What If

What If?

What if, what is isn't true?
What are you going to do?
Digging for the feel of something new
What if, what is isn't you?
Does that mean you've got to lose?

An unbelievable amount of time, money, and resources went into protecting Harry Potter. There was a small, secret department in the Ministry of Magic created not a day after the emergence of Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries that was entirely dedicated to find new and innovative ways to keep this precious weapon safe. During the summer while he was still at his aunt and uncle's place there was a regularly shifting group of wizards and witches who kept a vigilant watch over the house and the surrounding area. While at the Order someone was posted outside his door every night. On the Hogwarts Express he was watched incredibly closely by both invisible Order and Ministry officials and hired students.

It took three Slytherins and a blindfold to get him alone a month into school.

Harry had sneaked away with his own Invisibility Cloak from Gryffindor Tower, feeling stifled by the army of protection, then removed it as he sat in a hallway and rested his head on his knees, thinking and trying not to. Suddenly Crabbe and Goyle seized him under his arms while Blaise Zabini tied a blindfold haphazardly around his eyes and put another piece of cloth in his mouth to stifle him. He kicked furiously but Goyle punched him hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him, and all he could do was cough and wheeze as they dragged him through the school through a series of secret passages to an large abandoned room. He was slammed against the wall and bitingly cold shackles were places around his wrists and ankles. Crabbe hit him once more and he slumped, supported purely by the shackles.

Cold, familiar laughter filled the room, and someone came towards him and jerked the cloth from his mouth. Harry took a deep, painful breath, and then said angrily but in a breathless voice, "Who the hell are you?"

"The great Harry Potter was kidnapped by two sixteen year old morons who can barely tie their shoes and a fifteen- and a half-year-old who weighs less then Weasel and the Mudblood combined," Draco Malfoy laughed. Harry coughed and tasted blood.

"Shows how incompetent your so-called lord is, doesn't it?"

"Shut up. You've survived all these years on an incredible amount of luck, but now it seems as if your luck has run out."

A small stone of fear settled in Harry's stomach. If Draco was so inclined, he could kill Harry and bring his body to Voldemort unhindered. "If you're going to kill me, get it over with."

Draco laughed again, but this time it was forced and awkward. "Merlin, you certainly are angsty and morbid, aren't you? I've not come to kill you. At least not today. There'll be a time and place for that. No. Today I come as a messenger."

"From who?"

"Santa Claus," Draco quipped. "Who do you think? It is a message from my father, sent through him by the Dark Lord."

"Then I don't want to hear it," Harry said. "If he isn't man enough to face me himself, I don't want to hear what he has to say."

"You're confusing him with someone who is a man. Just shut up, Potter. You aren't really in a position to say you can't hear what I have to say."

"Then just say it. You Slytherins and your damn mind games."

"You Gryffindors and your damn stupidity." Harry tried to glare but couldn't, since the blindfold was still harshly tied around his eyes.

They stood in silence for a little while until Harry grunted, "Well?"

"The Dark Lord extends the offer of joining forces."

"I extend the offer for him to go fuck himself."

"Language, Potter. The Dark Lord requests you consider this proposal. The power two of the most powerful wizards living today joined would be unstoppable."

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request."

"What?"

"Means no. So you can let me go now."

"Remember when we were on the train in our first year?"

"Unfortunately."

"Remember what I told you?"

"You told me your name."

"I told you that you picked a losing side."

"So far, Malfoy, all I see is our side winning."

"But not for long. The Dark Lord and his followers will gain power unseen and unheard of, and they will rise and crush you."

Harry blinked against his blindfold. Draco sounded to remote, so used to saying it that it had become boring. The surprise at listening to Draco wasn't quite enough to make him not bite back with "If it takes a whole army to quash a sixteen-year-old, then maybe they need to rethink their tactics, don't you think so?"

"You call me arrogant, but listen to yourself. You're just as much of an asshole as I am but people like you."

"If people liked me, I wouldn't be chained to a wall." He shifted, the chains grinding against the wall. "You sound really excited to be passing along all this."

"Oh. Sorry." Draco cleared his throat and recited the brief speech again, except this time in a high, mocking falsetto voice. "Better?" he asked. Harry smiled grimly.

"Wonderful. But I'm still not sold." They waited in silence for a second, then Harry asked quietly, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm a night owl. I need things to keep me entertained late at night," replied Draco absent-mindedly from a little way to Harry's left.

"You're doing this because your father told you to."

There was the sound of clapping and Draco's voice drew nearer. He was now standing in front of Harry. "Wow. This is the genius of Harry Potter? It took you this long to figure that out?"

Ignoring the heavy, acidic sarcasm, Harry said, "Why do you do what he tells you to?"

"Because I, unlike you, have a feeling of loyalty to my family."

"But you, unlike me, have a family to be loyal to, so it really isn't my fault. And I, unlike you, know how to think for myself. Why can't you?"

"Why do Gryffindors HAVE to find the motivation for everything?" Draco burst out, sounded strained and agitated. "This is how things are, this is how I am. You're the knight in white armor, I'm the asshole on the black horse, why do you have to analyze everything into the ground?"

"But what if this isn't all it could be?" Harry asked. "What if this isn't who you are?"

"Do you accept the Dark Lord's proposal?"

"No."

"Then you can go." Harry felt Draco reach around the back of Harry's head and carefully untie the blindfold. Harry could now see properly, and focused on Draco, who was directly in front of him. Draco studied Harry for a moment, then seemed to remember himself and stepped back a pace and said in a monotonous, dead voice, "I've been instructed not to hurt you, and to erase your memory of this meeting."

"Malfoy. Is this who you are?"

"I'll unchain you and ask that you not attack me. I cannot leave any marks on you since your memory will be wiped and injuries would be hard to explain."

"What if what is isn't you?"

"Shut up, Potter," Draco hissed. His face was contorted with fury and his fists were balled by his side. He stepped forward and Harry winced, expecting a blow, but instead Draco just put his face close and scowled in Harry's. "Not everyone is a bloody Gryffindor at heart. Stop badgering me about things you don't understand."

"No, I don't understand why you work for someone who will never respect you for what you can do."

"I am my father's son."

"You are your own person."

"This is one of the reasons I didn't want to take this damn assignment." Draco went to undo the chain around Harry's left wrist and as soon as it was free Harry reached out to touch his cheek. Draco froze and Harry felt awkward. He hadn't meant to do this, but he did it anyway. Draco looked almost sad these days, or perhaps Harry was just projecting how he felt on other people. Regardless, this was a faraway look to Draco's icy grey eyes. To Harry's immense amazement, Draco didn't draw away.

"What if you had to choose to feel something new, to leave the life you had, if just to bring you peace?"

"Shut up."

"You say you're your own person, but I don't feel that from you."

Draco reached up and grabbed Harry's hand. "This isn't your problem," he growled, yanking it away and turning his back on Harry.

"It IS my problem because if I can pull someone back from the power of a psychotic hypocrite hell-bent on the destruction of the world, I think I'll have done something good. Why can't you just be yourself? Why are you just a puppet to the wishes of your father? Why can't you just?"

"Shut UP!" Draco roared, turning back and grabbing Harry's free hand, and squeezing it tightly. "I can't be the person I am because that isn't how the world works, Harry Potter. It's easy for you to be who you want because everyone loves you and who you are. It isn't the same on the other side."

"Why not? Why won't someone just explain that one thing to me, why you can't just think for yourself?" They were yelling so loud, surely someone was going to come. Harry was straining against his restraints.

"Because of this!" Draco shouted back, and suddenly he silenced Harry's enraged retort by covering Harry's mouth with his. Shock went through Harry like waves, freezing him in place.

Draco hadn't meant to kiss Harry, it had just come, borne of fury and endless frustration, but now that he was doing it, he only intended for it to be quick and curt, explaining what he couldn't put into words.

Which is why when he found himself pushing Harry against the wall, eagerly parting Harry's lips to seek the warm envelope of Harry's mouth, he was screaming at himself to stop.

Harry felt Draco push him against the wall and he thought of his first kiss with Cho. Cho's kiss had been tearful and innocent, but this was harsh and violent and wrong. So wrong.

And he kissed Draco back, putting his free hand on Draco's back to pull him in closer. He felt Draco's hands go to the buttons of his Hogwarts standard pajamas, grappling with the buttons, growing aggravated and finally just ripping the shirt open, then his hands, small and cold and shaking, were against Harry's bare chest.

Suddenly Draco pulled back, gasping, looking horrified. Harry closed his eyes and felt the shock waves wracking his body, replaced with a feeling of deep-seated astonishment. And undeniable desire. He wanted Draco back against him so he didn't have to be pressed to the wall, realizing what had just happened.

Draco quickly undid the chains still holding Harry to the wall and they stared at each other.

"Draco?" Harry started, but Draco held up a hand.

"Don't," he forced out in a painful whisper. Harry numbly buttoned what buttons still remained on his shirt, then stepped forward, reaching out to Draco, not know what he was going to do, but know he had to do something, but Draco reached into his pocket, pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry.

"Sorry," he said regrettably, then sighed and said, "Obliviate."

What if the air could let you breathe?
What if the words would bring you here?
What if this sound could bring you peace?