Carve Me A Grave With My Name On It

Several hours passed before Ron Weasley awoke from his much needed sleep. It was darkening outside of the castle, signaling nightfall. Hints of reds and oranges were painted on the gloomy sky, which to Ron seemed to foretell his future. Inside, his body had finally warmed up from the frozen slump it had been in before dozing. The castle itself was quite warm, as it would always be during chilly autumn nights that suggested the coming of the winter season.

But Ron´s stirring was not quite as calm and easy as awakening would usually be. He had not woken up tired and in demand for more napping. Instead, he was alert and vigilant, as though something had just happened that would harm him. Abruptly, the young man sat up from his bed, tossing sheets off onto the stone floor, flinging his legs off the side as he tried to comprehend where he was and why. One would think he was having a convulsion of some sort. But no, it was only a misapprehension on his weak and deteriorating mind.

The surrounding linen curtains were suffocating him. The white sheets were unfamiliar. He jumped off the edge of the bed, and tried to run away. The area was most likely charmed, because as Ron tried to run though them, all he did was crash into something that felt like solid rock. The impact left him on his hindmost quarters on the cold floor. He pushed himself backwards toward the bed, feeling claustrophobic. The alienation Ron was fully aware of made him yell at the top of his lungs.

Outside his ward, the other students heard Ron yelling. The younger ones panicked, thinking imprudently that it was Voldemort who was torturing sick patients on the other side of the chambers. More cunning students went to find Madam Pomfrey who was not there at the moment. She had been about the castle gathering ingredients for her myriad of liquid remedies. When someone had caught up to her and informed her of the screaming patient back in the wards, she practically dropped all of her materials and ran toward the wing she was needed back in. Something had gone awry.

Back in the wing, Pomfrey rushed to her cabinets, pulling out bottles and flasks of all sorts. Rapidly but thoroughly, she poured some of the bottle´s contents into a bigger bottle. Giving it a shake to insure the liquid was properly mixed, she ran to Ron´s closed off bed.

Ron had stopped his yelling for a while, and no one came to him yet. Almost shivering in fear, he crawled towards the far side of his block, trying to hide behind his side table. His knees were pressed against his chest, and his arms were tightly wrapped around them. Letting his head fall back and hit the table against which he leaned, he let out a sob.

"Why am I here?!" he yelled out, "Please, someone--"

Before he could finish his cries, a woman burst through the shielded curtains.

"Weasley, my dear, where are you?" she asked as she noticed he was not upon his bed.

She slowly made her way around the furniture and found him sitting on the floor, with moisture from tears shining on his pale face. Finally, Ron thought, someone arrived. He watched as she bent down to his level. She was looking right into his eyes, like she was examining him.

"Who are you?" he asked innocently, with an awkward breaking in mid sentence.

"Who am I? Oh dear, this is worse then I thought," the woman seemed to say to herself. "I´m a nurse, and I believe it would be best if you get back into your bed and drink this."

Ron looked up at the bottle she was holding. It had a blue colored liquid in it that seemed to swirl even when she didn´t move the bottle, like the concoction was alive. Looking back at her, he was unsure of himself. Could he trust her? Was this woman really a nurse who was trying to help him? Well, she is wearing a nurse´s attire. But did that mea she really was? Perhaps she was trying to play a joke on him. Maybe that liquid stuff she was holding was no remedy for his sickness, but a poison to kill him.

A sudden thought came to him. Maybe poison wouldn´t be so bad. So bad? another side of mind questioned, she´s trying to kill you, or else how else would she know you? Possibly she´s the school nurse who´s been trying to save your life that´s not worth saving, his mind argued. Preposterous; she´s trying to kill you. She´s trying to save you, and you don´t want her to. You want to die, Weasley, don´t you remember? The voices in his head were giving him a headache. Shaking his head, he looked up at the woman.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked him, quite viciously Ron thought.

"How do I know I can trust you?" Ron replied coolly.

"Don´t be a fool, if you don´t listen to me, you might very well die. Now, if you would so kindly stop this stubbornness, possibly, you will live."

"So you are trying to kill me!" he said in a sudden loud voice. If he didn´t take that potion, he´d die, and if he did, possibly he still would die. Dumbledore! Who? Dumbledore, you idiot! Sorry, don´t know him. If his mind could have made audible noise, it definitely would´ve been sighing. Just listen to her you fool, she´s going to help you, then release you from this cage, and you can do whatever you want.

"Mr. Weasley, I assure you I´m trying to help you. If you don´t get onto the bed in the next three seconds, I´ll have to do it myself, and then force feed you."

"Fine!" he yelled at her, with a huff. Ron gave in to the more rational side of his mind and pulled himself up from his curled position. Giving the old nurse a glare, he sat on the bed, arms folded across his chest. "Are you happy now?"

"Ecstatic," she answered sarcastically, "Now, drink this."

Pomfrey poured the contents of the bottle into a metal goblet and then held it out for him to take. Taking a peek at the blue potion, he snatched it out of her hand. He didn´t know if it was poison or not and if he should drink it, he still had his doubts on this woman and her intentions and motives. But it didn´t matter, he had gone so far believing her, and so he would follow through. Holding the goblet to his lips, he drank. It tasted awful, but it didn´t matter. The more he drank, the more the hesitant side of his mind disappeared. Finally, he finished every last drop, and handed the goblet back to her, only to find that she wasn´t there anymore. Now what?

Ron felt that his mind was clear again. Looking around, he finally realized where he was again, and why he was there. He was in the hospital wing because he had fainted a few times. Alright, I had my medicine, and I´m feeling fine, so I guess I could just go now, he reasoned. He stood up from the bed and stretched for a moment. Looking out a window that hung high above his bed, he saw that night had fallen. Damn. Ron was supposed to have committed suicide by now. His letters were supposed to be finished, and his deeds were supposed to be done. But no, all because Harry and Hermione thought he couldn´t take care of himself, Ron was stuck in the hospital wing, being given medicine that made him insane, then being threatened to die unless he drank another. Why´d I even drink it, he thought hopelessly.

Pushing his misery to the side of his mind temporarily, Ron decided to make a break for it. The curtains around the bed were open, and Pomfrey was nowhere in sight. There were a few younger students in pajamas were in beds sleeping. Remembering how the nurse had told him about the worm vomiting epidemic going around, he reminded himself to stay clear of them. Looking down at his clothes, he realized he too was in pajamas. Perhaps, he was expected to spend the night. This would not do for Ron. His eyes wandered around his bed, in search of his wand, school bag and clothes. He scowled as he realized Madam Pomfrey probably took them away. Damn it.

Still, Ron would be able to pull off his plans. He would sneak out, stealthily make his way back to the Gryffindor common room without getting caught, find some paper and quills to write quick letters, crawl up to the boy´s dormitory, steal Harry´s Invisibility Cloak (If it wasn´t being used, he reminded himself.), run to the Owlery and send the letters. Then, with that entire aside, he could finish his to do list by finding a good way to end his life, and then end it. Ron still had a chance to carry out his scheme.

As Ron began walking out, he heard voices and footsteps coming in his direction. They seemed to be arguing with each other as they came nearer and nearer. A few moments later he realized whom the arguing voices belonged to. It was Dumbledore´s and Pomfrey´s. Shit, he almost voiced. Not wanting to get caught, he jumped back into his bed, threw himself under the remaining covers, and pretended to sleep. He waited as they passed his bed, but it never happened. Pomfrey closed his curtains, and they proceeded to stand just outside his bed area and talk. All the while Ron listened.

"Poppy, are you sure you gave him the right potions?"

"I am positive I gave him the right ones. The Digesti-Filler was supposed to give nutrients to him. He was starving himself, Albus. It wasn´t hard to tell."

So they were talking about Ron. It seemed like Dumbledore was fuming about something even though Ron couldn´t see him. He continued to listen.

"But what about the side effects? Did you not bother to see how the liquid could affect him?"

"Albus, the only side effects were temporary and mild memory loss and slightly intensified feeling."

"Intensified feelings? Poppy, do you mean to say that this remedy of yours could heighten emotions to their extreme and dangerous potentials? Did it occur to you that this could cause a child to become unstable?"

"Only temporarily, Headmaster!"

"Who knows what will happen now. Ronald Weasley was already unstable when he got here. I shudder to think in what condition he will be in when he wakes up and you let him out of here!"

"Well, what do I do then?"

"I feel it would be best if he stayed here until I found it safe. Don´t give me that look Poppy, I´m saying this for his own safety, he would never hurt anyone else. He is to stay here until I am sure he won´t hurt himself."

"Yes, Albus. I´ll try my best to take care of the boy, but you must understand it will not be easy. He is quite stubborn, and he will continuously tell me he shouldn´t be here and beg me to let him out. How do I tell him that you want me to watch over him until he is safe from himself?"

"You tell him the truth."

"Is it wise?"

"Mr. Weasley needs to understand that his situation is much more serious than he thinks. I believe it would be for the best," Dumbledore ended rising his voice, as if he knew Ron was awake and listening.

"Albus, please, my other patients are resting!"

"Yes, yes, well, I´ll be leaving then. Good luck to you."

With the sound of retreating footsteps, Ron was sure they all had finally left. This left Ron, still awake, seething with rage. How dare they say he was unstable? Sure he wanted to hurt himself, but he still knew what he was doing. He knew it meant that his parents would suffer from the loss of a child. He knew that his friends would be in pain. But he knew that they would get over it in the end. They would need to in order to go onward in life. Ron was not unstable. He knew perfectly well what he was doing. Was it really such a bad thing if he didn´t want to live anymore, so he´d do something about?

Ron knew his future would be worthless. Pseudo-Moody practically said so in his fourth year. Hermione and Harry had the makings of Aurors, but Ron... Well, he never said anything about Ron. But that was probably because his father nearly blew the imposter´s whole scheme to kill Harry. But even still, Ron knew he had nothing waiting for him in the future. He would never have a family of his own, no kids with flaming red hair of his own, no loving wife to come home to from a nonexistent career. Life was going nowhere for Ron. If that was so, what was the point in living in unhappiness when he could die and be dead in joy?

The only problem was he had no way of killing himself. Nor did he have anyway to even get out because of Dumbledore´s need to cage him up. The curtains were enchanted to be stonewalls. Ron was only a caged animal, dangerous to the outside world. What am I? A basilisk? He sulked. He had no means to break free and do as he pleased. Damn it, I might as well be sent to St. Mungos and live with the Longbottoms.

Ron sighed. He hated this all. First, Hermione and Harry went off together, breaking Ron´s heart. After deciding to kill himself, he starts to hear voices. Then, Dumbledore finds his unfinished suicide note. And things just keep getting worse from there, delaying every single plan he had. Why can´t the universe just leave me alone? As he let the depression drown his heart, he stared motionlessly at the curtains. Suddenly, an idea came to him.

Standing up, off the bed, Ron focused on the curtain. It would be surely be hard enough to knock himself out with, would it not? Perfect was what he thought. He could hurl himself at the hard wall a couple of times until his body couldn´t take it anymore and it stopped functioning. Perfect. Everyone would freak seeing a bloody and battered body lying dead on the ground. But then again they´d not understand why he´d such a thing. Regardless, unstable or not, though, Ron would be dead and that´s all that mattered. Blood racing through his body, Ron closed his eyes and ran at the curtain.

But it never came. There was no charmed wall. It was just linen. Opening his eyes though, he saw he was outside of his box. He was not in a cage anymore. He was free. Looking back at his bed with surrounding curtains, he laughed.

"Stupid people. You thought I was a danger to myself and I shouldn´t be let out. Well look at me now. I´m out of here," Ron whispered to himself, "And now I´ll finally be able to say, Ronald Weasley will be no more."

Tiptoeing to the door of the wards, Ron felt like a freed owl. He reached the door, and pulled the handle, slowly pulling it open. Making sure no one was watching, he took a last look at the hospital wing, and then stepped out. Only, it wasn´t that easy, because he realized that he had stepped into someone. Not again. Why now?

"Shouldn´t you be in bed, Mr. Weasley?"

Looking up at the speaker against his will, he saw who it was. It was Dumbledore.

Note: Hey there. I really want to thank all my reviewers, because without the support I really wouldn't have written on. Thanks so much. I´m sorry if I didn´t take this chapter anywhere, but I was determined to write at least one more chapter before Christmas! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and if you don´t celebrate it, have a great holiday off from work, school, etc. Also, I hope you have a great new year as well. Stay safe.