Two Outcasts

Remus Lupin was collapsed on his rather battered old couch, sipping his tea contentedly. Snowflakes were drifting gently through the darkness outside and he was savouring the warmth in his flat. The fire opposite him was flickering merrily and casting strange patterns across the walls. He closed his eyes and sighed. Now that he was middle-aged, he was allowed to enjoy an evening alone sometimes. He pondered absent-mindedly whether he should take a bath or just stay on the couch. Both options seemed equally appealing.

A frenzy of doorbell ringing interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in," Remus shouted, too lazy to even open his eyes. He heard the door slam open and someone stamp their way into the hallway. The kitchen door banged open as well, and he heard the refrigerator being opened, the clinking of bottles, and then the sound of its door being hurled shut again.

"Help yourself," he called, amused.

The visitor marched into the living room and collapsed onto the sofa next to him.

He opened an eye slightly and shut it again.

"Evening, Tonks," he said. Her cheeks were glowing pink from the cold outside, and small snowflakes were nestled in her hair.

"You wouldn't believe what I just heard," Tonks said angrily. Remus maintained his sleepy silence. She poked him, and not in a gentle way, Remus thought. "Do you know what Umbridge has done now?" she asked him. At the mention of her name he opened his eyes.

"I don't have a..." he started before Tonks interrupted him angrily.

"The new law about Metamorphmagi has come through! It's supposedly to "protect society from possible evildoers" and to "control our dangerous abilities". I'm going to be magically tagged! A Ministry wizard is assessing my reliability! I'm going to be put ON PROBATION at work!" she raged, gesticulating wildly with her beer bottle she'd stolen from his fridge.

His eyes widened with disbelief. "You're not serious..." he said.

"And do you know what else?" Tonks asked furiously, ignoring him. "I am now labelled in the Ministry register as a POTENTIAL THREAT!" she said, spitting out the two last words. "It's completely ridiculous, that foul cow seriously thinks that I plan to turn myself into a Gringotts goblin or something and empty all the vaults! As if that were even possible!"

"Oh Tonks..." Remus said, reaching out to her as if to calm her down.

Tonks abruptly stood up and began pacing the room, leaving his hand in mid-air. "And the worst thing of all," she snarled, turning round to face him with her face turning bright red, "is that the whole story is being published tomorrow for the entire world to see in the Daily Prophet. Now everyone will know! I'll be pointed at in the streets! I'll be..." she stopped and stood by the fire, breathing heavily. She was gripping her beer bottle so tightly that Remus was afraid it might break, and she was trembling with anger.

"You feel like you'll be something of an outcast, maybe," Remus suggested gently.

"Yes," Tonks said, deflating a bit. "I mean, I knew something like this was coming for a while, I heard all these rumours at the Ministry, but I just laughed at them. I never realized Umbridge was serious."

"I guess she was looking for revenge," Remus said, frowning slightly. "Ever since Dumbledore managed to get the Ministry to change the law on werewolves she's been looking for someone else to terrorize. I guess Metamorphmagi are easy targets. People can be scared of the abilities you have."

Tonks walked dejectedly over to the couch and sat down next to him. She took a swig of beer and stared at the fire.

"What's the exact content of the new law?" Remus asked tentatively.

"Merlin knows. I just came across a copy of the Daily Prophet at the Ministry that's going to be published tomorrow, and all this was written in it. Along with a photo of that smug toady face. I ripped it out and used it as a dartboard above my desk." Tonks made violent throwing motions. "Did me the world of good."

"So I can see," Remus said dryly.

"I suppose I'll learn exactly what's going to happen tomorrow." Tonks ran a hand wearily over her forehead.

Remus took her hand but said nothing. By now, he knew that the best thing to do with Tonks was to let her run out of steam on her own.

"You know," she said, "I have sometimes thought of all the things I could do. I could turn into my boss and give myself a raise, or I could shift to look like Fudge's secretary and make up bogus notes for his next meeting, or any manner of illegal things actually. It's not that the chances aren't there." She sighed.

"But the point is," Remus said gently, "that you don't use them."

"Well," Tonks started, looking vaguely guilty.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Do I not know something?"

"Impersonating a backstage manager of the Weird Sisters is NOT a capital offence!" she said hotly.

"Aha," he said. "So that's how I got that signed t-shirt you gave me, is it?"

"You're a very difficult person to buy presents for, you know, and I just got desperate," she said, smiling slightly at him.

"Very noble of you," he said, doffing an imaginary hat.

They sat in silence for a while, both sipping their drinks.

"It's just the way she looks at me," Tonks said abruptly. "It's like I'm worse than she is. She thinks I'm beneath her. Like I don't even deserve to breathe the same air as she does. That look... it makes me so mad I just want to tear out her throat."

"I feel the same urge around her too," Remus admitted.

Tonks swung her head round and stared at him avidly. "You know, that gives me a fabulous idea," she murmured.

"No Tonks," Remus said firmly, a smile tugging at his mouth. "That would be highly illegal."

"And I doubt she'd taste good," Tonks added. "Even a werewolf must have a limit."

She began peeling the label off her bottle. "Do you feel like this all the time?" she asked, after a slight pause.

"Only sometimes." He shrugged. "It sounds stupid, but you get used to it. At the beginning it was worse. I kept imagining that people were staring at me when they weren't, or that whispers I heard were about me. Whenever I saw mothers talking to children I thought they were telling their kids to stay away from me. But I'm better now. It became a part of me."

"Love the monster within," she said with a crooked smile.

"Something like that, yes."

"It's just so hard being different. Everyone always told me what a wonderful gift I had, how fabulous it was to have a real live Metamorphmagus in our family. My friends always begged for their favourite faces, and it was so easy to be popular. It was fun and exhilarating, and it still is. I love my different hair and my noses. And now all this is supposedly an evil part of me. Something I should be ashamed of. I don't know Remus. I just..." she flailed her hands helplessly.

"You don't have to explain, Tonks," Remus said. He wished he could stroke away the lines of worry on her face. He'd never seen her this agitated before, and he didn't know how to help her.

"Being stupid," she muttered.

"You're not being stupid at all," Remus said. "Quite the opposite."

Tonks crouched miserably on his couch, and Remus felt his heart go out to her. The wizarding world was immersed in such chaos these days that people were frightened of the most insignificant things. The Daily Prophet's reports often bordered on the hysterical, and after a series of panicked items on the dangers of half-breeds, a deep mistrust of them had been sown.

In the Order, of course, she was safe. Fred and George regularly made jokes about the paranoia that was growing. Once Fred had actually poked a Gringotts goblin in the eye to "check if it was real", and had sported the claw marks on his cheeks afterwards with distinct pride. They'd even opened a new line of chocolates called MorphMunches, which were made to change their appearances every second. For some strange reason, the figure that appeared the most often was a female with pink hair. Tonks was presented with seventeen boxes full as a present, and was wading through them with great determination.

"You remember last autumn?" Tonks asked, interrupting his thoughts. "You know, when that story about Michael Golden got plastered all over the bloody Prophet? I remember feeling scared reading all the negative press. I mean, imagine, Michael must have stolen at least five thousand Galleons out of the Leaky Cauldron safe by pretending to be Tom. Not to mention all the Puddlemere United fan articles out of Quality Quidditch Supplies. And that poor little kid whose mother he impersonated... she must be scarred for life. What did he do to her again?"

"I think he told her that she was going to be sold in the apothecary as Kneazle meat."

Tonks shook her head. "It's no wonder that people are scared of us now. I could strangle Michael... Seven known Metamorphmagi in Europe and now at least one of them is a criminal. It rather raises the odds for the rest of us, don't you think? I mean, didn't he realize what he was doing?"

"Apparently he didn't. Dung told me the other day that he's in Azkaban now for a few weeks, did you know?"

"I heard," Tonks said grimly. "I was going to ask Dung about it myself, but he never seems to be around."

Remus grinned. "I think he's being used as a delivery boy for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. The last time I asked him about his duty times he mumbled something about needing porcupine quills and explosives and ambled off."

"That explains his fainting attack last Tuesday in the Order meeting then." Tonks shook her head and smiled. "Molly blew her top after he left though, she saw him nibble something suspicious before he fell off his chair. I hadn't seen her that angry since her prized knitting got turned into blackcurrant jelly and was eaten."

"Fred and George?"

"Who else."

For a while they both watched the fire and enjoyed its flickering warmth. Outside it was still snowing heavily. Tonks yawned widely and closed her eyes.

"You know, I should be off soon," she murmured sleepily, making no such effort.

Remus found himself wishing she'd stay a bit longer. It was nice to have some company in his flat, and he liked hers especially. He often felt fiercely protective of her, and it mostly arose unbidden and surprised him in the strangest moments, like now. In the soft glow of the fire she looked younger than she had in a while, and the dark shadows under her eyes seemed to lessen slightly. Those freckles he liked so much, and that were only very rarely seen on her, were sprinkled liberally over her nose and cheeks. He fought the urge to reach out and count them one by one.

Tonks opened an eye. "What is it?" she asked.

He realized he'd been staring at her for at least a minute and quickly searched for something to say.

"Um... I was just wondering why Michael Golden doesn't use his abilities to escape from Azkaban."

She looked at him oddly.

"I suppose he might be able to do something usually," Tonks said. "But you see, around Dementors it's different. I can feel the magic in my flesh just... shrivelling up. It seems Dementors feast on Metamorphmagi's special magic. It's impossible to change anything when they're around. And I'm very surprised that you didn't know that." She looked thoughtful. "You know, I think the last time I was exposed to one I managed to switch noses, but that was about it. And believe me, it was a battle! It takes ages to wear off, too... I remember it taking me a full day to feel normal again last time."

"But-" Remus started.

"Yes, Remus," Tonks grinned, "even after you force-fed me chocolate. That stuff didn't help at all."

"Oh." His forehead creased into a slight frown. "Why on earth didn't you tell me?"

"You had enough worries of your own. Besides, I happen to like chocolate." She licked her lips in an extravagant manner. "I wasn't just going to say no, was I?"

Remus looked at her. "What is it with women and chocolate?" he mused.

"Oh, you know." She waved a hand casually. "Chocolate is always there for you. Much unlike anything else I know."

"So the reason you called round here tonight is because your usual therapeutic session with your many MorphMunches was cancelled, or what?" Remus raised an eyebrow, smiling.

Tonks smiled back sweetly. "They're eaten," she announced.

"Seventeen boxes of them?" Remus asked incredulously.

"It was a doddle," she said.

Remus was about to reply, but she interrupted him. "Listen, as much fun as this has been, I'd better go. It's nearly eight and I've got duty soon." She tried to grab the half-empty beer bottle in front of her but only succeeded in knocking it over and emptying the contents onto the rug. She cursed loudly and looked around for her wand.

"It's fine," Remus soothed, realizing with some alarm that she was trying to clean it up herself. He got up and gingerly stepped over the puddle to reach his wand on the table. "Scourgify," he said, pointing it at the rug. The spilled beer vanished, but a light brown stain remained.

Tonks frowned at it. "There is a spell to get rid of stains you know," she said. She picked up her wand and waved it experimentally. "Purgeo," she muttered. Nothing happened. Tonks glared accusingly at the stain and raised her wand again.

Remus put a restraining hand on hers. "Just leave it Tonks. The rug was an ugly colour anyway, and, remembering the incident where you set fire to my favourite towels, I'd actually rather you left it."

She poked him affectionately. "I managed to put the fire out immediately, and the scorch marks were tiny. Stop being so housewifey." She got up and brushed off her trousers. "Listen, I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I just wanted to talk to..." She stopped, sounding uncertain.

"To another outcast," Remus supplied.

"To another outcast," Tonks confirmed, smiling. "But also to you."

He got up as well. "Do you want my coat or something? It's pretty cold outside and you don't want to freeze doing your duty tonight."

"Nah, it's fine. I'll just add some fat," she said, slapping her stomach.

He raised his eyebrows, amused. "See?" he said. "It's useful."

She shrugged, and moved towards the door. Remus opened it for her and she started to walk out into the night. Her breath made small misty clouds against the darkness, and her boots crunched on the freshly fallen snow.

"Tonks," Remus said, hesitating slightly. She turned and looked at him. She looked so lovely in the warm light of the lanterns outside that he found himself smiling. "Try not to let people get to you. Don't start thinking you're something abnormal. You're a wonderful person with a really useful gift that some people are maybe too blinded by prejudices to see properly."

Tonks moved towards him and hugged him impulsively. "Thanks, Remus," she said, the sound of her voice muffled by his shirt. He felt her heartbeat through the jumper she was wearing and fought the urge to kiss her forehead.

"Anytime," he said, and gave her a squeeze.