To Where You Are

Who can say for certain?

Maybe you're still here.

I feel you all around me,

Your memory so clear.

My dearest Padfoot,

It's not been long since you parted from this world - only a few days at the most. I honestly can't remember, because everything just seems a hazy blur. The Order has been up in arms, but yet with a very solemn tone to it. Hardly any of us have eaten, slept... or maybe I'm just speaking for myself?

You know - I feel the fool writing this. It's almost as if I expect you to read it at some point in the near future. But I know you can't. You're... I can't even bring myself to say the word. It hurts too damned much.

Deep in the stillness,

I can hear you speak.

You're still an inspiration.

Can it be,

That you are mine

Forever, love?

And you are watching over me,

From up above?

We miss you. Harry misses you. I miss you. It just doesn't feel right. It's as though there is a huge, gaping hole hanging in the air, and it can't be filled. But that's just to everyone else. To me, it seems as though I've traveled backward through time - back fourteen years. I feel as though you're back in Azkaban, and it will only be twelve years before I see you again. But this time I know you're innocent and that makes it that much harder.

Your life was like a ... a feather, in the wind. I remember when you left home and got that flat in Norwich. Oh, you were so proud of yourself for proving that you didn't need your family. Then I remember the summer after graduating from Hogwarts, and the look on your face when James asked you to be his Best Man at he and Lily's wedding. I don't think your grin faded for months. And then when Harry was born? It still makes me chuckle, myself sitting patiently in the waiting room, while you paced back and forth. I think you were more nervous than James was! But the sparkle that filled your eyes when you finally held the little bloke, and the understanding of knowing this was your Godson was just breath taking.

Fly me up to where you are,

Beyond the distant stars.

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for a while

To know you're there.

A breath away's not far

To where you are.

And then that night. I'd heard no news of it until I received an owl from Dumbledore the next day. Lily and James were dead, the Killing Curse. The Dark Mark hovering over their ruined home. You'd gone to retrieve Harry, but Hagrid said no. He said that Harry was to go to Lily's sister, according to Dumbledore's word. I didn't sleep the rest of that night. How could I? Oh Sirius - and then that afternoon, reading how you "blew up half the street. Killed 12 muggles and a wizard." I knew what you had done though. I was given a lot of time to think. But in the end, it left me alone. James was dead. Peter was a traitor. You were in Azkaban. Why did I get left to be the lone wolf (forgive the pun)? For twelve bloody years I was alone. But then one day, Dumbledore sent me an owl offering me a position as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. We both know how that year went.

But Sirius, do you know what it meant to me to see you again? To see you alive and just as persistent as when you left? To find out your innocence that I had convinced myself you lacked?

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream?

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen?

But now I'm left alone again, though I suppose I contradict myself saying that. I'm not completely alone - not really. I have the Order to support me and to support each other. Tonks will be there, making sure people are laughing at her wild changes in appearance. I know I'll always have the Weasley's to be there (though I'm not too sure about that third boy - Percy?). Of course I can't forget Harry either. I have a feeling he'll be my backbone through this process, and possibly myself as his.

Even though I have friends, and people dear enough to me to be family, it still hurts. And it's going to hurt. I can't seem to get the picture out of my head. You fell in battle. Sometimes I'd only like to think of it as if you're just a wounded soldier who'll be ready to stand and fight again in no time. But then reality sinks in, and I know it can't be. You fell through the veil, and you're gone.

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away.

I cherish all you gave me everyday.

'Cause you are mine

Forever, love.

Watching me from up above.

My heart wrenches and rips into a thousand pieces just thinking that, but deep within me, I know it's the truth. I know it's the truth because I just wrote it down. Sirius Black - you're dead. I know that's true too, as much as it pains me to say. It'll probably take me ages to even come to terms with this. Maybe I should look into taking a trip to Egypt...

And I believe

That angels breathe

And that love will live on

And never leave

You were my companion. You were my friend. You were my brother. I've always thought of you that way - ever since you befriended me at school, to turning into an illegal animagus, to James and Lily's wedding, the birth of their son, the year following and all that happened, till now. Yes, even now, when I know I shall never look upon your face again, or hear your bark-like laughter, I think of you as my brother.

I know there's a star that you were named after. The brightest one in the night sky, if I remember correctly. Are you up there now, my friend? Are you watching over us, smiling, laughing, and drinking a butterbeer or three?

You will not be forgotten. You're our shining star now, Sirius - and you will never burn out or fade away from our hearts. Peace be with you.

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile,

If only for a while

To know you're there.

A breath away's not far

T