I'll Come Back a Man

Prologue

There's a moment left before the spell hits my heart. Alone and silent, my only friend waits to be spoken. I heard that in moments like these you can see your whole life. I'm going to see this bad movie at least once.

I'll be born, I'll scream, my mother is waiting and smiling. It's the first day of school, I have no certainty left.

There's a moment left before the spell hits my heart.

It's by birthday and, on the bed, my Firebolt is waiting. It's lonely. I meet her, we go out, we walk, and I hear two whispers.

There's a moment left before the spell hits my heart.

My lips, her skin, we shiver together. I passed the finals, I'm happy, I drink the whole bottle. The paper is signed on the table, my friends cry, I'm going to the camp.

Eighteen

"What are we going to do?"

"They sent me the paper, but I'm not going!"

"It cost me a thousand Galleons to get out."

"A thousand Galleons?"

"I admit it then. I'm the stupidest of all. I'm going."

"You're not stupid! Go, you'll have fun!"

I'm just eighteen, I'm crazy, I'm in love and I have cash. There's no one in my way, I have my own one-lane road, and it'll take me somewhere. I passed the exams easily; I have a nice, cozy future ahead that I don't want. School is over, I'm free; college and nightlife! My dreams come true in a heart beat, in the blink of an eye. I breathe love, I eat love, I'll give you all some of it and contaminate you with it. Nothing in the world stops me from shouting that I'm happy; don't tell me what to do. The day I saw you, my heart jumped to my throat, and it never came back down again. I love the world so much, my heart is a bomb, and I'll explode soon. I don't want anything else, your eyes and your hair are enough. My dreams, in a thousand pieces; you can have them all and make them come true. I'm living my dream right now.

The passing

I'm only eighteen...

"This is the paper. Come to the camp on the seventeenth of October. Have a nice day."

The signed paper is on the table. All my friends are crying; they're calling me to a training camp.

Your dream is over; you have to be a man. Your mind will strengthen; dreams are for children. You will learn to be patient, you will learn to obey, and you will learn about honor, we will teach you how to fight. You will maybe agree, but you will return a man. You will know what freedom is.

The road

"Be smart, don't fight them."

This train is going slowly towards nowhere. I wrote today's date on my trunk: the day I took a train to learn how to shut up. Plenty of Firewhiskey and cigarettes, cauldron cakes and bread.

I guess a year can pass as it pleases, as long as there's somebody there.

The train was leaving and she cried. Don't cry, my love, I'll come back a man. She was telling me to be smart, not to get into fights, but I wasn't listening.

We leave our names behind. We'll all be known as trainees.

I'll come back drunker.

The camp

"Pay attention! Get your uniform and your assigned bed, and then be ready for the first call."

"Don't move maggots! Your lives are in my hands for a year. You can only move when I tell you to. Call me God. I'll work your brains out; I'll drag your hearts through mud. I won't let you love; I don't need injured fighters."

I don't see why you're screaming; I heard you. I don't think loving means getting hurt. God is God, not a trainer. My life's in His hands, that's what I think and hope.

"Your gentle eyes make me spit. You flew out of the nest a long time ago, maggot! Come to me to learn to fly; the sun's behind clouds for you."

I already know how to fly. She taught me before you.

"You'll do as you are told. Forget about your name. Dreams mean nothing. You're not allowed to dream, maggot! Welcome to my world!"

I won't give you my dreams; you can't take them away from me. Dreaming is my world, cursing is yours.

The break (Interlude)

I won't give you my dreams; you can't take them away from me. Dreaming is my world; cursing is yours. I dream...

God is God, not a trainer. My life's in His hands.

The training (1)

"Everything they taught you is wrong. Your feelings are pointless here. A punch to the face is all I can give you. My blood makes me scream for more. Look at this one, he's mocking you. Twenty Crucios and he's laying in the mud. You'll all pay for his fault. I want you to heat the water in the toilets without your wands."

"Sir, I don't understand--"

"Don't speak, maggot! From this moment on, I'll do the talking; you shut up, listen and obey! OBEY! What if you fell to the ground in front of me? What if you're bleeding and hurt? I'm not a MediWizard, I make serial fighters.

The letters

"You got letters! Potter! Harry Potter! She wrote to you. That girl you were seeing. I opened it for you, don't bother. She left you. She said she couldn't wait for another year. Who says you'll only be here for another year? Get to the floor, maggot! I never had to bow to anybody. You're pathetic."

Dear Harry,

I've decided to leave you. It was the best thing to do. I decided that I can't wait for another year. I'm leaving you for someone better.

These words are biting from my heart. My stomach is clenching, I can't sit up straight. My heart is screaming to stop reading; it's too late now, I can't stop. The world is spinning around me. ...leave you. These words are biting from my heart. ...someone better. I can't stop.

Alone and sober, a week later

I'm slowly starting to lose my mind again. My eyes are darting towards the walls. Like it's been eight years, not eight months, since I said that I'm just eighteen, I'm in love, happy and have cash... I haven't dreamt I could fly in a long time, and I can't remember where the sea is and what color it has. There are so many words whose meaning I can't remember: rose, music, beach, love...

The training (2)

"You'll run for twenty miles today with the mask on your face. I have nothing to see in your face."

"Sir, one of us is feeling bad."

"Who are you to talk to me? Only I can say who's good or bad. YOU FEEL GREAT! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! Why do you want me to treat you gently? There's only hate on this earth. I hate you with all my love; you can't defeat anybody with love!"

"We feel great, sir."

"It's only been a few months and my trainees have been reborn. Their eyes stare, their smile is frozen. These are my fighters!"

"We're ready to fight, to defend our land. To face a mortal enemy. Head up, straight back, squared shoulders. We're ready to take the oath."

Love

I kiss you and tremble like a teenager. I see the sea in your eyes, a blizzard, a thunderstorm, the sun. Won't you help me escape? Your body is my way to infinity. Won't you help me dream? I'm in your eyes too. I'm sorry I forgot how to love. You never knew it either. They turned me into a fighter.

The wind is in your eyes. It carries me away to a place without thoughts, just love.

I'll come back a man

The days passed slower and slower; I started to drink. I cry more and more often. I can't feel my legs; I'm on guard out in the snow. A heat is wrapping my body. I feel I'm losing my mind and my wand is getting heavier. I'm sick of curses and hexes. Why won't they come and help me?

A year isn't much to me. I'll come back a man.

They asked me if I feel well. My eyes were glassy. I am on guard tonight.

There's a moment left before the spell hits my heart.

I'll come back a man. ...someone better. I'm only eighteen.

Epilogue

...to those who think this world will be saved by love; to those who think that love can make a difference.

He shall live on.

No one will explain you what love is. You'll find out yourself one night. Then, remember your heart. Good and evil will fight around you, this dead world will try to steal your love from you; never forget about your heart.

...to those who think dreams cannot die; to those who know that hate can't give birth.

He shall live on.

Good and evil can fight around you, this dead world can try to take your love, but you can never let it go.

Remember your heart.

THE END