Gryffindor Colors

Love isn't good enough to save a man from the abyss after he starts to fall. I should know.

She was the best I've ever had, the best friend, the best lover, and the best companion. Nobody ever knew that we were in love. How could they have known that I was in love with a common witch? I, the first in command in the new world the Dark Lord had created, in love with a common witch that was a simple supporter to the dark side, not a Death Eater.

Her name was Alexandra Hamilton. She was three years younger than I was, so she was eighteen when the war was over. We met in Knockturn Alley on a stormy day and never broke apart. It's strange, really, to see how the thing I had run away from my entire life caught up to me when I thought I was safe.

She had deep, blue eyes, dark blonde hair, she was almost as tall as I was and she was beautiful. She was very, very beautiful. She was fragile, gracious, but she had great powers inside. She was perfect.

I brought her to the Manor. She lived there for two years, the happiest years of my life. I had everything I could ask for. But then the past caught up with me.

She found a record of the people I had killed. The Black List, as we used to call it. She found the name of some of her relatives and friends from Durmstrang on it. She cried, she refused to eat, to sleep, and eventually, she died. There was nothing I could do.

I was left numb after she died. What was the point of having all this power if I was completely alone? I started to take potions to stop my head from blowing up. It hurt all the time, and everywhere I went, I could feel Alexandra's smell, I could hear her voice, I could see her eyes. I increased the dose.

I became an addict. I knew it was wrong, I knew I was hurting myself, but I didn't care in the slightest. I started to sleep all day and walk all night. I smoke more than I had in my seventh year, and that's saying something. I almost stopped eating. I was becoming a wreck.

Love is nothing in the face of death. It couldn't save me from falling. I knew I would fall one day since I was in my sixth year. It became a certainty when I received the Dark Mark. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready. You are never prepared to accept your own fall.

It's worse than death. I don't mind the loneliness, but the fact that I was alone with her memory.

Last week, her little sister, Georgia, came to the Manor to meet me. She said she knew why her sister had died and that she didn't blame me. She didn't, but I did.

Now I'm holding the pill in my hand. I know I'll be dead before I swallow it. A clean, painless death. I even got another Death Eater to take my place. I told him I was going on a trip. And so I shall.

I know there's no such thing as life after death. Only if you become a ghost, and I wouldn't do that. This is the last time I ever see a sunrise. There was a full moon last night. I knew I had to see both the full moon and a sunrise on the day of my death. It's what I always wanted.

The sky is turning red, and there are golden rays at the horizon. This is the most exquisite irony I have ever seen. I'll die in Gryffindor colors. Behind me, there's a painting of Alexandra. She's telling me to reconsider. I won't.

I took the pill. I smiled. I fell. The tower is bathed in Gryffindor colors and she's sobbing quietly.