Alone

-Alone-

Crows cawed loudly in the leafless trees. The sun was low in the sky, casting an eerie orange glow on the flat acre of land.

The only things that protruded in the fading light were the gray headstones, shadowy and foreboding.

Remus pulled his thin robes closer around himself walked up to a small headstone. He froze. He stared at it as if shocked to see it there, unblinking for a minute.

Then, he slowly kneeled in front of it. He stared at the inscription blankly, before a small, weak smile flitted across his face.

"Hi..." he whispered. His stomach gave a painful jolt, but he just swallowed it down.

"It's good to see you again...though.......I never thought we'd ever meet here." he said, still smiling.

"I was stupid enough to think we wouldn't have..."

The dampness of the dirt soaked slowly into his pants, making him shiver. A cold, biting wind blew, making the trees moan and howl in some mad metaphor.

"I was so stupid..."

But that didn't matter. Nothing else did...but that moment.

"I know I should've come with Harry earlier in the month...when he was still here. I'm sorry. I know you would've wanted to see him more than anyone. It would be all of us together, like when James was with us."

He smiled even more at the thought.

"Harry has been so brave..." he whispered to the headstone, his eyes faraway. "He's been forced to grow up so fast, yet it's so admirable, the way he takes everything in stride. James would've been proud."

There was a sudden stinging in his eyes, and he had to look away to blink.

"...Wouldn't he...?"

Farther away, almost in silhouette, a woman and a little boy crouched in front of an expensive and new gravestone.

Probably lost their husband...father....

"Poor people...." Remus said softly.

The little boy was crying, staring at the headstone and crying silently, trying not to let his mother know.

So brave.......

"He didn't deserve it....no one deserves to lose a parent so early in life, don't you think?" he asked, his voice fading to a whisper.

"Harry...didn't deserve to lose the closest thing he had to a father, either. You didn't deserve to die...."

The wind screamed through the trees in a prophecy, and the two people hurried off.

He was alone again.

"And....how is James? And Lily.... They must be happy to see you. It was so strange.." Remus laughed slightly. "It was like....whenever you entered a room, the place just lit up. It was happy, and warm....and so endlessly......"

Perfect.

"And those days with you....so long ago. They were perfect. Every day was a dream."

He stared, and stared. That smile and laughter echoed through his head. The tugs on his arm, the book being plucked out of his hands as a happy voice chided, "Moony! Is a book really more important than your friends?"

And no..... "Nothing was more important to me." Remus smiled, and finally answered back.

The weekends spent lying there, on the cool grass, talking and talking...

And so many dreams.....so many endless dreams.

"Moony!" and hugs. Affectionate smiles, and promises to always be there. And loving him for who he was, not what he was. And notes in class, and so much laughter.

They always waited for him. They'd wait for him, no matter what. And there was hope, in every smile, in every word, in every silent promise.

Dreams.....in a haze I wished I could never escape from, he said silently.

"I would give anything to get you and James back....because you were my reason for living. You made everything......"

Perfect.

Remus suddenly couldn't speak. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes.

A long moment passed as the wind kept blowing, but more gently, as if waiting for him to start speaking again.

"I feel like crying...." he said at last, with a grin.

It turned into a slight grimace as a painful lump formed in his throat.

"But, please.....I don't want to. I don't want to...."

Rain fell. Rain pounded hard and suddenly on him, soaking him completely until he couldn't tell if he had stopped the tears from coming or not.

The headstone still stood there like a painful reminder. Keep talking, it said. I don't mind.

"And sometimes....I wonder....why........" a gasping laugh escaped him as he tried to hide a sob.

"Why do I even keep trying....."

His eyes blurred with rain and warm tears.

"What good it will do for me now......"

He blinked, staring at the headstone, waiting for an answer. A sign. Anything.

He made stupid promises to heaven, or wherever Sirius was, as he sat there, waiting and praying, endlessly praying..... Please, please, please...please come back.

But he didn't. And after an hour of sitting in the cold rain, Remus tore his gaze away from the headstone and spoke softly, so he wouldn't be able to hear himself in the torrents.

"But how could you come back for someone like me...."

He smiled.

"Don't come back. I'm glad you're happy now."

Tears ran down his face, mingling with the sharp sting of the rain.

"But I would come back for you. I promise." Another stupid, crazy promise, but he would try not to forget it.

And the dreams.....the endless dreams he would try never to forget, strewn across the cemetery grass, dying at that very moment.

The beautiful hope that now shared a coffin with the man who wasn't there, the man he loved....more than anything.

Remus leaned forward and gently kissed the headstone. Dreams, endless dreams....

And so many wonderful years......so many hopeful dreams.......

The full moon was rising. The dreams sunk into the soil, locked inside the empty coffin forever.

It had all died that night.

The shadow of reality had swallowed them whole.

"Sirius..." he finally managed in a choked whisper.

"....I love you." It was drowned out by the rain. He closed his eyes to pretend, for a brief moment, he wasn't alone.

Then, without opening his eyes, he slowly left the cemetery.

Sirius Black
1960 - 1996
Beloved Godfather, friend, and mate
Sleep in heavenly peace.