The Last Time

This was routine for her now. Every afternoon it was the same thing. And she knew it was wrong. She still let it happen.

She could tell herself everyday how wrong it was. She could repeat it as many times as she wanted. She could say this was the last time she would let it happen. That these secret meetings would stop.

Everyday it was the last one. Or so she told herself it would be.

But she couldn't stop. It always went the same way.

She went to him. She let him kiss her. She tried to push herself away. She gave in. She kissed back. It was nice. Then after a few moments the realization would hit her. That she was doing it again. Letting him do this to her. She knew he was everything she was supposed to hate. Everything she did hate. Everything she was supposed to fear.

So she pushed him away. She stopped him. Stopped herself. And every time he asked why she was fighting it. Why she was stopping. And he knew what she would say every time.

Because it's wrong.

It was almost torture for her to leave. Being with him gave her a rush. She felt things she didn't know possible. Things she wished she could stop feeling. Because if she didn't feel them she wouldn't get sucked back in.

But there was a feeling that came from knowing he was the enemy. Know she was doing something wrong. Something no one would expect from her. She couldn't explain this feeling. Not even to herself. But it overpowered her sense of right and wrong every time she was with him.

Despite these feelings she managed to push herself away. An action which did no good because she always ended up back the next day. Everything would start over again.

It always did.

So here she was. Walking down the most deserted hallway in the castle to the deserted classroom they always met in. She knew this hallway better than she should.

But Ginny had made a decision. Today was the end. She was not going to let him get to her. Not anymore. She wouldn't let him look at her. Touch her. Kiss her.

And so she went into the room, took a deep breath and looked up to see him as she always saw him, sitting on the professor's desk, looking at her smugly, knowing despite what she had adamantly stated the day before, she would show up.

She always showed up.

"Well well, look who showed up. Thought you weren't coming back here Weasley?" She ignored him. She always ignored him.

"Shut up Malfoy."

"Ouch. A bit nasty today, are you?"

"I don't want to hear it today," she snapped, "It's over Malfoy. I've just come to tell you that."

He jumped from the desk and walked over to her.

Face to face.

"You don't mean that Weasley," his voice was quiet yet forceful. He was sure of himself. As always.

"I don't?"

"If you wanted this over, you wouldn't have shown up today," he smirked. She knew he felt sure that he'd won this time.

And she was quiet. She was quiet because she knew he was right. He had won. He always won. Despite the voice in her head screaming and fighting to be heard. To tell her this was wrong. The voice telling her she should turn and walk away. She ignored the voice. She always ignored the voice.

"No answer Weasley?"

She looked down at her feet. There was only one thing she hated more than Draco Malfoy himself. Giving Draco Malfoy the satisfaction of knowing he was right. Despite that hate it was something she was getting quite good at.

The situation was too familiar. And Ginny knew what was next. She knew because this was how it always went.

She tried to force herself to turn away. To listen to that voice in her head that she was all too good at ignoring. But before she knew it, she was staring back up at him.

It was something she couldn't control. Something inside screaming above her logic that no matter how wrong being her was, she wanted it. She needed it. She didn't know why, but oh how she needed it.

She pushed herself to turn away one last time. Tried to stop herself from making eye contact.

Don't let him touch you. Don't let him kiss you. Not this time.

But she ignored herself. She let him kiss her. And it was nice.

It always happened like this. He kissed her. She kissed back. And it was nice.

And she told herself this was the last time.

She always did.