Betrayals

Millicent found her in the bathtub. Pansy's head tilted downward, her wet hair kinking at strange angles. Millicent wanted to brush it. She wanted to push it back into a bun, but she knew Pansy would cringe at her touch. Pansy was terribly sensitive about touch. As first years, Millicent had grabbed her arm, pulling her away from a runaway Weasley luggage cart. Pansy pulled away, frowning at her, it was then that Millicent saw the bruise on her neck. She couldn't help but stare at the finger size imprints. Pansy had pulled her turtleneck higher, glaring at Millicent. Her icy glare had been interrupted by one of the older Weasleys. "Sorry," he chirped as he ran after the cart. Then Pansy had shifted her glare to the unlucky redhead. Millicent got on the train, afraid to say anything to the pretty girl.

Caught up in Pansy's waving hair Millicent barely noticed her hand and slender wrist reach out of the water. The dripping caught her attention. Pansy's fingers found what they were looking for, something thin but shiny. Pansy's shoulders tensed, and her other hand rose from the tub. Her neck twisted so she could examine the purple and blue lines of the inside of her wrist. Completely unaware of Millicent's silent tears she dropped the razor onto the floor. Her shoulders relaxed again as she tilted her head back just slightly. Her shoulders poked nearly out of her skin; surely it hurt to have just a thin layer of skin between the hard tub and her bones. It seemed Pansy would not die today.

Millicent cleared her throat, choked back tears, "Pansy?" The water splashed a little as she turned her head.

"Oh Liss," she whispered. Millicent saw the eyeliner and mascara pooled in the bags beneath her eyes. She used Muggle makeup, claiming it was soothing to put on, and made her feel wealthier. Most of it had melted away thanks to the water and Millicent thought she could cut herself on the harsh cheekbones.

"Liss, he's fucking Lavender Brown, Lavender Fucking Whore Brown." Millicent wanted to brush the wet hair away from her face. "A bloody fucking Gryffindor," Pansy's voice wavered. "Why?" she asked and the tears threatened to fall again. "Why?" she whispered as one finally slid down her cheek. Her hard and set face seemed to have crumbled from the inside. Its now sharp bones threatened to collapse.

Millicent crossed the bathroom and picked up Pansy's towel. She ran her calloused fingers over the monogram. She set the towel down next to the tub and helped Pansy stand up. Millicent stared at her collarbone. It was safe. Pansy would be offended if her eyes fell anywhere else. Millicent avoided looking at her protruding hipbones, her sharp elbows and slender arms, or her apparent rib cage. Picking up the towel she wrapped it around Pansy and lifted her out of the tub completely. It was easier than Millicent had thought. Pansy was so light. Her bones poked into Millicent's arms and torso. Pansy quit sobbing and sighed as Millicent set her down in a chair. She grabbed another towel, this one her own, dark green and rough.

She squeezed the water out of Pansy's hair. Then draped the towel around her bony shoulders, more to distract herself from Pansy's fragile form than to keep her warm. She ran her fingers through her fine brown hair, using them like an oversized comb. Noticing how soft it was in comparison to hers. Strands loosened themselves from her scalp and clung to Millicent's fingers.

Pansy was sitting up straight now, using the corner of Millicent's towel to wipe away the black puddles beneath her eyes. The bruises on her first and middle fingers distracted Millicent. Pansy had been forcing the food out again, another Muggle method. She must have thought it safer than whispering the words so recognizable in the Slytherin bathrooms. It was much safer than stealing from Snape's cabinets. "I saw him sneak her into the dungeon last night. I hate him, Liss. I hate him."

Millicent remembered times when she herself saw betrayal. The night she had seen Pansy and Draco kiss in the Common Room. Her heart had stopped for an instant, there was Draco and he was kissing the girl she loved. Millicent knew there had been a stream of boys before Draco. Mostly older boys, some from other houses, had lined up to try Pansy out. Pansy was a secretive girl; she didn't kiss and tell. The boys had different ideas about what was personal and secret and had spread the word in study hours and Quidditch locker rooms.

She thought of all the times she had walked into the bathroom late at night to find Pansy collapsed outside a stall. A small bundle of limbs, Pansy was no more then a skeleton. This was the worst Millicent had seen her yet. 'Now you know how it feels' she thought to herself. Pansy got a taste of her own. She was glad for a moment, but also pulled down into Pansy's sadness as she brushed Pansy's hair. There was nothing for Millicent in this world if she couldn't see Pansy smile.

Pansy reached up and grabbed Millicent's wrist. "Liss," she whispered. Millicent was suddenly aware of their contact, Pansy had let her in to her personal space. Pansy was looking up at her, her doe eyes and her thin and pouting lips. Millicent bent down, her own black and coarse hair brushing her cheeks as well as Pansy's. Millicent kissed her lightly.