Being Used by Draco Malfoy

Used

What a mischievous grin. If only it were for me, that evil twinkles in your eye...oh, if it were for me, and only me to see. How I love your hair, so soft and slick and smooth, even more if I could run my hands through it. To see you bat at my hands as they mess up your masterpiece would be my joy.

My sorrow. You have the whole student body swooning over you. The pick of the lot is yours and what have you chosen? Everything. People hate you for being so malicious. People melt for you when you slice them with your sharp tongue. People hate you for being a Slytherin. People find you mysterious for being so dark. People hate you for your looks. People fall over backwards for your smile alone. Everyone hates you for being able to have anyone you want.

We are called sad, the ones who worship and look and swoon from afar. Not for falling in love, but for falling head over heels for you, my dear. They are called sad, the ones who have been used by you. You manipulated them and left them and that's what we sad ones want. We are called jealous, the ones who wish we could be you or with you or even be like the sad ones who were used by you. This whole thing is called your life, your main priority.

I do not believe it. Your ego is not what you really care about. I have seen your eyes so dark and empty. Almost giving away your true feelings that underlie all of your superficiality. The twinkle isn't even there when the sun shines; they look hurt and sad...almost. It pains me not to see that twinkle that I see in my dreams. You need my love to conquer these fears, these doubts, and these painful misgivings. Let me in, let me help. Has it ever occurred to you to just let people love you for you and to love them back? You would feel so much better. Let me love you and love me back.

A bright sun reflects off of your golden hair and twinkles in your eye. It is a beautiful day with the birds singing their lovely songs and the big, blue sky filled only with the shiny sun.

Swerving in and out. Racing forward to an object we cannot see. Palm opened, arm stretched far, and eyes filled with hope. Jumping from my seat I dance on my chair and think just a little bit more...

Then Lee Jordan echo voices something that you have never heard. Pure joy pulls at the corners of your mouth and sure enough there it is; you smile so bright and your eyes so ecstatic. I feel a shiver run down my spine and my cheeks warm when our eyes meet. All I can do is smile back and melt all over again as you smile with enthusiasm.

Oh! Celebration! You are in for the better. The cup is practically yours. Be happy, and be grand. Be happy for me because I feel a storm cloud coming my way. Its cold, dark canvas will shadow me. It always has. It has hidden me from my family so much they are only names and faces now and that is what I am to them. Just a girl with the familiar red hair and face covered with freckles. It has hidden me so that I'm truly alone. Nobody knows me because I don't know me. I do know that I am happy when you are happy. I guess it's time for me to get rid of these depressing walls in which I walk.

Cold, dripping, dank, these are the halls in which I walk. They are familiar to your stalkers, your loves, lovers? Pansy, we all have heard of her. Lavender, she's the biggest cheat ever, poor, poor Seamus. Susan, she's still acting like it never happened. Blaise, tall, dark, and handsome what else could you ask for? Study partners turn into unused classroom users in seconds. She doesn't understand why I envy her, nor do I know why she envies me so. Damn her, those brains got her the best of you. I just wish you were smarter than Granger. She got with you and she envies me? She got with you and she envies me and she envies me! Curse them all, the girls, the boys, and the others who look from afar. Condemn them all!

Lost in my hateful, condemning thoughts, I only just now hear the sound of a soft pitter-patter ricocheting off of the stonewalls and floor. The sound is happy and skipping...almost. I whirl around, my hair spinning in my face and falling slowly from my face, making the whole scene a blur to me. And when the veil is gone you are before me. This is something I didn't expect; you do not have your brute forces flanking you. Why aren't they with you celebrating and all, enjoying the house cup that is just about yours? Is it because of the mysterious passion in your eyes that made you leave your friends?

We are so close now that I can smell tropical fruit lingering on your body and feel you warm, cinnamon fresh breath. Your eyes dance over to a door just behind us. My need to have you, to consume you entirely, is out of my control. If I'm not careful...

My lips part allowing your tongue to slither over mine. I begin to shake as your hands run up my sides parting me of my shirt. You bruise my newly uncovered skin with kisses on my collarbone and, gradually, your lips push away my bra straps. Breathes my mouth shallow and jagged. I need more.

Just more? No, I need everything, your taste, your touch, your body, your love. Why can't I stop shaking? It is your-our-love making. Breathe me in, swallow me whole, feel all you can, let your eyes travel over all of me because I will. I'll take and take until there is no more. I want you to do the same, take me, till I'm drowning.

Your breath is warm on my back. It tingles in areas I never knew existed until you touched them...until you brought me to life. My hands are where they have dreamt of so long; in your hair so soft, so slick, so wet. Wet from our sweaty love. Still, they desire for more. Blood sheds down your back, nothing but a trickle from my nails digging deep. Maybe I went too far, but no this drives you deeper. I am broken.

I'm split down the middle. I am no longer mum's good, little girl, I'm your dirty little secret. How I love those words. The sound of them rolls off my tongue and tickles your ears. Then they play in my ear so nasty, so exhilarating. Say them again, the sound so intoxicating, once more, please. Let them slide over your lips so luscious and drown my swimming brain. Oh, please if this is a dream let it end now or let me die later because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Use me again, every night, every day, during class time, in the morning, and in the noon. Use me until I can't take any more.

Your hand pushes away stray red strands of my hair. Why are you shaking? I see a new emotion in your eyes. It sends shivers and convulsions through me. They go through you; first up your lightly muscled arms, then into your toned chest and down into your heart. I feel it too; it is in my eyes and my heart too!

Oh, Draco! I love you! Sing it on high, sing it on low, I'll sing it until my voice breaks. Sing it back, sing it loud, sing it proud. Just sing it for me.

Hands quivering, body shaking, and still I am not satisfied. Deep, a little more and I'll be complete. Immersed deeply inside, you fill me...my heart swells but do not break. With your hands so strong you hold me together, caress me, lick away the darkness. Your teeth nibble at my pale, untouched shoulders that have yearned for so much for so long to be loved. Your hands are thrilling my pulsating legs. They move farther and farther up moving in and out. My back aches; it has been arched back so long our combined weights are just too much and exhaustion hits me hard. I do not want to stop. There is a limit to how far one person can go and until I hit that limit of sweet pleasurable pain I will not stop. Grind into me give me bruises, just do not stop. Let me bleed; make me bleed like I have done to you. Hurt me; please make me beg for mercy. Do it because you love me.

Pain. The words my ears hunger for have been uttered to another. Oh, dear God help me. Why am I always the last in line? Always the last to be told? Always the last to be comforted and to be held? Always last to receive the love that I give? Who? Who Draco, who? No, I don't want to know, just keep it to your self. It-it just pains me. Do they deserve you? Do they love you like I love you? Do they want to heal your wounds? Have they dreamt of you when it was not night? What they do, what they have I can do, I can get and I'll do whatever you want.

You take the full advantage of these words. Throbbing spiteful pain. Only twenty-four hours ago were we making the pain pleasurable, now it hurts and scars me deeply. Parties and balls I had no intention or invitation to go to, I go to. The school years fade away. Maybe I'll be free next year. HA! What a joke that only the crickets sing to. Years go by and still no freedom from your torture. You are married, but it is not happily. She cheats, you cheat and I'm the one who suffers.

I-can I take that back? Your hand leaves a stinging sensation on my cheek. No, it's too late I said it and now I'm stuck. Where is the love that I saw? Why do I shake? You killed it; you scared it out of me...

I feel so defiled.

Sitting in the porcelain tub with the showerhead on, I still feel filthy. Get rid of it. Can I be reborn innocent and knowing of your evilness? My head comes in contact with a stone wall. 'Course not, the sin has been made, repeatedly and I'm forever covered in a layer in an un-cleanable layer called Draco. Stop hurting me, I think it but to no avail. You push harder against my weakening bones. Just stop, please. I'm begging for you to stop but your ears have closed up to the pleas of my voice. To many years have my nights ended like this. Each step afterward makes me wince. I'm bruised to the pelvis. Let me go home...

Oh my, home...

Home is where my family is. Where the faces shine from a never setting sun and love grows in mama's garden. Home is where my favorite memories have taken shape and I first felt love. But home is also where I found shallowness and hate. Where I was the nitpick-pickiest of all the babies and ignored the most too. Home is, I found, that I am not needed and am no loved. That is why I took up your offer, Draco. I saw past the mean, cruel exterior and saw what was in me. You needed love too. I had plenty to give because of all the shunting I've been experiencing. 'Oh, that's just Ginny, don't mind her.' I have heard those words one too many times. But now as you leave me, broken, bloody, and torn, I realize, that is where I belong; at home.

They will notice I hope you know. Can't put a thing past my brothers...or my mother for that matter. And then...you'll get it. They'll beat you to a bloody pulp, they won't stop until you cry, and that isn't until after there's blood shed. I'll stand idly by watching and wondering.

Wondering why I said those stupid words that bound me to you. Wondering why I let you inside and make me a woman. Wondering and waiting but knowing that the questions I have will never be answered. Why?

I said it long ago, after the war. After his defeat, I lost a brother and a father, but perhaps you were to busy inflicting me. You do not care because your side won. Don't think I do not know; you and your father where in his closest circle. I know where you go when you leave to do as I pleas. It is only convenient for you to let me be than it is to explain to your family and your boss why I live in the same house as your wife. Alas, my family will not notice these new flaws, nor will your family ever accept me as alive. Even though we won, my family, other families, have many losses. Skirting about with black eyes and wincing with each motion and still they do not notice. Even Ron, whom I see nearly three times a month, does not notice my new accessories. I just wish I could have told some one, anyone. Even after it was over, to warn other girls about men like you. But to late I have taken the last breaths either of us will be taking.

There was no love. Not the kind I wanted. You loved hurting me. You loved taking advantage of me. You loved how nobody cared. And I love you, dead and bloody and lifeless in my arms. And now it is my turn. Avada Kedavra.