Broken

She was blonde this time, Draco noticed dully.

The girl he had ordered stood in his doorway, complete with a definite trashy look. She was wearing a very short miniskirt and a tiny white tube top with no bra and a logo on it that said "MX". The tube top bared her midriff and shoulders. She had a lot of makeup on; heavy eyeliner and lipstick and mascara surrounded big baby blue eyes.

She was wearing a tube top, and he could see the outlines of her breasts. He wanted to touch them, but he held back. "You don't think it makes me look fat, do you?" she asked him anxiously.

"I think it makes you look beautiful," he said to her.

"Hi," she murmured. She held out her hand, which was small and elegant with the nails painted pink. "I'm Terilyn." She smiled at him. Draco wondered for the nth time why he kept on having girls sent to his mansion when there was only one girl he really wanted.

Draco cleared his throat and took her hand, pulling her in gently and closing the door behind her. "Draco."

She gazed up at him, her eyes unfathomable. "Do you want to get started?" she breathed, her voice husky. "You're really good looking." She reached up and smoothed his hair.

"Your hair's mussed," she said to him.

"What?" He reached for his head automatically.

She laughed. "Fooled you. Your hair is never mussed."

Draco looked down at her. He could almost see right into her cleavage, but the tube top was too tight. "Just a moment." He led her into the kitchen where he downed some Firewhisky before turning to Terilyn, who was waiting expectantly on a stool.

He moved towards her, and when she reached for him he kissed her roughly. "Let's go to my bedroom."

She moved expertly against him as he walked her up to his bedroom. If his mother heard, there would be hell to pay, but there was no chance of that; Draco was often alone in the Malfoy mansion. It was no trouble to smuggle in prostitutes.

*

Draco sat alone in his bedroom, staring at the bed where he had fucked Terilyn. He moodily took a drink out of the mug he was holding- it was a combination of coffee and alcohol.

"How can you drink that?"

"Drink what?"

She pointed to his coffee/alcohol mixture. "That's just nasty, Draco. I like coffee-" she blushed. "I kind of like alcohol- but them together?"

He grinned. "It's good."

She pulled a face. "It's disgusting."

He was serious now. "If you look at it, me and you are like coffee and alcohol. You are the coffee, and I'm the alcohol."

She looked up at him, her eyes intoxicating him. "Maybe it's not so disgusting after all."

On a sudden whim, he moved over to the large trunk in the corner of his bedroom. Opening the many locks one by one, he reached into a secret compartment and pulled out some yellowed parchment.

Her letters.

His fingers trembled as he took them out- but, he told himself, that could be from the coffee and the alcohol.

He smoothed out the first one and sat down on his bed, closing his eyes as the memories washed over him.

"I'm going to send you a letter," she said, giggling.

"Why?"

"It's romantic, don't you think?"

He rolled his eyes. She leaned against him. "It's going to be full of the things I can never say," she whispered.

Opening his eyes, he started to read the first letter she had ever sent him. Her slightly curly writing pulled him in.

Dear Draco- it read.

Don't you think this is funny? I'll send you owls all the time and nobody can ever know it's me. You can say they're from your girlfriend- because that's what I am, right? Only in secret. This is my first letter to you, so excuse the weirdness of it please? I need to confess something, Slytherin boy. I really, really, really like you. But you know we can't be together. Right?

But when has that ever stopped us?

Ron's looking at me strangely, I better finish up. I hope the next letter will be better. Write me back?

xoxo

Draco leaned against the bedpost, feeling tears come to his eyes. He missed her so much. Why was he doing this to himself?

He put the first letter next to him and opened the next.

Dear Draco,

Do you want to meet tonight in our usual spot? I can get away, I think. I know I got to see you yesterday, but god, god, god I just can't stop thinking about you. You're haunting my dreams, Draco, and I want to say "Get out of there!" as well as pulling you close. Please tell me you feel the same way, or my heart will be broken into a million shards of glass and I hope you step on them.

I'll let you decide whether I'm kidding or not.

xoxo

One by one, with trembling fingers he navigated her letters to him. He vividly remembered slipping them underneath his robes at the Great Hall; then opening them in secret to savour her words. He had told people they were from a girl he knew back home. And in a way that was true- she was home.

Then he came upon one that struck his heart like a bombshell almost as hard as the first time he read it. Her writing was wobbly and he could almost feel the emotion coming from it.

Dearest Draco-

I need to say this, but I am too scared to say it out loud until you can tell me that you feel it for me too. I couldn't bear it if you didn't love me back.

There, I've said it already. I love you.

Love is such a strange word; I don't think it should be used as often as it is. Love- it's what I'm feeling for you as I sit in the tower writing by moonlight. I realized tonight, when you kissed me that I'm feeling for you the way I've never ever felt for anyone before. And I think that I love you.

No, I don't think. I know.

Please meet me tomorrow night in our usual spot. And tell me if you love me too.

Love, love, love. It's such a relief to write that word. It also scares me. God, Draco. Help me. Pull me out of this rushing river I'm drowning in.

xoxo and love.

Draco took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. In his mind, he could remember meeting her after that letter. She had looked up at him; pretending to be calm, but he could sense her turmoil.

"I got your letter," he whispered to her.

She said nothing, but tears glinted in her eyes.

He pulled her close. "And guess what? I love you too," he said into her hair.

And when she cried, it was tears of joy.

Methodically Draco went through her letters, stopping each time as the remembrance of what had happened struck him. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, but he wiped them away before they could touch the parchment. These letters were all that were left of her- that and memories.

He could still feel her sitting beside him, her head cocked in the sun, her round mouth smiling.

Then he came upon the second-to-last letter. Her writing was fast and furious.

Draco-

I think something is wrong. Ron and everyone else look at me strangely. I'm scared. I don't think we should meet tonight. But I love you- remember that.

xoxo

He remembered that. The poisonous looks he received. He should have known there was something wrong. How could he have been so stupid?

Maybe if he had read the warning signs, his heart wouldn't have split so badly.

He closed his eyes, and then opened them. Carefully, he let his eyes run over the last letter. The letter that had broken him.

Dearest, dearest, dearest Draco-

They have found out about us. And they are furious. My brothers are yelling and everyone is shocked. I have been forbidden to see you again- but I must send you one last letter.

Do you remember that night, Draco, when we made love? I was so scared, but you made it seem like it was the most natural and perfect thing in the world. And you told me that whatever happened, you would love me? Well, I will love you too, forever. Even though the people around me are close to me, they are now my jailors if I cannot see you again. I feel like I am in a prison, Draco. I want to kill myself if it means escaping. Death would not be so bad. But to kill myself would mean never to see you again and I don't think I could bear that.

I feel so much pain inside like somebody has stabbed me with a dagger when people who I have known all my life stare at me and whisper and give me evil glances and poisonous looks. Ron has screamed at me that I have ruined my life. His anger hurts. But losing you hurts more. I haven't ruined my life. Not with you, because you are my life. He doesn't understand that, because he has never been in love. One day, maybe, he will understand, but for now he cannot.

Knowing and loving you has lifted me up, high above the angels, Draco, and even if I can never see you again, our parting is bittersweet because you loved me and I loved you and for a couple of precious and wonderful days we thought that maybe, perhaps it could work. We forgot we are on opposite sides and that our love is banned and forever will be. We believed, Draco. And you must promise me to remember that at one time we believed.

You will be in my heart forever, Draco. Be strong. I will love you, forever. Forever is a long time- like eternity, it will go on and on. Your name is engraved on my heart, and they may be able to stop me seeing you but they cannot take that away. They cannot jail me my entire life. One day I will break free and one day I will see you again.

Believe in that.

Love, love, love, and yours forever

Ginny

Draco bowed his head and let his tears fall onto the bed, matching the tearstains on the parchment of the letter. Her writing was shaky and there were many smudges where she had cried onto it.

The day after he had opened that letter, the day after his world had exploded, Ginny's brothers had cornered him. They threatened him and told him never to talk to her again.

His heart was broken, but he kept her letters- because they were a part of her, a part of him.

He was feeling the pain as strongly as the day that the bombshell had hit his world. Draco knew the door was shut. He leaned against the bedpost and cried. Nobody knew how often he cried- at midnight, after fucking yet another girl, sitting by himself in his lonely house. Nobody knew how often the tears flowed from his eyes and he wanted to let himself just leave this world. Nobody knew how many times he had thought of ending it.

Nobody knew how fucking lonely he was; how he longed for her to be with him. Just to see her again.

He didn't let anyone hear or see him cry. It would be like letting someone see his soul. And that he could never do- except to one person. But she was gone.

Draco let the spasms of tears wash over him like a waterfall before he got up; and reached into that secret compartment again. He pulled out a photo.

The picture was very ragged, because Draco had looked at it so often. It was a picture of him and Ginny. A picture they had taken in one of their secret meeting spots.

"I have a camera," she informed him.

"Am I supposed to be scared?"

"No." She looked at him seriously. "I want to take a picture of- you know- us."

"Why?"

He thought her eyes looked a little frightened, but it was just for a moment. "Just in case."

In the picture, he had his arms around her; she was leaning against him. Both were smiling and their eyes were sparkling. As Draco watched the picture, the photo-Draco bent down to kiss her.

Draco felt like there was a hole in his heart and he was bleeding to death.

"Master Malfoy!"

Draco went to the door. The maid's voice came up to his ears.

"Supper is ready, Master Malfoy."

He went to his chest and tenderly tucked the letters and the photo away. Staring in the mirror, he used his wand to remove the signs of his tears from his face. He ran a comb through his hair and stepped down the stairs to another meal eaten without any sign of his mother or father.

"Coming."

*

A month later

Draco carefully ran his fingers over the tiny bottle, turning it again and again to re-read the label:

Poison.

He couldn't take it anymore. He had to take the coward's way out.

He had thought about this many times, but each time he had managed to stop himself. There was no stopping now.

Draco could hear someone coming in downstairs, but he didn't let himself think. No thinking, he ordered himself. Just gulp it down and one day you'll see her again.

I'm sorry, Ginny.

Then he tipped it down his throat, swallowing and shuddering slightly as the bitter liquid raced down to do its deadly work.

He lay back carefully on his bed, putting the bottle beside his bedside table. The poison was fast-acting and painless; he should be able to sink into oblivion soon. There was some kind of commotion downstairs. Draco settled himself on the bed and waited for the poison to take effect.

Someone was coming up the stairs, but Draco couldn't bring himself to care. He felt like he was sinking; his vision was starting to blur, and he felt increasingly tired. No pain, though. The coward's way out.

Someone knocked on the door. It was locked.

Draco closed his eyes. He felt like lead was coursing through his veins. The end was coming, and he was glad.

There was a muffled charm, and the door opened.

And then he heard a voice- a voice he had been longing to hear for more then two years.

"Draco?"

Through his haze, Draco made a tremendous effort and pulled his eyes open again. He focused with all his might on his visitor, wondering if he was hallucinating.

She came towards him, her red hair on her shoulders, her face heaven itself.

Draco saw his angel. He concentrated on breathing- he just wanted to see her one last time. She seemed vague and ghostlike; was it his imagination? Was it the poison? Or was it really her?

She came closer, and he could see her face was smudged with tears. "Draco?" Her voice was hesitant; maybe it was because Draco was hardly moving now.

Then she saw the bottle.

Draco was concentrating as hard as he could, but she was slipping away. He worked to keep his eyes open, to keep the heaviness from consuming him. All he wanted now was to find it if it was really her; or if she was a hallucination brought on by his dying mind.

She dropped to her knees by Draco, who with a burst of strength turned his head to look at her. He could not see details; all he saw was the red hair.

She was sobbing; and with a wonderful feeling of bliss he felt her arms go around him. Were they real?

"Draco, why did you do it?" her voice came, thick with tears as she cried on his shoulder. "Couldn't you have believed a little longer, Draco? Draco!"

Summoning all his force as his strength slipped away, Draco moved his mouth and hoarsely whispered, "Ginny." His voice was a sliver of sound.

The room tilted in front of him, but he kept his eyes on his angel's red hair. His breathing was ragged and shallow.

"You're still breathing!" She pushed herself up and started frantically rooting through drawers. "There must be an antidote somewhere...oh, Draco, Draco..."

Draco felt like his eyelids were weighing a ton, but he lifted them up, fighting the poison that was seeping throughout his body. "It's......too......late......Ginny......I'm....sorry..." he managed to breathe out.

"I will not let you die!" she screamed. "Not after I just found you again!"

"My...my....love...." Draco pushed out, and then against his will he felt his eyes close. He felt like there was something blocking his air; his breathing was slowing down rapidly. But he could still hear her; sobbing desperately as she searched for anything to save him.

He fought against the darkness. If only he could tell her...if only he could swim back to the light...

If only...

"Hold on, Draco!" He heard her scream faintly; it was like he was listening to something from far, far away. Her voice was all he could concentrate on.

Through his rapidly deepening haze, he felt something touch his lips.

He could hear her frantic voice, and that was all that was holding him back from the darkness. Once he let go of her voice, he would slide down into the deep abyss of death. He was not afraid of death- only of losing her.

"Believe, Draco. You have to fight!" Blearily he heard it.

Her voice gave him strength.

"Draco!"

Like a drowning swimmer, he struggled. He would not give in. For her.

For them.

He hurled himself upwards to her. He would not lose her again. Not this time.

He would not let a mere thing like death come in between his love.

"Breathe, Draco!"

Breathe.

Draco fought. He fought for what could have been.

For what still might be.

Suddenly he was aware of his body. He was aware of his gasping breaths, the cold shaking and sweat that had broken out on his skin; he felt the choking of his lungs as they laboured to bring him life.

He tasted the air, and then he tasted vomit as he spewed out the contents of his stomach. He retched again, and again; until he was heaving nothing. He opened his mouth and gasped; air came flooding in like a spring of life.

And then he heard her. She was crying.

He opened his eyes with another deep breath of sweet air, and Draco saw his angel.

Out of his mouth came four words.

"G-Ginny...I...love you."

She was half-sobbing, half-laughing as she threw herself on him, kissing him and not caring about the pile of vomit on the bed. He kissed her back; and despite his weakness, he put his arms around her, clutching her tight against his body.

He didn't know how she had saved him. All that mattered was that she had saved him. And one day, he would save her too.

He didn't care about anything except for the vision he held in his arms.

This time he wouldn't let her go.

Believe.