Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

Remus Lupin was strolling down Diagon Alley, idly looking in all the windows. He had about an hour to spend before he was scheduled to meet up with Kingsley at the Ministry and he had decided to buy Harry's birthday present early since he was already in London. The only problem was, it was turning out to be a damn sight more difficult than it looked.

He quickly rejected everything in Quality Quidditch Supplies; Harry would only remember that birthday four years ago when Sirius bought him his beloved Firebolt. Besides, he didn't have that sort of money and his present would undoubtedly pale beside Sirius'. He wandered into Flourish and Blotts, but he soon realized that he had been giving Harry books on fighting the Dark Arts for years now; he was getting rather predictable. The problem was, he couldn't think of anything else to buy; Harry already had an owl, Molly was giving him some new clothes, sweets were boring, parchment or quills doubly so.

He left the bookshop, wondering where else to look. He stood indecisively in front of the bookshop for a moment, then decided to think the matter over in the Leaky Cauldron. He turned right and started walking. Diagon Alley really was extremely busy today, he thought. He dodged a large family and walked straight into a pretty witch who was carrying an armload of books, which all fell to the pavement and were immediately trodden on by the people bustling busily past them.

"I'm really sorry," Remus apologised as he knelt down quickly to pick up her belongings.

"Well, for God's sake, how difficult can it be to walk in a straight bloody line?" she muttered.

He stood up again and passed her the books. Her expression changed when she saw his face, and Remus thought he saw a look of mischief twinkle in her eyes.

"Well hello there," she said in a completely new voice. She fluttered her eyelashes at him and smiled coquettishly. "I'm called Lucy. And what's your name? Prince Charming?" She grinned wolfishly.

Remus stared. "Um," he said, "I'm, um, called Remus Lupin."

"What a lovely name," she cooed. "A gorgeous name suits a gorgeous man, don't you think?"

"Well, I've always thought my name quite ordinary, actually," Remus said, feeling exceedingly uncomfortable. He didn't know what on earth was going on here, and he decided to cut this conversation short. He made a great show of looking at his pocket watch.

"Oh, don't tell me you have to go already," she said, pouting theatrically. "I was just thinking, as it's such a hot day, we could go for a drink somewhere. I'm feeling so hot, aren't you?" Lucy asked, coyly pulling her blouse down a bit.

Remus gaped at her. He caught his eyes travelling downwards and stopped immediately, feeling lecherous. "Bad Remus," he scolded himself. He groaned inwardly when he saw Lucy's grin widen. She had obviously seen him looking and had the air of a predator that had scented its prey.

She handed him her books to carry, grabbed him by his sleeve and started to pull him through the crowd. "I'll tell you what, we can go to Florean Fortescue's for an ice cream," she said gaily. "And if you're nice, I'll even pay!" She flashed her green eyes at him. Remus started to protest but she ignored him and tugged him on.

They soon reached the ice cream parlour and she sat down on one of the wicker chairs outside. She pulled out the chair next to her and patted it invitingly.

"Come on, Remus, don't be shy. I won't bite." She bared her teeth at him teasingly.

Remus obediently sat down, not really understanding what was happening. He put the books onto the chair next to him and casually glanced at the title of the top one. So his surprise saw it was a book called "Curses and Counter-Curses: How to Defeat your Enemies". He realized with a surge of relief that they might actually have something in common.

When he looked up he found Lucy had ordered already. "I hope you like strawberry," she said, beaming at him. He didn't, but he smiled and nodded anyway.

Lucy sat back in her seat and stretched her arms above her head. Remus watched the way her blouse inched up her stomach, tantalizingly showing a bit of tanned stomach. He dragged his eyes away and forced himself to focus on her face.

"So tell me, what are you doing in Diagon Alley on a lovely summer's day like this?" Lucy asked.

Still feeling slightly awkward, Remus told her that he was looking for a birthday present for one of his old students.

"Oooh, so you're a teacher," Lucy said. She grinned mischievously. "Do you ever spank your students?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, wondering if she really meant it to sound that way. "No, actually, I don't, although the idea did prove to be very tempting once or twice. And anyway, I was a teacher, I'm not one anymore." He realized at once that this was probably a very stupid answer as it would force him to explain why he no longer was one, and he never knew what excuse he could use. He was a terrible liar.

But she saved him from stuttering a badly thought-out lie by starting to run a foot up his leg. Remus jerked his leg away from hers and hurriedly asked her what she did for living.

"Well," she said, not seeming put out at all by his shyness, "right now I'm not working. I got fired from my last job because of a, well, a rather personal incident." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Remus swallowed hard and managed a weak smile. He was saved an answer by their arriving ice creams. Florean presented them with a flourish, all the while eyeing Lucy appreciatively. She bent down to rummage in her bag for the money, and Florean quickly gave Remus the thumbs up. Remus scowled at him. After receiving his money Florean retreated, still staring at Lucy. Remus really did think it served him right when he walked into a sun shade.

He turned his attention back to Lucy and decided to tell her firmly but kindly that he had to go now. He started to say something but stopped when she took her first taste of ice cream. Her tongue slithered up the spoon in long, suggestive licks, and she was smiling encouragingly. Surely, Remus thought, it ought to be illegal to eat ice cream like that.

"You were saying something?" Lucy asked innocently, placing her hand on his. He saw she had painted her nails a shocking pink. She leant towards him and he caught a whiff of her flowery perfume.

"Um, well, I was just wondering if you had any hobbies," he managed to say.

"Oh, tons," she said, taking another lick of her ice cream. "I especially like Quidditch. I love riding brooms."

Remus had a feeling he knew what was coming next. Sexy broom innuendos were the last thing he needed now. He desperately tried to think of something to say that could stop her, but it was too late.

"I just love the feel of a broomstick between my legs," she carried on blithely. "All hard and firm, and when the broom starts bucking..." she trailed off, her voice wobbling slightly. Remus was staring at her, aghast.

Her blue eyes were twinkling madly and her chin was shaking with the huge effort of trying not to laugh.

"Wait a minute," Remus thought, "didn't she have green eyes a minute ago?"

Suddenly the witch in front of him burst out laughing. "Oh Remus," she choked, hardly able to talk, "your face!"

Remus stared at her, slowly realizing he had been duped. "Tonks?" he asked incredulously.

She was crying with laughter, her hair turning back to her trademark bubblegum pink. "Remus, I'm really sorry, but Merlin, you should have seen yourself..." She did an impression of him with his mouth hanging open before dissolving into laughter again.

Privately, Remus hoped she would choke on her ice cream.

"Tonks!" he said, appalled.

Tonks wiped her eyes with her hand and made an effort to stop giggling.

"I'm really sorry Remus, but when I realized you wouldn't recognise me I decided I couldn't resist."

"Well, I suppose not being recognized would be an occupational hazard of being a Metamorphmagus," Remus said dryly. He was still feeling foolish.

Tonks was still giggling too hard to answer him.

Remus sighed. "I'll never be able to trust a woman from now on. Using one's feminine charms is hardly a nice way to fool someone. Especially if they can't retaliate."

"Oh come on," Tonks teased, still grinning widely, "I'll bet there are tons of women just waiting to drag you off for ice cream."

"Oh yeah?" Remus said, with a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Name one."

"Susan Abercrombie," Tonks replied promptly.

"Tonks, first year Hufflepuffs with pigtails don't really count," Remus said.

"Martha Phelps?" Tonks suggested.

Remus winced. "That was four years ago when I still had an adequate head of hair."

Remus caught the tetchy note in his voice and immediately chastised himself. Self-pity was something he had sworn off years ago. He knew it didn't help matters, and mostly he was able to quash it before it gripped him too hard, but it had surprised him today.

He realized that whilst he had been talking to "Lucy", a tiny part of him was absurdly flattered. A larger part was busy being horrified, of course, but right now that didn't seem to matter anymore. For a few minutes, he had a small sense of what it meant to be able to talk to an attractive woman, but his hopefulness was dashed when Tonks revealed herself.

He had decided to live his life alone about three years ago. He had been lying in bed with Martha, enjoying the silence and the warmth of a female body next to his when she had started to trace an old scar that ran down his side.

"I've never seen a man with so many scars," she'd said. "Where did you get them from?"

Such an innocent question, and such a monumental answer. Remus had hesitated before giving his reply. Lying was easier and led to fewer problems. Lying also meant that he was able to feel he was part of a normal couple, discussing troubles and sharing laughs by candle light. But in the last second he couldn't do it, and had blurted out the truth.

Half of him had expected her leaping out of his bed, shrieking hysterically, and another half had expected stunned disbelief. He hadn't expected laughter.

"The thought of you being a werewolf," she'd giggled. "A warm, loving person like you turning into a slavering monster once a month... you'll have to find a better excuse to explain your scars away than that, Remus Lupin," she'd added, mock-sternly. He had laughed along with her, trying to ignore the prickles of hurt he felt at her words.

Later, when she was sleeping contentedly at his side, he had decided something. If a relationship meant making oneself as vulnerable as this, he didn't know if it was a good idea. A werewolf obviously wasn't meant for intimacy.

The next day he had broken off his relationship with her, and never had a woman since. And just now, Lucy had reminded him of that.

Tonks must have seen some of his thoughts in his eyes, for she reached over and gently shook his arm.

"Remus? Are you alright?"

He gave a strained smile. "I'm fine."

Tonks looked worried. "Listen, I'm sorry if I overstepped the mark a bit with the Lucy thing. I didn't mean..."

Remus interrupted her quickly, "Tonks, I'm fine! Really." He looked at her open, trusting face and decided to try honesty. "It's just..." he struggled with his words. "It's just that it was the first time in years that I almost let myself think about someone in that way."

Tonks stared at him, not really understanding at first what he was saying. Then suddenly it dawned on her, and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think!" she said, sounding completely horrified.

He smiled at her, a proper smile this time. "Tonks, calm down. Honestly, it's no big deal. Besides, for a short time I was someone who was bitterly envied by every single male in the entire ice cream parlour, and that's definitely not an everyday occurrence."

She grinned sheepishly back at him, but seemed unsure of what to say. They licked their ice creams together in silence for a while. Tonks seemed a bit agitated to Remus, she was sliding around in her seat and playing with her spoon, not really concentrating on eating properly. Suddenly she put down her spoon and stared at him directly.

"But Remus, why?"

Remus tried to say something, but she interrupted him with a wave of her hand.

"Listen, I know all about-," she glanced around furtively, "your alter-ego problem."

Remus tried to suppress a smile.

"But honestly, it shouldn't matter that much. I'm sure you'd find lots of women who wouldn't care that much about it. It's unfair to presume that everyone will immediately drop you like a hot cauldron when they find out. Everyone deserves the benefit of doubt. I mean, you're intelligent and kind and sweet and-"

"Poor and grey-haired and scarred and jobless," Remus added. "I'm hardly a catch, Tonks."

"Yes, you are," she insisted fiercely.

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

They were both laughing by now, any tenseness still between them draining away. Tonks looked thoughtful for a second.

"You are, and I'll prove it," she said. "This Saturday you're coming out with me on a date."

Remus tried to protest weakly, but she gave him such a stern look he found himself shutting up.

"No, I'm serious. Look at it as an apology if you want. A peace offering. Leave everything to me."

Remus chuckled to himself. The indignation on her heart-shaped face belonged in a more idealistic world, he felt. But he was surprised to find he didn't actually mind getting bullied into this.

"Do I have any choice about this?"

"Not really." She furrowed her brow. "I just can't believe that you really think-" She paused. "Well, that you don't want-" Another pause. "I mean, everyone wants-" She made an impatient gesture.

Remus nodded. "You see, wanting isn't an issue; it's keeping that seems to be the biggest problem. After learning the truth they usually make their excuses and vanish fairly quickly."

She looked at him thoughtfully. "There's a big difference between what you want and what you get sometimes."

"Yes, there is."

She sighed a bit sadly. "Reality... well, it's real, isn't it? And that's the problem."

Remus looked at her curiously. She was staring at her spoon, not really focussing on him at all. Suddenly she shook herself and smiled at him.

"Anyway, weren't you supposed to meet Kingsley at one? It's almost that time now."

Sensing that she was making an (albeit very obvious) attempt at skirting the subject, he merely nodded.

"Well, I'll see you on Saturday then. I'll pick you up at around seven, okay?"

"Yes, Nymphadora," he said, grinning. She glared at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that my name is-"

"Tonks," Remus finished. "Sorry. I just happen to like that name, I really don't know why you don't use it more." He took one glance at her face and added hastily, "But I promise I won't use it ever again."

Tonks snorted. "I'll bet you won't."

"Listen, you're right, I really should go," Remus said, more seriously this time. "I've got to meet Kingsley at the Ministry. Thanks for the ice cream," he added, meaning a whole lot more.

"You're welcome," she said, smiling at him. He had a feeling she knew what he meant and suddenly felt a bit shy.

He bade her good-bye and walked off into the crowd. Suddenly he heard a teasing voice behind him.

"Coo-ee!" He turned around and saw a beautiful witch with big green eyes where Tonks had been sitting, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "I'm looking forward to Saturday, big boy!"

He laughed. Tonks really was insufferable.