Ode to Joy

"Look out, you damn idiot!" shouted Mad-Eye Moody as he dashed past. Those were the last words he ever heard in this life; the last thing he saw was the Hogwarts front lawn, dotted with corpses and fallen; the last thing he felt was the cold wand tip at his neck. He didn't even have a remote chance of defending himself as the cold spell penetrated his already weakened body. In an instant, he felt all energy drain from him...a rushing sound filled his ears...there was a burst of green light, and then his eyes and mind went dark.

He had a vague sense of floating through something, something thin, with a fabric-like texture as he opened his eyes. He blinked and looked around; everything seemed to be surrounded by a dense silvery fog. By rubbing his eyes and blinking furiously, the mist dissipated, and everything became clear again...he was standing in a cemetery...the graveyard just outside of Hogwarts, where Sirius was buried. He looked down at himself and did a double take; he was wearing a simple, unadorned black shirt of a soft, heavy material, black pants of the same fabric, and his feet were bare. He felt in the pocket of the pants for his wand; to his relief, whoever had changed his clothes had left the wand there.

When he pulled it out and examined it, he nearly dropped it. His hands were pale...and partially translucent, but not pearly white like a ghost's. He could make out the wand through his palms. A shudder ran through his body; to distract himself, he walked over to the nearest headstone and knelt down next to it.

It was Sirius's grave. Remus smiled sadly as he read the words engraved on the black marble. "SIRIUS BLACK (1959-1995) Light the way, Sirius. Brightest star of all..."

There was another headstone next to Sirius's, one that he'd never seen before. He supposed that it must have recently been added. It was almost identical to Sirius's in design, but instead of black marble and white engravings, it was pearly gray with black engravings. He leaned over to see what it said--

REMUS J. LUPIN

1959-1997

We never forget those we love, and in the deepest corner of our hearts, we always forgive them.

He struggled not to make a sound for the briefest moment; a shuddering, choking gasp tore from his lips, and he fell to his hands and knees before his own grave. It can't be...he thought madly. It just can't be true...! But no matter how hard he struggled against it, the tombstone was still there, a harsh reminder of the truth.

But if I am dead...why am I still here? Why aren't I with James and Lily and...oh, Merlin, Sirius?! He dropped his face into his hands and silently wept; faint, barely existent tears that disappeared as quickly as he shed them.

I've failed them all...he thought with a twist of despair. Harry and Ron and Hermione...how are they going to put their lives back together? Who's left to look out for them? Molly had been killed in a duel six months ago...Sirius was already gone, and Remus was positive that he'd seen Dumbledore fall in the last minutes of his life.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched violently; he whirled around and backed away, painfully colliding with his own headstone. His jaw dropped, and he quickly closed his mouth as he looked up, his eyes meeting those of an angel. Or at least...it looked like at angel. The tall man before him was dressed in robes of soft amber; he had towering golden wings, an impossibly beautiful face, and a light, lean build. But even as Remus stared in astonishment, there was something very familiar about those orb-like hazel eyes, pointed ears, and longish nose that he couldn't exactly place.

"Mr. Remus Lupin?" the angel said quietly, holding out his hand. His voice was comforting, deep and reassuring...again, there was something faintly familiar about it. Remus cautiously took the angel's hand and let him pull him to his feet. "Follow me." He turned around and began to walk into the woods behind the cemetery, but Remus didn't move.

"Could you tell me what's going on?" he called after the angel.

"You will know soon enough." He didn't break his walk, and Remus had no choice but to follow him into the dark, thick woods. He followed the angel at a cautious distance of a few feet, but that weird feeling still nagged at him. Something about the angel was so damn familiar, and he couldn't put a finger on it...

"Not meaning to be rude, but who are you?" he blurted out after several minutes of racking his brains with no success. The angel stopped walking and turned toward him; he had a faint smile on his face.

"I am most commonly known as Kierol, but you may recognize me better as Fletch."

"Fletch...!" gasped Remus, stopping in his tracks. "No...it's not possible!"

"We house-elves assume this form when we die. Granted, we still serve wizards, as we are meant to, but we are rewarded with these new forms and status." The other chuckled at Remus's thunderstruck expression. "I still remember how you and your ragtag friends used to sneak into the kitchens underneath Mr. Potter's Invisibility Cloak."

Remus could only goggle at him; Fletch had been their kitchen elf friend during his Hogwarts years. Once he regained control of his vocal chords, he asked, "So you all become angels when you die?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes, but it is only the living who know us by that name."

"What do the dead call you?" Fletch--Kierol simply smiled.

"Border patrol," he said enigmatically before turning around and heading deeper into the forest. The trees, once straight and black, were now becoming gnarled and twisted; the wood became even thicker, and Remus was aware of an eerie gray fog lying low on the ground. He could just barely see Kierol in front of him as the trees thickened and the light grew dimmer. The ground, once covered with soft moss, became tougher on his bare feet. He began to shiver and rubbed his bare arms furiously as Kierol led him still deeper into the forest.

Something caught on his foot; he stumbled and nearly tripped, catching himself by throwing a hand onto an old stump to break his fall. He swore quietly as pain shot through his right foot. Kierol stopped walking and waited as he leaned against the stump to examine his feet; a thorn had stuck into the sole of his foot. Remus pulled out his wand and carefully extracted it, wincing with the sharp, bright pain.

Something about the wood seemed very, very familiar from his vantage point on the ground, particularly the old stump. It was oddly shaped, with great slashes and hunks torn out of one side, and what looked like a dark, wet stain on the other. He leaned closer to examine it and almost immediately recoiled with horror; that stain was human blood--

...his blood...shed nearly thirty two years ago...on this very spot. Remus bit his lip to keep himself from crying out as the memory replayed itself in his head...the wolf chasing him through the trees--the stump that he'd tripped over in his panic--the searing pain in his shoulder--his mother's screaming and his father's frightened swearing--

White-faced and shaking, Remus whirled on Kierol. "What is this place?" he demanded, his voice smothered by the trees.

"You know that as well as I do, Remus Lupin." Kierol crossed his arms and leaned against an old oak. "It is where the most traumatic events of your life occurred; all who die must pass through such a place."

"I was playing here as a child...when I got the bite..." he whispered, his voice cracking with fear. He felt like the five-year old little boy he'd been on that awful evening. "How do I get out of here?"

"You have two choices. You may come with me, or you may go back."

"Go back? You mean, as a ghost?"

"Yes. Few choose that route, but all who go on must be judged."

Remus gulped hard as a knot formed in his stomach. "Will I--will I see James and Lily and Sirius?"

"You will...if you pass judgment." The last word hung in the air like a physical object, a heavy presence on Remus's mind. "All must be judged if they wish to proceed to where their friends and loved ones await." Kierol noticed Remus's frozen, stricken silence and knelt down beside him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I...I am bound by the rules of my kind. I cannot tell you details, but in my life, you were a kind person and a good man. You have my goodwill and support." Remus swallowed hard and nodded, allowing Kierol to pull him to his feet. A dull wave of nausea coursed through him as he stood up, and he was forced to lean against the angel to keep from falling. Gradually, he regained his breath and stood up.

"OK," he said quietly. "Let's get on with this."

The terrain became even worse as they continued. Remus was often forced to stop for minutes at a time to pick thorns, needles, and pebbles out of his now-bloody feet. The trees were so thick and twisted that he could no longer walk in a straight line; he was forced to weave in and out of them, barely keeping Kierol in sight. Suddenly, the angel stopped, a strange silvery light reflecting on his face. When Remus caught up, he saw that Kierol stood beside a small, silvery pool.

It was tiny, only about the size of a bathtub, but perfectly circular. Pebbles and lush green moss lined the edges of the water. Remus gratefully stepped on the moss, relief for his bloody feet. He sat down, carefully and methodically fixing up his cuts and bruises.

He didn't notice that Kierol was gone until some minutes later. "Kierol?" All that returned was a muffled echo--"Kierol!" Feeling uneasy at the angel's sudden disappearance, Remus turned to look at the silver pool. He looked behind himself one last time for any sign of Kierol. Seeing none, he turned back around and looked into the pool.

He gasped in astonishment; reflected in the pool was not his own face, but the slightly blurred faces of at least a dozen angels peering at him from the edges of the pool. He whirled around, heart pounding; no one was there. Remus turned back to the pool; he leaned so close to it that the tip of his nose touched the surface of the water.

He was pitched headfirst into the water with an almighty lurch around his abdomen...he heard a rushing sound that reminded him horribly of Avada Kedavra...with a spasm of horror, he realized that he could neither breathe nor move nor see--

As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. Remus slowly opened his eyes; he lay face down on what seemed to be a floor of shining white marble. He spent several minutes controlling his nausea, trying not to retch as he finally and carefully got to his feet. The room was entirely white marble and larger than anything he'd ever seen; it must've been at least the size of a Quidditch pitch. Looking up, he found that he couldn't see the ceiling that was apparently supported by four mammoth pillars, stretching into infinity.

The three walls surrounding him were of the same marble, creamy-white and unadorned, but the fourth, directly opposite of where he stood, was made of pure, clear glass. He took a few tentative steps forward; he could see people behind the class, but their faces were just blurry blobs of fleshy color; he was at least the length of a Quidditch pitch away from them.

He heard footsteps behind and whirled around--an overwhelming wave of fear and shock burst through him as he spotted the one who judged all souls under his domain.

"Anubis..." he whispered under his breath. The Egyptian god with a jackal's head upon a man's body said nothing. He seemed to tower over Remus, even at the distance of several feet. Remus summoned all his Gryffindor courage to stand his ground; he felt the god's eyes burning into him as those flaming orbs examined him up and down...he dared not meet Anubis's eyes.

Anubis stopped looking at him, turned away, and walked toward the glass wall, imperiously beckoning Remus to follow. Cautiously, he obliged, now trying desperately not to vomit or faint. He knew what would happen...he knew the myth, but it was a whole lot harder to take in stride when it was his heart being weighed.

As soon as they were nearly at the wall, Anubis turned around, holding a gleaming set of golden scales in his hands. A feather was set on one side of the balance...Remus knew what the other side was reserved for. The god beckoned him closer with his free hand. He took a step forward--

Pain, pain unlike any he'd ever experienced, exploded through his chest. Remus dropped to his hands and knees, nearly biting through his lip in an effort to keep from shrieking; through the haze of pain, he saw his heart, his human heart, resting in the god's claws.

Remus fell to the floor as his energy slipped away and the pain spread from his chest and consumed him, or whatever was left of him. He couldn't tell whether his chest was spurting blood or what the god was doing; all he was aware of was a terrible, gaping chasm inside of him--a pain at once icy and burning, sharp and dull, jarring and slicing...he'd never known a worse feeling in his life, except for his monthly transformations--

Interesting, said a low, authoritative, slightly sardonic voice in his head. A werewolf, are you?

Remus reeled with the ancient power inherent in Anubis's voice. Yes...I've been one since I was five. He was willing to bet more than his heart that right now of all times, honesty was the best policy.

Your name, mortal?

Remus Lupin...he was only aware of Anubis's voice, that and the racking, throbbing pain shaking his body.

Well, Remus Lupin, why don't you stand up?

He nearly retched. No...please have mercy...please don't make me stand--

Do as I command, mortal, said Anubis, but without malice; his tone was more like that of a parent telling an errant child to come home. Remus felt himself take a deep, shuddering breath. He painfully forced his eyelids open; he could barely see for the tears blurring his vision. The pain became strangely dulled as he opened his eyes. It was still there, but now as overpowering as before. He slowly wiped the tears away with a shaking hand as forced himself to his knees, then to his feet. His knees felt as though they would give way any moment, but suddenly, Sirius's face burst into his mind. By sheer will, he forced himself to remain standing.

Your worst pain is now behind you, little werewolf. Anubis was carefully balancing the scales as he watched Remus struggle.

I can't think of any worse feeling that that.

Not even your transformations? Remus shuddered; the god had obviously been listening in on his thoughts. Why not, little wolf? The pain everyone feels is equal to the worst pain that person felt while living. Yours, through bad luck, just happened to be worse than most. But now...on to business.

He watched silently, starting to shake again as Anubis gently set the feather on one side of the scales. He forces himself to watch as the god carefully placed his heart on the other side of the balance. James...Lily...you were two of the best people I've ever known, he thought passionately. Sirius...you're my family, and my other half. I love you.

The balance teetered and tottered when Anubis let go of it. Remus felt his stomach do cartwheels as the heart and feather rose and plummeted...less and less now...both were barely moving...

The scales stopped--with his heart lighter by barely a few inches. Remus let out a great sigh of relief and dropped to his knees as Anubis removed the heart, the dull pain in his chest subsiding entirely with the relief sweeping over him. In a haze of color and movement, he saw Anubis walk over and hold the heart out to him. He reached out to take it; as soon as his trembling fingers touched it, he felt it resume its place in his chest, pumping life back into his body...

But it wasn't his body has it had been when he'd died. Remus watched in amazement and delight as the scars disappeared, the rough and blistered skin turned youthful and smooth. His reflection in the glass wall was becoming young again; the wrinkles fading, the flecks of gray dissolving into his soft, silky hair. Too grateful to speak, he simply looked up at Anubis, soft brown eyes brimming with tears of gratitude.

He could've sworn that he heard the god's laughter in his head. Little wolf, did you never feel that you had an unfair life?

What do you mean?

Stand up and look at your shoulder.

Remus slowly got to his feet, marveling at the youthful energy running through his body. He rolled the black sleeve back and looked at his left shoulder.

The bite mark was gone. He looked at Anubis, hardly daring to believe it. Does this mean that I'm--

You are cured, little one. There will be no more painful transformations for you. Now, on with you. As Remus bowed and turned toward the class wall, he could've sworn that he saw a faint, canine smile touch the jackal god's face. He began walking toward the glass wall, hardly daring to believe it. He would never have to transform again...he was free! Free from the curse that had bound him for so long...

He could make out James and Lily's faces; they were grinning madly from ear to ear and waving furiously at him. Remus began to sprint; within a few feet of the wall, a glass set of double doors appeared out of nowhere. He burst through them, and in an instant, felt himself in James's solid, strong embrace.

"Moony! Remus, oh, Remus!" James's voice cracked with tears and sheer joy. He loosened his grip a little and stepped back, examining Remus from head to toe. "Merlin...it's been too long, old friend."

Remus grinned so widely he felt his face would split. James stood before him, just as he'd remembered him, at the height of his energy, youth, and pride. He laughed and embraced his friend and brother again. "Sixteen years...and Merlin, am I glad to see you, James."

"What about me?" said Lily's teasing voice from behind him. He let go of James and turned around to see Lily holding a bouquet of lupines, grinning from ear to ear. He laughed again and hugged her too; she smelled ever so faintly of rose perfume.

"Now Moony, no running off with my wife," said James good-naturedly. Remus very maturely turned around and stuck his tongue out at him before planting a quick kiss on Lily's cheek and winking at James. "Moony...I'm warning you..."

"Merlin forbid. I'd hate to see my method of punishment." He accepted the flowers from Lily with another kiss and a wink.

"You idiot. How you got to be prefect is beyond me."

"Well, I caused more trouble...I just wasn't as loud about it," said Remus brightly, ducking as James swatted at his head with a piece of parchment in his hand. "What's the parchment for?"

"Oh. It's a note for you from Mr. Padfoot." Remus felt his cheeks flush and his stomach turned over. He forced both sensations down and bit his lip.

"From Sirius?" he asked in a casual, light tone that would've fooled anyone but James. James chuckled a little and handed him the scrap of parchment. Remus took it and unfolded it, fingers trembling ever so slightly.

Mr. Padfoot welcomes Mr. Moony to this gorgeous, wonderful, magnificent, spectacular, beautiful, glorious...Land of the Dead People. (That just ruins the effect, doesn't it?) Mr. Padfoot apologizes for not being here to greet Mr. Moony in person, but Mr. Padfoot has a SPECIAL SURPRISE for Mr. Moony that will more than make up for his absence. If it does not, Mr. Moony has full license to deny certain...ah...intimate privileges to Mr. Padfoot until he is satisfied. If Mr. Moony will come hither to Mr. Padfoot's residence upon arrival, Mr. Moony will receive his SPECIAL SURPRISE.

The rest was illegible, due to Sirius scribbling it out and blotting it over. Remus pocketed the letter and looked around; he hadn't noticed his surroundings up until now. They were standing at the foot of a huge mountain in an enormous mountain range. There was a silvery pool in front of them, identical to the one in the dark woods. Beyond the mountains, for as far as he could see, was a beautiful forest, with golden-green, towering trees spread throughout the forest in little clusters. He craned his neck up, barely able to make out the top of the closest tree. Despite how huge they were, the light filtered through the leaves as though they were made of thin silk.

James saw him staring at the trees. "We don't really know what they are either, but the border patrol calls them mallorns."

"They're gorgeous..." he murmured softly. "Let me guess...Sirius lives up in one of those trees?" James's exasperated smile was all he needed to see. "Typical. How do we know which one, anyway?"

"Border patrol. Have one fly you up." With that, he walked over to the silver pond and dropped a pebble in, enunciating very clearly. "Border patrol." Another angel appeared from the pool; this one was female. "Hello, Sestine."

"Mr. Potter. Thou hast summoned me for thy accomplice, I presume?" she said, looking directly at Remus. James nodded and whispered something into her ear. "Very well. Mr. Remus Lupin, please come hither." Remus stepped forward; in an instant, the angel grasped his fingers and opened her huge wings; his breath left him as they soared over the forest, higher than even the mallorn trees. After just a few minutes, she descended skillfully through the trees and set him down on the ground. "Mr. Black resides here."

"Thank you." She nodded and vanished in a cloud of golden mist. Remus looked up at the mallorn; an elaborately beautiful staircase wound up the side of the tree; about thirty feet up, he spotted a little dwelling up in the branches.

He smiled a little to himself. "You're flamboyant, Sirius, but a house in the trees?" He was about to start climbing, but he froze as a pair of warm, familiar arms encircled his waist.

"Moony..." Sirius's low, quiet voice purred, his hot breath fluttering Remus's hair. Slowly, Remus twisted around to look at Sirius.

This was Padfoot as he remembered him before Azkaban; young, gorgeous, intense Sirius Black...but the shadow of Azkaban lingered in his eyes and on his face, a scarring memory that not even death could drive away. Remus felt his face break into a smile and gently brushed the long, black bangs out of Sirius's eyes. Sirius grinned and let go of him, surveying him slowly; Remus felt a flush warm his cheeks as Sirius's eyes lingered on his bare arms.

"Just as I remembered you. Come on. I've got something for you." Before Remus could interrogate him, Sirius grabbed his hand and dragged him into the woods. He found himself chuckling as they walked deeper and deeper into the forest; knowing Sirius, it would probably be some prank trap set right under his feet.

"What's funny?" Remus stopped laughing and heaved a sigh.

"I keep on remembering scenarios like this from Hogwarts...and you never missed an opportunity to make me seem like an idiot." Sirius frowned a bit, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

"I'm not about to spell 'I love Peter' on your back again, if that's what you're referring to," he said with a harsh sort of bitterness in his voice. Remus blinked, startled at Sirius's tone. "If only I'd had a few more minutes to live...I'd have made him beg for Azkaban."

"Padfoot...it's done. It's over with, alright?" he said gently, giving Sirius a loose embrace. Sirius remained silent, his eyes dark with brooding.

"Did anyone get him?"

"I'll tell you everything later, ok? Don't dwell on things like that."

Sirius sighed, nodding, and reached into his robes, fumbling for something. "Close your eyes." Remus immediately obliged; he felt Sirius place something small, but very heavy in the center of his palm and wrap his arms around him. "Open them."

Had it not been for Sirius's arms around him, Remus would've fallen over. A rectangular prism of glass lay in his hand. The silvery full moon was suspended at the top, the pale glow caught in perfect detail, but it was what was below the moon that caught his eye and nearly made him faint.

It was Moony and Padfoot, silver wolf and black hound, playing and cuddling under the rays of the full moon. Every detail of every hair was replicated perfectly; it looked as though they had simply been caught in the crystal. Speechless, Remus looked from the beautiful glass box to Sirius, who seemed to be anxiously awaiting his response.

"A bloke in the pub taught me how to cast crafting charms on glass...it's not perfect, and I know it's not nearly enough, but--"

Remus admired the glass for one more instant before slipping it into his pocket. He gently smoothed the creases from Sirius's brow, still unable to speak, but his eyes told everything. He barely caught Sirius's relieved smile before kissing him on the mouth, full and hard. Sirius's arms tightened around him as they kissed, desperately, hungrily. He could feel Sirius's hands pressing into his skin with the passion of holding him tightly.

"Mmmm...I've missed you," whispered Sirius as they broke apart. He felt Sirius's lips slide down to his neck and moaned quietly. He pressed his lips against Sirius's forehead; he smelled of pine trees and wind and life. "I'm sorry for putting you through so much, Remus...first Azkaban, then the Department of Mysteries..."

"It wasn't your fault that you died, you prat." Remus clasped Sirius's face in his hands, kissing him lightly on the cheeks. "It's not your fault," he whispered between kisses. "Idiot. Moron. As if you didn't know it."

"I love you," Sirius said quietly, catching his lips for what felt like eternity before they broke apart. "You should've gotten here sooner, you gorgeous, frustrating werewolf."

Remus's mouth twisted into an ironic smile. "You wanted me to die sooner?" He laughed as Sirius flushed and muttered something unintelligible. "Thanks. I love you too."

"Er--well--that's not what I--" Remus silenced him with a long, languorous kiss, which kept them busy for several minutes.

"You always do that. Open mouth, insert foot."

"Well, in this case, it wasn't a foot," said Sirius with a leering, lopsided grin. Remus swatted him on the head, rolling his eyes.

"Some things never change, do they? You'd think that dying would make you more mature." He looked up into the huge treetops. "Show me to your place?"

"My pleasure. We've got some catching up to do."