Travels with Severus

I'm supposed to be relaxing. Getting away from it all. Enjoying my retirement. But the Fates seem to have this fucked up sense of humor when it comes to my life. This month's joke is in the beautiful form of one Genevieve De laVerne, a jazz singer, and an elusive one at that. So tempting, the mystery of her looks, her voice like a siren's, calling me all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to the city of New Orleans. All of this, just to see the face behind the voice. And what a face!

I must admit that I was surprised at the audacity of the woman who so blatantly stared at me in the Café DuMonde (which you should visit for a café au lait if you are ever in that vicinity). She was lovely, with that chestnut brown hair, but (and I admit this very, very reluctantly) I was rendered speechless and nearly incoherent when I saw her at the club and realized that she was the very woman I had traveled so far to see.

I must confess that it was only the intestinal fortitude I had gained from so many years under service to the Dark Lord and Albus that kept me thinking properly when I saw this siren running a vampire through but an hour after her concert, and seeming to enjoy it, too.

I wonder what she would be like in bed? It took all of my self-control, not to attack her physically in order to get my wand back. Hells bells! It took all of my self-control to not throw her onto the floor and take her!

What the hell am I thinking about! Bedding that witch? I should run, run very quickly away and never think of her or this bloody city again! But, nooooo, too many years spent with that damn do-gooder Dumbledore and those insipid Griffindors have turned me into someone with a, oh how can I say this? A conscience. Make that a someone with a conscience and a hard on for..Genevieve. Blast and Damn!

Okay, so I will bed her and then leave town. Not a bad plan Severus old chap, not bad at all. Wait! I just called myself 'old chap'? Merlin's' foreskin! Take a deep breath and think of Quiddich.

There. I wonder what's on the telly? Where's that book with all of the programs in it? Ah, here we are, now what's on? Interview with the Vampire? Aw fuck me! Vampires and witches, damn them all to Hades. No, damn them all to teaching Potions at Hogwarts!

Why? I know that I was a Death Eater! I know that I made a 'poor choice' all those years ago. But haven't I done enough to make up for it? I saved that Potter kid from a fate worse than death! I ignored, rather than hexed the bastard that decided to put my face on a Wizards Card. I have been loyal to Albus and the Order all of these years! Why can't I just have a normal life for once?

Because I never was nor will I ever be normal, that's why. My father saw to that. Bastard. My father with all of his 'pure blood' this and 'pure blood' that. My father with his fists. My father with his mistresses, flaunted in front of my poor, foolish, helpless mother. My father and his acceptance of no less than perfect from me. My father and his allegiance to Voldemort.

Me and my allegiance to Voldemort.

There is no redemption, merely purgatory.

Mademoiselle De laVergne is being followed by a vampire or at least she thinks she is. She let this slip earlier as we finished off the bottle of wine I had opened. It was hard not to smile at her expression of horror at what she had just said. Then she told me to go away and to stay away for surely the monster following her had seen me.

My life might be hell, but at least I am breathing. I intend to do so for as long as I can. Go away indeed. Why, so the vampire can kill her and then finish me off too? I think not. I am a master of the Dark Arts. I taught hundreds of idiot children with out the loss of one of their lives. Surely I can help this damsel seek out and destroy her stalker?

Damsel my Slytherin ass. You'd better watch out Severus, this woman could be more of a danger to you than Voldemort ever was. It might not be so easy to leave her as it was him.