death and rejection

The owl-post arrived just as Harry was sitting for breakfast. One of the school owls dropped a plain brown envelope in front of him. It was blank except for his name scrawled across the front.

"What's that?" Ron asked curiously around a mouthful of toast.

"I don't know," Harry lied. He recognised the handwriting and after last night there was little possibility as to what the letter was about.

"Well go on then, open it!" Ron ordered.

Harry did so reluctantly and was not surprised by what he saw. It was a love letter...of sorts.

"What is it?" Ron asked leaning over towards Harry.

"Nothing, fan mail," Harry lied pulling the letter away from his friend.

"Fine then, keep your secrets." Ron turned his attention back to his breakfast.

Harry intended to. There are some secrets people would rather not share, and for Harry, this was one of them. He was one of them. He knew Ron would flip if he ever found out.

He read the letter.

Harry,

I need you, I love you and I don't understand. What have I done wrong? Why am I not good enough? What do I have to do to make you love me? Please meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight. We need to talk.

Draco

Harry looked across to table at the blond Slytherin who had sent the letter, and rolled his eyes. //He's so pathetic,// Harry thought, //what on earth was I thinking going anywhere near him? No, I'm not going to let Ron know that I was going out with that clingy loser.//

Draco looked up to see Harry looking back at him. The Gryffindor rolled his eyes and the Slytherin's heart plummeted. He struggled to hide his emotions. He could not have Harry thinking worse of him than he already did. He couldn't have Harry thinking he was worthless, that would achieve nothing. He would just have to hope Harry turned up this evening.

Harry noticed Draco watching him and glared back. That pitiful lump was not worth the effort. // He was so high-maintenance, how did I ever put up with his neediness?// Harry had had enough. //I am not going to put up with Draco's pitiful character. Or lack thereof. It's like he thinks he's the only one with problems, and the only one allowed to mope around.//

Draco saw Harry's glare and could taste the hostility. It hurt but he wasn't going to let anyone see it. //It's like father always said,// Draco reminisced, //if you are useless enough to have weaknesses then you'd sure as hell better hide them. If you don't people will have no fear or respect of you, and will only use these weaknesses to destroy you.//

He felt his defenses weakening and stood to leave the table. He wasn't really hungry anyway. He'd been depressed lately and it had affected his appetite. // I just hope he turns up this evening,// he thought sadly.

Draco struggled through the day hoping, praying that Harry would turn up that night. He wanted to get Harry alone so he could talk to him. So he could make Harry regret having dumped him. So he could make Harry reconsider his relationship. So he could get Harry to take him back.

He skipped lunch, he was so nervous about their meeting. He could not concentrate during any of his classes that afternoon. His mind was on other things. All he could think about was Harry and how much he needed him.

Draco skipped dinner that night. He had stomach pains from nervousness and didn't think he'd be able to hold anything down, even if he'd wanted to.

Instead he went straight to the Astronomy Tower. He was prepared to wait for as long as it took. He wanted to see Harry. He needed to see him.

Draco sat in the Astronomy Tower and waited. As the hours passed his heart ached and he began losing hope. But he refused to give up all together.

The night passed and still Harry did not turn up. And still Draco waited, still Draco refused to give up.

As the sun rose and light crept into the tower, Draco accepted defeat. As he admitted Harry wasn't coming, his heart shattered.

He took a quill and some paper from a nearby table. A tear rolled down his face as he started to write.

Dear Harry,

Why did you not come? Why could you not come and talk? Why could you not explain things to me? Why could you not tell me what I was doing wrong? I could have changed. But you didn't come. You wouldn't talk to me. You used me and shut me out.

And it hurt. I need you, I needed you and you shut me out.

I tried to talk to you but you wouldn't listen to me. I tried to tell you how much I loved you, and you ignored me. I tried to tell you that I couldn't live without you but you didn't believe me.

You're the only person I've felt close to, and you tore my heart apart. Harry, I need you, I love you, I can't live without you, and there's only one way I know to prove this to you. I only hope you notice because I know nobody else will.

Draco

The page was dotted with tearstains and Draco whipped the tear trails from his face with his sleeve.

He pulled a dagger out from the pocket of his gown and held it between his knees. He rolled up his sleeves and placed his wrists against the blade. He pushed hard against the razor sharp edge and raised his arms.

He dropped the knife and placed his hands in his lap, watching the blood gush out of his wrists.

//Harry, how could you do this to me?// One last, solitary tear rolled down his cheek, as he thought for the last time about the only person he'd ever loved.

~fin~