Just In Time

Harry--

They said I couldn't be trusted, that I would turn out just as all the others. They said I was sure to follow the footsteps of my father, no doubt, and turn out just as wrong and wicked as he did. I thought you could change me, and just as it seemed so right, you left.

Our love, my first and only love, was undying, or so I thought. I had high hopes and strong beliefs until the day you ripped my heart out, smashed it to oblivion, and calmly waked away as if nothing had happened. I don't think you thought you hurt me like you did, and if you did, I can only ask why?

Was it your friends? Did the Weasel and the Brain finally figure us out? Were you ashamed? Were you scared of what I may have turned out to be? Too scared I would be like my father? If so, Harry, you should have known I would have not only changed my ways to keep you but I would have changed the cosmos to make you happy, but you never gave me the chance.

I thought when you promised unconditional love, you meant it, I know I did. I thought when you said you would never leave, you meant it, I know I did. I thought when you said you were mine and only mine, you meant it, I know I did. I thought we had finally overcome all, I guess I was just naïve, or maybe I was just in love? Did you ever feel the same?

Every waking moment I waited for a small smile or quick glance from your emerald green eyes, the same eyes I became lost in while tangled in each other at night. The same eyes that looked so cold as you ripped my heart out, the same eyes I usually looked for condolence in were suddenly so dead and unfeeling.

As I place this on your nightstand, watching you sleep, watching you breathe, I know I still love you, it's undeniable. Don't feel like it was your fault, for with out you I never would have had the ability to love but at least I know I had the chance to love, and I tried, Harry, I really tried. I guess no matter how hard I try though you will reject me eventually, just as you did on the first day of school, just as you did all throughout my life.

I wrote this for you, it explains everything I have been through:

I remember a time when life was dark, I knew no love,

I needed an angle to help me, an answer form above,

Then you came into my life, a blessing in disguise,

You showed me things I never knew, you made me realize,

That someone could love me for who I was, someone loved me for me,

You showed me so much about myself, and you made me see,

That love is such a tender thing; it's so very sweet,

It became the reason I lived, it made my heart beat,

But then one day you turned around, and you hurt me deeply,

This is why I am writing this, it's sort of a decree,

I never meant to hurt you, never to cause you pain,

I love you so very much, so this is not in vain,

My life is the greatest thing that I can possibly give,

I am giving my life so that you can live...

I love you Harry, always did, always will. Goodbye.

--Draco

~*~

As fixed and to the point as Draco's final letter may have been, the plan to carry out his final act would not be as easy. Draco planned to drop the letter off at Harry's bedside and watch him sleep, the last peaceful scene he would see. But, as always, there was a kink in the plan; Harry was not in his four poster bed when Draco arrived. No, Harry happened to be delivering a letter, much like Draco's, to a certain Slytherin's bedside, finding much of the same sight, as Draco was out playing mail man just as he was.

~*~

Draco--

You must understand why I did what I did. I meant to explain, I meant to make things right, but this seems like an easier way out although I will do my best to explain my harsh actions.

I never thought I could get close to anyone, and never wanted to. This sounds like odd reasoning but you see, everyone I have ever been extremely close to has died or suffered immensely, and I would never want that to happen to you. You have suffered enough, and I want it all to end, I never want to see you in pain again.

Voldemort has a way with hurting me most, by hurting those around me, and as of right now you are the closest person to me and would be the most painful to loose. He will come after you, not only because of me being close to you but also because you chose me over his ways by refusing the dark mark and joining the light. If I go, you will not be so close to me, nor will anyone else, and no one will have to suffer for my cause.

Draco, what you have given me could never be bought with glory, fame or money or acquired in any other way. You have given me life, a reason to continue, a reason to fight but if you were to go, I would be nothing. I know this all seems confusing but after I am gone, please don't even glance back at the past.

In a way, I did it to save you. After all you told me, the suffering, the agony and the lies you lived through I never wanted to see that pain in your eyes again, I wanted to hold you and heal all of your wounds. I think by cutting myself out of the picture, it will. I caused more hurt than help, more harm than comfort and I am terribly sorry for it. Draco, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but since it's not possible, I want you to spend the rest of your life with out the burden of having me around. I don't expect you to understand, for I am not totally clear on this myself, but it seems like the only answer.

I am sorry for everything and anything. I should have never let you get close because I knew in the end it would have to be broken. I didn't do this because I didn't love you; I did it because I love you too much. I never wanted to loose you, and this way I can't. Please understand Draco, I love you, and I am doing this because I love you.

Yours always and forever,

Harry

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Boy Who Lived now had a death wish, and planned to carry it out, but not until he delivered his letter, and saw his lover one last time. He planned to simply drop off the letter on Draco's nightstand, watch his lover peacefully sleep, and simply end it all after that. This, of course, would not go exactly as planned. It's almost funny how two distressed minds think so much alike when troubled. And it's more peculiar how both deaths were also their worst fear, the fear of dying alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco slowly climbed the stairs of the highest tower in the Hogwarts Castle. It was a freezing January night and he shivered slightly as he climbed the way to his demise. He had the strangest feeling of being watched but knew that no one would leave the comforts of there own warm beds on a night like this. Suddenly his mind wandered to Harry, where was he? He had waited at his bed for a half an hour but he never returned from his late night escapade. Was he out with someone else? He thought this was his final punishment for doing what he knew he had to do and he had left with a heavy heart and a troubled mind.

As he neared the top of the tower, Draco almost wished someone would stop him, but then again the one person who would have cared enough to stop him had left him three days ago. This was the way it had to happen; it was the only way out. He was on the landing of the tower after what seemed like climbing a never-ending staircase and looked for a window. After opening the window and looking down to see the actual height he would fall before it was all over. He sadistically thought to himself, "This is it, at least I'll go out with a bang." He started to laugh a delusional laugh at his own sick joke while he heaved himself up onto the window's shelf. A yell from behind made him look back and slip on the ice that had formed on the window ledge.

~*~

After waiting a half an hour at Draco's bedside, Harry decided to leave the letter and get down to business. "It has to be done," he told himself repeatedly, "and the sooner the better, I don't think I can live through another one of Draco's dismal and confused gazes." He knew where he had to go, and he threw the Invisibility cloak around himself and he was off. He felt he had no sense of direction because he had left the Marauder's Map in his trunk; he figured Ron would find it useful.

His death was to be simple: throw himself out of one of the highest tower and it would all be over in a flash. He headed for the highest tower he knew of and began to climb the stairs to his death. On his way up he wondered if anyone would remember him. Of course he would be remembered as the-boy-who-lived-then-killed-himself-and-left-the-wizarding-world-to-fend-for-themselves but he wondered if any of his friends would remember him fondly after this whole ordeal. He wondered if he would see his mother and father after this, or would he simply pass into the abyss, never seeing anyone or anything ever again. This made him shiver, or maybe it was because he heard footsteps ahead of him. Harry quickened his pace to see who it was and if they would cause any discrepancies in his plan. He rounded the corner and to his surprise he saw a silhouette of a figure he knew, and what seemed to be a halo surrounding it head. Draco Malfoy was ahead of him, and the moonlight from outside was shining off of his pale complexion and luminous hair making him look heavenly, like a divine creature that fell from the heavens. Why now, of all times, did he have to bump into Draco? This was going to make things harder than he thought.

Suddenly another question entered his already distressed mind: why was Draco climbing this tower at this time of the night? He watched from a slight distance, as one does when they are looking in a store window at much wanted items, when Draco suddenly stopped, opened a window, and hoisted himself onto the ledge. Suddenly Harry's mind processed what was about to happen and he threw off the cloak and yelled for Draco in a desperate attempt to save his lover's life. He no longer cared about what he was here to do; his mind was fully set on stopping Draco.

~*~

Harry watched in horror as his lover turned and slipped on the newly formed sheet of ice. He threw himself at the widow and frantically grabbed for Draco, hoping he wasn't too late. He barely managed to take hold of Draco's arm but the snow that was melting on their arms was making it hard to grasp the other. After a moment's struggle Harry was able to pull his panicked friend back through the window and onto the cold stone floor. Both boy's hearts were pounding in their chest.

Draco Malfoy sat in a daze breathing heavily. For the millisecond that he had been falling before Harry grabbed him a million thoughts flashed in his mind. Why was Harry there? Did he come to find me? Why did he save me? He looked over at his lost lover in total confusion. Both sat in silence for a long time.

"I was going to...but you came...and I heard you...and I slipped and...and...and...you saved me, why?" was all that Draco managed to stutter out after the long deafening silence.

"Why? Why were you going to do that?" Harry asked quizzically. "Draco, I see you standing on a ledge, about to fall to your death, why wouldn't I save you?"

"Maybe because you no longer love me?"

Harry looked over at the blond and saw the bitter hurt in his eyes. He hadn't read the letter Harry had written and he didn't understand. Could he ever understand?

"Draco, I never said that."

"Then why did you leave? Why did you leave me no choice but this?"

With these final words Draco looked up at the window, as a gesture of what he was about to do because of the love he lost, when he realized that Harry couldn't have known he was going to be here, so why was he?

"I was ready to explain and I was ready to, well, end it all for sure." Harry stated.

"Why? Why did wonder boy want to end it all? Was the fan club dying out?" Draco asked with more spitefulness than he had intended.

"Because of you." Harry simply said.

They both sat on the floor of the tower, realizing what the other was about to do and what may have happened if the other hadn't been there. There was so much to tell, but neither could think of where to start.

"I had written you a letter, to explain all this," Draco said, "But I can't think of how to say it now."

"I know," said Harry, "I did the same yet now I am speechless, I don't know where to start."

"Let's start here," Draco said and gingerly pressed his lips against Harry's. Harry was taken aback by the gesture, could he have been forgiven so easily? He returned the kiss but a sea of new questions flooded his mind.

"Draco...how?" Harry asked. "How could you just... After all I have done?"

"Easy Harry, after all that I still love you, and I don't think anything you can do could change that," Draco stated knowingly.

Harry stared at his lover in amazement. More changes in Draco had been made than he thought possible and he realized that their love had a lot to do with it. Harry burst into tears thinking about what could have happened, what would have happened. He noticed that a single tear escaped Draco's eye and landed on his cheek. He wiped the tear away gently and hugged Draco for what seemed like an eternity.

Throughout the night they stayed locked in each others arms, whispering to each other quietly in the dark, and warming each other from the frigid night with passionate kisses that seemed to last a lifetime.

Eventually they did read the others letters and forgave each other's misconceptions. Draco clearly stated that to die with Harry's love would be better than to live without it and they graciously welcomed each other back. They swore to never mention that night's drama to anyone else but often pondered it themselves. They thought what it would be like if the other was not there and they often rejoiced that the other had come just in time. Harry and Draco's bond was stronger than ever, a bond that would take them through the Final Battle, a bond that they would share until death and even afterwards. They were not weakened by that cold night in January, but only made stronger.