Impossible

Impossible

I promised myself that I would never do it again. Never fall for him again. Every time I did I fell helplessly. But it didn't even faze me. It never did, never has. My heart gets stolen and I can't think straight.

But I do it anyway. I fall for him. I love as much the last time as I did the first time. I loved him with all my heart. And I still do.

His charm is flattering. His eyes are kind. His smile is brilliant. His wit is astounding. He's everything that makes me weak. My knees give out. My heart jumps out of my chest. Out of my chest and into the palm of his hand. Where it breaks every time.

But I can't get over him. When I try I fail. Something stops me from forgetting. Like I should remember him or he's worth remembering. There's something special about him.

I want to forget him. Forget all the things he's done to me. All the times he broke my heart. The times I've cried for him. All the feelings I've felt because of him.

I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be left feeling angry or upset because of him. I don't want to feel that pain anymore.

"Perhaps your grades wouldn't appear so shocking if you would pay more attention. But it's only a suggestion. Because of these revolting grades you are all to write a journal entry on what you learn each day. Journals should be at least half a piece of parchment. At the end of each week, I expect four pieces of parchment from each student. Is that clear? Good. You may start on your first entry. And no talking!"

"Psst. You'd better get to work or you'll get in even more trouble."

"No talking!"

"What's wrong with you lately? You seem out of it. Sort of. Has something happened?"

"It's nothing."

"Okay."

"I'm going up to the common room. Catch you later."

I wanted to confide to her. I really did. But I just couldn't bring myself to it. I didn't want to admit that I love him too much. Or to have her say that I need to forget him. 'Cause it just doesn't work that way. I can't just stop liking him, just like that. It's impossible. Impossible like us being together without me getting hurt.

I just tell myself that he's not worth it. That I'm better off without him. That I can do better. But how can you do better than him? He's perfect. He's got everything. He is everything, for St. Mungo's sake. You couldn't possibly do better. It's impossible to find someone better than him.

School is coming to an end. My final year. I won't ever have to see him again. I'll move away. I'll move to downtown London and live part time as a muggle. I'll never have to feel for him again.

Love is impossible. I know that now. At least from you. You only bring me pain. Unbearable pain. I'm putting a stop to it now.

I think a change of scenery would be good a good thing for me. Something different. I could use something like that.

As for us, what could have been? We would never have worked out, had we stayed together any longer.

Your charm is dishonest. Your eyes are hateful. Your smile is selfish. Your wit is dull. You're everything that makes me confident. My knees stay strong. My heart stays where it is. In my head and that's when I know.

That walking by you like this, I can make it on my own. I take this broken heart with me on new adventures. Where I can't get hurt again. And the only thing I can do is live and get stronger. Not angry. Not upset. No pain.

And that's when I know I've accomplished the impossible.