Shocking Revelations

IV

The loud buzzing of the crystal clock on the bedside table became finally too loud to ignore so Severus got out from bed. The face he saw in the mirror disgusted him. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, which looked rather reddish. "Damn!" he thought. "I should have taken some of that sleeping potion!" At least, he could have avoided the nightmares....and the memories.

He closed his eyes as soon as he started feeling the tears and kept them closed for some seconds, giving thanks for all the opportunities he had had to exercise his will power. By the time he left his room he was again the stern Potions teacher everyone feared.

"Oh, Professor Snape!" said a squeaky voice behind him.

Severus turned around and saw tiny Professor Flitwick approaching him.

"Good morning, Professor Flitwick," he said.

"You missed breakfast, Professor! This must be the first time in all the years I've been here that this happens!"

Severus didn't smile. In fact, he was angry with himself for that and had to control himself not to snap at Professor Flitwick. He didn't answer back, but the tiny Professor didn't seem to notice his silence, since he was excited by some news the Headmaster had given the staff during breakfast.

"A new teacher, Professor Snape!" he said, "a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is going to come next week to Hogwarts! I hope nothing will happen this time!"

"I'm sure Professor Dumbledore was very careful," replied Severus. "If you excuse me, Professor Flitwick, I have things to do!" he said and resumed his way.

He knew he had been unnecessary rude, but that news had made him feel quite uneasy. After the past experiences he had started to believe -as everyone else did- that the post was somehow jinxed.

Of course, the worst had been Gilderoy Lockhart, the perfect example of how a wizard could embarrass the whole wizard community. As for Quirrell and Moody, he had been right from the start and knew he would have been able to deal with them. Too bad that Potter boy had got in the middle....he could have been seriously hurt....or worse.

And Lupin.....well, that had been an unpleasant experience since he had been forced to work with someone that brought back some of his worst memories. That encounter with the Whomping Willow...He should have known it was a trap, Potter's revenge for having lost Rowena to him....

He frowned as he thought about what Flitwick had told him. A new DADA teacher? He would ask Albus immediately. With that intention in his mind he started walking towards Dumbledore's office, but luckily for him he came face to face with him just as he turned round the corridor.

"Albus!"

"Severus! What a surprise! We missed you at breakfast. Did you sleep well?" he asked looking at him over his glasses.

Severus blushed and opened his mouth to answer back, to tell him everything was right but he knew it would be useless. He had never been able to hide anything from Albus, not even in his schooldays.

"No," he answered.

"My dear boy," he said -Albus had started calling him like that since his last year at Hogwarts- "I'm sorry to hear that, and I'm afraid that what I'm about to tell you won't do anything to ease your spirit. Walk with me, will you?" he asked starting to move.

Severus looked at Albus sharply. He knew the Headmaster felt what he had said since he cared for him like a son. Honest to say -although he would never admit that to anyone- he respected and loved Dumbledore as if he had been his father.

"I presume it has something to do with the new DADA teacher. Professor Flitwick told me about him," he said.

"Yes, Severus, it has. Unless, of course, you finally decide to take the post, as I have always begged you to do....This is not the first time I offer it to you!"

"And this is not the first time I refuse it."

"Ahh!" sighed Albus, "you would be such an excellent DADA teacher, Severus!"

"You know I can't."

"Can't?" I'd rather say "Don't want to."

"Whatever. I'm done with the Dark Arts for good. I don't want to have anything to do with them again. I've already.....I've already suffered......" He paused, feeling his voice about to crack.

"I know, my boy!" comforted him Albus patting his arm.

"Everyone thinks I long for that job, but you know my only concern is to watch closely the person who will be in charge of that position. Look at what has happened before. If I hadn't suspected....."

"But you did, and we are all very grateful for that. But I'm sure you will find this time we won't run any risks."

"How are you so sure about that?"

"Because I know this person really well......and you do to."

"If you say that it won't ease my spirit I assume it's someone related to my past. Am I mistaken?"

"No."

"Very well. I'd rather find out who he is from you than for anyone else."

"Actually, is not a "he" but a "she.""

Severus stopped abruptly and looked at Albus.

"A woman?"

"And a very capable one. Oh, don't worry. I've checked out every detail. And I must confess I was also thinking of you when I decided to called her."

"You called her? She didn't apply for the job?"

"No. She was working at Beauxbatons But, being a former Hogwarts student......"

"Albus....."

"I see you are getting anxious now. Very well, I will tell you. I've appointed Rowena McFarrell as our new DADA teacher."

Severus stood speechless, his brain unable to work. Had he heard correctly? Had Albus actually said that name? He looked at him in awe and forced himself to reply.

"Y....You......You......You can't be serious!"

"I am, Severus. We need a new DADA teacher.......and you need to get even with your past....."

"I don't need ANYTHING!!!" he said angrily. "You shouldn't......You shouldn't....." He turned around, unable to speak, and walked away from Albus, who didn't stop him.

As the Headmaster watched him running along the corridor he felt somehow guilty. He knew how much Severus had lost against Voldemort and he also knew he had been partly responsible for that. He had told him the truth when he said he had been thinking of him when he called Rowena back to Hogwarts. He knew it was his way of making it up for what he had lost years ago. "I hope he will understand that," he said to himself as he went back to his office.

As Albus was lost in this thoughts, Severus was leaving the building and heading for the main gate. He urgently felt the need of escaping from everything he knew. Thanks God there were no classes. He knew he wouldn't have been able to give any.

Once far enough from the school he fell to the ground and leaned back, covering his face with his arms. The headache, which had somehow diminished its intensity was now back, more painful than before. "Get even with your past," had said Albus. How on earth could he do that when......when....

V

Lily and Severus were at the terrace of Florian Fortescue's.

"I can't believe you are going to marry that man, Lily!" said Severus. "You deserve the best, and God know he isn't."

"Will you stop it?" she asked. "He is the man I love. Period."

"I care about you!"

"I know you do," she said softly, "I really do. But this makes me happy. Yes," she added seeing Severus skeptic look, "I'm happy the way things are."

"For Heaven's sake, Lily, the man doesn't love you!" said her friend rising his voice, "not the way you deserve to be loved!"

"Would you please stop talking so loudly? Or better, would you stop talking? I know how things are, and even though you can't understand it I....I'm satisfied with what I have."

"I can't stay here listening to this nonsense!" he said sharply getting up and leaving some coins on the table. "I won't listen to it. Drinks are on me," he finished before walking away.

"Severus!" called Lily going after him. She reached him some blocks away from Ollivander's and grabbed him by the arm. "You don't have any right to talk to me like that!" she said.

"Of course I have!. I have all the rights that being your friend give me. Are you crazy? You....you could have any man on earth and...."

"...and I love James. So what?"

"He doesn't love you, Lily. Christ, how can you be so blind?" he asked taking her by the shoulders and shaking her lightly.

"But I do. And believe it or not, he loves me too... in some way. He's kind and he cares about me and I...I love him!" she said simply.

"Oh, Lily!" he said holding her in his arms.

"I'm fine, really, I'm fine!" she said. "And I'm happy too. Let's go back, ok? I have to see my hairdresser and you have to go to the Ministry, so we'd better hurry!" she said smiling.

"Lily, I..."

"Sht!" she said putting her hand on his mouth. "I don't want to talk about this never again, do you understand? And if you love me, you will never touch this matter again...won't you?"

"I can't."

"Promise me that! Swear it! Please!" she begged with trembling voice. "I love him, Severus. It's my choice."

Severus looked in her eyes and saw, although he didn't want to, the same look Rowena had in hers every time they were together.

"Very well, Lily. I will swear this: I will personally kill him if he makes you miserable!" he promised seriously.

And although it was hot, Lily shivered. She knew he meant every word he had said.

Cornelius Fudge's office was not a common office, thought Albus. Every time he came here -and God knew he had come hundreds of times- he always thought that. Sure, it was big and elegant, but it was also...too much pretentious. Of course, being a Minister of Magic was something very important, but he suspected that Cornelius was more delighted by the pomp and protocol than by the actual job in itself. Still, he was the Minister.......and he had the authority.

"Never liked this fellow!" said Angus McFarrell interrupting Albus thoughts.

"Please, Angus. We need him. Things are getting really bad and we need to stand together."

"Hmf! Moody and I could handle this..."

"You know you couldn't. Voldemort gets more powerful each minute...and we must stop him before it's too late!"

"I agree with you, Albus, but quite frankly, that idea of sending an undercover agent..."

"I must admit that I was quite skeptic when Cornelius told me about that plan, but he gave me very good reasons to go on with it. And, above all, I have full confidence in our man's ability."

"I know, I know. He's trustworthy and all that. For Christ sake, he's courting my daughter, so I should know!"

The noise of the door opening behind them interrupted the conversation and they both turned to see Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, walking quickly towards them.

"Ah, my dear friends, how sorry I am for my delay, but you see, I was at a meeting with the Foreign Affairs Counsellor. We must be in good terms with everyone, you know!"

"Of curse, of course, Cornelius!" agreed Angus impatiently.

"So...has our man arrived?"

"Not yet," answered Albus, "we asked him to meet us here at one o'clock."

"Well, I hope he's punctual," said Fudge looking at the big golden clock on the wall.

"He is," stated Albus.

Two minutes later, at one o'clock sharp, Severus came into the office.

"Mr. Minister, Mr. Mc.Farrell, Professor.....," he greeted.

"Ah, welcome, my boy!" replied Fudge. "Do please sit down!" he said pointing to a chair. "Would you like something to drink? Some juice perhaps?"

"No, thank you, sir," answered Severus sitting down and looking at Albus face with concern. He had never seen Albus so serious, nor Angus.

"Then let's go straight to the point, Mr. Snape. You know, when you are a diplomat being straightforward....."

"Excuse me, Cornelius," interrupted Angus, "let me carry on. Severus, I'm sure you have heard of this wizard, Voldemort."

"Yes...I've heard things...," he answered cautiously.

"Well, let me tell you they are nothing compared to the truth. We are talking about a man with such a lust for power that will do anything to get it....and I mean everything."

"We believe, Severus," carried on Albus, "that he is behind the Abbey Lodge's murders, and that he is personally responsible for the deaths of Faulkes, Greevy and Yarmouth."

"The Aurors?"

"Yes," answered Cornelius. "This man is recruiting wizards all over the country, and God knows what will happen if he manages to succeed in....oh no, it is to terrible even to say so!"

"The point is, Severus," interrupted Angus again, "that the Ministry thinks we should have someone in Voldemort's circle that could help us to bring him down. You know, letting us know about his plans, his allies...."

"From the inside, if you know what I mean. Quite an idea. I know I shouldn't take full credit for it but....well....," said Fudge smiling.

"Albus thought you would be ideal for this," said Angus without letting Cornelius finish, "and I must say that I completely agree with him!"

"Of course, the decision is yours," intervened Albus softly.

Severus was speechless. When he received Albus' message he had thought he was going to offer him a job. But this...this was different.

"I...I'm not sure I'm following you, Professor. You want me to become a member of Voldemort's circle and to......spy on him?"

"Exactly!" said Cornelius.

"Wh...Why do you think I'm the right one to do this?"

"Because you are a superb wizard," said Albus, "because your knowledge of the Dark Arts and your abilities in using them will make Voldemort be eager to have you as one of his followers. And," he said looking directly in his eyes, "because I could trust you with my life."

It took Severus some seconds to realise he was moved by Albus' words. It took him even less to realise that he wouldn't let him down. He would accept the mission.

VI

Six months later, Severus was reading a postcard that had just came to Rowena's house. He knew he wasn't suppose to read it, but he had recognised Lily's letter..."So she seems to be happy in her honeymoon," he thought reading the postcard.

Lily's marriage had been one of his worst dreams come true. He had been playing in his mind with the idea of not going to the wedding, but he knew Lily would never forgive him. And he still had to make amends with Rowena.....They had quarrel a lot about that issue, and he had finally given up. He had attended the wedding not before bearing Rowena threatening him to leave him if he didn't behave. He smiled. He knew she would never leave him.

Finally, Lily had got what she wanted and all he could do was hope she was happy with the decision she had taken. He wondered if Rowena knew how Potter felt about her. Of course she had to know, he thought angrily. That bastard hadn't been able to look at his bride during the ceremony. He felt his blood boiling as he recalled the way James had kissed Rowena when she went to greet them. How could Lily be so stupid?, he asked to himself disgusted. But he had promised her to accept her decision....and no matter how strongly he felt against it he was going to honour that promise.

Besides, he had other things in his mind to worry about. The mission. He sighed. Albus and Angus had been right. He had been contacted by Voldemort's followers by means of someone he didn't expect to be involved in that: his former classmate Lucius Malfoy.

Of course, it had all been very subtle and polite, as Lucius things always were. A social gathering of ex-Slytherins at his mansion first -"just to remember the good old days," he had told Severus-, then another one at Crabbe's and so on until Lucius had finally made his move. True, on every one of those occasions they had talked about muggle-borns and how they weren't worthy of learning magic and things like that, and every time he had agreed with his former classmates. They had criticised the way the Ministry was handling things and how a change was needed and so on.

Finally, he had even met Voldemort himself, an experience that had left him quite shaken. It was in his presence that he had sensed for the first time all the power of Darkness, and he had to resort to all his strength to avoid falling under Voldemort's seduction. Oh, yes, because many times he had been tempted by his promises......Voldemort knew very well how to make everyone feel the things they wanted were just at the reach of their hands.....if they followed him.

Lucius references and his own abilities with the Dark Arts had finally eased Voldemort's suspicions and now, six months after that meeting at the Ministry, he could say he was one of the few ones Voldemort trusted....if he ever trusted anyone.

But it had been hard, oh, so hard to hide what he was doing from his friends!. Especially from Frank, who was very perceptive and worse, who was quickly becoming a very proficient Auror. He wondered what would happen if one day they had to fight against each other. Nothing, of course, he thought. The moment that happened he would tell his friend all the truth and would put an end to all that madness.

He closed his eyes, feeling very, very tired. He had seen so many terrible things during those months. Fortunately, he had been able to tell Albus about many of Voldemort's plans, but some times.....He shook his head. Better to try to forget some of the things he had witnessed. The tortures, the killings....

He gathered strengths for what he was about to do. Voldemort hadn't given him any explanation -he never did-, he had only told him he had to leave the country for some months, a year maybe. Great plans were already set, plans concerning the giants, and he had been chosen to carry them out. He didn't know anything more, but he sensed those plans were extremely important. Albus and Angus had agreed with him on that. It was essential for them to know about those plans, so Severus would have to obey Voldemort and leave the country. Fortunately, Angus had thought of giving him a job at the Ministry, a perfect cover that would help him to fool Voldemort as well as his friends.

He put his hand in his pocket to reach for the little box in it and opened it. The delicate diamond ring shone brightly against the blue velvet and he felt guilty. He knew Rowena was expecting it, he knew she had thought that he was going to propose her when he called her that afternoon. Instead, he was going to tell her that the Ministry was sending him on a diplomatic mission for some months.....a year maybe. He closed the box and put it away. No. He wasn't going to ask her to marry him until all this had finally finished.

"The question is, will I be alive to see the end of this?" he thought bitterly.