Pockets

He's getting that feeling again. He knows it's stupid, he's had seventeen years of opportunity to figure out what it is he wants from life, seventeen years of low self confidence and a fiery temper -- but now, now he just doesn't know.

On some levels, he finds it pointless to think about what his life will be like after Hogwarts. Hell, he doesn't even know if there's going to be a life after Hogwarts. But everyone keeps telling him and telling him and telling him that he has to think of his options, he has to plan ahead, he has to prepare himself.

It's not like he doesn't want to be prepared, he thinks bitterly -- he's all for being prepared for anything, regardless of whether or not he's spent his life acting on instinct. But the point is that he knows no matter what he does after school, not matter what Hogwarts sees him become, he will always be forgotten or ignored in favour of someone else. It's not his inferiority complex telling him this, he says to himself, he knows that it's true, it's what people think. After all, who wouldn't overlook him when there's Harry Potter to talk about, or the smartest witch of Hogwarts to admire? He's 'blissfully' average, and he knows it. He tells himself sternly that he should have accepted it by now, surely. With five older brothers that will always be remembered by everyone -- not to mention a sister that stands out just because she's the only girl -- he will only be recalled as the sidekick, the one that helped but didn't do anything of importance. It's Harry that always does the daring deed, it's Hermione that always works everything out in the nick of time -- and it's him that gets knocked unconscious or gets left behind because some stupid rat cast a spell on him.

Ron isn't happy with himself, and he hates it.

Sometimes he likes to wonder what would happen if he suddenly changed, if he suddenly stood out for something other than his temper. If he surprised everyone by being anything other than ordinary.

He wonders what his friends, his family, his peers -- even his teachers -- he wonders what they would think of the transformation. He doesn't believe that any of them would have the faintest idea why he changed.

"Mr Weasley? Mr Weasley? Ron?"

A honey-smooth voice snaps Ron out of his thoughts with a start, and he looks straight up into the eyes of Professor Lupin. He's vaguely aware that the lesson is over, that Harry and Hermione are hovering by the door waiting for him so they can go to lunch.

"Is everything alright?"

Ron blinks, twice. "Er... yeah, yeah I'm fine. I guess I got a little distracted there, eh--" And while he is thinking of something remotely intelligent to say, stuffing his books into his bag, his teacher gets there first.

"Well, we should all indulge in a little daydreaming now and then," he says, "Though perhaps my class is not the best time to do it. Off to lunch, now."

And then Ron is standing, swinging his bag over his shoulder and moving towards the doorway through which Harry and Hermione just passed. But before he leaves the classroom he turns back - he doesn't know why - and he sees Remus smile at him. Well, he thinks, maybe someone would notice -- and it is then that he lets himself smile back.