At The Train Station

"Bollocks!" I snorted as I picked up my pace. "It was ridiculous! We’re never going to the movers again!"

"The movies," Harry said as he blew into his hands and shivered before her rubbed them together rapidly trying to produce heat. "They're called movies Ron, and I do admit... that one was a little bland." He pushed his glasses up his nose with a gloved hand.

Bland wasn't the correct word. I was thinking of impossible. The lead hero, an attractive young bloke with blonde hair was determined to keep his lover, a lovely young girl with dark brown hair. She had been transferred to a job in the States and was going to leave him, so he runs after her all the way to the airport, some kind of muggle transportation center with flying machines. Anyway, he runs after her and is pushing through the security devices, rudely shoving past people left and right and then professes undying love to the girl. She gets all teary eyed and of course wants to snog him senseless because he's quite good looking. So obviously she realizes she fancied him and he meant more to her than some bloody job in the States so she cries a ruddy river and they embrace and there's that lovely ending for you.

Bollocks. Total bollocks.

Maybe I'm reacting this way out of bitterness. I would never have the courage to do something so heroic and brave, even if there was a girl I fancied that much. And excuse the horribly tacky phrase, but.. a girl I loved more than life itself.

Hermione...

The December cold was dancing all around us. The crisp flakes of snow fell gently down through the open train platform. I watched carefully as a couple walked past us, a suitcase in each hand, trying to find their respective trains. The sky was bleak and it was bloody freezing.

I clamped my hands into my pockets and shivered. "Where's Hermione? You'd think she'd be on time for her own train if the girl has a scheduled time to brush her teeth at night."

Harry adjusted his hat so it fell low and his unruly black hair peaked out from below as he turned to me and cracked a smile. "She mentioned something about grabbing lunch with Malfoy, that's probably what's keeping them."

Right then. Hermione and Malfoy. Malfoy. He was the one who stole her away from me. Both Harry and I were, and still are, recovering from the shock of our Hermione dating Draco Malfoy of all people. I can only begin to hallucinate reasons why she would want to, but what hurts even more than dreaming up lies is living in the truth - she loved him, and why... I'll never understand, all I could understand was that she did.

I think she fancied me at one point too. Of course, I'll always wonder if she knew how I felt about her.

How I still feel about her.

Pathetic, I know.

How I love her to the point where I find it okay for her to be with a git like Malfoy if it made her happy. Love her to that one exact moment in my life where I wonder if there's anyone else who can love this hard and this much for one human being.

Note to self: try to change that.

"So are you going to just let her go?" Harry asked softly.

I turned to look at him, my shoulders slumping slightly (bad habit of mine mum's been trying to correct for years). Harry was my first real friend and is one of my best. I knew him before Hermione walked into our lives. But, I honestly think if it weren't for her, we'd both be dead. Or without an eye. Or both.

I shuddered at the thought before I focused back on Harry.

"Yes," I said without much hesitation and very dryly for that matter. "She's got Malfoy. She's happy."

"You'll never know if you don't try," Harry responded.

I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. If you would sit down with me and look past the maroon sweater with the huge R sewn crookedly onto it, you would see a tired heart who's tried so much. I just wasn't rightly cut out to be that kind of guy who could profess his love for a girl.

Hermione and I had an odd sort of relationship. One of those love-hate friendships. But in the end, she was always there for me. And she was the one who tried harder than I did. I had been wondering if she fancied me when her and I set out for our first Hogsmeade trip (without Harry). We walked around the village in silence until she caught a store that she wanted to go into, and I remember she grabbed my hand and pulled me into it. It was the way she held my hand that made me wonder. Her hand enveloped in mine and the way she smiled at me over her shoulder. We were both disappointed that Harry couldn't come, but at the same time just slightly, guiltlessly grateful.

Note to self: don't tell Harry about this.

I had grown so angry with her when she went with this Krum fellow to the Yule Ball. I would insult him to her face every chance I got and even throw a few at her while I was at it. I remember she shot back at me once and I told her I felt like I was wasting my time on her. It wasn't true, I never felt like time with her was wasted... but I was just so, so jealous. Tears filled up her eyes and she ran down the stairs. I remember at that one moment, my heart began to ache as she ran away from me. She was so unattainable, yet so close. She was one of my best friends, and at that very moment... I realized I loved her. In that sort of way.

So I ran after her. I found her at the bottom of the steps, her delicate chin placed on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. There were two sparkly tears nestled in her eyes and when she looked up at me with red, bloodshot eyes, she saw me and turned away.

"Go away," she said. Her voice was clogged up.

"Hermione," I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I'm an idiot, okay? I'm sorry for being so mean... I don't care who you go to the Ball with."

She didn't answer. I sat down next to her and with a shaking hand, guided her chin so she would face me.

"Do you really not care?" she asked. Her breath was hot and it glided onto my face. I swallowed deeply and tried to keep still.

"I mean, I care about you, of course," I began. "But you're free to date whoever... I'm not your dad."

She studied me carefully. Her eyes were so round, and so brown... and they just studied my expression. I wondered if this was how she got when she studied those slugs in Potions class. No, I wasn't that ugly. Merlin's beard, let's hope not.

"Hermione?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. "Are you okay now?"

She turned away then, and I got up to look at her and saw more tears. I didn't understand it. I didn't know what she was waiting for.

I myself, was waiting for her. To let me in. To let me love her. Was she waiting for the same?

"It really hurts, Ron," she whimpered. "I hate when you get so mean cause I really love you."

My heart was bursting out of its rib cage.

"You're one of my best friends," she continued.

That same heart? It just fell to the floor with an ugly, sloppy plop.

"Right, I love you too," I mumbled. "You, me and Harry... we'll always be there for each other, okay?"

"Of course!" There was more life to her voice now. "Then why can't we support each other? Next time you really do have a problem with my dates, just tell me, okay?"

I nodded. "It's just Krum has such a big nose."

She looked at me and rolled her eyes. I jabbed her playfully and grinned, and she finally laughed. I held out my hand to her and she jumped up and brushed herself off. I was just about to head in the other direction to the boys bathroom when I heard her call behind me.

"Ron?"

I stood there, my back to her, my heart racing and my palms sweaty. "What is it?"

"Was there anything else you wanted to say?"

I whirled around and clenched my slippery fists together and felt blood rush to my head. She stood there, facing me. The empty corridors all around us. Just her. And I.

Hermione and I.

"Good luck trying to fit into the picture with Vicky and that nose he's got," I finally shot out.

Note to self: Idiot. Stupid, fucking, idiot.

She didn't laugh right away. I suppose she was waiting for something else.

But what?

"Bye, Ron," she finally said and then walked the other direction.

"Ron? She's here," Harry said, his voice breaking through my thoughts. That was just a classic example of one of the many times I had come close to wanting to tell her. But I never did. And I don't think I'll ever gather up the courage to.

Harry and I finally both looked up at the same time to see Hermione and Malfoy, two bags in their hands. She looked up excitedly at us and waved, the brightest smile on her face.

Note to self: one day, if you ever change your pathetic attitude... tell her she's beautiful.

We both waved back, Harry's smile full of happiness for his best friend who had finally found a good job and a good boyfriend. My smile was full of regret for the one girl I've finally accepted to really, really love... and let go.

This was just like that bloody airport scene, except it was a train station. Except for one minor little speck. There was no way in all that was magical that I would be able to run after her and profess dying love.

I envisioned myself slipping on the icy grounds and plunging headfirst to the ground. Maybe throw in a nosebleed. Both nostrils if I'm lucky. I could hear Malfoy now.

"No, Weasley," I mimicked in his stupid drawl. "There's no money on the ground."

"Draco!" I continued in a high pitched voice. "Don't be mean!"

"Who are you talking to?" Harry asked as he poked me.

"Er. No one," I mumbled.

"Well, she's gonna come over to us..." Harry said. "She's gonna hug us both, let us know that she'll definitely write and that we'd better not forget to, either."

I smiled faintly. That sounded exactly like what Hermione would say.

"Then she'll look at you briefly, because I swear, Ron... she knows, and she'll say in a soft voice... goodbye, Ron. Then she'll hug you awkwardly. Then she'll look at me and her voice will return to normal..."

"Shut up," I muttered. This was reminiscent of our whole career at Hogwarts.

"No, no... it's true. Then she'll like... swallow me in this tight hug, then she'll leave. Forever."

"She won't be gone forever," I snapped. "New York is only a train ride away."

"Right. Ron. She's taking the train to the airport. New York is in the States."

I felt my face burning.

"You're turning the color of your hair again."

"You know what, Potter? Have I told you lately that I've been getting these urges to tranquilize you?"

Harry grinned. "Tell her, mate. Just tell her. Do it for me, so I don't have to watch her be attached to Malfoy."

"There's nothing to say," I lied. "What am I going to tell her? Hermione, I just wanted to let you know..."

"Let me know what?"

We both jumped and turned around to Hermione's tinkly voice. She stood there, holding Malfoy's hand. Her cheeks were rosy and she had a purple fuzzy hat pulled over her hair. She smiled at us.

I looked at Malfoy who nodded coldly. "Weasley," he said. Oh, be still my heart.

Fucking Malfoy.

Oh, Hermione, right..

I nodded back. "Malfoy."

"Wow," Hermione observed. "Can you guys be just a little more loving? Or is that just too much to ask?"

"I'll let you say your goodbyes," Malfoy cut in on her. The way he talked to her was different from the way he talked to Harry and I, and the way he used to talk to her as well. This time, he was more gentle... more... human.

Hermione nodded and watched as Malfoy strode away to check up on the bags.

"This is it," she said, smiling excitedly at us and inhaling. "Oh, I can't wait! I've read three books on The Big Apple and have already used a phone to call two witches at the office I'm working at. Did you know that over there, they use telephones?" She smiled.

Harry smiled at her. "We'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Harry," she said as her voice got softer.

I was as transparent as Snape's sparkly personality.

"Well," she began, "I'll definitely write you guys everyday!"

Harry looked at me and grinned. I grinned back weakly.

"And you'd better write back, too! Don't forget!" she finally finished.

"We won't," I finally said.

She looked at me. "Bye Ron," she began softly.

Here it comes. The awkward as anything hug.

She leaned in and hugged me.

There we go. That hit the spot. Lukewarm and uncomfortable. And yet, I wanted to hold onto her forever.

"Bye Harry," she said, her voice had returned to normal again and she practically flew into Harry.

Bloody hell. He could make a living off of these predictions.

When they had let go, she looked at us with tears brimming in her eyes. "It's going to be different without you guys..." she croaked.

"We'll you've got Draky Poo," I said dryly.

She looked at me and shot me half a glare. "But you guys are my best friends... oh! What am I doing? I can't leave!"

Then don't...

Don't leave... let Malfoy go, stay...

With me.

"You have to, Hermione," Harry said sternly.

Note to self: give him a good beating later.

She nodded. "I know... but I'll just miss you guys so much."

"You've been working for this all your life," I finally said.

Was that really my voice that just floated through the air?

Note to self: after you give Harry a beating, offer yourself one too.

"And plus, we'll definitely come visit," Harry promised.

"Okay," she finally said. "I've got to go..."

No.

NO!

"No!"

Both Hermione and Harry looked over at me in surprise.

"Not before I get another hug," I said weakly.

Hermione smiled at me and cocked her head to the side, looking at me a little funny. No, she was studying me... just like she had before.

"Of course, Ron."

Awkward hug number two.

Then she gave Harry a decent one and began to walk.

"We'll write!" Harry yelled as he waved at her.

I stood there, statuesque and watched as she jogged over to where Malfoy was waiting for her. My heart was hurting, and the skies grew more grey.

"Ron!" Harry cried. "Blimey. You've got tears in your eyes..."

"Do I?" I ased as I wiped them hastily away. "Well, damn allergies."

"It's winter," Harry said dryly.

"So?" How was this relevant?

Harry sighed. "You should have just told her."

"And just jeopardize her future?"

"Don't be thick. Hermione got so many job offers, Ron... she's only going to New York because Malfoy's going to be there, and you know it."

A part of me knew that. Or wanted to believe that. But that didn't make this any easier.

I buried my head in my hands and chocked back a sob. This was so bloody embarassing, to be crying in front of Harry. He patted my back.

"I guess it's for the better... you can finally move on."

I shrugged as if it were nothing. "D'you wanna go grab a bite to eat?" I asked him.

"Sure." Harry nodded. We began walking the other direction and Harry did all the talking.

"You've still got me, you know... it's better this way. Who needs girls? Right? Anyway... where do you want to eat? Maybe at--"

"Hold on," I whispered and took off running in the other direction. I could hear Harry yelling behind me.

I'm out of my mind to be thinking I could accomplish this. But that over priced over produced overly exaggerated airport scene in that movie inspired me. This one goes out to you, you bloody awful movie, you.

"Hermione!" I yelled when I had finally spotted her. This was it. This was it.

She looked at me in surprise, Malfoy stood at the step above hers and observed me curiously as well.

This was it.

Note to self: this was it.

"Hermione," I breathed.

She froze.

"What's the meaning of all this?" Malfoy demanded, making his way down the steps. "This isn't the place or time, Weasley."

"Draco," she said softly, gently placing a mittened hand on his arm. "Wait for me, I'll be a minute."

He was about to protest but read her expression loud and clear. He finally nodded and disappeared. She stepped off the steps and faced me.

"Ron... I don't understand... what's going on?"

"I..." I trailed off. I fumbled with my gloves and straightened them.

Who. Cares. About. The. Gloves.

"Ron?" she pried again. "I have to go, what is it?" her voice had grown a little more authoritative, as it always did when she was lecturing Harry and I.

I just stood there and looked at her dumbly. I don't know why I bothered with the damn gloves so much anyway, my hands had gone numb. I was standing in front of the girl I've loved, about to leave for the States. And I couldn't say it. It was now or never and never was nibbling on my earlobes, kissing my lips, putting her hands all over me. Never was seducing me and I was falling into it, yet again.

"Ron!" she cried. "I really do have to go."

She was angry. I knew she was angry. Hermione was a smart girl. She may not have known what I wanted to say, but she knew as much to the point where she knew that I had something very important to tell her and she was angry because she felt like I couldn't trust her to take it all in. Bloody hell, did I know this girl inside out or what?

Probably not. If I did, I would have found some way to tell this to her earlier.

"Okay, I'm going to go now, Ron," she said quietly. "I'll write you."

My heart was attacking my insides and I felt about ready to crash.

This wasn't worth it. I was tired from carrying the weight of this for so long, and her leaving finally would be giving me a chance to let go of it all. Goodbye, Hermione...

"Goodbye, Ron," she said and turned her back to me.

So much for the whole airport scene.

"Bye," I croaked pathetically, staring at her backside as she slowly made her way to the doorway of the train. I felt my hands shaking and saw that my feet had picked up their pace and went the wrong direction.

"Other way!" I hissed down at them. I knew I couldn't blame my legs, but what the bleeding hell was going on?

"Hermione!" I finally called out, barely recognizing my own voice. "I love you."

She froze, her back still to me. I watched as she slowly turned around, her eyes wide. I tried to read her expression, but I could barely manage to stand still at the moment.

"I mean, er... no. Wait, yes! Oh, damn it. Just hear me out," I started desperately. "I've fancied you since we were kids. You know that much. But what you need to know is that I still do, and it's pathetic because it's in this little boy way. The way they feel when they get nervous and shy and scared to tell you how they feel."

"You should never feel scared around me..." she said, stepping a little closer to me.

"I know. I know that now." My voice had grown a little more calm. "I... I just... Hermione, I love you. I don't know if it's too late but I really do. And I would do anything for you."

She didn't speak, I'm not sure if she was breathing.

"And coming from me, that's a lot," I said, attempting to add a bit of humor into the moment.

"Oh, Ron..." she breathed softly and she fell forward and into my arms.

I wrapped my arms around her and tilted my face up to inhale the sharp scent of the winter air. She wrapped her tiny arms around my waist tightly and I could hear her warm mouth breathing softly. Never had I felt that I was needed, and that I was loved by someone. This was wonderful. This felt brilliant.

This felt so right.

"I love you," she whispered.

Finally.

And she let go and two small tears flowed freely down her face. "And I'll always love you... don't ever forget that."

I nodded, my whole body feeling cold and numb.

"Thank you for telling me," she finally said awkwardly. "I've got to go... please come visit me soon, okay?"

"Wait," I croaked. I grabbed her hand and she looked down at it in surprise. But she didn't let go. I stared down at our hands. "Stay..."

She looked at me and bit her lower lip, her eyebrows scrunched up and more tears building up in her eyes. "I can't," she whispered. "Draco's waiting, my job's waiting... Ron, you're too late."

"But I've been waiting!" I cried. "I've been waiting longer than you have for your bloody job and definitely have waited longer than bloody Malfoy has, Hermione... don't you understand?! --"

She grabbed me by the arms and wrapped her arms tightly around me, I could barely breathe. I think the reason I was still able to was because I was holding onto her.

"I understand. Ron. I understand. And I swear to you that if there is a chance for us, it'll happen one day, okay?"

"Okay," I said weakly. "Okay."

"I love you," she said. "You should have known all of this. You've been there for me more than Draco ever has at Hogwarts and you've treated me much better than he has those years he was such a wart in school... you're the best, Ron... and nobody could ever take your place."

I nodded and watched as she took the steps up to the train, her eyes were red and her face was stained with the afterglow of tears. I gently place my hand on her cheek.

"Take care of yourself, because I can't be there right now," I said. "And make sure Malfoy loves you right."

More tears fell down. "I will," she said.

"And... Hermione?" I asked softly.

She looked at me curiously.

"I was a more wicked friend than Harry, right?"

She finally laughed. "Bye Ron."

The doors finally shut. I turned to catch Harry walking over to me.

"So I take it you told her?" Harry stood next to me, breathless. He was still smiling though.

"Is my face the color of my hair again?" I asked him.

Harry grinned at me and nodded. "So you're going to tell me all about this over dinner, okay?"

I nodded and Harry and I began walking, making our way out of the station.

"So I created my own little ‘airport scene' today," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I think I did a pretty good job," I grinned.

Harry smiled at me. It was a different kind of smile. I could sense something else... something that was rare. I think he was... proud of me. I think I was proud of myself. More than anything he was happy for me. And I had to admit, I felt just a little better about letting her go.

"Yeah? I'll send a letter in to the director telling him to keep you in mind for his next role. Now where did I put that picture of you where you're wearing that sweater your mum made for you the year she claimed lavender and bows for boys were in style...?" Harry trailed off and looked towards behind him where I followed his gaze.

Hermione.

She had taken off and was running toward us at a tremendous speed and to my surprise, she ran right into my arms and hugged me.

Not awkwardly. But she hugged me. Perfectly.

"I can't stand not having a proper goodbye," she said, looking up.

I smiled down at her, at a loss for words.

We finally let go and she leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"You are the more wicked friend, Ron," she whispered before she turned away to wave at Harry and jog back to her train.

I stood there with Harry and we watched as the train slowly churned its way out of the station and made its way. The line grew thinner and thinner under the heavy winter sky until it disappeared.

She was really gone now.

She had chosen Malfoy.

But I couldn't stop thinking that a part of her had maybe chosen me.

I took out my wallet to check how much money I had for dinner. A faded photograph of Harry, Hermione and I during our time had Hogwarts shined up at me as soon as I opened up my wallet.

The three of us were laughing, and all of a sudden I, in the picture, put my arm around Hermione and kissed the top of her head. She looked at me and then grabbed me and we began to just lock lips intensely.

Bloody hell... what the...?

I looked up at Harry who was sheepishly putting his wand away, tucking it into his back pocket.

"Nice one, Potter," I said.

He grinned.

Note to self: cancel that scheduled beating.

After all, he helped me create my own ‘airport' scene.

And I swear to you that if there is a chance for us, it'll happen one day. Hermione always stood true to her words. And I'm not an idiot (really), I know she wasn't making any promises. She could be completely wrong. But then again, she was usually completely right.

I won't wait for romance, I'll just wait for her.

Until then, I should really see about calling those movie casters, yeah?

I could pull off that heartthrob role very well, don't you think?

Minus the purple and any bows.

Note to self: keep mum off the set.