Remember Cedric Diggory

July 24^th, 1995

Dear Cedric,

I don't know why I'm writing this letter. My mum told me it would make me feel better to get all my feelings out instead of keeping them locked inside. Honestly, I'm afraid it will make me feel even worse, but I can't keep feeling this way. I haven't anyone to talk to about you. My parents don't understand my life at Hogwarts, they probably never will. Harry has enough to worry about this summer and while I trust Ron with my life, he's just not the best person for this sort of thing.

So here goes.

I didn't know what I felt for you at first when we met the morning of the Quidditch Cup. I just thought you were cute and maybe a bit stuck up since you were so quiet. I thought maybe you didn't really feel like you should be talking with us fourth years. Later, when we ran into each other at the water spigot and you apologized for how your dad bragged about all your accomplishments, I realized your silence was actually embarrassment.

I still remember how the sun glinted off your hair.

When we were running through the woods and found out no one had seen you, I nearly cried in fear for your life. I wanted to run back and look for you, but we had to keep safe in the woods. You can't imagine how relieved I was when we finally found you on our way back to the Portkey.

I still remember how sharp your features looked in the moonlight.

I don't know why I wanted to find you on the train on our way to Hogwarts. Though we were acquaintances by then I think I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me once we were at school. You were a year older; you had your own friends who didn't mingle with younger students, so why should you?

I looked everywhere as the train hurtled across the countryside. I had made up an excuse to leave my compartment alone and I had never lied to Harry and Ron about something like this. I just didn't want them to know about our friendship, I didn't want to hear their objections. They never really warmed up to you, Ron especially. When I finally found you in the next car, hands linked with Cho, my heart felt so heavy I thought I would cry.

I still remember the surprise in your eyes when they caught sight of me just as I walked away.

Cho had captured your attention so why would you spend time thinking of me? If you hadn't needed help with your History of Magic essay, we may have never truly met. It couldn't have been easy asking a younger student for help, especially since we all knew you would put your name in the Goblet.

I still remember the embarrassed blush on your cheeks as you sat at my table.

I never knew if you really needed my help all those nights you would sit by me. Really, Cedric, you didn't have to wait two weeks with questions you already knew the answers to before you could just sit and talk to me. I liked having someone to discuss things with at my own intelligence level. Harry and Ron, best friends they may be, but they never enjoy talking about schoolwork.

I still remember the glow on your face when you talked about Transfiguration.

I wanted to offer you encouragement when I came to see Harry before the First Task, but that horrible Skeeter woman came along and I didn't want to risk your reputation by her quill or ruin your concentration. But I cheered for you as loudly as I did Harry, feared for your safety as much as I did his. No one questioned me cheering for the Hogwarts Champion.

I still remember the graceful way your hair fell in front of your eyes as you walked away clutching the Golden Egg.

I had never seen you so angry as when I told you Viktor had asked me to the ball. For one foolish moment I thought that you had wanted to ask me, but then you went on about trying to upset Harry and how he was only using me as a way to get to Harry and I did my best not to cry. I didn't mean to lose my temper, but by then I had started to hope you cared for me more than a friend and was crushed when I realized you didn't. You know now that I didn't mean it when I said that we shouldn't be friends since you didn't support me.

I still remember the fear in your voice as you called after me when I walked away.

When I walked down the stairs for the Yule Ball I admit I was more worried about what you thought of me in that dress than what Viktor thought. I knew I had fallen for you by then. Only an idiot would have not known. I never thought you would ask me to dance, especially since we hadn't spoken since our fight. Your admission that it hurt you to see me with Viktor sent me soaring. I finally let myself believe you had feelings for me too. I never wanted our dance to end.

I still remember the way your touch burnt my skin.

When you left with Cho at the end of the ball I felt so hurt, so confused. Poor Viktor didn't know what to do with me, so he kissed me on the cheek and walked back to the Durmstrang ship alone.

When Professor Dumbledore told us that we were what the champions had to rescue from the bottom of the Black Lake, I hoped I was meant for you. Then Cho walked in and I reminded myself I was a silly girl who you talked about homework and charms with but could never see as more than a friend. Yet I still felt disappointed when I woke up at the surface of the lake clinging to Viktor and not you.

I still remember how your eyes sought mine as we waited for Harry to return.

I didn't know what to expect when you stopped me in the hall and asked me to meet you that night, the night before the third task. I thought I was dreaming when you told me you had feelings for me and that you had almost since the beginning. I even thought for a moment that you were joking. I'm so glad you weren't. I didn't believe it until you grabbed me and pulled me toward you.

I will always remember the taste of your lips, the feel of your hands and the texture of your hair.

I wish I had known that our parting kiss before you left for the arena would be the last time I saw you alive. I would have paid more attention to that final moment. Now when I think of that day I can only see your blank stare into the sky as Harry held you, sobbing.

It's been one month since that night and my heart is still broken. I miss you and it hurts so very much. But moreover, I'm angry. Angry at Voldemort for killing you. Angry at the Ministry for spreading lies about your death. Most of all I'm angry with us. Angry that we wasted all those months with other people when we could have had more time together. I hope some day that anger will go away and the happy memories I have of you will replace it.

I will never forget you, Cedric. Know that. I will think of you every day until I die.

Love,

Hermione