Dark Angel

Let the blood flow. Let it fall upon me like decaying raindrops born in the heart of a ruby. My blood is life. A life I no longer wanted. They cannot see me, trapped in the cage I built around myself. I built it. They locked and reinforced it. Now I am in too deep. Backing out of my self-manufactured personality now would be admitting defeat. Admitting I can never be what you wanted me to be. But their words scar my ears, until I cannot listen anymore. All I can do is pretend.

"Stay away from him." They say as they pass me in the school corridors. "He knows nothing of love. He only uses."

// Do not listen to them, Draco. I can bring you salvation. You have never disappointed me. //

I just wished he knew how I felt for him. I wished I could tell him that I was not going to use him. He was beautiful, still is. Is it a crime that I wanted him? Is it so very wrong that I fantasise about running my fingers through his tousled black hair or that I want his entrancing eyes looking only at me? I loved him more than anyone and he had hurt me worst of all. He made no promises, yet never lets me get over him.

// You love him even more than me? That hurts me, Draco. //

Love. It is a painful word for all involved and even more painful when it is not said. How come it is so easy for me to tell him I loved him, but he can never tell me? Kisses, touches meant nothing if there is no feeling behind them. Empty actions. This rope feels so sleek in my hands, like the feel of him. Not even an angel can save me now. Not even Harry.

// Draco, you are my angel. Do not wager away your halo on such foolish crushes. //

Angel I am not. My halo is slipping, falling about my throat, and strangling my life. I can feel the noose about my neck now, caressing my skin. Soon the demons will be gone; they will stop taunting me from the light I can never reach. Would he have liked me if I were a good boy? It does not matter anymore. Just let me be, let me return to the darkness I came from.

// Do not take that step, Draco. Even Dark Angels were not supposed to die like this, so confused, in so much despair. //

Soon will come my final step. When he sees my cold, lifeless eyes, will he be sorry? Will he break down and wish he had told me how he felt? The floor seems so much further away then it was ten minutes ago. My fingers are seeking out the knot, to draw the noose in tighter, until it burns my flesh. Why must you try to stop me? This is all I want, a bitter ending. Make sure to paint my coffin night-black so he knows what I died for.

// Dark Angel, come down from your perch. I will be your shelter. I will make sure he does not hurt you again. //

But he will. He enjoys hurting people, breaking them. Who would have guessed that the Saint had a dark side? The floor is rushing by now, the stains on the carpet spinning faster. I will not come down yet. Not while I can still feel. When my last breath is gone, then I will fall from up here and land on the ground in sweet surrender. The whole room is drowning in red. A deep blood red like the red of an unhealed scar. There is no more air in my lungs. My eyes closing as the world goes black and I feel peaceful. Suddenly my eyes opened only to find myself still in the half-light. I have fallen out of the abyss too soon because you have cut the rope and stopped me once more. Why?

// You are my Dark Angel. Mine alone. No one will hurt you while I am here, so come a little closer. Lie in my arms. //

Once more the world has righted itself. The colour slowly drains back into the room. I turn to you again. I cannot remember the amount of times I have done so before. Your arms look safe, warm. I cry all my pain to you, grieving. You do not mind. You never do. You simply brush a strand of hair from my face, leaning closer to kiss me better. You are my sympathetic part-time lover.

"Even Dark Angels cry, Draco."

"Yes, father."

// He is mine. //