But I Love You...

But I love you....

Disclaimer: I own everything. Sue me-you'll get nothing-I have no money! Mwahahahaha!

Note: This is full of cliches and highly unlikely events. Have faith and just go with it.

Sitting down he absentmindedly pushed a non-existent out of place strand of hair behind his ear. It was lunchtime and he was nonchalantly eating his food. He couldn't stop thinking about-

"Something wrong, honey?" ask Pansy

"Mmm," mumbled Draco.

"Come on, you've been barely eating for the past week."

"Whatever. I'm not very hungry," said Draco as he stood up and left, secretly hoping she wouldn't follow him.

He'd always hated him but now after recent-er-developments he now absolutely loathed her. He desperately wanted to break up with her but Pansy was so into him that something inside his icy depths just couldn't bear to do it. Draco heard her get up and start coming toward him. He walked faster in a last desperate attempt to lose her. Pansy only walked faster to catch up.

//This girl is a few degrees shy of Crabbe and Goyle,\ thought Draco

Draco flinched as he felt Pansy slip her arms around his waist and he set her head on his shoulder. The got out into the corridor and faced each other, Pansy's hands still on his waist.

"Come on, baby, what's wrong?" Pansy asked coaxingly.

"I'm in love with someone I can't have," Draco stated out loud for the first time.

A wave of shock flowed over Pansy's face. She reddened as her eyes brimmed with tears. Draco didn't even show a whim of sympathy. He rushed past her toward the Slytherin dorms. He approached the statue, muttered the password and almost ran to his be. He drew the curtains. He felt a bit bad that he made Pansy cry but it had to be done. He longed eagerly for physical contact from the one person he couldn't have.

He'd fallen in love years before they'd met. The most hated boy at Hogwarts was in love with the Boy Who Lived. The thing that ultimately killed him the most was the fact that he could never hold or be held by him. Not one sincere look, smile or even a hug...ever. He only made rude comments to get a chance to look into the depths of his emerald eyes. To hear the pure harmony that was his voice. Draco realized he was crying so he pulled out his wand and cast a silencing spell. With privacy assured he openly sobbed into his pristine hands.

The pain concentrated in his chest making an indescribable feeling. He'd felt it before, everyday. As if a switch had been flipped his tears shut off and he stopped crying. He couldn't hold out any longer. He'd learned not to resist because it did nothing except bide time. In fact-it make it worse. Somewhat reluctantly he grabbed his pillow and fingered around in a hole until he found what he wanted: his knife. A simple pocketknife. He pulled open the big blade. He pushed up his pant leg and placed the blade down. After a brief hesitance he pushed down and dragged the blade as much as he could withstand. The chasm in his chest was suddenly relieved. The blood had begun to bead up and slide down his pale skin. He had also stored something else in his pillow, his favorite muggle device-the band-aid. Draco carefully applied it, snapped the blade back in and put it back in his pillow. He opened the curtains and looked out the window.

The potions classroom

"Nelad," Snape glanced up, "-here."

"Malfoy," Snape glanced up again. "Does anyone know where Draco Malfoy is?"

There was a light murmur throughout the room.

"Potter-go to the infirmary and see if Malfoy is there-if not go to the Slytherin dorms and see if he's there."

"Sir, wouldn't it make more sense to send a Slytherin up there? I don't even know the password."

"10 points from Gryffindor, do not question me. The password is Big Brother. It's getting changed at the end of this class period so it won't be a problem. Now go quickly before Gryffindor loses anymore points."

Angry, Harry stood up and jogged out of the room and to the hospital wing.

"Mr. Potter, can I help you?" Madame Pomfrey asked putting her hand on his forehead.

"Oh, I'm fine, Snape sent me to see if Draco Malfoy was here."

"No, he's not."

"Okay, thanks," said Harry as he walked out of the room. He remembered where the Slytherin dorm was from his Polyjuice escapade. He came to the statue, said the password and headed up to the bedroom. He wanted to make this as quick as possible. He walked through the fifth year dormitories and heard a slight whimpering from the bed furthest away from him.

//Draco? Malfoy doesn't seem to be like the one to cry...\

Harry stepped quietly over to the bed; Draco was facing away from him.

"Draco?" said Harry sympathetically.

Draco was stunned both by the voice and the fact that Harry called him by his first name. He wiped his tears and tried to sound strong.

"What do you want, Potter?" said Draco, voice still wavering.

"Snape sent me to come find you."

"Well, you found me."

"Are you coming to class?"

Draco turned around and stood up to face Harry.

"No."

His red and puffy eyes were evidence that he ad been crying. Harry felt sympathetic but didn't quite know what to do. Without really thinking he soothingly put his hands on Draco's shoulders. Draco stood stunned for a moment. He felt the burning tears stream down his face. Harry did what instinct told him and pulled him into embrace. Malfoy returned the embrace as he completely broke down. As he slumped to the floor, Harry held on cradling him. Although in pain, Draco was yelling in delight in his mind.

"I-I'm sorr-" began Draco to say but what cut off by Harry placing his finger on his lips.

"Shhh...there's nothing to be sorry about."

Draco seized the moment, reached up and kissed Harry softly on the lips. The second Draco's fear of rejection set in, Harry set him on the ground and began kissing him more passionately and deeply. Both were still a bit shell shocked by the fact this was happening. After a few moments Harry reluctantly broke the kiss.

"We should really get to potions. Snape is begging for an excuse to punish me," Harry said in a melancholy tone.

Draco said nothing savoring the taste, which lingered on his tongue.

"Mmm...can't we just stay here...continue where we left off?" said Draco seductively. With those worlds all his thoughts about getting to class quickly melted away. Harry leaned in, picked up Draco and set him on the bed. Harry was kissing him slowly and he slid his hand up Draco's sleeve. Several thick horizontal ridges cause Harry and Draco to stop immediately. Malfoy recoiled and tucked his hands in his robes.

"Draco? What is it?"

"None of your business," stated Draco coldly as he pushed Harry off and sat back on the bed. Harry sat next to him, hands around his waist.

"Come on, you can tell me," Harry purred in his ear.

"You wouldn't understand." His voice cracking. Draco leaned into Harry, immensely happy he was there and praying it wasn't all some cruel and beautiful dream.

"I promise not to tell anyone. Come on, talking helps."

With one last shudder, Draco pulled his sleeve up to reveal many thick red and purple scars.

"I've been cutting for years, at first it was a punishment or release when I was mad at myself, but then it was only way I could get subside the emotional pain."

Harry kissed him on the neck several times.

"Is that why you were crying before?"

Draco who didn't trust his voice merely nodded. Harry almost started crying himself; Draco seemed to emit an aura of pain.

"It's okay, I'll protect you," said Harry in a falsely confident voice.

"...From myself?" said Draco with a slight chuckle.

"Yes, I'll kiss the pain out of you."

"Is that so? Let's see if it works."

Harry drew the curtains and they picked up where they left off.

I'm a review whore so no reviews-no new chapters.