Rating:
R
House:
Astronomy Tower
Genres:
Romance Slash
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 08/01/2004
Updated: 11/15/2004
Words: 80,397
Chapters: 10
Hits: 8,675

Research and Development

StarryGazer

Story Summary:
SLASH. Harry wants Remus. Remus wants Harry. It should be simple, right? Mwahahaha. A tribute to every werewolf mating fic ever done.

Chapter 07

Chapter Summary:
Still on the run, and on the move once again, Remus puzzles over a mystery for the Order, while Harry fights to prove to everyone—including himself—that he’s not a child.
Posted:
10/16/2004
Hits:
653
Author's Note:
Mostly, this chapter is kind of for fun. Features the line I wanted to use in TMP, but never managed to work in. Let me know if any of you spot it.

Part VII: On the Road Again

"I bought it myself," Harry announced proudly, and it took every ounce of Remus's willpower to keep from smacking his hand to his forehead. Dammit, he'd told the boy to put the sex toys away.

Snape, of course, just stared.

"They're all the rage. Everyone who knows what's 'in' has one--in the Muggle world, anyhow. I'm going to start a trend at Hogwarts. Just wait 'till Ron and Hermione see it; they'll be dead jealous. Isn't it wicked?"

"Wicked. Yes. If your fashion needs dictate humiliation and ownership, I can always give you right over to the Dark Lord. I'm sure he'd fulfill your every degrading whim most satisfactorily." Twisting his lip in disgust, Severus shook his head.

Harry smiled his perfectly innocent smile up at the Potions Master, as Remus quickly tried to dress himself. Seeing the look of complete guilelessness on the boy's face, the werewolf mused, By Merlin, he's good. He's damn good. We may actually get away with this. "You just wish you had one," Harry informed the man sweetly.

Snape snorted. "Five minutes. Keep your heads down." He Disapparated with a noise like a whip crack.

Remus couldn't spare a look of reproach for the boy, as they raced around gathering their belongings. Before any time had seemed to pass, a honk sounded outside, and Remus gathered what he could with one arm and grabbed Harry with the other. "I'll count to three, open the door, and then we'll make a run for it."

On 'three' he threw the door back, hauling the boy out behind him. A blast of green light came from their left, and they ran toward a mini that was idling at the curb. Another burst of magical light shot their way, and Remus used his body to shield Harry as much as possible. The back door of the mini flew open as they approached, and Remus hurled the packages in before lifting Harry and tossing him bodily inside as well.

He threw himself in after the boy and shouted to Mundungus, who'd been waiting to be certain everyone was in, "Go! Go, go, go!" The car had obviously been magically altered, because it rocketed down the street at a speed no Muggle mini could approach. A black figure was quickly advancing on the left, and Remus hollered, "You're going to pass Severus! Stop!"

Mundungus slammed on the breaks, and Harry and Remus were thrown against the backs of the front seats. Harry landed on the floor with a yelp, and the werewolf helped him up, anxiously saying, "Oh, my poor little Green Eyes. Are you all right?" Mundugus shot him a strange look as he crawled out of the car. Remus scrambled into the front seat, getting behind the wheel.

"Red lever," Mundungus told the werewolf. "Watch your backs."

Snape threw open the door and leapt into the car beside Remus, snarling, "Get a move on it, you migraine-inducing cur!" The car rocked as a curse hit it broadside. "They're almost on top of us!"

"Um. It's been an awfully long time since I've done this. Here, I think I'm supposed to step down on this--" The car gave a grumble and died. "Oh. Sorry."

"You've--you've murdered the engine!" Snape growled. "Get out of my way, you louse-infested buffoon! I'll drive the damn thing."

"It's 'killed,'" Harry noted from the back seat, sotto voce, his voice only slightly hysterical. "Not 'murdered.' 'Killed.'" As if it matters, because in a few seconds, they'll be able to use the words interchangeably to describe US! Remus obviously had no idea what he was doing, and Snape didn't even know the words for the tools being used. They were so incredibly fucked.

"Snape," Remus was saying patiently, even as he made way for the spy, "You don't know how to drive. At least I have driven, although it's been a while. It will come back to me."

"Yes, everything is about to come back to you," Snape retorted, starting the car up without problem. "It's called your life flashing before your eyes." He reached down to what looked like the emergency brake, only red, and pulled it back. Immediately, the car began spinning rapidly, and colored lights streamed along the windows.

Harry couldn't look for long before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Ugh," he said in a muffled voice, "I think I'm going to be ill."

"Don't you dare, don't you dare!" Snape yelled, snapping the lever down again. The car stopped rotating. Scenery popped up outside the windows, then suddenly vanished again and was replaced with something else. This happened several times, and Harry boggled at it. It looked as though they were simply arriving quite abruptly amidst the scenery, but nothing moved, so it felt as though the scenery was arriving around them.

The Potions Master took a couple of deep breaths. "There. Now. We've arrived at our...destination." He peered at the dashboard, where the round protuberance of a globe bobbled. "We're...a few miles east of where we need to be. So. All we have to do is...aim the car in the proper direction, and...propel it." He licked his lips several times, as Harry and Remus watched in silence. "So. Yes. I just...push down--" The car died again.

Remus's mild smile bordered suspiciously on a smirk. "Now you've slain the engine," he pointed out with quiet glee.

"Killed the engine," Harry corrected.

"Shut up," Snape told both of them.

"Never mind," Remus sighed, becoming sober once more. "Do we need to keep on running, or have we lost them? Because if we've got time, I can probably figure out how to get it running."

Snape's shoulders slumped a little. "Oh, very well," he testily acquiesced. "We've lost them. The car is Arthur's. He did show me what to do with it--several times, in fact. The idea that I might actually have to work the contraption never occurred to me. The Spatial Alteration Lever still worked, at any rate. The Charmed Chart is that little jiggling sphere on the dash. You see that red spot? That's what we're heading for. Now, if you think you can control this machine so much better then I can, I beg you to prove it." He got out of the mini, stretching his long legs, and walked around to the other door, and Remus scooted into the driver's seat again.

"Yes. You turn the key to start it." The engine sputtered, and did not start. "Oh, yes. You have to press down on the pedal at the same time!" This time, the car started up, but shuddered to a halt after only a few feet. "Oh, that's right. You see here, Harry?" he said, making the task into a learning experience. "You have to push this down, too, and then..."

They eventually crawled through the heart of a small town, the farmers watching with interest as Remus refused to make the mini go faster than a man could walk, and proceeded to cause the car to die at every light, stop sign, and crossroads. Harry sank down in the back seat, mortally embarrassed. "Sorry, kiddo," he saw the werewolf's eyes flashing at him in the rearview mirror. "Apparating is much easier. We'll be there shortly."

The Potions Master snorted. "If by 'shortly' you mean, 'hopefully within the next decade and if we get there at all.'"

The bobbling globe directed them to a little cottage, and Harry was dismayed to find that it had three beds. It wasn't about the sex, really. After all, last night had been rougher than he was used to, and he could probably stand to wait a while before doing it again. No, what he'd miss was the closeness, the intimacy of waking up with his head tucked in Remus's arm, and feeling the steady rise and fall of the man's chest. He'd miss the way Remus would growl softly in his sleep and pull Harry back against him whenever the boy rolled away.

This was not going to be easy. Remus turned to Snape. "While we're here, I want to teach you and Harry how to drive the car as well. We can't have a repeat performance of this morning, can we?"

"If I must," Snape capitulated sourly. Harry hid a grin. Snape and Lupin, stuck in a mini together, with Lupin telling Snape what to do. He made a mental note to bring some bandages along to patch them up. Oh, well. If nothing else, it'd probably be a good show.

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"So how did they find us?" Harry demanded once their things had been unpacked.

"The Headmaster will tell you when he feels you should be informed," Snape replied smoothly. "Go to your room and practice clearing your mind while I speak privately with your 'guardian,' if you want to call him that."

"I will not!" Harry responded. "I deserve to be informed. I need to be informed. Look what happened last year! That never would have happened if someone had told me what was going on."

"Harry," Remus said quietly. "I understand why you feel this way. But there are some things that are better you don't know. Let me speak with Professor Snape alone, and I will decide what you need to be told."

"I'm not a child," Harry frowned. "Stop treating me like one. Don't you trust me?"

Remus's expression did not change. "Yes, I do. But you are not fully trained as a wizard, and right now I need you to trust me. Go to your room. Now."

Harry stomped into his room and slammed the door, as Severus scowled and Remus grimaced at his back. Harry threw himself down on the bed, seething. How dare he? How DARE he? Acting as though I'm some ninny-headed first year that would babble a secret away at a drop of the Sorting Hat. He should know me better! Haven't I kept HIS secret? OUR secret? THE secret? I'm better at lying about it than HE is. And then he has the gall to just--just--order me to my room like a little kid who's thrown a tantrum! Well, yeah, I like bossiness SOMETIMES, but not when it's my life that hangs in the balance! He huffed out an angry breath and noticed that the room's light went dim for a moment. Damn wandless magic. Been repressed too long--in THAT sense, anyhow...Stupid werewolf. Who does he think he is, anyway? I don't mind if he's domineering in the bedroom, but this!

Remus flinched as the door slammed shut. He should have known that wouldn't work. It was one thing to be domineering in the bedroom, but this!

"Well, it's nice to see that some things never change," Snape spoke in a suspiciously sweet voice. "Birds will always fly, nations will forever rise and fall, and Potter will never cease to be a disgustingly selfish brat."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's enough, Severus. Can we get down to business?" He folded himself into a chair from the kitchen, thinking wistfully about how nice it would be to summon a hot cup of tea. "How did they find us?"

"You were followed. Well, technically, Mundungus was followed--to your meeting place, and when the follower saw you and Potter, you were followed back to the hotel." Snape remained standing, looking cold and imposing, particularly against the homey backdrop of the cottage.

"But...if that's so, why weren't we attacked immediately upon arriving? Why did they wait until morning?" Remus puzzled.

Snape's lip curled upward in the parody of a smile. "To answer that, we must start with the object Mundungus bequeathed to you."

Remus started. "The handkerchief?" He patted his pockets a bit before remembering it was in his trunk. Retrieving it, he said, "Fletcher said I had to give it to you. What is it? Why on earth is it important, and what am I expected to do with it?"

The Potions Master rolled his eyes, looking exasperated. "How do you function without someone to explain every little detail of life to you? Just hand me the damn thing, would you?"

Remus held it out, and Snape tapped it smartly with his wand, chanting, "Refigofixum!" The handkerchief melted away to reveal a small, tattered scrap of silk. The Potions Master immediately held it up before Remus's nose, saying, "Well, Canidae of inferior lineage, do your duty and play bloodhound!"

The werewolf wrinkled his nose at this, plucking the scrap meticulously from the man's long fingertips. "Merlin, Severus, what kind of potions have you been brewing? Your hands smell of goat urine," he complained.

"Lovely. Personal remarks from someone who has canine halitosis on a good day?"

"Shut up, I'm trying to--to sniff, here." Gingerly, he lifted the cloth to his nose. "Hmm. Now that's--huh." He shut his eyes and took another whiff. "It's...familiar. I'd almost say I've smelled it somewhat recently, but there's something off about it..." He opened his eyes, but let them stay unfocused. "Oh, there's vetiver there, definitely vetiver; but is it being used on its own or to cover something up? Because it's a strong scent...one that someone might use if they were trying to mask any other odors. Bergamot? But I couldn't swear to it..."

"Wonderful. So what you are saying, in essence, is that you are once again a complete waste of everyone's time? Why aren't I more surprised?"

"Well," Remus countered, trying to keep his temper in check, "Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to be looking for?"

Severus glared and seated himself across from the man. "Bill Weasley tore that off the Death Eater that destroyed Grimmauld Place. The Death Eater had managed to break free of Arthur's spell, and young Mister Weasley foolishly attempted to confine him with mere brute strength, rather than magic. For his troubles, he received nothing more than a black eye and that lousy bit of silk. So. We'd like to know, in fact, which Death Eater was the one that got away."

Remus blinked. "But what difference does it make? There isn't a new one that we don't know of, is there?"

"No, Lupin." Severus shut his eyes, giving the impression of extreme frustration. "Whoever demolished your ex-partner-in-bestiality's home did so...before the Dark Lord could be apprised of your presence there. That particular Death Eater acted prematurely and, as punishment, has been given the assignment of finding Potter--whatever the consequences. If he should fail, then he shall die. So you see, that scrap is the--the signature, if you would, of the person you most need to beware of, at this moment. And, should we be able to identify him--or her, I suppose; I really can't rule out Bellatrix--we may plan our counter moves accordingly."

"I see." Remus pondered this for a few moments. "You don't know the Death Eater in question?"

"Doubtlessly I have met them, but I have not been told the name of the person involved. When the alarm went off that indicated Potter had ingested the potion, the Dark Lord was...otherwise occupied. In the scramble to bring the good news to him, someone slipped away. That is all I know. Well, that, and it wasn't Crabbe. He was with me at the time. So. There you have it. Do try to be of some use, and dredge up the name of the person you connect the scent to, if you would. Now. I'm Apparating back to the school to let them know of our progress. Since you're the complete cretin that let yourself get chased away from your stores, I suggest you buy more food." Without so much as a 'Good day,' or even a 'Have a thoroughly unpleasant day,' Snape Disapparated.

Biting his lip in apprehension, Remus went to visit his mate. The lights were off in the bedroom, and Harry's slender form was curled rather tensely on the bed, his back turned resolutely to the door. Remus knew perfectly well the boy wasn't asleep--they'd only gotten up a few hours ago--but he felt uncertain about whether or not he should simply let his lover be, and let him think he had the werewolf fooled.

Harry heard the door swing in, and his whole body tensed up. He didn't want to face Remus right now. Remus still thought he was a little boy. Old enough to fuck, but not old enough to be informed of things that had a direct bearing on whether he'd live or die. Shit. He could pretend to sleep, but he wasn't sure it would fool the werewolf. With a loud sigh, he rolled over to face his lover.

"What do you want?" he grated.

"Harry...I'm sorry. I need to be cautious. One of us should be, right?" Harry didn't respond, and Remus faltered. After some hesitation, he recounted everything the Potions Master had told him. "...So I'll need you to be extra careful, all right? You can't go running off the way you tend to do. You need to think things through before acting, and I want you to stick as close to me as possible. When I'm not here, you shouldn't leave the house. Understand?" He looked at the boy anxiously.

Harry stared back coldly. You're my pet, and I'll do with you what I please, and you'll do NOTHING without my permission, was the way Remus' lecture translated to his ears. "I understand perfectly well," he replied levelly. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like some privacy. Please leave."

Remus sat down beside him. "Harry, I know you're upset with me," he began, reaching out, but when he touched the boy's arm, he felt Harry go rigid. A sudden hollow fear formed in his chest, and he quickly withdrew his hand. "I am sorry. Please try to be mature about this, won't you? Just because I cannot divulge every secret of the universe to you, does not mean that I don't care for you."

Harry nodded slowly. "I told you that I understand. I'm not as immature as you seem to think. I'd just...I think I'd like a little space, for a while." Oh, it was eating him up inside. He didn't want space, really; he wanted love, and faith, but his sixteen-year-old brain could not encompass that, so he settled for something less--his pride. Let him view me as a tool to be used when he likes. We'll just see what happens when the tool stops doing its job, then. Even trying to work himself into a good fit of anger couldn't take away the sharp pains slashing through his soul.

Remus twisted his hands in his lap. They were lovers, but he and Harry were not yet equals, and Harry needed to learn when to listen to Remus's wisdom and experience. At the same time, Remus had never enjoyed arguing, and hated it whenever someone was angry with him, and it twisted his heart to have the youth acting so frigid towards him. He rose slowly, saying, "I'm going to walk to the village and pick up some food. Are you sure you don't want to come along?"

Harry shook his head firmly. "No, thanks though. I've got some things I need to think about." He rolled over again, and did not respond when Remus softly kissed his shoulder.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remus was making supper by the time Harry finally came out of his room. "Smells nasty out here," the youth commented casually, and Remus winced.

"Eggs," he tried to explain. "I'm not great shakes at Muggle cooking, and Snape isn't back yet. But I bought some bread and eggs in town, and we have mayonnaise, and I thought; anyone can boil an egg. Sandwiches for supper, see?" Harry peered around him at the pan, in which several eggs were hopping vigorously in the boiling water.

"Um. How long have those been in there?" he asked. The whole place really stank. There was a damp feeling to the air as well, as though the steam had been coming off for some time.

"A while, now," Remus said carelessly. "I undercooked the last batch, so this time I figured I'd better be really sure they were completely done. Don't want to run out of eggs before we've even eaten any," he explained.

They heard a sound in the other room, and Severus' voice came floating into the kitchen. "Merlin's balls! What is that revolting smell?"

They sat at the kitchen table, Severus staring as Harry and Remus tried to choke down their sandwiches. "How can you eat that?" the Potions Master asked at length. "It smells rancid. And I've got a normal nose; I can't imagine how you can stand it, Lupin."

"I'm sorry to point this out, Severus, but no one in their right mind would ever claim that you have a 'normal' nose," Remus replied, rankled.

"It tastes kind of...burnt," Harry said eventually. "I didn't even know you could burn a hardboiled egg." The werewolf shot him a hurt look, and Harry wriggled in his seat. "Maybe you ought to let me handle the cooking, if we're doing it the Muggle way."

"Yes, but..." Remus looked at his plate. "Muggle cooking is very different from Wizard cooking. I don't want you to hurt yourself on the stove or something. I think you ought to leave it to me. I'm bound to get better at it."

Harry glared at the man, but Remus was looking at his plate and missed it completely. "Well, I have absolutely no experience with Wizard cooking, aside from watching Mrs. Weasley," Harry pointed out, "But I've got loads of experience doing Muggle cooking and cleaning. I practically did all the day-to-day stuff at the Dursleys'. I know damn well how to work a stove, Lupin," he added.

"Mouth, Potter," Snape grunted, although he sounded amused. "Although you may be...not wholly incorrect. After all, I am going to have to eat here as well, sometimes. I refuse to ingest anything prepared by a man who cannot surmise how to boil an egg. I thought even Longbottom would have been capable of that much."

Remus pinched his lips together, which made it difficult to take another bite of his sandwich. Not that he wanted to; it truly was nasty.

"Well, Potter, if you are...content with your sustenance for the evening, perhaps we ought to turn our sites to the unreachable goal of rendering you adequate at Occlumency."

Harry glanced down at the rest of his sandwich. Oh, well. He'd skipped meals before, and it hadn't killed him. "All right," he said agreeably. They left Lupin to clean up.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remus lay awake in bed that night, worrying. He hated leaving Harry alone with Snape for any length of time, but when he'd asked, Harry insisted that he would be fine on his own. It was just that Severus hated Harry, as though Harry had simply been put on this earth to be some sort of permanent reminder of James, and torment Severus with his very existence. Remus was sure Snape didn't quite have Harry's best interests at heart, although he did believe the man was on the side of the light. Severus was simply so immature sometimes, and that temper of his...

He rolled over and sat up, hearing footsteps quietly crossing the hall. A creak of a door told Remus that Harry was finally back in his own room. The lesson had ended for the night. Was the boy all right? He couldn't help but recall that the last time Harry had attempted to learn Occlumency from the Potions Master, neither one of them had come out unscathed. He slipped his legs out from under the sheets and stood up. Using his animal grace, he silently glided out of his room, down the hall, and into Harry's.

When Harry felt the weight suddenly shift the mattress beside him, he sat up gasping. He scrambled for his glasses and turned to Remus, wide eyed. "Good grief! You scared me half to death! Don't sneak up on me like that, would you?" He fell back against his pillows, heart still beating frantically.

Remus smirked uncharacteristically. "I was trying to be quiet. Sorry I frightened you, Bright Eyes." He swiftly pressed a kiss to the boy's lips, and felt Harry freeze again. He pulled back a little in confusion.

Harry took a deep breath. "Don't, Remus," he eventually managed. "Please. I'm just. I'm really not in the mood, all right? I'm completely exhausted; I'd just like a good night's rest. Just once. Please?"

Remus twisted uneasily. "Sure, Harry. I didn't necessarily come in here to pound you into the mattress, you know," he murmured. "I know you don't like these lessons with Snape, and I wanted...to offer what comfort I could."

Harry nodded, swallowing. Pound me into the mattress...Jesus! He isn't going to make keeping this particular resolution easy, is he? "That's all right. Everything went...okay. Snape was Snape, and there was nothing I could do about that, but...I think I've gotten just a little better at it. It's just...really draining, is all." Nothing like having someone root through your mind, while you prayed they wouldn't find that one thing, and trying to fight them off and mentally shove them away to really wear you out. He couldn't contain a huge yawn, and Remus grinned down at him. "You ought to leave before Snape figures out you're here."

"I could stay for just a little while," Remus offered. He brushed the dark hair back from the youth's face. "I could hold you until you fall asleep."

"You don't have to," Harry replied. Holding could lead to other things. He'd made a promise that there wouldn't be other things until...well...until he was sure he would be treated more like an equal. "I'm fine, Remus."

"All right," the werewolf consented sadly, but continued to sit, and held Harry's hand for a long time before going back to his own room.

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The next day dawned sunny and clear, with a sky so blue that it seemed to elicit a song even in Snape's black heart, although Remus and Harry both could have done without hearing the man humming 'Tears on my Pillow' for most of the morning. Taking the initiative, Harry appropriated the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. By the time Remus wandered in to ask what he was doing, Harry was almost finished.

The werewolf frowned seriously as the boy began carrying dishes to the table. "Harry. I thought I told you not to mess about in here. There are Muggle appliances that can be dangerous. Why didn't you listen to me?"

Harry opened his mouth to reply, "Sod off," but thought better of it. Taking several deep breaths and counting to a hundred, he sat at the table and looked at the man steadily before replying. "I am perfectly capable of operating an oven. It's not a mystery to me; I've done it many times before. I am familiar with all of the Muggles' modern conveniences, and can easily slap together something edible. Stop making a big deal out of this, please."

Remus frowned and began to reply, but was interrupted by Snape. "Well." He'd just finished a bite of omelet, and was staring at the youth meditatively. "I never thought I'd see the day, but there appears to be something that Potter is less than hopeless at. Now, if foodstuffs were any sort of weapon against the Dark Lord, I might actually be pleased about this. As it is, this is one more useless trait in the boy's arsenal, along with Quidditch, insolence, and making an ass of himself. Still, I suppose I ought to enjoy it for the moment." He lapsed into silence, tucking into the meal with something like approval, as Harry and Remus stared at him in utter disbelief.

"That was as close to a compliment as you've ever come to paying me," Harry pointed out.

"Hmph. I should have known it would go straight to your already overly large head. You're a repulsive simpleton with an arrogance rivaling Lucifer's. There, have I evened out again?" He sneered at the boy, and took a sip of his orange juice.

Harry felt unaccountably relieved. He faced enough changes in his life lately, without Snape suddenly becoming pleasant. "So. What's going to happen today?" he asked, pushing his food around on his plate. After last night, he felt he should be hungry, but he was still upset with Remus, and still didn't have any idea about how to make the man understand that he was no longer a child.

"I thought we might start some driving lessons," Remus said airily. "Professor Snape isn't likely to be needed until tomorrow, and this might provide a welcome distraction. Not to mention I received an owl from Dumbledore instructing us that we will have to drive the car back to Arthur's. We're going to have to become proficient with it."

"Why can't the two of you become proficient, and leave me out of it?" Snape growled. "I fail to see why I should waste my precious time learning to do something both difficult and stupid, simply because you and Potter refuse to pay attention to what you place in your mouths. I could Apparate to the Weasleys' in moments, while the two of you can creep your tacky way through the countryside, watching grandmothers hurtle past you."

"And what would happen if Harry and I were attacked?" Remus asked patiently. "Surely you wouldn't expect us to pull out our wands and draw the rest of the Death Eaters to us?"

Severus scowled. "Fine," he spat. "But I want it on record that the two of you are miserable imbeciles with the brains of sardines. And no good will come of this!" he added ominously.

So the three of them found themselves buzzing along a backcountry road, Snape glaring, and Remus beaming. "You see?" he crowed triumphantly. "I knew it would come back to me! Are you ready for a try, Severus?"

"Be still, my heart," Snape rolled his eyes. Remus pulled the car over, and they switched places.

"Now, be sure to put it in gear," the werewolf instructed, and the Potions Master gritted his teeth. "Gooo-oood," Remus said in a singsong tone, as though he were speaking to a five-year-old. "Now ease your foot onto--"

"Bloody hell!" Snape finally growled. "I watched you do it for the last hour; I think I can handle it! Would you kindly shut your mouth and let me think?"

After an hour, Snape seemed to have the hang of it, and Harry was getting desperately bored. "Turn on the radio, would you?" Remus was too busy playing teacher, so Harry leaned over the back seat and turned the knob on the dashboard.

"...and honey, you should know that I could never go on without you..." floated from the speakers. Snape growled. "What utter rubbish," he remarked. "And how am I supposed to concentrate with that schmaltz oozing out?"

"We can turn it down, I think," Remus replied diplomatically. He began fiddling with the buttons, but only succeeded in switching stations. "...so if there's something you'd like to try, if there's something you'd like to try; ask me--I won't say no, how could I?..." Harry grinned a little, humming along as he watched the countryside roll by.

"More nauseating romance," Severus remarked, bravely taking his hand off the wheel long enough to snap the radio off. "There. Blessed peace."

"Hey, I like that song!" Harry protested.

"I'm sure we can find some music we all agree on," Remus remarked, flipping the tuner back on. He flicked through the stations. "Oh...Here, what about this one?"

"I refuse to listen to Elton John," Harry said flatly.

"For perhaps the first time ever, I agree with Mister Potter," Snape seconded. Harry leaned over and twisted the dial.

"But that's a good song!" Remus pushed Harry away and switched the radio back to 'Your Song,' while Harry groaned. "...I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind ..." Remus sang happily, as Snape's knuckles whitened on the steering wheel.

"Remus..." Harry began, flinching a little. "Snape isn't liking this anymore than I am. You've been voted down, so switch the station." Remus ignored him, so Harry reached over the seat again. Remus switched right back, and Harry, grinning, leaned over again.

"Stop that, both of you!" Snape ordered. "Do you want to end up dead in a ditch?" Harry laughed, and Remus went back to Elton. Slyly, the youth edged forward and darted a hand toward the knob, but Remus batted his hand away and shoved him back. "Would you--you both--stop--" the Potions Master stuttered as Harry punched Remus lightly in the arm, and was wrestled into the front seat in retaliation. His legs now crossed Snape, and one was hanging out the window. "DO NOT MAKE ME PULL THIS CAR OVER!" Severus finally roared, and Harry and Remus cringed.

"I'm sorry, Severus," Remus apologized. "That was neither mature nor productive."

"Nor out of character for either one of you childish Gryffindors," Snape grunted. "You're driving me mad, both of you."

Now Willy Nelson belted music happily from the speakers. "Oh, lord. Turn the station, would you, Remus?" Harry begged.

"...The life I love is making music with my friends, and I can't wait to get on the road again!" Remus crooned. An hour was much too long a time to be stuck in a mini with a werewolf who had this level of bad taste in music.

"Snape...Voldemort doesn't sing, does he?" Harry groaned, sticking his head out of the window.

"Thankfully not," Snape replied grimly. "Lupin, if you don't shut up, I am aiming us at the next large tree I see, and accelerating to the best of my ability."

Remus merely grinned, and shut his mouth. It didn't stop him humming.


Author notes: Sorry for the lack of glorious sex. These things
happen. Lots of angst coming up next time, so perpare yourselves!

Thanks to:

Woof: I know, I know; where's the sock melting? Well, this time you'll just have to settle for comedy.

Lady Mad: Snape is too much fun when you put him into these situations. I think he's the perfect foil for the Harry/Remus sweetness.

Vashti: Gods, I'm *related* to people that wear cowboy hats all the time. And get up and do the YMCA at family weddings. *Cries quietly to herself at the appalling lack of intellectual influence in her life* Oh, well. I thought a cowboy themed gay bar would be a sneaky little way to poke fun at my relatives.