Echo in my Mind

How could I sit here, remaining silent, watching the people around me, and not feel at least a bit empty? I couldn't believe it when I'd heard. Though, granted, it shouldn't have come as any sort of surprise. The House of Black was just as useful to the Order now as it had been six weeks prior. And Dumbledore was still the secret-keeper. It's just that, looking at all the familiar faces sitting around the table, the sense of loss and foreboding was strong without one significant face present.

Gulping down a bit of hot tea, I lowered my eyes into the cup. "Don't dwell on this," a quiet voice spoke in my head, "or it will just make it worse." But it was no use. It had only been six weeks, and I had been summoned from the Dursley's. Not that I was complaining about leaving them, but it was just the fact that I knew where I was to be heading to, and I looked forward to being there as much as I looked forward to attending another Potions lesson with Snape. The memories of the past ten months settled in my mind as quiet whisperings continued around me. I remembered how grim Sirius had sounded the first day I'd seen him in three months. How tired and just bored he looked. It wasn't obvious then, but now that I look back, it should have been quite obvious. Thoughts traveled about in my head, and I reminisced on Christmas. That had been pleasant, though the location was only where it was due to something not so grand. I felt my stomach clench at the thought and pressed on.

For a moment my attention wavered, and I glanced up to spot the deep-set gray eyes of Remus Lupin glancing at me. By the look he was giving me, he could tell quite easily what I was up to. For a fleeting moment though, I swore I heard his voice pleading for me to stop, for his face spoke just as loudly.

I shooed it off, lowering my teacup just slightly to stare over the brim. Suddenly, I could sense myself back at the Department of Mysteries. A long corridor with a single black door at the end floated into my mind. I was running, flying through the door with ease. I rushed through the glittering room surrounding me, and went through another door to a room. A room that sunk down into the floor, benches all around. Built in the middle of the low floor was a large archway, a black curtain hanging on it. I felt drawn to it, as if I were being summoned. My feet carried me down the stone steps toward the archway. But then suddenly, while I was halfway to the arch, the curtain flowed, almost as if a wind had blown it. Pausing, I watched in anticipation, expecting a looming figure in black robes and a black hood to jump out at me. A hand slid into my back pocket and I pulled out my wand, pointing it toward the archway. I continued on, remaining as quiet as I could, but not treading any slower than before.

I had nearly reached the bottom step, the archway looming in front of me, when the curtain ruffled again. But this time I had caught my eye on something. Something large, and black. My lips had tightened, prepared to defend myself anyway possible, my wand raised. But just as suddenly as I had expected a Death Eater, or even Voldemort himself to appear from the curtain, a large black dog bound out from behind. It began running toward me, but quickly slowed down to a walk as it moved. I paused, not believing my eyes. I could feel a knot form in my stomach and quickly force it's way into my throat. I tensed, feeling my cheeks grow hot and my eyes sting from threatening tears.

"S-Sirius?"

It couldn't be him. He was gone. Dead. I watched him die with my own two eyes. I watched him be struck with a curse; his eyes widen with shock and a bit of pain. I saw the laughter he'd been giving only a second earlier quickly die from his face as he stumbled backward a bit. I saw him look at me, catch my eye with a near helpless expression, and then suddenly disappear into the curtain behind him.

Sitting on the bottom step, the dog came closer. I watched, trying to decide if it really was my Godfather or not. I could feel myself wanting to cry, wanting to bound out at the dog and wrap my arms around its neck. But I fought back, I fought back because it just couldn't be real. It was a false hope, a figment of my imagination.

A tear finally had broken free, and slid down my left cheek. Others quickly followed it, though I didn't tend to them. I didn't care. I was staring at him. I knew it was he. After a moment, the dog came over. Its black eyes stared into my own, almost as if trying to talk to me. Possibly read my mind. But it hadn't been more than a few minutes before I could feel it's warm, soft tongue upon my cheeks, licking away the salty tears that had fallen. It felt so surreal and I actually gave a half-hearted smile. My arms coiled around the animal, and I hugged him to me tightly. I could feel the dog rest its head on my shoulder in return, and I felt more tears fall from my eyes. There was no way this was happening, yet I could feel him, big, furry, and warm in my arms. I didn't want to let go, because I wouldn't lose him again. I refused to lose him again.

But in a moment's time, a voice invaded my blissful thoughts of taking the dog back to the Order, of proving to them that Sirius was quite alive. It was a man's, calm and fatherly, but yet with a distant tone to it. I recognized the voice immediately.

"Harry, this isn't your fault."

My eyes that had been closed opened slowly at the sound of Sirius' voice echoing in my mind. I sat back a little and looked at the dog, which was looking back at me.

"Please don't put yourself through this, Harry. You don't need it, especially not now."

The beady black eyes of Padfoot stared at me, never moving. More tears formed, swelled, and fell from my eyes.

"And please don't cry. I'm absolutely fine. Happy, even. I realize you still think I'm out there, that I'm going to come back and be there for you where you can see me, but I can't. I won't. Harry, you don't need to see me to know I'm with you. I'll always be there."

The dog moved forward just slightly and tapped my chest, where my heart was, with its nose. Eyes looked back up into mine, and I could just make out the hint of a tear in one of its beady eyes.

"The same goes for your parent's. I'm with them now, you know. We're all with you, and we always will be. Do me a favor though? Please take care of Remus as I'm sure he'll take care of you. Be there for each other. You'll both need the support."

I listened intently, not speaking a word, and not even nodding in agreement to Sirius' request. For a moment, the voice had stopped, filling my mind with dim echoes. Suddenly, the dog had turned to go back to the archway. I watched for a second, before standing and calling back to him.

"Sirius?"

The large, black animal turned to me once more. I gazed at him intently before finally speaking again.

"I love you and I miss you. I always will."

This time I saw a tear or two fall from the dogs eyes and trickle into it's coat of fur. I watched, stared, waited for a response of some sort. The dog walked back over to me, and I crouched down to his height. He looked at me for a moment before lifting himself to put his paws on my shoulders, as he'd done before I boarded the train to Hogwarts the previous fall. I wrapped my arms around him once more and hugged tightly.

"I love you too, Harry. Don't forget that."

Sirius' voice filled my mind again. Then the dog slipped out of my embrace and headed toward the archway once more. I stood, waiting for something else to happen, something other than what I knew was coming. Padfoot turned once more, right before reaching the back of the curtain. It was only for a moment though, before he turned and disappeared again.

I felt numb. Absolutely lost at the fact that I'd let him go again. My heart had felt whole again at least for a few minutes, but now it dwindled with another lost sensation, though not nearly as great as it had been when I'd been here the last time.

I finally turned to leave, heading up the stone steps again. Once I reached the top, I opened the door and walked out, noticing that I was no longer in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic, but back in the kitchen of Number 12. Suddenly, a hand grasped my shoulder, but not in a violent way. It was more or less in a comforting way. I lifted my head a little and turned to look up into the face of the hand's owner.

Just as quickly as I'd dozed off I woke up, jerking my head up to see Remus standing over me with his hand clenched to my shoulder. I stared up at him, in pure disbelief of what I was seeing, for the dream had seemed so real. Sirius' voice still echoed in my mind as I looked up at my old Professor. He was looking down at me, gray eyes shiny with tears that he was struggling to fight back. I paused, thinking, and then began to glance around at the faces of the other's at the table. All seemed to either be in shock, tears, or deeply touched. Obviously, by all their reactions, I'd been speaking the entire dream outloud. I could feel my cheeks heat, not with embarrassment, but with the struggle of emotions over what had just happened before awaking.

Standing, I moved myself from the table and pushed in the chair. I looked at everyone, mumbling a quick "I'm heading to bed," before turning to look up at Remus. It seemed he understood quite well as to why I needed to leave. It also seemed, to him, that everything that I had said while asleep was true. He stared at me with the steely gray eyes before finally speaking in a very low, quiet voice.

"Sirius was quite right, Harry. About everything."

With those final words, he moved away from me and back to his chair on the other side of the table. I paused, thinking for a moment before finally making my way to the staircase and up, taking the stairs two at a time.