A Merciless Affection

Chapter 39: But We Daren't Refuse...

Sarah woke because someone was in the room. Her bleary, frightened mind struggled for the words she had gone to sleep with, even as she squinted open her eyes. It was day. Bellatrix Lestrange, her long black hair hanging lankly, was leaning against the near post at the end of the bed, watching her sleep.

Carpe baculum! Sarah thought, jerking herself upright to poise on the edge of the bed. She had no idea if she'd managed to focus on Bella's wand. Even if she had, how could she attack the woman, with her just standing there, offering no threat, her wand not even drawn?

"My, we're jumpy this morning, aren't we?" Bella said snidely, as Sarah tried to slow her breathing.

"You might have been Fiona," Sarah pointed out. Or Franklin.

"I've warned Fiona to keep away from you, if she knows what's good for her," Bella said smoothly. "You realize that I'm the only person in this house who will protect your child, don't you?"

"Yes," said Sarah, still watching her visitor--or was 'intruder' still the better word?--warily, "I realize that."

Smiling like a shark, Bella slipped down to sit companionably on the bed next to Sarah. "This baby means a lot to you, I can tell." She slid a pale hand across Sarah's stomach, causing the girl to flinch, but Bella's other hand grasped Sarah's upper arm, hard, preventing her from escaping the woman's touch. The smile had faded, and her voice grew hard. "I gave up everything for our Master. Fourteen years of my life. You'll never know what that was like, in Azkaban." Her eyes rolled back in her head for a moment, before she reasserted control of herself. "This time the Dark Lord will succeed. That horrible little Potter boy will die--we'll soon know how. Dumbledore is weakening--he's already lost control of Hogwarts. No one will stand in our way." All the while, Bella caressed the swell of Sarah's abdomen, her face distorted with emotions so diverse that they suggested madness.

"Please don't," Sarah begged, trying to push away the woman's hand, genuinely alarmed at Bella's behavior. She was sorry now that she had not struck while she had the chance.

"I won't hurt him, Sarah," Bella voice grew calmer. "You're sure it's boy? Too bad, really. Then again, that will probably make it easier to give him up."

"You said I could give him to his father!"

"Ah," Bella said, smirking, "and you don't plan to give his father up, is that it?" She had stopped stroking, but she left her hand where it was. Sarah felt a subtle, restless change of position inside her womb.

"You know I don't."

Bella laughed; it was no pleasanter at this close range. "Don't limit yourself, girl. Not when you're so young."

"I thought you wanted to train me in magic." There was something disturbingly suggestive in the way Bella was hovering over her. Perhaps that was just her way--perhaps the only way she knew of convincing people, plying women as well as men with the same technique. Nonetheless, Sarah found it troubling to be its object, and she tried again to pull away.

A drumbeat pummeled her from within, off to one side. Then, as if improving in aim, recurred underneath the offending hand.

Bella blinked, and there was a sudden shift in the expression in her eyes. Whether the unexpected motion had truly startled her or had merely given her enough pause to realize that she was pushing Sarah too far, Bella let her go abruptly. She stood up and took several paces away, then turned sharply to face her again. "Do you intend to accept my offer?"

Sarah didn't answer for a moment, although it was because she was still trying to recover her composure, rather than an intentional attempt to put Bella off. "What you're asking requires me to work hard at things I'm not good at. If my uncle will agree to certain of my demands--protecting my child, for instance--then why shouldn't I take the easier path?"

"Do you want our Master to triumph or not?!" Bella's eyes blazed.

"Of course I do," Sarah said, placatingly. "But I'm not convinced that I'm the key to that triumph."

"Hardly," Bella scoffed. "Still, it would make a difference."

"I could make a difference helping Severus with potions."

"And I told you no one is going to permit that!"

Sarah did not want to appear as cowed as she felt at those despair-provoking words. Instead, she put on a pout. "Then why I should help any of you? Why not become mistress of Darkglass Hall--as is my right--and let the rest of you get your hands dirty?"

"Are you so willing to sleep with your cousin? With your uncle?" Bella's face twisted.

"I thought you wanted me to pursue a little more...variety." Sarah shot the woman a challenging look.

"Well, if that's what you want...." Bella gave a slight shrug, but the tone of her voice made it clear that she was calling Sarah's bluff.

"What I want at the moment," Sarah responded, deciding to take a different tack, "is breakfast. A safe breakfast."

Bella looked at her, puzzlement at the change of subject changing slowly to shrewd contemplation. "I told you I would protect you, if you agree to my offer. But Fiona is rather upset with you, you know."

So, an oblique threat. Sarah returned with one of her own.

"If Fiona manages to harm my child this weekend, I'll remember that you could have prevented it, and didn't."

"Suppose...." Bella began pacing, watching Sarah out of the corner of her eye. "Just suppose...." she trailed off, as if begging for a question, but Sarah did not rise to the bait, forcing Bella to come out with her idea forthrightly. "I daresay what you really want is to go back to school, back into the care of your teacher." Bella gave the last word a nasty twist.

"And?" Sarah asked. A sudden stab of hope made it difficult to keep the desperation out of her voice. It could not be that easy....

"If you agree...now...then I guarantee you will be back at Hogwarts before nightfall." Bella had turned to face Sarah directly, and there was a triumphant gleam in the woman's eyes.

Sarah's breath seeped out, while she stared at Bella, dazed. She had not meant to give in so quickly, but if Bella could truly manage it....

"What will my uncle say to that?" she asked dubiously.

Bella snorted. "Why would they want you here an instant longer if you agree to our plans? I told you before--keeping a prisoner is dangerous." She looked around the room thoughtfully, then amended, "At least when there are powerful people who might object."

"I want this clear," Sarah said, her voice shaking slightly. "If I agree to your offer, I go home today? You let me alone--and you ensure that everyone else lets me alone--so I can have my baby in private and secret? And then and only then, I become your apprentice?"

"I would rather you spent the summer with me," Bella said sourly. "You could learn a great deal, even if you couldn't practice all of it. On the other hand, I no longer have a home of my own to shelter you in, do I? Yet, anyway. But you won't be content, will you, unless you have one last summer with your lowborn lover--for all that you'll be able to enjoy it in that condition," she sneered.

"If you can promise me all that," Sarah said, "I'll agree."

And how I will get out of it, I do not know....

"Done!" Bella exulted. "I'll make the arrangements immediately." Then, as if she had heard Sarah's thoughts, she crossed to her and lifted her chin roughly, forcing her to match gazes. "Remember, before you even think of breaking our agreement: I can easily take away everything if you fail me. Nothing you value will be safe--your baby, Severus...I can bring you back to Nott, and I'll stand by and laugh while he has his way with you. So don't even imagine double-crossing me."

Sarah struggled to keep the hatred from her eyes, but however prepared she might be to hide her gentler thoughts with Occlumency, she was not able to take such threats with equanimity. Fortunately, hatred was a useful emotion for hiding other thoughts, and Bella's smirk was evidence that it was not an unexpected reaction. That realization stiffened Sarah's backbone, and she said, between her teeth, "I wouldn't dream of it."

Bella let her go again with another chortle, and stalked toward the door.

"A safe breakfast," Sarah insisted, to her back.

She was glad when the door, with the subsequent click and rattle of its many locks, cut off that horrible laughter. But the silence it brought also brought with it an overwhelming wave of distress at what she had just agreed to. She buried her face in her pillow and shook helplessly, surprised at her own visceral reaction.

No, I don't have time for this, she chided herself, after the worst had passed. I need to let Severus know what's happening.

But it was harder than she thought it would be to regain control of herself. She began to wonder how much more she could stand of things like this. And what all this terror and anguish pulsing through his mother's veins might be doing to Severian.

She had just pulled her book bag from under the bed when there was a soft pop.

"Mistress Black sends Gurgy with safe breakfast." The house-elf held up a silver tray a little doubtfully.

"Thank you, Gurgy," Sarah said. "Please put it on the table. You're sure your mistress hasn't messed with it?" she added anxiously, as the house-elf turned away.

"Oh, no. Mistress Fiona is being too angry. Staying in own room. Throwing things sometimes. Mistress does not be coming near kitchen this morning."

As reassuring as the house-elf meant to be, his worried face was not. But once he had vanished, Sarah put off any decision about eating and pulled her ink, parchment, quill and bookmark out of her bag.

I may not be able to check for a return message. Bella has promised to return me to Hogwarts today, although of course I had to agree to her demands. You'd better have something dead clever in mind to get me out of this.

She didn't dare take time for more. With a flick of the bookmark, the message was sent. Sarah replaced everything as quickly as she had retrieved it.

Breakfast?

She circled the little tea table, not unlike a hawk trying to decide if that flicker in the grass was a mouse or not. Bacon, toast, stewed tomatoes, tea. She could go without, although the smell was tormenting her. The question was: did she trust Bellatrix? No, that was not the only question. Did she believe that Bella had succeeded in circumventing anything Fiona might have put in place?

The food was already getting cold, and she didn't have a wand to warm it up again. Finally she nibbled on a piece of toast, as being the least likely object for poisoning. The bacon, too, was irresistible. She left the rest--she trusted the tea least of all, despite her thirst. She would have drunk cold water from the bathroom sink...had there been a bathroom. Unfortunately, the plumbing facilities consisted of a chamberpot (thankfully, self-cleaning), and a pitcher and basin (self-filling and self-emptying). She wouldn't have trusted the water in the pitcher on any account, and she ended up grimacing at the tempting teapot, trying to swallow away the dryness in her mouth and throat. That discomfort made her all the more aware of her rumpled, slept-in clothing. But she was not about to put on anything in the wardrobe. She could wait for a shower and fresh clothes back in her own dorm room.

She didn't dare to write any more, but that did not prevent her from laying her bookmark next to the open pages of her Astronomy text. She had no idea how long it might take Bella to arrange her release--if, indeed, the woman had not overestimated her ability to sway the Notts--and she could not sit fretting for hours. She was going back to Hogwarts, and the N.E.W.T. exams were barely over a week away.

* * *

"Master says Gurgy must bring troublesome girl to luncheon."

This summons was something of a relief. Much to Sarah's surprise, Bella had not returned. She felt a little put out over it--not because she desired Bella's company, but because the expectation of interruption at any moment had prevented her from replying to the message Severus had sent partway through the morning.

I shall await your return.

If he had been in the room, she would have thrown something at him.

Sarah was bracing herself to deal again with her aunt, but there were only three places set at the table. Franklin and Bellatrix were already seated, glaring at one another. As Sarah came in, her uncle rose and pulled out her chair.

"We're having a little trouble coming to an agreement," said Bella.

Franklin huffed as he seated himself again. As if taking that for a cue, the food appeared on their plates. Bella automatically reached across the table and exchanged Sarah's plate for Franklin's, her own glass of pumpkin juice for Sarah's.

"This is becoming rather tiresome, Bellatrix. All I want is assurance that Sarah will fulfill her part of the bargain."
"What's that?" Sarah said, snatching up her glass. She downed half the contents in one swig.

"You will marry Hannibal in October."

"And I tell you again," Bella snapped, "the girl is useful for more than breeding."

"If she wishes to waste her time after the wedding on you, she may do so, as far as I'm concerned. But I want the matter settled. I won't wait to gain some benefit from this situation."

Sarah flinched, but the comment was not followed by the leer she expected. Franklin didn't take his eyes off Bella. "I know you--you've always been a backstabber. And if you've promised her that you will prevent her ever having to marry my son, you can both forget that right now."

"Naturally not," Bella laughed, unconvincingly. "But what is to prevent you from stabbing me in the back, if I give you that much control over her?"

"You'll simply have to take my word for it," Franklin said. He allowed the hint of a smug smile to show. "Otherwise she stays here until the time comes."

"I take your word for nothing!" Bella spat. "And I don't believe you're prepared to keep her here for that long, not when it means having to keep control of Fiona as well. And don't forget that certain outside pressures may be brought to bear, sooner or later. Take what you can get, while you can get it."

"I will have Sarah married to Hannibal by Halloween, one way or another," Franklin snarled.

Watching the two of them at loggerheads, Sarah felt that she was truly caught...between a dementor and a boggart, as the saying went. Undoubtedly, one or the other would yield something, eventually. But having been promised her freedom, Sarah was unwilling to sit by while these two quibbled over the details.

"Suppose I agree?"

Her uncle and Bella turned to look at her, both as open-mouthed as fish.

Franklin recovered first. "There, you see--she can be reasonable."

"Oh, I do have some demands, Uncle," Sarah said. "First, the wedding will take place at the Ministry of Magic. You will bring Hannibal; Bellatrix's representative will bring me. We will part the same way as soon as the ceremony is over. And when the Dark Lord has triumphed--and only then--I will take my place as mistress of Darkglass Hall. That meets your demands, does it not?"

Franklin Nott's face went through several kinds of flustered while she spoke, before it settled on a sourness that might be resignation. "Don't even imagine trying to escape your vows, when this is over, my dear niece. You would most earnestly regret it."

"Does that suit you, then?" Bella asked, studying Sarah uncertainly out of the corner of her eye.

"I suppose it will have to," Franklin said. "But you had better be there. The thirtieth of October. Ten o'clock in the morning."

"Agreed," Bella said.

An uncomfortable silence fell, as they resumed eating. Franklin was attacking his food as if he would like to attack Bella in the same way.

"I don't trust you, you know," he said, after a time.

"Of course not," Bella agreed almost amicably.

And that's why you'll fail, Sarah allowed herself the luxury of the thought, as she stared determinedly at her plate. None of you can trust each other.

Are the rest of us much better off, though? With the Ministry fighting against Dumbledore?

"I hold you responsible for seeing that Sarah does what she's agreed to do."

"Naturally," Bella said, apparently unconcerned. She took another bite.

"I hope you haven't forgotten, as you sponge comfortably off the rest of us, that you are a wanted criminal." The smug look had crept back onto Franklin's face. "It would only take the right word to the wrong person to put you back in Azkaban."

Bella dropped her fork, her face contorting with rage. And, Sarah thought, fear. "You wouldn't dare! Our Master went to a great deal of effort to free us, his most loyal servants. He would not be pleased--"

"No, I imagine not. Therefore, you'd better not displease him, Bellatrix. Even favorites can fall."

"I'll take you down with me!" she threatened.

"I was cleared years ago. Why should the Wizengamot believe you now?"

"The Dark Lord will know--"

"Give me some credit, Bellatrix. I wouldn't permit myself to be connected with your capture. And threats...well, threats are just threats, are they not?"

Bella snatched up a plate and threw it. It went through one of the windows looking out on the complex knot garden. Sarah flinched at the shattering of glass.

"Really, I'm beginning to think that Sarah is a less difficult guest than you are." Franklin barely even glanced at the broken window. "If you keep your agreement, and make sure Sarah keeps hers, there's really nothing to get upset about. Is there, Sarah?"

Sarah decided the wisest course was to keep her mouth shut. She concentrated again on her food, although she had lost any desire to finish eating.

"I want brooms ready at the front gate at two o'clock," Bella said coldly. "And everything else we discussed."

"Yes, of course." Franklin set aside his silverware, dabbed his face with his napkin, and drew his wand. "Fenstrum reparo!"

As the window came back together, Bella wore an expression sour enough to curdle unicorn's milk. Franklin, seeming to ignore her, went to inspect the restored glass.

"Pity," he said, "still a bit...cracked." He shot a look over his shoulder at Bella that sent the woman storming out of the room.

"Are you sure you want to be under her tutelage?" he asked, in the same hard-edged, casual tone.

Sarah stood up. "I prefer it to yours," she said simply, and walked out of the room. She half-feared being seized from behind, but no steps followed her: he let her go.

She was still trying to catch her breath when Gurgy appeared at her side. He had difficulty keeping up with her.

"I'm leaving this place," Sarah said, when they reached her door. "Ask your master. I want the things that were taken from me."

The house-elf's face scrunched into an expression of alarm, but he whispered, "Gurgy asks."

"Thank you," Sarah muttered, knowing she did not sound as if she meant it.

* * *

As it turned out, her thanks were without merit. Gurgy did not return. It was Bella who arrived, nearly an hour later, still in high dudgeon.

"Be careful about what you reveal, and to whom," Bella said, stalking toward her, pulling out Sarah's illusion belt and fastening it, without a by-your-leave, around the girl's waist...or what now passed for her waist.

"My wand?" Sarah asked.

"When we reach our destination. I hope that your flying skills are better than your Apparition skills."

"My flying skills are just fine," Sarah replied. Admittedly, she got very little practice anymore. Portia did not care for flying, and Sarah's broom had long since been relegated to a closet. But one never really forgot how.

The brooms that her uncle supplied them with were a good deal nicer than Sarah's old Comet. When she climbed astride, after hooking her bag over the end of the handle, she found the cushioning charm quite comfortable. She even got a bit of amusement out of watching Bella mount in the old-fashioned sidesaddle manner, although she suppressed her grin quickly at the angry woman's sharp look. Sarah held her breath as Bella pulled out her wand to cast a Disillusionment Charm on her. Once Bella had Disillusioned herself, they took off into the sky.

The day had been bright when Sarah awoke, but now clouds were gathering. In a sense, that was good thing, since it would help to keep them hidden from observation: a Disillusionment Charm merely used the color of the nearest surroundings to create camouflage; it would be hard-pressed to create complete invisibility against a bright blue sky. Still, in another sense, that was a bad thing. Sarah would have been just as happy to see a squad of Aurors come swooping down to arrest her Death Eater companion. But the potential ramifications--the suspicion of the Dark Lord, or the chance that Bella would try to use her as a hostage or a shield--made it less than truly desirable.

It had been a long time since Sarah had felt the wind on her face like this, and the sense of absolute freedom that came with being aloft. It was almost possible to forget, for a moment, that she was still a prisoner. Not for much longer. And when she was free again...well, she would have her own broom back, even if she had to sneak into her aunt's and steal it. No more of this uncomfortable Portkey business. Or at least no more than necessary, she thought, realizing just how long it would take to fly to London on a broomstick.

It was long enough, just to Hogwarts, that Sarah was perilously weary by the time they arrived. It was past supper and nearing sunset, and having not eaten much all day, she felt weak from hunger. As soon as the castle came into view, Bella signaled her down to just above tree level, presumably to attract less attention--or to present less of a target--to the Wizarding population living below. They landed in a grove of trees not far distant from the main gate.

Sarah dismounted, wondering if she had the energy to walk up the castle, or whether she should use the broom again (assuming Bella didn't confiscate it). She turned to the older witch. "I want my wand back."

"All in good time," Bella responded, still balancing lightly on her hovering broom. Casually, she lifted the Disillusionment Charm on Sarah, and watched as the girl came back into full and vulnerable visibility. "First I want to remind you what will happen if you fail to keep your promise to me. I know what it is to be hunted, and I am the most ruthless of hunters, if I have a wrong to avenge. You know what I did to those Aurors, the Longbottoms? That will seem merciful compared to what I do to your lover and your child if you betray me."

Obviously Bella expected her evil deeds to be well known, but Sarah had only the vaguest of ideas what she was talking about, based on barely-skimmed articles in the paper at the time of the Death Eaters' escape from Azkaban. Clearly, however, Bella meant it as a horrible threat, and it might well be.

"Up to your old tricks, Bellatrix?" came a familiar voice from among the trees.

The woman whipped around, swinging her broom down to interpose herself between her prisoner and the black-clad man who stood at the edge of the clearing. "Do you want a sample now, Snape?"

"I suppose the screaming would attract a certain degree of attention," Severus said, in his most perilously smooth voice. "I seem to recall that you always liked attention, Bellatrix."

"Shut up, Snape!" she ordered. "This matter is between me and Sarah Darkglass. You couldn't interfere if you tried, and I advise you not to try."

"I understand our agreement, Bellatrix," Sarah said quickly. "Give me my wand and leave, before the presence of any of us here attracts unwanted attention. Don't forget what the Dark Lord said about preserving our position here!"

"Fine, protect your precious teacher a while longer. But don't forget that you'll soon have a new schoolmistress. I'll be in contact with you again, just to keep things...certain." With that, Bella tossed Sarah's wand to the ground. She had kicked off and was at treetop level before Sarah could even locate her wand in the deepening dusk.