Torn

I remember the sound of rain, how it hit the ground so elegantly and left a trace of itself on the cold, unforgiving windows. How he held me in his muscular arms and told me everything was going to be all right. The way he caressed my face and kissed it softly. It seems like that is all I can recall from that night. I wish I had not done the sinful things that I did do. Yet, I do not know with whom. The memories are there, but the face is a void.

I sometimes lay on my bed and think of my faceless paramour. His face remains a mystery, but I feel attached, as if I have known him my entire life. When I fall deep into the trance, I imagine that night. It plays as if it was a broken film, mended back together. Each night I see pieces of the happenings. Each night they get more detailed. Each night they get worse.

I had just came back from the library, finished homework in hand. As I walk, the corridor seems to enclose around me. The walls became distorted; windows grow eyes, portraits in the hall stare. I reach into my pocket and hold the pill as if it contained my very life. I lay my books down and roll it in my hand. 'This pill makes everything go away.' I look at it once more before I swallow it. 'That feels better.' The corridors seem normal now. Everything is how it should be.

The hallways got darker, and the air got thicker. I thought I had gone in circles. The halls had turned into an unbeatable labyrinth of twists and turns, changing after my every move. I know I had seen this portrait before. A hand had sprung out from behind a door of an empty classroom. It's grip dug into my skin leaving bruises the size of grapes. The room was pitch black, unoccupied except for this stranger and myself. I started to breathe heavier; my heart began to beat faster, but my eyes never adjusted to the darkness. They did not want me to see my abductor.

"Hermione," he said to me. His voice acted as a snake, constricting my neck with the utter of my name. "Don't be frightened. I don't want to harm you." I could see his smirk. He turned his head so I could see his crooked nose. A wisp of his greasy hair touched my head as he leaned in to kiss my neck. His hands pinned me up against the wall. After every breath they seemed to constrict me even more. Then he did the most unbearable thing imaginable: He raped me.

I thought I saw a man brought to life,

He was warm,

He came around like he was dignified.

He showed me what it was to cry.

Well you couldn't be that man I adored.

You don't seem to know,

Seem to care what your heart is for,

But I don't know him anymore.

There's nothing where he used to lie.

The conversation has fun dry.

That's what's going on.

Nothing's fine I'm torn.

I'm all out of faith.

This is how I feel.

I'm cold and I am shamed,

Lying naked on the floor.

Illusion never changed

Into something real.

I'm wide awake

And I can see

The perfect sky is torn.

You're a little late.

I'm already torn.

I woke immediately. Imaging him touching me is too hard to handle, even for a dream. I reached over to my bedside table and opened the drawer. I grabbed a jewelry box where the pills were hidden. I opened it and took out a pill. The minute it dissolved into my bloodstream I felt better.

That nose, the voice, the greasy hair. It seems so familiar. He held me so sweetly, and he was so warm. I drifted off again...

I was awake, not in the empty classroom, but on the common room couch. It had to be at least 3 o'clock in the morning. I slowly opened my eyes. Blurry images of Ron and Harry finally became clear. Their faces were worried and tired.

'She's awake,' Ron said. They helped me sit up and Harry propped a pillow behind my back.

'What happened?' I asked, yawing.

'Snape said that he found you in the corridor. He said that you had fainted. So, he carried you back here." Harry's face looked old. His eyes sagged and he already had wrinkles. He was too young for this kind of stress.

"Snape?" All of a sudden, it hit me. The crooked nose, the greasy hair, the voice. It had all made sense to me now. Snape was my abductor. I started to shake. Things all around me when blurry and started to spin in opposite directions. I needed a pill. My mind rewound. I saw myself being pulled into the room. I saw Snape kiss my neck. I saw Snape remove my robes. I saw Snape rape me. I looked down at my body. My clothes had been carelessly put back on, my shoes and socks were both off and set near the fire, and my hair was tousled and knotted.

'What's wrong Hermione?' Ron felt my forehead for a fever. I was cold as ice. 'Are you sure you're alright?'

When I woke up again it was light out. I found my robes and got dressed. Today's first class was Potions: Now my most disliked subject. I did not meet Harry and Ron in the common room and I did not go to breakfast. I went straight to the nurse. That is where I found out I was pregnant with Snape's child.