The First Time

Looking through the staff room window, Severus Snape spotted his wife´s post owl, Hercules, flying towards him going the fastest he had ever seen him fly. You could almost say that had he been human he would have been running. That made the potions master very antsy with worry and it was all he could do not to go out and chase after the bird in the hope of catching it - very out of character behaviour for the normally stern, calm and collected professor who scared nearly every pupil in the school witless, but nevertheless understandable, baring in mind the circumstances.

*****

Some three years ago something had happened to our beloved Severus that he had never expected to happen... he had a quick shag against one of the walls in the dungeons. No, that´s not what was so unexpected, in fact that had happened many times before with many different people. Just not with Hermione Granger. And it had never ended with him falling in love. On more than one occasion the woman involved had fallen for him (they didn´t call him Sex God Snape behind his back for nothing), but he had never been in love; lust, Yes, several times, but full blown "I´d crawl to the moon and back if you asked me too" love was something he had never had until then.

A year-long courtship had followed. Hidden, of course; she was still a student and he her professor. The idea of the head girl and potions professor in a relationship was not one that would go down too well and indeed was forbidden by the school rules. So she had had a "secret admirer" that year sending roses and poems and birthday gifts of chocolate and jewellery, but never giving any clue as to his identity. It was the talk of the school - who was Hermione´s secret admirer? - Talk which the girl herself never got involved in, for unbeknownst to everyone else, she knew who the admirer was and met him frequently for romantic rendezvoux under the guise of helping her with her dissertation on the History of Potion Making and/or occasional detentions for helping Longbottom and being a Know-it-all.

At the Leaving Feast they had sat together for some time and talked; but still no one knew the truth about their relationship.

A few weeks after that they were seen together having dinner in the Leaky Cauldron and gradually were seen more and more. Eventually it became accepted that they were more than friends, and on their second anniversary they were married.

It was a simple ceremony, just their families and a few close friends like Potter and Weasley and the other Professors from Hogwarts.

He had thought his world complete.

Then a few weeks later she had given him the shock of his life when she announced her pregnancy. He hadn´t known what to say, it was yet another thing that he had thought would never happen - he would never be a father, never hold a baby in his arms and realise that this was his child - but now it seemed he would.

Nine of the most frantic months in his life had followed. Nine months of worrying, of getting up at three in the morning to fetch whatever it was she craved this time, be it sushi, toffee flavoured ice cream or gherkins dipped in chocolate, if she wanted it he had willingly gone to fetch it, wanting to do anything he could to help her through the hard time she was facing as she carried their child deep inside her, anything to help pass the time before he could hold their child in his arms.

And now with mere days to go he was stuck here at Hogwarts. Two weeks before the start of term and the annual staff meeting to discuss what was needed before the new school year. He hadn´t wanted to leave her with her due date being so close. A visit to the mediwitch at St Mungo´s the day before led to them being told that it appeared that baby Snape would remain in his current home for another week at least and so Hermione had attempted to convince him that she would be all right.

It had been Ginny Potter who had convinced him in the end, turned up at their house in Hogsmeade with the photos from her and Harry´s honeymoon, and promised faithfully that she would not leave Hermione´s side for an instant until he returned and that they really would owl him if there was a problem.

So there he was. Watching Hercules flying towards him. Praying that it was just to say his wife was fine and why didn´t he stay a little longer. And scared shitless in case it wasn´t.

Running to the window and letting the owl in. Ignoring the look that Minerva gives me for interrupting her speech. Grabbing the letter. Ripping it open. Dropping it to the floor and leaving the room, running like his life depending on it, like he had never run before.

And all because of eight little words:

Sev, I need you. Please come home. Hermione

Eight little words that mean that the life of Hogwarts venerable potion master will never be the same again

*****

Running.

Got to get there

Running

Hermione needs me.

Running.

Out the gates

Running.

At the edge of the wards now.

Stop running, Apparate home.

The gate to our house, as close as I can get and I hear a scream.

Hermione, my life, my beloved. Have to get to her now.

Running again.

She needs me.

Open the door

I see her and I stand there, paralysed for a second, unsure what to do.

Sitting on the edge of a chair face screwed up in pain, trying not to scream again but it hurts too much. Ginny kneeling on the floor in front of her, trying to help her friend.

Looking up at me as the contraction ends, she smiles slightly although a shadow of the pain she had endured, and will continue to endure as she labours to bring our child into the world, shows in her eyes.

"Severus..."

"My love. How are you? Can I do anything to help?"

A contraction hits her as she tries to answer: "oh I´m just - gasp- fine. Trying to push a baby - gasp - out something the size of a bottle - gasp - top doesn´t hurt at all - gasp - you know…"

The pain brings out the sarcastic side of my wife and I wish I could be there doing it for her; I would do anything to save her this agony.

The amount of pain she´s in and the length of the contractions scare me, surely this isn´t normal, it can´t be!

It looks like the new Mrs. Potter suspects my concerns and tells me that this is normal, Hermione will be fine, and she just needs me to help her. I just have to hold her until the contraction ends and then we will do something more constructive to help her.

I take the young mediwitch in training´s advice and go to my wife.

I try to slip an arm around her shoulder to support at her and she immediately shrugs it off.

"Don´t fucking touch me, you asshole! You touch me again and you´ll regret it for the rest of my life!!!!"

I back away and let Ginny sit there next to her encouraging her to try and relax, to breathe through the pain.

The contraction ends and fearing she will bite my head off, I suggest that it might be time to go to the hospital.

Hermione looks scared, something that worries me more than anything else that I have seen today. I´ve never seen my beloved look like that before. She´s a Gryffindor; and Gryffindor is where the bravest witches and wizards go, they don´t do scared. But my little Gryffindor is sitting there highly frightened and it´s my fault. I need to do something to make it better and I don´t know what.

Another contraction and I make a move to go and find the Portkey we were given to take us to the hospital.

"Sev, help me!"

I freeze.

We desperately need the Portkey but Hermione is crying and I can´t leave her.

I might have spent years hating Harry Potter but the time I have spent loving his best friend has meant that has changed into a grudging respect, an admiration even. Now though I am thankful for him. Thankful for the fact that he just married the youngest Weasley. For if it wasn´t for those blasted photographs from their wedding and honeymoon, I would be alone with my wife in labour with our first child and not know what to do!

Ginny goes to get the Portkey and the hospital bag that has stood ready for weeks waiting for the day when we would make this mad dash to St Mungo´s.

She clings to my hand and I stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings in her ear in an attempt to soothe her. She moans something about godparents and I agree, after all she has done today her best friend´s wife deserves to be godmother.

Ginny returns and I have never been so glad to see a Weasley (well, a former Weasley, now a Potter) in my life.

Supporting Hermione between us we activate the Portkey and go to the hospital.

*****

It´s been hours. At least seven hours since we came to the hospital. The longest seven hours of my life.

Pacing the floor. Holding her sweaty hands, rubbing her back, giving her small sips of water through a straw, and always reminding her to "breathe, breathe."

She is very frustrated, in a lot of pain and tired, extremely tired.

In the midst of the longest contraction yet she bursts into tears and she sobs that she just wants this to be over and that we are never having sex again. I try to pull her close and she tells me to "get the hell out of my sight, its your fault and I hate you, Snape!"

I leave. Go and join the Potters´ in the waiting room. They talk to me, trying to reassure me that she will survive this. I don´t hear a word of it, I´m too consumed with worry about what is happening in that little room at the end of the corridor.

The mediwitch goes in to check on Hermione and vaguely I notice that it is just me and Potter waiting he gestures and I guess that his wife is in the delivery room too. I feel slightly relieved that someone is there helping her, wishing all the while that I could be there by her side.

The door opens again as the mediwitch leaves and I hear my wife screaming in pain - a primal scream like I have never heard before.

I feel strangely light-headed and I must look it too for Potter pushes my head forward between my legs; tells me to take a deep breath. Gradually I begin to feel better and so I sit up and accept the glass of water I am offered.

Time passes slowly. The glass in my hand remains full, forgotten as I watch the mediwitch go in and out of Hermione´s room.

The mediwitch. Fear strikes me anew, it dawns on me that her visits to Hermione are growing more frequent and appear to last longer too. Something´s wrong!

I bury my head in my hands and pray for her survival. For my wife and for my child, but mostly for my wife.

Eventually I feel a presence in front of me and look up.

Ginny Potter stands there looking down at me. I am gripped by a panic worse than anything I have felt before.

"Severus, its time. The mediwitch says it won´t be long now and `Mione is asking for her husband; says she can´t do it without you there by her side."

Somehow I find myself outside the delivery room but I hesitate before going inside, terrified of what I will happen when I see my beloved wife. I look back at Ginny for reassurance and see the newly wed sitting on her husbands lap looking so calm and relaxed. I envy them they are young; they have no worries. She smiles at me encouragingly and suddenly resolute I square my shoulders and enter the room.

I don´t know what my wife is going through but I will be there for her and do whatever I can to help her as she brings our baby into the world.

*****

I see her lying on the bed looking more vulnerable than I have ever seen her before. Her face is red and screwed up, her hair is matted against her head and soaked in sweat and a howl of pain escapes her lips as I move closer to her but somehow she has never looked more beautiful.

"Mr. Snape." The mediwitch has an ominous look on her face as she greets me from her position at the foot of the bed. "Go stand by her and help her."

I stand by Hermione´s side, unsure of quite how to help. I notice that they are trying to get her to breathe through the contractions and decide that this may be the best thing to do - its obviously right anyway.

"It´s alright, my love, I´m here." I try to reassure her, taking her hand and wincing as she attempts to break my fingers. "Take deep breaths, my `Mione... that´s it, in and out, in and out." I coach her and she clings to me as the pain lessens and the contraction ends.

The medical staff examine her again and all to soon the brief respite between contractions is over. She whimpers slightly and I pray for this to end, for her torture to be over.

She wants to push. A nurse repositions her to make the delivery easier and tells me to get behind her and brace her shoulders as she pushes.

I feel her shifting against me, her slight frame bearing down working to give birth to the son I thought I would never have.

She screams slightly and I feel her strain again.

There´s blood everywhere and she´s hardly breathing as she bears down.

"Don´t forget to breathe, Hermione." I remind her. "Try to do your breathing exercises, it will help."

And at the same time:

"Push Mrs. Snape, push harder." The mediwitch orders her.

"I can´t do both!" she screams, pushing again.

"Next contraction, don´t push." They tell her. "Pant through it, let yourself stretch."

She cries and moans that she needs to push.

She´s really hurting and begs them to make it stop, get the baby out of her.

Everyone in the room is focussing on her, encouraging her to pant and blow. They tell her how well she is doing, that she can push all she wants with the next surge of pain. She doesn´t hear any of it. She just wants to push; it´s all she can think of.

The pain eases but does not end completely.

I just wish I could be the one on the bed, that I could do this for her. Instead I am forced to watch and stand here helplessly holding her shoulders and trying to talk her through it.

"It won´t be long now, Mrs. Snape." Says the mediwitch as Hermione screams in pain once more. "Take a deep breath and push down as hard as you can."

She pushes.

And pushes.

And pushes.

She´s crying and screaming but she doesn´t stop pushing, she can´t stop.

All of a sudden I feel her relax slightly against me.

"That´s really good. You´re doing great," says the mediwitch.

It feels like empty words, it seems like nothing has happened but the medical staff are adamant that she is fine, that it won´t take much longer. I don´t believe them but then I hear the words that convince me and I look down and believe them.

"That´s the head out now, Mrs. Snape," they tell her and I lay eyes on our child for the first time, so beautiful still half inside its mother.

She pushes again, harder than before and it´s over.

One minute I was holding my wife encouraging her to push out our baby and then next I was cutting the umbilical cord and holding my son for the first time.

My son.

Those words have a magical sound. I never thought it would happen and now it has.

I cuddle the baby closer and take him over to meet his mother.

Hermione holds her son for the first time and as I watch them I cry unashamedly. They are my family.

I take them both in my arms. We stay that way for a long time, neither of us noticing that everyone else has left the room and we are alone together with our son.

Eventually Hermione suggests that it might be time baby Thomas met his godparents. I take him back in my arms and head towards the corridor where Harry and Ginny are waiting for news of their best friend and godson.

And as I walk that short distance I make a vow - nothing will harm him, I won´t let it. He is my reason for being, I exist only to protect him.

"Yes, baby Thomas." I tell him. "it´s all for you, it´s all because of you."

The darkness won´t touch him, it can´t touch him. My precious, baby son.