Ginny's Hope

"I never really gave up on you. Not really. I always hoped..." Had I ever spoken a truer sentence? Then again, could you really call it hoping? Desperately clinging onto a dream that I thought would never happen. Seeing Harry with other girls and crying myself to sleep. Hating one of my closest friends just because she could talk to him, talk to him every day. Do you really think that's hope? I don't.

"Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people..." Pfft. That had turned out well. Michael Corner, the sore loser. Dean Thomas, who couldn't keep his hands to himself. Neither of them could hold a candle to him. I hated myself for it, but...but I could never stop comparing them to him. In my eyes, no one would ever be as great as he was. As he is. As he will always be.

"...relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember?" I remembered. What a silly fool I was. Knocking over bowls, putting my elbows in butter dishes...what did I expect him to say? "Oh Ginny, you're so clumsy, I must have you now"? Yeah right, Ginny. Yeah right. What's worse was that when I stopped worrying, it was so easy to relax around you. So easy to laugh and talk, to run up to you and hug you, to grin at you and have private jokes, to even take the mickey out of Fleur. It was so simple, so easy...

"And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more - myself" Well, she was right. It had taken a year and a half...well; less actually, if my suspicions about those looks on the Hogwarts Express were true... but it had worked. He'd fallen for me. But how am I supposed to cope now? What am I supposed to do now, when I've tasted true bliss and had it snatched away?

"Smart girl, that Hermione," he said to me, giving me a pathetic attempt at the grin I'd come to associate with a tug of my heart that was not-quite pain, not-quite pleasure. "I just wish I'd asked you sooner. We could've had ages ... months ... years maybe" Oh Harry, don't do this to me. My eyes prickled, my heart thumped...but then I looked into your worried green eyes and it suddenly hit me that you need me just as much as I need you. Maybe even more. My whole body tensed, and I stood up straighter. Ginerva, if you love this boy, you are not going to make this hard on him. Harder than it already is. And you do love him, don't you?

Yes...more than anything.

"But you've been too busy saving the wizarding world," I said, half laughing. Mainly to stop myself crying. "Well...I can't say I'm surprised. I knew this would happen in the end" Did I? I guess I did, on some level. "I knew you wouldn't be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort" And I knew that he wouldn't fight Voldemort when he was with me. He wouldn't risk my life. Not just because of his "saving people thing"...but he truly did care about me. Maybe even... love me?

"Maybe that's why I like you so much." The moment I finished talking, I knew that I'd never stop loving him. His eyes flicked to Ron and Hermione, and then back to me. Abruptly, he stood up and walked away. Away from Dumbledore, away from Ron and Hermione, away from me. And I was glad. I was glad because he couldn't see the tears spilling out of my eyes, he couldn't see me crumble, and he couldn't see me collapse desperately onto the chair. I tried so hard to be strong. But even I couldn't stay strong and proud now. Death, mutilation, heartbreak, loss. Amazing what they can do.

I remember once reading a Muggle story called "Pandora's Box." It was about this curious woman who, when seeing a box saying "Do Not Open!" opens it and lets evil into the world. But she slams it shut, only to be told to open it again to let out the one thing that can combat the evils; Hope.

Is that what we can do to fight Voldemort? Hope?

My eyes and thoughts drifted back to Harry. As the new Minister of Magic intercepted him, I just watched. My brave, strong Harry. The one who I knew would vanquish Lord Voldemort, the one who I knew would avenge his parents death, the one who I knew would face every task and trial given to him as long as it would save the world. And maybe...maybe...maybe it wouldn't be as long as it would save the world. Maybe it would be as long as he saved me.

I hated feeling like this. I wasn't weak. I wasn't pathetic. I'd long given up feeling this bad about boys. Ever since third year, I'd given up feeling so miserable because Harry didn't love me. What had changed?

What a stupid question. I knew what had changed. Harry had loved me back. Before it had seemed like a hopeless crush, but now it had been something. In a few weeks, he'd shown me a better life. He'd shown me a life I could never come back from. I'd never love anyone else now, not ever. A mirthless laugh escaped my lips, which were wet with tears. How appropriate. My love life started with Harry, and it's going to end with Harry.

That's what's going to happen with Voldemort too, in a way. I can tell. Hermione and Ron think I don't know about the Prophecy. They think I don't know what has to happen. But it didn't take me long to figure it out. Voldemort wanted a Prophecy: in fact he was desperate to get it. But why not get his Death Eaters to get it? Why make Harry go down there; what was the point? An hour or so in the library told me the answer to that; Prophecies can only be touched by the people they're made about. Voldemort wanted it, but couldn't get it himself because he's in hiding. So Harry had to get it. Which meant it must have been about Harry. Harry's life as he knows it pretty much started with Voldemort, and it's all going to end with Voldemort. If he is beaten by Voldemort, then his life will end with death. If he beats Voldemort, then life as he knows it will change. It'll be better, it'll be happier. I hope.

I'm not surprised. Not really. I always knew it'd come down to this; a Harry and Voldemort showdown. But the question which I know is going to haunt me until this ends is will Harry survive? Will Harry win? And what will happen if he doesn't?

If he does, then he'll come back for me and we'll get married. We'll have children, we'll live in a house near to Hermione and Ron, and through my family I can give Harry all the family he has ever wanted. If we have a boy, we'll call him James, after his dad. Or Sirius, after his Godfather. Or Albus, after the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts will ever have. What the hell, we can have three sons and name each one. And if we have a girl...Lily after his mum. He'll be an Auror, and I'll be a Healer. We'll live together and love together, and the only hardship Harry will have to bear is that he won't be able to spend every day at home with me.

But if he doesn't win...

I'll organise it myself. I'll throw a ceremony just like this. No, better. And I'll hold it at Hogwarts, because that's where he felt at home. No, feels at home. He's not dead yet. I'll invite everyone. And then, when I have to bury him, I'll bury him by his parents. I'll go to his grave everyday, lay flowers at his tombstone, and cry my wasted heart out. And then, when I die, I'll be buried next to him. Next to the one I love. Next to my Harry...

I'm just babbling now. I realised that somewhere in my thoughts, I'd closed my eyes desperately. I'm just trying to forget the truth, the cold hard truth. There's every chance Harry won't survive. And I know for certain he won't let me into his life until Voldemort is dead. Which either means that I'll never be with him again, or I'll have to wait for years. But I would, I'd wait for Harry forever...

I open my eyes, wiping them quickly, and turn to see where Harry is. He's standing with Ron and Hermione, the wind whipping their robes. They look sombre, powerful, impressive I know they're telling Harry they're going to go with him, to do whatever he has to do with him. I wish I could be up there with them. I'd gladly give my life for Harry. I'd give anything. But I can't. I don't want to do anything that might endanger Harry. If I went with them, and I got in trouble, he'd risk his own life to save me. Even if he didn't die, he'd probably hurt himself. And I don't want him to have any disadvantage against Voldemort.

So here I am, once again, staring at a boy that I love and wondering what to do. What's going to get me through the days, now that I know the boy I love more than anything and everything is going to risk his life? What's going to help me survive knowing that Harry will either kill Voldemort and save the world, or be killed. And then the world will wither and die. What's the world to me, if Harry James Potter isn't in it with me? But what can I do?

The only thing I can. I'll hope.