Lost

Chapter Eleven

Maelstrom

Harry avoided Draco for the next five days. Hermione he saw less and less, and Ron wasn't fun anymore because he was worried and confused. Harry couldn't enjoy life anyway; life wasn't fun anymore, it was horrid.

Back when they were together, he thought he could keep the relationship between himself and Draco a secret. He wanted to be with Draco a long time, keep the other boy safe from evil, from the Summoner powers he had, and to love and be loved by Draco; but he hadn't been able to cherish it for long, and now Draco had returned, and everything was falling apart!

He couldn't ask himself how long he could continue on so miserably; it wouldn't be long, that he knew.

-----*-----

Harry sat down, his gaze switching back and forth from Draco at the Slytherin table, to Hermione sitting by Ginny across the table, a ways away. He tapped his fingers on the table in aggravation, closing his eyes for a few minutes; Hermione barely spoke to him, cried constantly almost every night, and he still hadn't figured out why she felt so emotional about what she'd seen.

After about a half hour of sitting down, refusing to dance with anyone, to talk with anyone, and getting uncomfortable in his new dress robes, Harry decided to go outside to get some fresh air. And that was when it happened.

Harry felt a hand slap over his mouth, his wrists held behind his back, as he was pulled down the pathway and through some bushes into a grove of trees. The fresh air of the night and the sweet smell of the flowers didn't soothe him. His eyes widened as he was dragged further into the grove, and pushed into a wall, hard. He heard the side of his glasses crack, and turned around as the someone took hold of his shoulders and pinned him up against the wall.

Holding one side of his glasses on so that it didn't fall from his ear, Harry opened his eyes. Gazing back at him steadily, eyes flashing intensely, was that familiar pair of blue-grey eyes. Harry grimaced, grunting, as Draco lifted him into the air a few inches, shoving him hard against the wall again. His scar began to pain him, and, looking to the other boy's collar bone, he saw that the scar linked to his was glowing brightly, luminescent in the darkness. Sure that Draco's scar also burned painfully, Harry didn't make a move to escape, as Draco's hands fell to his sides, letting Harry slide down to a slumped sitting position against the wall.

Brushing some hair aside and looking up at Draco, Harry asked, "Why, Draco? Why are you doing this?" Draco stood there, seeming to tower over Harry, his gaze dangerous and filled with fury. Almost able to pierce Harry's soul with the sharpness of his gaze, his voice low with barely contained emotion, Draco whispered, "Don't you know? But no, of course not. You ran after her, the Mudblood. You fucking bastard! You betrayed me! You--you...damn you!"

Harry opened his mouth, realizing what had happened, what Draco thought, about to speak, but Draco silenced him with a look, continuing. "You thought you meant everything to me, that I'd never let you go no matter what. You're a fool, to take me for granted like that. And to think you loved me first...first to love, first to abandon! That meant a lot to me, our reunion! You finally recognized who I was, you nonce, but...but no, you just had to stab me in the back. Traitor. After everything we've been through, all we've shared. I loved you. It was pure misery, without you for nine months, alone. Only to find when I return that you would readily give me up to go running to the Mudblood bitch! I can't believe how low you've stooped. I didn't know how far the limit of brave Gryffindor could go. It was damn daring of you to do this to me. I'm surprised you're not shaking in your boots. Everything you gave me and shared with me that I cherished precious, the love you gave me that I couldn't let go of...now shredded to nothing. If you regret this, what you've done to me, you've only to blame yourself!"

Harry, tears leaking from his eyes, was about to protest, to tell the truth, that he hadn't known how much his simple actions had hurt Draco, when another voice yelled shrilly from the bushes. "Stop it! Don't do this any longer, the both of you! I won't stand for it! Draco Malfoy you insufferable git, how dare you think Harry would ever do a thing like that to any human being! Harry Potter, you are such a wimp, an utter plonker! Why didn't you tell Ron and I the truth about you and Malfoy? And why has it taken you so long to realize that running away from what you had would hurt what you two gained? Use your loaf! You should have apologized sooner. Now, both of you, get those hands out and shake. Or I'll hex you!"

Both Harry and Draco stared, mortified and shocked, at the sight that greeted their eyes. Ron ran around the corner, huffing, crouched down to catch his breath. He looked up, about to speak, when he noticed the scene before him. Deciding not to scold Hermione for not waiting up for him, he remained silent, eyes wide, brows raised, beside an angry figure. Hermione was this angry figure. She stood in all her bushy haired, tight lipped fury, hands on her hips, shooting them a glare that could kill. Her wand was poised at the ready, her eyes flashing.

As Harry stared past that fury, deep into those dark brown eyes, he realized the truth: She loves me.

-----*-----

"Granger."

Hermione snapped her head up, brow furrowed at Draco, asking irritated, "What?"

Harry sat down, exhausted, watching the dot that was the figure of Ron returning back to the graduation prom celebration in the castle. It had been so tough telling his two best friends his well-kept secret. Every gasp had made the humiliation dig into him even further. It hadn't been as bad as he had imagined though, because Hermione had surprisingly remained calm and cool, shushing Ron when he got too riled up or astounded. Of course, he hadn't told them the details. But he told them that he and Draco had become close over a few months, and all about their linked scars and Draco being a Summoner.

And the Slytherin had said absolutely nothing, hadn't even bothered to correct Harry when he messed up or was unsure. Harry hadn't lied to them, but he just hadn't told them the details, like the fact that the relationship between he and Draco, the meaning of 'becoming closer,' was actually romantic. Ron was shocked enough as it was that Harry didn't still 'loath the spoiled snobby prat from his slimy hair to his ugly toes, including his very insides.'

Harry snapped back to reality as Draco and Hermione started walking back from their private chat; he couldn't help overhearing them. "Why'd you do it, Granger? How? Why'd you so willingly give up Harry to me? I know you want him. I can see it in your eyes, everything says so." Hermione pursed her lips, glaring at the Slytherin. She sighed.

"Don't deny it, Granger."

"Oh, shut your trap! Stop acting so lairy; I gave him to you, gave up everything I hoped for and dreamed of because of what I saw. He really loves you, Malfoy, so you'd better be careful! If you hurt him, I will hunt you down and give you more pain and humiliation than you could imagine! And then I'll take him away from you, and never give him back. So you be nice to him, AND Ron and I too, or else you'll be in for trouble, mister."

Surprisingly enough, Draco laughed.

Harry had never heard Draco laugh. Not for real. And it was nectar to his ears, pure bliss. Like the chime of bells in heaven, full of mirth. Then, regaining his composure, Draco said, "Sorry about the 'Mudblood' comment, too, really...my mistake. A slipping out of the good side of my mind. Don't worry, Granger. He'll be fine with me. But...you promise you won't regret it? You won't try to steal him from me a week or so from now?"

Hermione shook her head violently, saying firmly, "I promise I won't do that. That would be dishonorable. Besides, I'm a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin." Harry could sense the revenge in that last word; she mocked the Slytherin name for the sake of upping herself from being laughed at by Draco. The Malfoy, of course, just raised a brow and smirked.

Then, walking over to stand in front of Harry, Draco reached forward and grabbed the collar of Harry's shirt, pulling him up to a standing position. Twisting to the side a bit so Hermione could see them both, Draco called to Hermione, "So you won't mind anymore if you see this?"

Then he kissed Harry.

Unsuspecting, and horrified that it was in front of Hermione, Harry struggled for a few moments, before giving up and giving in to it, responding to the press of the other boy's lips. But it only lasted a few seconds, ending abruptly. Allowing Harry to fall back down to sit on the bench in shock, Draco turned to Hermione, face solemn, but a wicked glint in his eye.

Harry was appalled. How could Draco be so evil? How awful, for Hermione to see that! After having given him up for the sake of the love she had been smart enough to sense; how genius of her, how brave indeed, to give up on Harry and allow Draco to be with him, knowing they were inseparable.

Harry looked up to see Hermione's reaction, a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of him. Eyes wide, the girl looked like a deer in the face of headlights, frozen. But then, regaining her normal features, Hermione sneered at Draco, saying, "Why Malfoy, I never knew you'd so openly admit that you're, well, gay. Amazing, really, these frank acts of homosexuality. Does it run in the family bloodline?"

Giving Harry an apologetic look, Hermione grinned up at Draco, expectant. Snarling in rage, Draco was about to pounce when Harry quickly jumped up to grab him by the arms, saying, "She was joking! You tease and insult us all the time but can't even handle one joke."

Draco frowned, begrudging Hermione, and with a murmur of, "Stupid Gryffindors," he plopped down on the bench. Sitting down beside Draco, Harry smiled over at Hermione as she turned to leave, and said, "Thank you, Hermione. You don't know how much everything you've done tonight means to me. I'm sorry for hurting you so much."

Flashing a bright smile, Hermione said, "It's okay, Harry. I forgive you. And besides, I think it's sorta funny that you two of all people love each other so much. Anyway...I have Ron." And with a little wave of goodbye, Hermione slipped off her cumbersome high heels and walked back to the ball room to enjoy one last dance with a certain redhead.

Whirlwind of emotion having died down, Harry smiled, and lay down on the bench with his head on Draco's lap. Closing his eyes as soothing cold fingers brushed against his scar, he absentmindedly wondered why their scars had pained them before...he supposed it was because they were magically linked by the scars and had been temporarily fighting against each other.

He didn't hear, didn't see the lone tear that fell from it's perch on Draco's eyelashes, as, looking after where Hermione had gone, Draco whispered, "I could never have given love up like that. Gryffindor indeed. Damn, that girl has guts!"

Chapter Twelve

Love can be daggers

Harry quickened his steps, holding his books tightly to him, thoughts flitting left and right inside of him. He knew nothing was wrong with him, other than that he was confused. The love he'd once felt for Draco had dissipated somewhat, yet the renewal of their relationship made him almost unable to avoid being with Draco. Of course, their relationship was still secret. Ron and Hermione knew about it, but only Hermione knew that it was romantic. No one else knew anything about it at all.

And Harry was determined to keep it that way.

He hated lying to people, but then, he told himself, it wasn't really a lie, was it? Just a secret. Telling two select people close to him had been enough; he wouldn't want to go through telling anyone else, such as the other Weasleys, any of the professors, and especially not the other students. Also, for some reason, he didn't want Dumbledore to know, either.

This made him feel guilty, for he'd felt like he was an agent of Dumbledore for so long. The Headmaster was dear to him, an excellent source of advise and knowledge gained over the years. However, revealing his relationship with Draco to the Headmaster seemed wrong somehow, like Harry would be less useful when in love.

Absorbed in his thoughts, Harry stepped out one foot too soon for his mind to react, and slipped, falling down on his back and to the floor with a violent thud. OUCH. Groaning in pain, Harry lay there, watching the sky ceiling above him. Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands slip underneath his arms, and allowed himself to be helped up. Turning around, his gaze met with that of Draco.

"A little zoned out there, Harry?"

Nodding absentmindedly, Harry hastily looked around, making sure no one was around. Turning back to Draco, he hissed, "Be careful! If anyone had been around, exiting a room...I don't want us to be caught!"

Reaching down to clasp Harry's hands in his, Draco said, "Well, Harry...I don't actually care. I hate hiding it like this. It's not like it's bad, and who gives a damn what others would think?"

Not giving Harry time to answer, Draco leant in for a kiss. Pushing the other boy away, Harry shook his head, "No! Don't, I can't, not...not now. I care what they think, that's who. I hate being the topic of gossip, and I..."

His gaze suddenly strange, Draco seemed to be peering into Harry's very soul. Becoming nervous under the Slytherin's gaze, Harry stuttered, "I-it's just that I-I'm not sure if we should do this anymore...hiding it is too hard, but I don't want to tell anyone and we can take a break, right?"

Draco stared at him half-lidded, drawling, "You can't take a break from love. Basically, what you're saying is that...you don't want me anymore. I guess we're on formal terms now." Draco paused, seeing Harry's shocked uneasy look, and then snapped, "Admit what you feel--or don't feel, I should say. Admit it, Potter."

Harry's mind reeled. What was happening? It wasn't supposed to be like this! He was NOT breaking up with Draco! No, it couldn't be. But...what else would it be? Oh god, what've I done, now I can't explain, because if I deny it, I'll be forced to pretend I love him...I mean, I know the love is down there somewhere...but it's been so long...I...it's so hard getting it back. I felt it so strongly once, why is it so hard to get back? This is so confusing.

Sinking down to the ground, to crouch, miserable, Harry nodded, saying to Draco, "You're right. This just isn't working for me. I won't deny it, I couldn't go on pretending it was otherwise...I...I just..." Harry lowered his gaze to the ground fearfully, his throat dry. But he managed to choke it out:

"I...I don't love you anymore, Draco."

Still staring at the ground, Harry could see part of Draco from his peripheral vision. The other boy crouched, facing him, and pale hands landed on his arms. Harry eyed Draco from his peripheral vision. He'd once loved this boy...excellent Seeker, son to an evil man, receiver of a powerful destiny, so harsh yet so understanding, so passionate yet so tender.

Where did the love all go to?

Harry cringed as Draco raised his hand as if to strike Harry. But then, the hand lowered, and as Harry noticed it tremble, he reluctantly moved his head to look back at Draco. The reaction was unexpected. Suddenly, that blue grey gaze was open to him unlike ever before, like a pair of windows, and beneath the thin levels of other emotions, Harry saw pain. Draco was hurt.

And Harry knew it was his fault.

Burying his head into Harry's knees, hands tightly gripping Harry's shirt, Draco mumbled, "Why?" Harry stared blankly down at the head of platinum blonde that took shelter of his knees. This was it. He'd done it. He'd found Draco's vulnerable spot: love. Any love given to Draco, and he apparently drank it like nectar, so rare was it given to him.

Unable to give an answer to Draco's question, Harry sat there, feeling guilty and more confused than ever. Slowly, Draco lifted his head up, and Harry got the shock of his life. Rimmed in that hurt gaze...tears! They began to slide down the porcelain skin of Draco's cheeks, the image burning into Harry's mind.

Voice trembling, Draco said, "I wish you never loved me. I wish even more that I'd never loved you back. Your love was sweet at first, deceiving, like a rose, yet in the end, the flower shed it's petals and the stem stabbed into my heart. How could you do this to me?...I hate you!"

Cold with guilt, fear, and sudden sorrow, Harry was helpless to keep Draco from running off. Watching the other boy disappear around the corner, he knew it had been a mistake to give up what had once taken up so much space in his heart.

The question was...how to regain the love he'd felt for the other boy, and then convince Draco it was real?

-----*-----

Harry sat, still, letting the cool evening air flow against his skin. He ignored the chill, could barely feel it, so deeply absorbed in his thoughts he was. Sitting perfectly balanced high in the air on his broom, he pondered how to win back Draco's heart. How had he done it in the first place? He didn't really know, their love seemed to have just...happened.

But now, it was all gone, down the drain, and he had to take the role of plumber and retrieve it himself. Wanting to dive to the ground and crash, dying, Harry spun around in circles, mumbling to himself. He'd gone over so many ways to get Draco back...love letters...flowers...kisses...chocolate...rings...all the Valentine, marriage proposal, and honeymoon muggle traditions. But none of them had seemed good enough. He wanted it to be perfect. Plus, he was sure Draco wouldn't make it easy for him.

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END OF PART ONE