I Belong

When this began, I had nothing to say. And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me. I was confused, and I let it all out to find that I'm the only person with these things in mind.

The room was dark, but lighter than usual. With a start, one of the girls sleeping in the Gryffindor dorm awoke. Quietly cursing, she threw the covers off and lowered her feet to the ice-cold floor. She had missed midnight by at least an hour, and she had to quickly make up for lost time. A thought tugged at the back of her brain; Maybe I could just go without for one more night. I'm so tired... "Yeah, tired of being alive," she muttered to herself.

Creeping out of the dormitory with the ease and grace of a stalking cat, the lone girl slipped through the Common Room and out the Fat Lady. How many times had she done this? Stopping next to a moonlit window, she pulled up her sleeves to count the numerous scars the crisscrossed her arms. Plus the ones on my legs, she mentally tallied. The truth was she couldn't remember exactly how many times she had done this midnight ritual. All she did remember was the relief she felt as she took a simple Muggle object and pressed it into her pale, petite skin.

I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face; I was confused. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain; hollow and alone. And the fault is my own.

The razor itself wasn't hard to get a hold of. With her family's Muggle connections, all she had to do was ask and her father would happily comply. The word "happily" rang out in her mind as she counted the number of stairs until she reached the ladder for the Astronomy Tower.

She hadn't been happy in almost a month. In fact, the last time she had been happy was when she had snuck down here to meet Him. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to say his name; the hurt and the pain were too near. Her sliced-and-diced limbs were more than prove to that. And the thing that made her cut deeper and longer each time was that no one noticed.

Looking everywhere, only to find that it's not the way I imagined it all in my mind. So what am I but negativity, 'cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, and the fault is my own.

No one noticed that she wasn't her usual self, that she was reclusive and suddenly lost interest in her studies. She had to ascertain her own place, and the only way she could possibly do that was in her schoolwork. But ever since He had broken up with her, she had lost all interest in doing any work. She had skipped so many classes that she expected to be called into Dumbledore's office at anytime. And no one's noticed that I'm not in class! she mentally shouted.

The moonlight was brighter in the Astronomy Tower. It reminded her of when He had first invited her up here. When she had seen Him standing there, his brilliant features suddenly illuminated by the molten silver light, all fears rushed out of her mind. Now, when she came up here, all fears rushed out of her at the sight of her release: a small metal Muggle razor.

I want to feel what I thought was never real. I want to heal. I will never know myself until I do this on my own, and I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed.

The blood flowed freely, running over the sides of her arms. To her, it looked like someone had adorned her wrists in delicate red bracelets. She had decided to try something new tonight, and had cut up towards her elbows. That way, she reopened all the scars she had on her arms.

All the vacancy the words revealed is the only real thing that I've got left to feel, nothing to lose. Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have ever trusted Him. I should've listened to my friends. They knew what they were talking about," she vocally lamented. "And one of the poor girls knew from personal experience. I am such a stupid bitch!" She cried, the salty tears mixing with the blood. The fragile bracelets melted away, falling away into a bloody pool on her nightgown. "Now look what you've made me do!" she called out to Him. But on the inside, she knew it was her fault. It was always her fault.

I want to heal; I want to feel what I thought was never real. I want to let go of the pain I've held so long; erase all the pain 'til it's gone.

"I want to get better," she continued between sobs. "I want to have a life again. But you twisted me!" You twisted yourself, you bloody fool, she berated herself. "No, He did! He tricked me!" But you let yourself be tricked! "Stop it!" she commanded herself, pushing the blade deeper into her other arm. This time, she actually felt a prick of deeper pain as the razor nicked the vein in her arm. "Oh," she murmured as a new, better relief spread quickly through her. She was happy! She was happy again!

I want to feel like I'm close to something real. I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong. I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed. I will never be anything 'til I break away from me.

"I'm better. I'm all better," she chanted over and over again as the warm feeling continued to grow and multiple. "I've found it! I've found the place where I belong," she whispered, as the moonlight suddenly grew brighter. She could see her parents waiting for her with proud smiles on their faces. And He was there, down on his knees, apologizing profusely. She smiled at Him, and helped him stand. It felt good to be in His arms again.

And I will break away; I'll find myself today. I want to heal. I want to feel like I'm somewhere I belong.

"Congratulations. You've just found yourself. You've found the somewhere you belong," he huskily whispered into her ear. Then the brilliant light receded, and she went with it.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#

When this began, I had nothing to say. And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me. I was confused, and I let it all out to find that I'm the only person with these things in mind.

He had found her. He often came up to the Tower to cut as well, feeling the irony of it. He had broken the cardinal rule and fallen in love with her. Breaking up was the only thing He could do to save her. She didn't want to be a part of his family. His family was non-existent.

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own. I want to let go of all the pain I've held so long; erase all the pain 'til it's gone. I want to heal, I want to feel, and the fault is my own.

Tonight, He had felt a sudden urge to come up the Astronomy Tower and cut. His razor fell to the floor forgotten as He swept her up into His arms and pulled her close. "Don't go. Stay with me, girl!" He whispered to her. She murmured something unintelligible, but He knew that she was saying her good-byes. "No! Come back here, dammit!" He screamed in anguish as He felt her draw her last breath. He heard bones crack as He squeezed her tighter and tighter, trying to make her wake up again. "It's not possible," He sobbed, finally relenting. He leaned her against the wall, just like she had been. Crying, he picked up his razor and headed towards Dumbledore's office, determined to confess everything.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#

Albus Dumbledore looked out at the heavy gray clouds lingering. It was an appropriate setting, especially for the news he had to give at breakfast that morning. Sighing, Albus headed towards his seat at the Staff Table. Per instructions, all the prefects had rounded up their students and brought them down to breakfast. Some were still fighting the last tendrils of sleep, and others sat awake, surprised by the Headmaster's unusual early morning appearance.

"Students and faculty, I have been given the duty of being the Bearer of Bad Tidings. Late last night and early this morning, an unfortunate tragedy struck one of our young Gryffindor students. Ginny Weasley was found dead in the Astronomy Tower of an apparent suicide." Albus could hear the shouts of denial and outbursts of sobs as the remaining Weasley siblings responded to his news.

"Who found her, Dumbledore?" Fred Weasley demanded, standing up amidst the rising tide of disbelief.

"Another Gryffindor, Mr. Harry Potter."

"What was he doing up there? Assisting Ginny? She wouldn't do such a thing! She was happy!" George protested.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that. It seems that after reporting his discovery to me, Mr. Potter left the school grounds."

"We need to track him down, then! Find out what his real motive is!" Ron shouted.

"Ron! Harry was your friend," Hermione said shockingly.

"Keyword there, Hermione, is 'was'. Harry Potter is no longer my friend, not after what he did to my sister!" Ron replied angrily.

"Everybody, quiet down!" Dumbledore shouted over the growing din. "It was Mr. Potter's choice to leave. If I'm guessing correctly, then this will be the last we ever hear of Harry Potter." Albus glanced at the Slytherin table to see a certain Malfoy boy flash an evil grin of satisfaction. "God help us all," he muttered as he sank down into his seat. He had done all he could. It was up to the students now.

I want to heal; I want to feel what I thought was never real. I want to heal; I want to feel like I'm close to something real. I want to heal; I want to feel like I'm

SOMEWHERE I BELONG