- Rating:
- R
- House:
- Astronomy Tower
- Characters:
- Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
- Genres:
- Angst Drama
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 09/07/2003Updated: 09/07/2003Words: 4,054Chapters: 1Hits: 417
Painful Decisions
Starkissed
- Story Summary:
- Draco relives the night of graduation. Harry is taken from his bed. When they meet again, the only word that suits the situation is pain.
- Posted:
- 09/07/2003
- Hits:
- 417
- Author's Note:
- For those of you who have read A Fine Line and/or Remembrance, this is the bridge between the two. If you haven't read either, I suggest you read them...it gives you a sense of where this fic has come from.
Painful Decisions
Harry watched the blonde boy as he slowly ravished his body, inch by painstakingly delicious inch. Low, guttural moans were escaping his throat as he neared the part of Harry that was desperately pleading for his attention – in what one could call an extremely obvious way, but the talented Slytherin deliberately passed over him quickly, pausing just long enough for a quick taste of the meal that was to come, much to Harry’s dismay.
“Oh god, Draco,” he groaned, trying to twist his hips to meet his warm mouth. Draco would have none of it.
“Oh no, Harry. You’ll just have to be patient.”
“I don’t have patience,” Harry said through gritted teeth, the difficulty of speaking when Draco was so damn close clear in the strain of his voice.
“Then I suppose you don’t want to give these a try?” Draco asked, a naughty smirk crossing his face as he leaned over Harry and reached under the pillow to produce a shining pair of unused handcuffs. Shock, then unadulterated desire flashed through Harry’s bright green eyes, the mischievous glint reminiscent of a snake.
“Since this is probably the last chance I’ll ever have to fuck your,” Draco’s eyes skimmed over Harry’s body hungrily, “extremely gorgeous body, I thought we might try something new, but if you’re too impatient…” Draco trailed off, dangling the cuffs precariously as if he would actually comply.
“No, I think I might have just enough patience for that,” Harry said, his voice getting husky as he thought about the possibilities. Draco, writhing under his touch, moaning his name, unable to a damn thing about it.
They had been violent before – Harry still had bruises from their last encounter – but they had never done handcuffs before. Blindfolds, almost vampiric biting (that had been more than a little difficult to explain to Ron), even whips one time, after which neither could stand very easily for a week. They had done it all and Harry cherished every last bit of it. The pain Draco gave Harry was everything he needed to override the sense of betrayal and hurt he felt aching through his body whenever he thought of Sirius.
“Good. Because I wasn’t going to let you say otherwise,” Draco stated confidently. A little too confidently for Harry’s taste. In a flash, he turned the tables, snatching the cuffs out of Draco’s hands and pinning him down.
Draco, surprised at the turn of events, had no time to react before he found himself unable to move his arms from their position above his head. He didn’t mind, though, he rather liked it this way.
Harry began tracing his fingers lightly over Draco’s chest; he didn’t want this to be over too quickly. Draco closed his eyes blissfully, enjoying the lazy circles Harry was drawing. Suddenly, he gasped, feeling Harry’s mouth begin to kiss a trail down his torso. He stopped just short of his destination, choosing to pull himself up and kiss Draco’s lips instead.
“No,” he said between kisses, “I need…lower, Harry…please…oh, god…”
“What’s the matter?” Harry asked slyly. “Cat got your tongue? Couldn’t be, because I believe I do,” he said, crushing Draco’s mouth with his own as he slipped his tongue between Draco’s parted lips making both of them moan softly.
“Harry, please,” Draco said desperately. “I need you…now…I need…to feel you…surrounding me.” His head was losing blood as it continued to rush to his nether regions and for a moment, Draco thought about how he was going to get Harry back and almost wished he could move his hands, but when Harry finally complied, dragging himself away from Draco’s mouth and kissed a new trail down his chest, Draco lost all ability of coherent thought. Then he felt Harry’s hot, moist mouth around him and all went black.
**********
Draco opened his eyes, head – and other regions, for that matter – throbbing from the memory. That had been the last night they spent together; they hadn’t seen each other since. It had been nearly six years ago to the day, but he continued to dream about it constantly, always wanting to go back and relive that last night.
On a rare occasion, their nights together turned into more than just sex. They would talk amicably and Draco eventually came to understand how much Harry had to put up with. That’s how he came to fall in love with him.
That night, though, was even more. It had been more intense than anything Draco had ever experience, ever even imagined.
**********
They lay across Draco’s bed, the silken sheets cool to the touch. Both had a fine sheen of sweat glistening on their skin. Draco lit a cigarette and passed it to Harry, who took a generous drag before putting it out.
“These things are dangerous to your health, you know,” he said, shaking his head.
“Not as dangerous as you are,” acknowledged Draco, leaning over and suckling softly on Harry’s neck, tasting the salty surface of his flesh. Harry sighed contentedly and wished the morning would never come.
“Harry, you remember that first night when you were waiting for me?” Harry nodded; he remembered it vividly. “Do you remember when I said I would give you pretty speeches, that I would never change?” He nodded again.
“Can I break that rule now?”
Harry smiled and told him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I love the way you taste,” Draco whispered against his shoulder. “I love the way you feel, the way you think, they way you look at me.” He wanted to continue, but found himself rendered unable to on account of Harry kissing him again.
“H-Harry?” Draco said tentatively when they broke apart, running a hand through his mussed blonde hair.
“Yes?” Harry looked at him inquiringly.
“I need to tell you something. I think you know, but I can’t let you leave without letting you hear it, even if you don’t want to. Harry, I…I love you. I didn’t even know if I knew how to love, but you changed me. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” Draco looked away, flushing embarrassedly.
“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Harry said softly, reaching out his hand to turn Draco’s head so he was looking at Harry again. His gray eyes still wouldn’t meet Harry’s.
“Draco, look at me,” he ordered gently. Reluctantly, Draco met his steady gaze, amazed at the expression of pure warmth and love radiating out of two identical pools of green.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen either. I don’t know why it did, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad. Do you remember what you said about us being the same person in some respects?” Draco inclined his head slightly, not knowing where Harry was going with this. “I think it still holds true, because you’ve taken the words out of my mouth. I love every little thing about you, Draco. Your hair, your eyes, your face, your lips – especially your lips – your voice, your strength, you. I love you, too. So much it scares me, so much that I was afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I do.”
Draco looked at him incredulously. “Really?” he asked hopefully.
“Really,” Harry confirmed. “Pass me my pants, will you?
“You’re not leaving now?” It had suddenly dawned on Draco that he wasn’t going to see Harry again and was determined to delay the inevitable as long as possible.
“No, not yet.” Harry’s eyes clouded over as he said, “I wish I never had to.”
He reached into the pocket of his trousers and found the silver dragon.
“Close your eyes, love.” Draco raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told.
“Hold out your hand.” Harry dropped the dragon into his hand and folded his fingers over it. Draco opened his eyes and stretched his hand out, chuckling lightly when he saw the gleaming silver.
“What? You don’t like it?” Harry looked hurt; he was so sure he would love it.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that, well,” Draco produced a golden lion, “I think we think too much alike.” He smirked as Harry took the lion out of his hand, admiring the delicate gold of the reared-back beast.
“I won’t even ask you how much this costs,” Harry said, shaking his head disbelievingly.
“Good, because it doesn’t matter. And I wouldn’t tell you anyway.” Draco kissed him and leaned against his chest, feeling overwhelmed and in love. They stayed like that, just enjoying the physical comfort of being together for the last time, basking in the warmth of knowing the feeling of love was mutual.
When dawn arrived, Harry realized that he had to leave. Slowly, he unengaged himself from Draco’s light body.
“Do you have to go?” Draco’s face fell when he came to the same realization.
“Yes. I wish I didn’t have to,” Harry choked out. Harry was looking into Draco’s misty eyes, hot tears threatening to spill over.
“G-goodbye, Draco. I’ll miss you. Please, don’t forget me.”
“I’ll never be able to forget you. You should know that.”
“I do. Draco…I love you. Never forget that.”
“As long as you don’t forget that I love you, too.”
Harry smiled weakly. “I could never.” He leaned over and gave Draco one last fiery kiss, both of them trying desperately to merge themselves into one through the fusion of their mouths. Neither was willing to break the kiss, but when Harry heard Goyle grunt and roll around, a sign that he was waking up, he pulled away breathlessly.
He pulled on his trousers and throwing his Invisibility Cloak over him. “Goodbye, Draco.”
“Goodbye, Harry,” Draco said to the air where Harry was just a minute before. Tears slipped down his pale face and at first, he wiped them away angrily. Soon, though, they were flowing too freely for him to do anything about it, so he sat there, crying.
Draco hadn’t even known he had tears.
**********
Draco bit his lip and sat up, running his hand through his hair and looked to his left. Pansy. He screwed his face up in disgust. He had never liked Pansy, but their marriage had been set since before they were born.
Of course, leave it to my father to do something that would change my life without even asking me, Draco thought bitterly.
Today was a special day. A very special day, in fact. Today was the day where Draco had a choice to either pledge complete allegiance to the Dark Side or die. Draco wasn’t a fool; tonight he would pass the initiation and become part of Voldemort’s inner circle.
**********
Harry’s heart pounded frantically. For the last couple years, it had seemed that Voldemort had given up trying to kill him. Of course, it had been planned that way. Give him a false sense of security, and then kidnap him in the dead of night while he was sound asleep.
Well, not quite sound asleep, Harry thought wryly. He had been having a rather good dream about Draco. Yes, a very good dream indeed. Harry’s lips curved up in a smirk, recalling the way Draco had screamed his name so long ago.
He had been saying Draco’s name in his sleep when they picked him up, he was almost sure of it. Even now, in what he knew were ultimately his last hours, he continued to think about Draco. He had kept his word and had never forgotten him, even for a day.
He had to think of a way to get out of here. But even if he did, he had no idea where he was and wouldn’t know where to go. And so, all thoughts of escape drifted away as Harry sighed and let his pessimistic self take over, giving up any hope of surviving through the night and succumbing to sleep.
Several hours later, he was awoken as rudely as he had ever been. Strong hands seized his wrists and dragged him out of his prison, his feet slugging on the cold, granite floor. He concentrated on making himself as heavy as possible, making it almost impossible for the guard to continue pulling him.
“Insolence will only bite you back in the arse again,” he warned. Harry paid the warning no heed and felt a sharp pain flow through his body as a hex Harry was only too familiar with passed out of the wizard’s wand. He refused to give the man satisfaction and merely stared back at him with cold, green eyes, daring him to threaten him again.
The guard, lanky but strong, just picked Harry up and carried him to wherever the hell they were going, leaving the hex in tact and Harry in pain.
After what seemed like an hour, but in reality had only been fifteen minutes, the guard set Harry down and released him from the curse. His breathing was shallow and rapid as he tried to recover, ignoring the sneer from the man.
When his heartbeat steadied, Harry had a chance to take in his surroundings. They were in a beautiful room, well furnished with a strong sense of elegance. At least Harry would be able to wreak a little havoc before they killed him. He studied the room. Yes, he would knock that vase over, break the windows, possibly rip the plush couch.
He waited for several minutes before anyone appeared. And when they did, Harry’s heart plummeted into his stomach, the acid burning through it.
Draco was even more handsome than he remembered.
**********
Draco stared in shock at the man presented before him. He swallowed hard, a lump growing in his throat. Harry looked ragged, but not any less beautiful than Draco had ever seen him.
Lucius closely followed Draco and he grinned wickedly.
“Do you like your initiation, Draco? I asked specially for it. Our Lord wishes to finally dispose of the Potter boy tonight and regain his full power, but he wants to do it with Potter coming out of his own free will. Your task tonight is to deliver Potter to the Dark Lord by midnight. I trust you shall not fail me.” Lucius left with a twirl of his cloak, leaving Draco tightlipped and pained.
The men could not take their eyes off each other, both wanting to speak, but neither knowing what they could say.
“I had hoped it wouldn’t happen like this,” Harry finally said. Draco could only stare, taking slow strides towards him.
“They told me that the victim was calling out my name when they took him, but…I never imagined it was you…Harry,” he whispered, brushing his hand on his face. Harry twisted away.
“No. You’ve been sent to deliver me to Voldemort, remember? That makes us enemies now. I…I can’t.” Harry’s voice cracked as he delivered the last painful sentence.
“I know, but…please, Harry, just once?” The pleading tone in Draco’s voice made Harry’s knees go weak and without a second thought, he pulled Draco to him, capturing his mouth with his own fiercely. Draco moaned, a heavenly feeling taking over his body.
Far too soon, Harry pulled away and whispered hoarsely, “Just once. Now, take me to Voldemort.”
Draco gaped at him. “You’re actually going to go?”
“Draco, it’s me or you tonight. One of us is going to die. I’m not going to let it be you.”
“Yes, you are, Harry.” Draco’s eyes turned to steel, a menacing tone in his voice.
“If you think I’m going to let you walk into a death trap, you’re mistaken,” Harry told him, the same tone creeping into his voice. “If I go, you’ll live and I’ll have a chance at living if I can kill him before he has a chance to murder me. If I don’t, we both die.” A sense of defeat hung around Harry like a cloud.
“Harry, you are not going to die tonight. If I say I couldn’t coerce you, they’ll kill me, but you’ll be free.”
“For how long, Draco? Another year? Two? Face it, Draco; I am going to have to go against him again. I just don’t want to delay the inevitable anymore.” Pain was evident on Harry’s face as he laid the facts out for Draco, clear as day.
“But if I let you go and he,” Draco choked, “kills you, Voldemort will rise to power again. You know how it goes. ‘And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.’ Granger will be one of the first to go. Are you willing to let that happen?”
“Yes.” The finality in his voice saddened Draco; Harry was jaded well beyond his years. “Where are we going?”
“Goddamnit, Harry! We are not fucking going anywhere. I am not letting you go!”
“Where are we going, Draco?” Harry asked again, glaring at the pale man.
“If you’re so damn set on walking to death, you’re going to have to find your own bloody way.”
“Fine. I thought perhaps you trusted me enough to know that I’m not walking to my death, but saving you from yours, but I can see that I was wrong.”
Resignedly, Draco shook his head. “You were always too stubborn.”
“But as I recall, you seemed to like that,” Harry said smirking, a little light coming back into his dull eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but you’re going to get yourself killed. I must really love you, Harry…let’s go.” Harry smiled at Draco, glad he had finally come around. Perhaps he would die tonight, but if he did, he would take Voldemort down first. With a grim face, Draco led Harry amidst the many corridors in the Malfoy Manor.
They reached the sitting room and Draco pulled aside an expensive Persian rug to reveal a trapdoor. Once they had gone down into the chamber, Harry saw a network of tunnels before him. Draco chose the shortest and soon they were standing in front of a pedestal, a delicate metal snake, shining with green and silver resting peacefully on top.
“A Portkey,” Harry said simply. Draco just nodded. In unspoken agreement, they reached their hands out and gripped it tightly, both feeling the lurching feeling that started just behind their stomach.
Landing with a sharp thud, Harry looked up. They were in a graveyard, but not just any graveyard. Harry’s parents were buried here.
Harry traced his fingers over their headstones in a trance until a cold, metallic voice resonated through the air.
“Draco, well done. It took must less time that I thought it would. You have proved yourself to be a worthy member of our allegiance and you shall be revered.” Voldemort nodded slightly at Draco then turned to Harry.
“Harry Potter,” he whispered viciously, stroking his finger against Harry’s face. “You have come to me willingly. Surely you realize how stupid that was?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t be here, would I?” snapped Harry. Voldemort chuckled.
“Insolence, dear boy, will have no use here. You will die tonight, by my hand, and I shall be able to truly live again. Ironic, isn’t it? You, who caused my downfall simply by sitting there, have come back with the chance to give me ultimate power.”
“Yeah, the key word is chance. A chance I’m not going to let you have,” Harry muttered sarcastically.
“Bite your tongue, my boy. Now, I want to be sure the better wizard wins so we shall do this properly.” Harry recalled the last time they had done this; their wands connected, Priori Incantatem. “We cannot use our wands, for reasons we both know, so I have chosen two that will substitute just as well.” He tossed Harry a wand, thin, about nine inches, and very flexible.
“Now we bow.” Harry inclined his head the slightest bit, not in a gesture of respect, but to glower darkly at the hideous creature.
“Expelliarmus!” Harry shouted before Voldemort had a chance to gather himself. He was knocked back and his wand flew out of his hand to land softly somewhere Harry couldn’t see. When Harry had opened his mouth, he didn’t know what he was going to say. His subconscious, he supposed, had told him that the spell had been lucky once and perhaps might be lucky a second time.
Harry glared at the fallen wizard, now standing up to right himself and starting to pull out another wand. Before he had a chance to recover, Harry rose his wand again.
“Avada Kedavra,” Harry said, his voice deathly quiet with conviction. A jet of green light shot out of the end of Harry’s wand so violently, it propelled him backwards. But the spell rang true and when things settled again, Harry could see the motionless wizard, undoubtedly dead.
“You killed my parents, you fucking bastard,” he breathed.
Harry thought he was done.
He wanted to take Draco into his arms and bring him home to his flat. They had a lot to catch up on.
But when he turned to do that, Draco was advancing on him, his gray eyes stormy and his expression murderous. Harry recognized that look; it was exactly how he had appeared that first night so many years ago.
“Draco, it’s over.”
“No, it’s not, Potter. You killed him. You killed our Lord. You are going to pay for your crime.” Draco raised his wand and his eyes glinted venomously. He whispered the Killing Curse as Harry watched him in shock. A green light flashing around him, then he fell, crumpling to the ground, lifeless. “Goodbye, Potter. You’ve thwarted us for the last time,” Draco murmured.
**********
“Kill him, Draco. Kill him,” Lucius’ voice hissed inside Draco’s head. He tried to fight it, but his will had never been as strong as Harry’s. His father knew that; he had raised him that way for exactly this purpose. To use him as a pawn, to live his dreams through him.
“Avada Kedavra,” Draco heard himself whisper and watched in horror as Harry slumped to the ground, dead. Killed by his lover’s hand. He mumbled a few last words under his father’s orders then felt the blanket lift.
His eyes flashed dangerously as he realized what he had just done. Turning to face his smug father, he felt rage course through him.
“You killed him! You bastard! You killed Harry!”
“No, my dear boy,” Lucius gave a soft chortle, “you killed him.”
“You. Fucking. Bastard.” Lucius had known about Draco and Harry. How, Draco had never figured out, but he had known.
“Don’t tell me you actually cared about the Potter boy.”
“Yes, Lucius,” Draco said deliberately. “I cared about Harry and you’re about to find out how much.” Lucius looked amused, the look soon turning to shock as Draco uttered the Killing Curse for the second time that night.
Draco walked over to Harry, softly placing the wand that killed him next to him. Eleven inches, made of holly. Core of phoenix feathers.
“Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, murdered by his own wand by the person he taught to love. It’s ironic how things turn out,” Draco said softly, hot tears slipping out of his eyes.
He leaned down and closed Harry’s eyes with his fingers. Kissing him lightly on his still-warm lips, his eyes caught sight of something.
The lion. It was reared back, roaring and full of power. The way Harry had once been.
He picked up Harry’s wand again and with a few well-chosen words, engraved a message on the figurine.
I’ll never forget you. Love, Draco
The words appeared on the minute lion with surprising clarity. Draco placed it back in Harry’s pocket and picked him up. The dead weight of him nearly made Draco collapse at first, knowing that he had done this to him.
Draco carried him out of the graveyard with only one thought comforting his pain. Harry had still loved him.
“Please forgive me, Harry,” he whispered.
And although Harry couldn’t speak, somehow Draco knew he had.
Author's Notes - There is a sequel called Remembrance which is also up. If you're desperate for closure, I suggest reading that.
Harry watched the blonde boy as he slowly ravished his body, inch by painstakingly delicious inch. Low, guttural moans were escaping his throat as he neared the part of Harry that was desperately pleading for his attention – in what one could call an extremely obvious way, but the talented Slytherin deliberately passed over him quickly, pausing just long enough for a quick taste of the meal that was to come, much to Harry’s dismay.
“Oh god, Draco,” he groaned, trying to twist his hips to meet his warm mouth. Draco would have none of it.
“Oh no, Harry. You’ll just have to be patient.”
“I don’t have patience,” Harry said through gritted teeth, the difficulty of speaking when Draco was so damn close clear in the strain of his voice.
“Then I suppose you don’t want to give these a try?” Draco asked, a naughty smirk crossing his face as he leaned over Harry and reached under the pillow to produce a shining pair of unused handcuffs. Shock, then unadulterated desire flashed through Harry’s bright green eyes, the mischievous glint reminiscent of a snake.
“Since this is probably the last chance I’ll ever have to fuck your,” Draco’s eyes skimmed over Harry’s body hungrily, “extremely gorgeous body, I thought we might try something new, but if you’re too impatient…” Draco trailed off, dangling the cuffs precariously as if he would actually comply.
“No, I think I might have just enough patience for that,” Harry said, his voice getting husky as he thought about the possibilities. Draco, writhing under his touch, moaning his name, unable to a damn thing about it.
They had been violent before – Harry still had bruises from their last encounter – but they had never done handcuffs before. Blindfolds, almost vampiric biting (that had been more than a little difficult to explain to Ron), even whips one time, after which neither could stand very easily for a week. They had done it all and Harry cherished every last bit of it. The pain Draco gave Harry was everything he needed to override the sense of betrayal and hurt he felt aching through his body whenever he thought of Sirius.
“Good. Because I wasn’t going to let you say otherwise,” Draco stated confidently. A little too confidently for Harry’s taste. In a flash, he turned the tables, snatching the cuffs out of Draco’s hands and pinning him down.
Draco, surprised at the turn of events, had no time to react before he found himself unable to move his arms from their position above his head. He didn’t mind, though, he rather liked it this way.
Harry began tracing his fingers lightly over Draco’s chest; he didn’t want this to be over too quickly. Draco closed his eyes blissfully, enjoying the lazy circles Harry was drawing. Suddenly, he gasped, feeling Harry’s mouth begin to kiss a trail down his torso. He stopped just short of his destination, choosing to pull himself up and kiss Draco’s lips instead.
“No,” he said between kisses, “I need…lower, Harry…please…oh, god…”
“What’s the matter?” Harry asked slyly. “Cat got your tongue? Couldn’t be, because I believe I do,” he said, crushing Draco’s mouth with his own as he slipped his tongue between Draco’s parted lips making both of them moan softly.
“Harry, please,” Draco said desperately. “I need you…now…I need…to feel you…surrounding me.” His head was losing blood as it continued to rush to his nether regions and for a moment, Draco thought about how he was going to get Harry back and almost wished he could move his hands, but when Harry finally complied, dragging himself away from Draco’s mouth and kissed a new trail down his chest, Draco lost all ability of coherent thought. Then he felt Harry’s hot, moist mouth around him and all went black.
**********
Draco opened his eyes, head – and other regions, for that matter – throbbing from the memory. That had been the last night they spent together; they hadn’t seen each other since. It had been nearly six years ago to the day, but he continued to dream about it constantly, always wanting to go back and relive that last night.
On a rare occasion, their nights together turned into more than just sex. They would talk amicably and Draco eventually came to understand how much Harry had to put up with. That’s how he came to fall in love with him.
That night, though, was even more. It had been more intense than anything Draco had ever experience, ever even imagined.
**********
They lay across Draco’s bed, the silken sheets cool to the touch. Both had a fine sheen of sweat glistening on their skin. Draco lit a cigarette and passed it to Harry, who took a generous drag before putting it out.
“These things are dangerous to your health, you know,” he said, shaking his head.
“Not as dangerous as you are,” acknowledged Draco, leaning over and suckling softly on Harry’s neck, tasting the salty surface of his flesh. Harry sighed contentedly and wished the morning would never come.
“Harry, you remember that first night when you were waiting for me?” Harry nodded; he remembered it vividly. “Do you remember when I said I would give you pretty speeches, that I would never change?” He nodded again.
“Can I break that rule now?”
Harry smiled and told him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I love the way you taste,” Draco whispered against his shoulder. “I love the way you feel, the way you think, they way you look at me.” He wanted to continue, but found himself rendered unable to on account of Harry kissing him again.
“H-Harry?” Draco said tentatively when they broke apart, running a hand through his mussed blonde hair.
“Yes?” Harry looked at him inquiringly.
“I need to tell you something. I think you know, but I can’t let you leave without letting you hear it, even if you don’t want to. Harry, I…I love you. I didn’t even know if I knew how to love, but you changed me. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” Draco looked away, flushing embarrassedly.
“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Harry said softly, reaching out his hand to turn Draco’s head so he was looking at Harry again. His gray eyes still wouldn’t meet Harry’s.
“Draco, look at me,” he ordered gently. Reluctantly, Draco met his steady gaze, amazed at the expression of pure warmth and love radiating out of two identical pools of green.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen either. I don’t know why it did, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad. Do you remember what you said about us being the same person in some respects?” Draco inclined his head slightly, not knowing where Harry was going with this. “I think it still holds true, because you’ve taken the words out of my mouth. I love every little thing about you, Draco. Your hair, your eyes, your face, your lips – especially your lips – your voice, your strength, you. I love you, too. So much it scares me, so much that I was afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I do.”
Draco looked at him incredulously. “Really?” he asked hopefully.
“Really,” Harry confirmed. “Pass me my pants, will you?
“You’re not leaving now?” It had suddenly dawned on Draco that he wasn’t going to see Harry again and was determined to delay the inevitable as long as possible.
“No, not yet.” Harry’s eyes clouded over as he said, “I wish I never had to.”
He reached into the pocket of his trousers and found the silver dragon.
“Close your eyes, love.” Draco raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told.
“Hold out your hand.” Harry dropped the dragon into his hand and folded his fingers over it. Draco opened his eyes and stretched his hand out, chuckling lightly when he saw the gleaming silver.
“What? You don’t like it?” Harry looked hurt; he was so sure he would love it.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that, well,” Draco produced a golden lion, “I think we think too much alike.” He smirked as Harry took the lion out of his hand, admiring the delicate gold of the reared-back beast.
“I won’t even ask you how much this costs,” Harry said, shaking his head disbelievingly.
“Good, because it doesn’t matter. And I wouldn’t tell you anyway.” Draco kissed him and leaned against his chest, feeling overwhelmed and in love. They stayed like that, just enjoying the physical comfort of being together for the last time, basking in the warmth of knowing the feeling of love was mutual.
When dawn arrived, Harry realized that he had to leave. Slowly, he unengaged himself from Draco’s light body.
“Do you have to go?” Draco’s face fell when he came to the same realization.
“Yes. I wish I didn’t have to,” Harry choked out. Harry was looking into Draco’s misty eyes, hot tears threatening to spill over.
“G-goodbye, Draco. I’ll miss you. Please, don’t forget me.”
“I’ll never be able to forget you. You should know that.”
“I do. Draco…I love you. Never forget that.”
“As long as you don’t forget that I love you, too.”
Harry smiled weakly. “I could never.” He leaned over and gave Draco one last fiery kiss, both of them trying desperately to merge themselves into one through the fusion of their mouths. Neither was willing to break the kiss, but when Harry heard Goyle grunt and roll around, a sign that he was waking up, he pulled away breathlessly.
He pulled on his trousers and throwing his Invisibility Cloak over him. “Goodbye, Draco.”
“Goodbye, Harry,” Draco said to the air where Harry was just a minute before. Tears slipped down his pale face and at first, he wiped them away angrily. Soon, though, they were flowing too freely for him to do anything about it, so he sat there, crying.
Draco hadn’t even known he had tears.
**********
Draco bit his lip and sat up, running his hand through his hair and looked to his left. Pansy. He screwed his face up in disgust. He had never liked Pansy, but their marriage had been set since before they were born.
Of course, leave it to my father to do something that would change my life without even asking me, Draco thought bitterly.
Today was a special day. A very special day, in fact. Today was the day where Draco had a choice to either pledge complete allegiance to the Dark Side or die. Draco wasn’t a fool; tonight he would pass the initiation and become part of Voldemort’s inner circle.
**********
Harry’s heart pounded frantically. For the last couple years, it had seemed that Voldemort had given up trying to kill him. Of course, it had been planned that way. Give him a false sense of security, and then kidnap him in the dead of night while he was sound asleep.
Well, not quite sound asleep, Harry thought wryly. He had been having a rather good dream about Draco. Yes, a very good dream indeed. Harry’s lips curved up in a smirk, recalling the way Draco had screamed his name so long ago.
He had been saying Draco’s name in his sleep when they picked him up, he was almost sure of it. Even now, in what he knew were ultimately his last hours, he continued to think about Draco. He had kept his word and had never forgotten him, even for a day.
He had to think of a way to get out of here. But even if he did, he had no idea where he was and wouldn’t know where to go. And so, all thoughts of escape drifted away as Harry sighed and let his pessimistic self take over, giving up any hope of surviving through the night and succumbing to sleep.
Several hours later, he was awoken as rudely as he had ever been. Strong hands seized his wrists and dragged him out of his prison, his feet slugging on the cold, granite floor. He concentrated on making himself as heavy as possible, making it almost impossible for the guard to continue pulling him.
“Insolence will only bite you back in the arse again,” he warned. Harry paid the warning no heed and felt a sharp pain flow through his body as a hex Harry was only too familiar with passed out of the wizard’s wand. He refused to give the man satisfaction and merely stared back at him with cold, green eyes, daring him to threaten him again.
The guard, lanky but strong, just picked Harry up and carried him to wherever the hell they were going, leaving the hex in tact and Harry in pain.
After what seemed like an hour, but in reality had only been fifteen minutes, the guard set Harry down and released him from the curse. His breathing was shallow and rapid as he tried to recover, ignoring the sneer from the man.
When his heartbeat steadied, Harry had a chance to take in his surroundings. They were in a beautiful room, well furnished with a strong sense of elegance. At least Harry would be able to wreak a little havoc before they killed him. He studied the room. Yes, he would knock that vase over, break the windows, possibly rip the plush couch.
He waited for several minutes before anyone appeared. And when they did, Harry’s heart plummeted into his stomach, the acid burning through it.
Draco was even more handsome than he remembered.
**********
Draco stared in shock at the man presented before him. He swallowed hard, a lump growing in his throat. Harry looked ragged, but not any less beautiful than Draco had ever seen him.
Lucius closely followed Draco and he grinned wickedly.
“Do you like your initiation, Draco? I asked specially for it. Our Lord wishes to finally dispose of the Potter boy tonight and regain his full power, but he wants to do it with Potter coming out of his own free will. Your task tonight is to deliver Potter to the Dark Lord by midnight. I trust you shall not fail me.” Lucius left with a twirl of his cloak, leaving Draco tightlipped and pained.
The men could not take their eyes off each other, both wanting to speak, but neither knowing what they could say.
“I had hoped it wouldn’t happen like this,” Harry finally said. Draco could only stare, taking slow strides towards him.
“They told me that the victim was calling out my name when they took him, but…I never imagined it was you…Harry,” he whispered, brushing his hand on his face. Harry twisted away.
“No. You’ve been sent to deliver me to Voldemort, remember? That makes us enemies now. I…I can’t.” Harry’s voice cracked as he delivered the last painful sentence.
“I know, but…please, Harry, just once?” The pleading tone in Draco’s voice made Harry’s knees go weak and without a second thought, he pulled Draco to him, capturing his mouth with his own fiercely. Draco moaned, a heavenly feeling taking over his body.
Far too soon, Harry pulled away and whispered hoarsely, “Just once. Now, take me to Voldemort.”
Draco gaped at him. “You’re actually going to go?”
“Draco, it’s me or you tonight. One of us is going to die. I’m not going to let it be you.”
“Yes, you are, Harry.” Draco’s eyes turned to steel, a menacing tone in his voice.
“If you think I’m going to let you walk into a death trap, you’re mistaken,” Harry told him, the same tone creeping into his voice. “If I go, you’ll live and I’ll have a chance at living if I can kill him before he has a chance to murder me. If I don’t, we both die.” A sense of defeat hung around Harry like a cloud.
“Harry, you are not going to die tonight. If I say I couldn’t coerce you, they’ll kill me, but you’ll be free.”
“For how long, Draco? Another year? Two? Face it, Draco; I am going to have to go against him again. I just don’t want to delay the inevitable anymore.” Pain was evident on Harry’s face as he laid the facts out for Draco, clear as day.
“But if I let you go and he,” Draco choked, “kills you, Voldemort will rise to power again. You know how it goes. ‘And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.’ Granger will be one of the first to go. Are you willing to let that happen?”
“Yes.” The finality in his voice saddened Draco; Harry was jaded well beyond his years. “Where are we going?”
“Goddamnit, Harry! We are not fucking going anywhere. I am not letting you go!”
“Where are we going, Draco?” Harry asked again, glaring at the pale man.
“If you’re so damn set on walking to death, you’re going to have to find your own bloody way.”
“Fine. I thought perhaps you trusted me enough to know that I’m not walking to my death, but saving you from yours, but I can see that I was wrong.”
Resignedly, Draco shook his head. “You were always too stubborn.”
“But as I recall, you seemed to like that,” Harry said smirking, a little light coming back into his dull eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but you’re going to get yourself killed. I must really love you, Harry…let’s go.” Harry smiled at Draco, glad he had finally come around. Perhaps he would die tonight, but if he did, he would take Voldemort down first. With a grim face, Draco led Harry amidst the many corridors in the Malfoy Manor.
They reached the sitting room and Draco pulled aside an expensive Persian rug to reveal a trapdoor. Once they had gone down into the chamber, Harry saw a network of tunnels before him. Draco chose the shortest and soon they were standing in front of a pedestal, a delicate metal snake, shining with green and silver resting peacefully on top.
“A Portkey,” Harry said simply. Draco just nodded. In unspoken agreement, they reached their hands out and gripped it tightly, both feeling the lurching feeling that started just behind their stomach.
Landing with a sharp thud, Harry looked up. They were in a graveyard, but not just any graveyard. Harry’s parents were buried here.
Harry traced his fingers over their headstones in a trance until a cold, metallic voice resonated through the air.
“Draco, well done. It took must less time that I thought it would. You have proved yourself to be a worthy member of our allegiance and you shall be revered.” Voldemort nodded slightly at Draco then turned to Harry.
“Harry Potter,” he whispered viciously, stroking his finger against Harry’s face. “You have come to me willingly. Surely you realize how stupid that was?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t be here, would I?” snapped Harry. Voldemort chuckled.
“Insolence, dear boy, will have no use here. You will die tonight, by my hand, and I shall be able to truly live again. Ironic, isn’t it? You, who caused my downfall simply by sitting there, have come back with the chance to give me ultimate power.”
“Yeah, the key word is chance. A chance I’m not going to let you have,” Harry muttered sarcastically.
“Bite your tongue, my boy. Now, I want to be sure the better wizard wins so we shall do this properly.” Harry recalled the last time they had done this; their wands connected, Priori Incantatem. “We cannot use our wands, for reasons we both know, so I have chosen two that will substitute just as well.” He tossed Harry a wand, thin, about nine inches, and very flexible.
“Now we bow.” Harry inclined his head the slightest bit, not in a gesture of respect, but to glower darkly at the hideous creature.
“Expelliarmus!” Harry shouted before Voldemort had a chance to gather himself. He was knocked back and his wand flew out of his hand to land softly somewhere Harry couldn’t see. When Harry had opened his mouth, he didn’t know what he was going to say. His subconscious, he supposed, had told him that the spell had been lucky once and perhaps might be lucky a second time.
Harry glared at the fallen wizard, now standing up to right himself and starting to pull out another wand. Before he had a chance to recover, Harry rose his wand again.
“Avada Kedavra,” Harry said, his voice deathly quiet with conviction. A jet of green light shot out of the end of Harry’s wand so violently, it propelled him backwards. But the spell rang true and when things settled again, Harry could see the motionless wizard, undoubtedly dead.
“You killed my parents, you fucking bastard,” he breathed.
Harry thought he was done.
He wanted to take Draco into his arms and bring him home to his flat. They had a lot to catch up on.
But when he turned to do that, Draco was advancing on him, his gray eyes stormy and his expression murderous. Harry recognized that look; it was exactly how he had appeared that first night so many years ago.
“Draco, it’s over.”
“No, it’s not, Potter. You killed him. You killed our Lord. You are going to pay for your crime.” Draco raised his wand and his eyes glinted venomously. He whispered the Killing Curse as Harry watched him in shock. A green light flashing around him, then he fell, crumpling to the ground, lifeless. “Goodbye, Potter. You’ve thwarted us for the last time,” Draco murmured.
**********
“Kill him, Draco. Kill him,” Lucius’ voice hissed inside Draco’s head. He tried to fight it, but his will had never been as strong as Harry’s. His father knew that; he had raised him that way for exactly this purpose. To use him as a pawn, to live his dreams through him.
“Avada Kedavra,” Draco heard himself whisper and watched in horror as Harry slumped to the ground, dead. Killed by his lover’s hand. He mumbled a few last words under his father’s orders then felt the blanket lift.
His eyes flashed dangerously as he realized what he had just done. Turning to face his smug father, he felt rage course through him.
“You killed him! You bastard! You killed Harry!”
“No, my dear boy,” Lucius gave a soft chortle, “you killed him.”
“You. Fucking. Bastard.” Lucius had known about Draco and Harry. How, Draco had never figured out, but he had known.
“Don’t tell me you actually cared about the Potter boy.”
“Yes, Lucius,” Draco said deliberately. “I cared about Harry and you’re about to find out how much.” Lucius looked amused, the look soon turning to shock as Draco uttered the Killing Curse for the second time that night.
Draco walked over to Harry, softly placing the wand that killed him next to him. Eleven inches, made of holly. Core of phoenix feathers.
“Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, murdered by his own wand by the person he taught to love. It’s ironic how things turn out,” Draco said softly, hot tears slipping out of his eyes.
He leaned down and closed Harry’s eyes with his fingers. Kissing him lightly on his still-warm lips, his eyes caught sight of something.
The lion. It was reared back, roaring and full of power. The way Harry had once been.
He picked up Harry’s wand again and with a few well-chosen words, engraved a message on the figurine.
I’ll never forget you. Love, Draco
The words appeared on the minute lion with surprising clarity. Draco placed it back in Harry’s pocket and picked him up. The dead weight of him nearly made Draco collapse at first, knowing that he had done this to him.
Draco carried him out of the graveyard with only one thought comforting his pain. Harry had still loved him.
“Please forgive me, Harry,” he whispered.
And although Harry couldn’t speak, somehow Draco knew he had.
Author's Notes - There is a sequel called Remembrance which is also up. If you're desperate for closure, I suggest reading that.