More Than Words

~Saying I love you, Is not the words I want to hear from you...~

I brushed the raven bangs from over that damned beautiful scar. Damned because of its maker and beautiful because of all the man in front of me had brought it to represent. Funny that in these ten years he still hasn't come to approach me in height at all. He straightens my robes.. white robes. Not flattering in the least and such an ironic turn. The black sheep of Hogwarts, the Deatheaters, and wizarding society as whole sheds his black fleece to take up the white of righteousness. He rises on his toes and opens his mouth as if to speak, "Sev, I..."

My finger stops his lips.

~It's not that I want you not to say, But if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel~

He smiles softly, those ever absorbing emerald eyes sparking beneath the shadows they have gathered. Those soft lips. Lips that have given kisses softer than a feather, but at the same time more intoxicating than any alcohol mankind could produce. The lips that stop under my touch and kiss my fingertip softly. My heart skips but my cool face doesn't betray me, my content smirk is enough for him.

~More than words is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me cause I'd already know~

I take a last look at him before we turn to enter the field. His hand takes mine and clasps it strongly. The strength that only this seemingly innocent figure could muster. Strength that somehow boosted my hopes for what we head into. That touch sends my mind sailing back to how we even got here. The boy who had hated me grew to be the man who loved me.

~What would you do, if my heart was torn in two? More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real~

That first time.. when he cornered me after the leaving ceremony. Those lips. Not gentle at all. Hungry was more of the description. And what did I do? I let it of course. Those lips that had led us on to other things. Like that skin.. the skin softer than anything I had ever touched. He was flushed, pressing against me and whispering something in my ear. I tried my bitter remarks and biting tongue but my hands couldn't be stopped. My hands betraying me. He pressed on and still whispered, ignoring my halfhearted insults.

~What would you say if I took those words away? Then you couldn't make things new just by saying I love you~

He said something about this being how it was supposed to turn out. I tried to fight. I know I did. Or at least I tell myself that. And that afternoon led into evening, to tangled bodies in the cool shadows of the dungeons. My dungeons. It led to whispered promises in the torchlight, promises I told myself I wouldn't keep. And that evening led to morning, two bodies spooned into a perfect fit. But he awoke later, finding nothing but a cold spot in the dark green sheets. A Gryffindor in Slytherin sheets. When I wrote that letter to leave on the empty pillow I tried to laugh at the irony of it all but the laugh wouldn't come.

~It's more than words, It's more than what you say, Its the things you do.~

How I imagined those enchanting jade eyes filling with tears and how I wished that I could go back to the days when I would've enjoyed those tears. But they didn't come and he kept pressing. He didn't like my charade of non-caring and he was much better at taking it down than I was at keeping it up. It was that damned Gryffindor determination that finally broke through. That determination and those hands and those lips and those eyes and that bravery. He broke me down, down to a feeling creature. Down to the man I may have been only in the days when the world was pure and innocent, if it ever had been. He broke me down and brought me to love him. Not with just his body, but with his whole being.

~It's more than words, It's more than what you say, Its the things you do.~

He made sure never to lose touch even when he was out in the field organizing the final strike against Voldemort. He kept with me even when I had been debilitated by the Dark Lord when he discovered my split allegiance. With the loss of my left arm I fell into depression and still wouldn't allow Poppy to attempt anything by way of regeneration. I pushed him away telling myself that he didn't need some crippled old man to drag him down. But he stayed and nursed me and ignored my foolish babblings. He worked with me to start doing potions again, my only other passion besides him that I had been deprived of with my injury. He helped me with my spell casting until here we stood, now, on the verge of the final battle. The battle that had been un willingly thrust upon us. The battle where we don the white robes that had so long been stashed away in waiting, quivering anticipation for this day. He turns to look up at me again, his fingers still tangled in mine for a fleeting moment before we take the field late as Albus has planned.

"Sev.. I just want to.."

"Shh. Harry, you don't need to."

~Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand. All you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hand.~

He smiles once more and I return it. It seems to give him courage, my smile, and he dons a warrior’s face, his fingers slipping from mine as the door in front of us opens and we burst onto the field. White robes and black alike scatter the ground. The magical energy in the air is so think that you can smell, see and taste it. I see him tear forward and burst through the ranks. I watch his back as I was told and admire his strength, skill, and pure unbending determination. He has seen his target and there is no stopping him. I run over the carcasses in his wake, some of them still bubbling, sizzling and twitching from his unrelenting ferocity and drive. He finally reaches his mark. They both stop. It's like some children's staring contest but in this version the loser will only end up dead. His scar glows and they both cast. All I know is I am running as the both fall, yelling, crying. There had been two flashes of green and two figures falling. I see him, the dark lord. Dead. Stone dead. He had done it. Saved us all. But my tear drowned eyes turned to find him. Harry. My Harry. He wasn't dead. He smiled through his pain and touched my dangling arm as I fell to my knees to cradle him.

~And touch me, hold me close, don't ever let me go. More than words is all I ever needed you to show. Then you wouldn't have to say that you loved me cause I'd already know~

I lay him over my lap, careful not to sob in front of him as my tears slip down my cheeks to fall on his blood stained robes. He is covered in cuts and gashes that were no doubted gained from his impulsive charge through the enemy line.

"I got him Sev.." His mouth tilts into a lopsided smile from a large swelling that has begun to appear over his eye.

"I dodged it.. he didn't get me.." I manage a forced smile as I look at the body of Lucius Malfoy behind him, hand still clutching the dagger that I had raised Harry’s limp form from. The dagger that would be his end.

"That you did.. You saved us.."I try to be brave for him. And I can already see his eyes start to fall shut as the blood seeps out more and more onto his robes and mine.

"Rest with me Sev.. It's almost nighttime. We have to sleep before the parties.."

I laugh through my tears and lean down to kiss him softly. His lips respond weakly.

"Yes. We'll have fun tonight Harry. Tons of parties.."

"Sev.. I.."

I put a finger to his lips again. My tears are flowing freely now and I bite back a sob. It comes out as a whimper. I am afraid to hear the words. I don't want to hear them because the pain is already too much for me to bear.

~What would you do if my heart was torn in two? More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real ~

"Sev?" He coughs a little and I hold him closer. "Why are you crying?" He weakly brushes a tear from my cheek.

"I'm happy Harry. Glad you did it."

He starts to laugh a little but falls into a fit of coughing. "I never saw you cry before.. "

I smile softly again and dry up my tears, or at least try to stop them in front of him. "And never will you again.."

He catches my hand but not the full meaning of my words and he somehow finds the strength to hold it down to his lips. He kisses my fingertips.

"Let's..sleep now Sev.." His voice is barely above a whisper, "I love you..."

~What would you say if I took those words away? Then you couldn't make things new just by saying I love you ~

His eyes flutter closed, and I feel his pulse stop under my fingertips. The tears come freely once more, tears I don't know if I will ever stop. Through my wracking sobs I hold him close with my one arm, trying to let the pain flow free with my tears. I hear my own voice cracking with pain and whispering into his ear, an ear that never heard what I was afraid to say and never will again.

"I love you, Harry"