be made to worry, you know," she added.

Severus looked for a moment as if he were going to explode, but when he spoke, he had mastered the urge...mostly. "You no longer have any excuse to be in Umbridge's office."

"Then I'll wait around the corner," Sarah said, setting her features to convey absolute determination. "I'm not going back to bed until I know what's happened. Where would Potter have gone?"

"To Hades, I hope," Severus spat.

She ignored the pointless vitriol. "To Darkglass Hall?"

His angry expression slackened a little as he seemed to realize her concern. "No, to London."

* * *

Sarah peered around the corner as Severus tried Umbridge's door. She expected he would have to use a spell before he was done, but the knob appeared to give way readily. Nor did any voice or hint of sound emerge when he opened it. The woman would hardly have left the door in that condition, if she had returned.

After waiting long enough for him look around thoroughly, with still no hint of any furious eruption, Sarah risked giving in to both her curiosity and her anxiety about being seen in the corridor. Creeping up to the open door, she whispered, "Professor Snape?"

"Get in here and close the door behind you," he answered sharply.

He was standing near the office fireplace, looked up from the results of a testing spell.

"I told you to stay around the corner!" He was cross with her, but she could tell that he was not as angry as she'd feared he would be, after all the other things she'd done tonight.

"What if someone else had caught me out there?" she pointed out reasonably.

"Then you would have lost the points you deserve. And been sent back to the hospital wing, where you belong."

"Umbridge hasn't been back, has she?" Sarah frowned, guessing at the source of his distraction.

"I don't think so." Severus shook his head. "The door was both unlocked and unwarded. There are no longer any of the signs of a struggle I observed before, but I attribute that to the house-elves. However, the Floo has not been used since Potter employed it earlier today, and Umbridge would almost certainly have contacted the Ministry for assistance if Potter had escaped her." He let the testing spell drop.

"What does that mean, then?" She frowned. "If none of them have come back?"

"I wish I knew. If Umbridge is, contrary to my suspicions, a servant of the Dark Lord, she may have taken Potter to London herself, once she had him outside the grounds. Or she may be lying stunned in the forest, a victim of Potter's friends. Or all of them may have fallen prey to hazards in the forest, together or singly. Despite what so many students seem to believe, it is Forbidden for good reason." He let out a slow breath. "We cannot discard any of the possibilities at this point. I shall begin searching the forest as soon as I have informed Professor Dumbledore and the others of what has occurred."

"Others?" Sarah blinked.

"Dumbledore's...compatriots. There was to be a meeting in London, very early in the morning tomorrow--or rather today--to discuss Potter's protection over the summer. I had no intention of attending. Nor, I think, do I have the time to do so, even now. But perhaps Dumbledore has already arrived. If not, the others can warn him."

Snatching a handful of Floo powder, Severus knelt in front of the fireplace and cast it down. Curiously, she couldn't make out the direction he gave, but a moment later, his head had disappeared into the green flames that leapt up.

Whomever he was speaking to at the other end, it was a long conversation. Or so it seemed to Sarah, who paced nervously, watching the door in fear that, at any moment, Umbridge might storm through it after all. But finally Severus pulled his head out of the fireplace, the magical fire dying away as he did. He did not look pleased.

"Was Dumbledore there?" she asked, almost certain the answer would be no.

He shook his head. "He's expected at any moment, but the others wouldn't wait to go looking for Potter. I warned Black to remain there until Dumbledore arrived, but I doubt he'll do so. Stupid, arrogant fool...well, if he wishes to risk being captured again...." Severus sneered.

"Black?" The only Blacks Sarah knew were in the Dark Lord's camp.

"Sirius Black," Severus replied sourly.

"The murderer?" The whole school had been abuzz with the man's name two years ago--supposedly he was an escaped Death Eater. He had invaded the castle twice, despite the presence of dementors around the grounds and whatever other protections Professor Dumbledore had added to the school's already formidable defenses. And in the end he'd actually been captured on the grounds, although he had somehow managed to escape before he could be turned over the dementors. She had thought it curious that, although the Ministry issued statements now and again about their search for Black, the dementors had not returned the following year to guard Hogwarts. It was as if the problem had simply blown away over the summer, despite the fact that the man was still at large. Nor, she realized, had she heard anything of him in the process of being admitted to the Dark Lord's company.

"Yes, the murderer. Potter's beloved godfather." He twisted the words nastily.

Sarah blinked again. Most of the gossip had suggested that Black was trying to murder Harry Potter as well. Obviously the matter had been turned around somehow. But this did not seem to be the time--or the mood--to ask Severus for details. "How odd."

He shrugged dismissively. "You will inform Madam Pomfrey of what is happening, then remain in the hospital wing."

"Wait!" A hopeful idea occurred to her. "Could they have been injured? Could they be in the hospital wing right now?"

"Madam Pomfrey would have contacted me immediately if that were the case." He took Sarah's arm to urge her from the room. "You will go to bed and go to sleep, no matter how difficult you may believe that to be. You have already done too much tonight."

"I'm not helpless!" She shook off his arm. "I'm perfectly recovered. You didn't seem to think otherwise earlier," she added tauntingly. Then, although she knew perfectly well he would refuse, she said with great seriousness, "I want to come with you."

"Absolutely not!" His face darkened.

"It's dangerous out there!"

"That, I believe," he said sharply, "is the point! You will remain in the castle tonight if I have to use the Imperius Curse to make you."

"All right, then! But can't you get someone else to help...." Sarah wondered if any of the teachers still at Hogwarts would be willing to go with Severus Snape into the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night.

"No," he said abruptly. "Although if our lamentable headmistress had not been so determined to arrest him, I would have requested the assistance of Hagrid--he knows the forest as nobody else does. However, if Potter and his friends have managed to survive the dangers, I doubt very much that I will have any difficulty doing so. Or," he raised his eyebrows, "do you have so little confidence in me as to suppose otherwise?"

"Oh, go, damn you!" Sarah said. "But come back."

The look he gave her was worth every moment of grief she had ever felt on his account. "Surely I have every reason to," he said. Then he opened the door and strode out of the room, his cloak billowing from the force of his passage.


A/N: In this chapter (and the previous one), I have had to account for the following canon facts: 1. Although Snape presumably contacted Sirius shortly after leaving Umbridge’s office (sometime around 6 pm), for unknown reasons he did not contact the Order again until well after midnight. 2.We are not told, in canon, how Snape knew Umbridge had taken Potter into the Forbidden Forest [i][b]or[/b][/i] how Snape knew they had not come back. 3.Snape, even then, was apparently not sure where Harry was, given the fact that (according to Dumbledore) he went to search the forest for him after informing the Order of the possibility that Harry had gone to the Ministry. 4.Dumbledore was, presumably, expected at Grimmauld Place on that night/early morning. I hope you’ve enjoyed my explanation. :~) More soon!