Severus Snape and the Three Christmas Ships

"I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas day, on Christmas day;
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas day in the morning.

And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas day, on Christmas day?
And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas day in the morning?

And all the bells on earth shall ring,
On Christmas day, on Christmas day;
And all the bells on earth shall ring,
On Christmas day in the morning.

And all the angels in Heav'n shall sing,
On Christmas day, on Christmas day;
And all the angels in Heav'n shall sing,
On Christmas day in the morning.

And all the souls on Earth shall sing,
On Christmas day, on Christmas day;
And all the souls on Earth shall sing,
On Christmas day in the morning."

I Saw Three Ships

Old English Carol

Author unknown

Severus Snape and the Three Christmas Ships

Disclaimer: It's not mine; it all belongs to the wonderful JKR.

He sat huddled in a corner by the cold fireplace. The air in the cottage was cold, there was no food. Severus Snape couldn't stand going to town. It was a week before Christmas, the streets were full of happy people, and Christmas carols played on every street corner. Blasted lights shone far too brightly everywhere. It brought the sorrow that had been haunting him for the last 10 months to the surface, raw, terrible, and gut wrenching.

They had won the war, but he had lost everything. For a brief shining moment in his life, he had been happy, truly happy. He had found love in the turbulent pre-wartime and had, for the first time, been able to spend many happy, blissful months until that fateful day when she was taken from him forever.

He took a swig from the fire whisky, trying to block out the memories. Trying to make himself numb. He had continued teaching at Hogwarts afterwards, mostly to try and distract himself and because both the headmaster and Minerva McGonagall had insisted. They both worried about him and had tried to console him, but he wouldn't let anyone into his dark world. He lived his life like a shadow, barely there, with no hope, no purpose. He didn't care if he lived or died. He was a shell, he just existed, empty and soulless.

Albus Dumbledore knocked on the small cottage overlooking the rocky shoreline of a wild and turbulent ocean. There was no answer. Worried, he tried the door to find it unlocked. He went inside. Sadness overwhelmed him as he found his broken potions master collapsed beside the stone fireplace. He had obviously been drinking, judging by the empty bottle of fire whisky beside him. With a wave of his wand, Albus started a warm and cozy fire going. Then he knelt down by Severus, gently stroking back his wildly tousled matted black hair, noting he hadn't shaved in days. "Severus?"

He moaned in response, the dark, haunted eyes slowly opening. He blinked several times as he attempted to focus his eyes. When the headmasters concerned face finally became clear, he groaned again and turned away. "Just go away," came his hoarse voice.

"No, dear boy. I'm not going to let you wallow here in your misery. You are alive and you must keep living you..."

"SOD OFF OLD MAN!" Snape suddenly sprang to life. "You have no right to come here preaching to me about living. I do not wish to live anymore. I've never wanted to live this cursed life!"

Albus stood back, letting Severus rant and smash the empty bottle against the hearth. He was reminded of two years ago when Harry had destroyed his office, wrapped in the throes of grief over Sirius' death. He had failed Harry then, but he would not fail Severus this time. He could not fail him. He had to be strong for him; the man was devastated.

"SEVERUS SNAPE, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!" Dumbledore roared. He then softened his tone. "She would not want to see you like this! If you can't pull yourself together after all these months, then you didn't deserve her love in the first place. She is, was a fighter, she would not give up and become a pathetic drunk."

Snape swayed on his feet but looked at him balefully. "Get out!" he snarled quietly.

Dumbledore held his ground and stared at him over his half-rim glasses. "Go take a bath while I prepare some food."

Confusion crossed his pale features.

"Go! Now!" Dumbledore ordered sternly.

Snape looked resentful, still not moving.

"Do I have to bathe you myself? I would think it would be less humiliating for you to take care of it, but if you insist." He spoke calmly and then took a step towards Snape.

The man took a step back, then looked defeated as he turned towards his bathroom.

Albus waited until he heard the water running and then conjured up some of Severus' favourite foods.

Snape came out a while later, his hair wet. He had changed his clothes and was wearing a black sweater and black slacks. He obediently sat down when Dumbledore indicated a chair. But when a plate of steaming french onion soup was placed before him, he muttered, "I'm not hungry."

"You will eat. You need your strength."

Snape threw him a look of hatred. "For what? The Dark Lord is gone forever. Potter saw to that."

"To live your life."

Snape snorted angrily. "I don't want to be saved. So what are your intentions, Professor Dumbledore? Tie me down? Force me to eat?"

Dumbldore's eyes were stern. "If I need to."

Like a tired, petulant child the younger man sat back and crossed his arms.

Dumbledore shook his head. "If she could see you now, how do you think she would feel?"

"Don't mention her." His voice grew hoarse.

"Why not, Severus? She loved you so much and she would want you to live. Don't throw away everything you found with her, don't let it all have been for naught. You changed when you fell in love with her. You became the man you were meant to be. She helped you to find the warm, loving man inside of you after all of that hatred and bitterness finally faded away. Honour her by becoming that man once again."

Snape winced as tears entered his eyes.

Dumbledore's heart ached at the pain in the younger wizard's soul. His grief had not faded over all those months, and if anything it had grown stronger. He got up and went over to him, putting an arm around his now shaking shoulders.

"My life means nothing to me without her, I don't know how to go on. There's nothing there." His voice cracked and his head fell into his hands.

Dumbledore pulled him close, one arm around him and the other softly stroking the still damp black hair. Snape cried softly. Dumbledore held him for a long time until he quieted. He wiped his face and wearily pulled himself up. He found himself being pulled into the headmaster's embrace.

"It's ok, Severus. Lean on me for a while, gather some strength from me."

As angry as he was with the headmaster for invading his privacy, it felt so good not being alone, having some care, letting someone comfort him. He had pushed everyone away after her death. He rested his head on Dumbledore's shoulder and closed his eyes. A while later, he found himself propped up against the chair as the headmaster dipped a spoon into the soup and held it up to his mouth.

He snorted softly and took the spoon himself. "You aren't going to leave me alone until I eat this are you?" he questioned softly, his voice full of defeat.

Dumbledore shook his head, his blue eyes shining warmly. "No my boy, I care far too much about you to do such a thing."

Under Dumbledore's watchful eye, Snape slowly ate the soup; he hadn't tasted his food since before the war. Tonight, however, he savoured the tangy sweetness of the onions. He finished the soup and ate the soda bread that Dumbledore handed to him. He was exhausted by the time his plate was empty.

"One year ago I had the best Christmas ever. She was a like a child, so full of energy and excitement. Her eyes growing wide with wonder and her laughter when she built that snow witch was..." His voice trailed away as he swallowed hard.

"Contagious," Dumbledore finished the sentence for him. "She was just what you needed and what you still need."

He vehemently shook his dark head. "I'm finished with love. It hurts too much. I don't want it in my life again."

The headmaster's hand came up and he stroked the side of Severus' face gently, brushing back the black strands. "I promise you dear Severus, you are not finished with love - it will enter your life again."

He pulled back from the touch abruptly and got up, throwing his chair back so violently that it fell to the floor. "I told you I don't want it!"

"Put your coat on. You need to get some exercise and fresh air," the old wizard stated calmly.

Snape's mouth fell open, but before he could utter another word, Dumbledore handed him his coat, tightly grasped his upper arm, and forced him towards the door.

The night was clear but cold as Snape trudged along behind the headmaster. He refused to look around him or up at the bright stars. He almost bumped into him when he came to an abrupt stop.

"Look out into the ocean. It's a beautiful sight, isn't it?"

Snape reluctantly raised his eyes, but to him nothing was beautiful anymore. He regarded the dark waters illuminated by moonlight and could think of no action more wonderful than to throw himself off the ledge and sink below the cool waters. He released a deep breath. He knew he wouldn't kill himself. She wouldn't have wanted him to.

"If you look out far into the waters, you will see the lights of ships heading towards the harbour, perhaps Christmas ships carrying wondrous things."

Dumbledore's hand rested on his shoulder. He didn't respond. The headmaster's eyes were bright and his voice held the joy of a small boy expecting presents. He didn't want to take away the older wizard's joy just because his world was dark and hopeless.

They walked back to the stone cottage together in silence. When they entered, Snape looked at Dumbledore with his dark eyes wide and haunted. "What now?" he asked hoarsely.

"Now, dear Severus, you go to bed and sleep. I will stay here with you for this night. I want you to promise me in these few days before Christmas that you will try and pull your life together, that you will ready yourself to start a new year, that you will fight. I will come back on Christmas Eve to ensure that you aren't alone."

The dark head shook. "No, you needn't stay here to be my babysitter." He looked up and his eyes flashed. "I promise you I will not do myself in."

Dumbledore nodded patiently. "Nevertheless, I am spending the night."

Snape did not look pleased but he was too tired to argue. He pointed the headmaster towards one of his spare rooms and took refuge in his own room.

Sometime during the night Dumbledore awoke to the sound of soft cries. He quickly put on his robe and hurried to Severus' room. What he found was the younger man tossing and turning in the throes of a nightmare. "No, no," he kept repeating the same words over again. Dumbledore stroked the black hair back and softly offered comfort: "Severus, shhhhhh. It's ok, wake up."

With a shocked gasp, he sat up panting. "It happens over and over again," he whispered brokenly.

"It will be all right, I promise." He pulled out a dreamless sleep potion, uncorked it, and handed it to him. Severus hesitated for a moment but then swallowed it quickly. He lay down and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

The headmaster sat beside him for a long time, studying him. "My dear Severus, it is my greatest wish that this Christmas turns into your best one yet." His eyes wandered over to the window and he regarded the starry sky. He silently made a wish then softly ran his hand over Severus' forehead.

The following morning found the potions master feeling rather hung over but he had started a fire in the hearth and brewed up some strong coffee nevertheless.

"Good morning," Dumbledore greeted. "How about a hearty breakfast of eggs and toast?"

Snape turned a slightly paler shade than he already was as he responded negatively.

The headmaster couldn't keep the amused grin off his face. "I hope that bottle last night was your one and only bottle of fire whisky?"

Snape nodded slowly, not wanting to jar his head too much.

"Good, things are looking up. Once you feel better will you promise me you will eat a good meal and continue eating well until I return on the 24^th?"

Snape sighed. "Whatever you want Professor Dumbledore."

"I want you to be well."

Snape snorted again softly, "That may take an impossible effort."

"But I have faith you will pull it off. For me, Severus," he stated firmly.

The dark eyes that regarded him were full of misery and self-doubt.

He went over and hugged him. Severus Snape was never much for physical shows of affection or friendship but this time he clasped onto him tightly. Dumbledore was taken back to the day when the man had turned to the light, he had clung to him like a lifeline then also. He stroked his back and murmured reassurances.

Snape took a deep breath and finally released him. "Thank you for caring. I know I don't always show it but ...I assure you that I am grateful," he stated quietly.

Dumbledore patted the side of his face, "No need to explain child. I understand."

After helping himself to some coffee and breakfast, Dumbledore left. His parting words were, "I would really like to see a tree in here when I come back." His eyes twinkled warmly.

Severus marveled at how such an old wizard could still get so excited by Christmas.

He kept his word and slowly made small changes. He forced himself to eat more and he made the effort the keep the cottage clean and warm. His heart wasn't in it, but he would keep his promise. A few days before Dumbledore was to return he even went out and cut down a tree. He put it up in the cottage against a wall not too far from the fireplace. This way one could see the fire as well as the tree from the seating arrangement. He pulled together strings of cranberries and as he started to hang them, an overwhelming sense of loss gripped him as he remembered decorating a tree last year. They had done it together and she had thrown extra cranberries at him, laughing non-stop. When she had tried to balance on the ladder to put the angel on top, she had slipped and he had caught her in his arms. He suggested she use wingardium leviosa instead of trying to do it herself, but she had laughed and said she wanted to do it like a muggle. The memories flooded back choking the air out of his lungs and he fell to his knees, his hands over his face. The tears came hot and bitter, rasping sobs shook his shoulders. When the storm died down, he slowly got to his feet, breathing deeply. He went over to the sink and, after washing his face, continued to hang the decorations, trying hard not to think of the previous year.

He mechanically made it through day after day until he found himself waking up to the day before Christmas. He knew Dumbledore was returning to check up on him and to ensure that he wouldn't be spending Christmas alone. He reluctantly went into town and bought groceries that would last him for the next few weeks. He made sure to get lots of varieties of candy to satiate the headmaster's sweet tooth.

Dusk was settling over the cottage like a warm blanket when a knock came on the door. He opened it to find Dumbledore standing there his arms laden with bags and looking eerily like Father Christmas.

"Happy Christmas, Severus."

Snape nodded to him and beckoned him in.

The older wizard set down his bags then turned and, waving his wand magically, lit up the room, door, and windows of the cottage with an array of sparkling white and blue lights.

Afterwards, he again waved his wand and lit up the huge monkey-puzzle tree in the front yard.

Snape's eyes reflected the shining lights as he regarded them sadly. Wordlessly, he followed the headmaster out into the kitchen. Dumbledore looked around noting the dancing fire in the hearth, the cleanliness of the cottage, and Snape's much improved looks.

"Severus, after a bit to eat let's go outside to see the ships that are sailing in."

Snape puzzled over the headmaster's eagerness to watch the ships.

They ate the smoked salmon and crackers that Dumbledore had brought.

"Come then, it's a lovely night almost a full moon. Let's watch them."

"As you wish," Snape responded warily, grabbing his cloak and following him out the door.

Once again they headed down to the harbour and saw a number of ships decked out in lights.

"They'll dock on Christmas morn," Dumbledore stated. "Lovely aren't they?"

Snape's black eyes regarded them and for a second his heart felt a perk of warmth. "Yes," he answered, amazed that he could even feel warmth. Dumbledore smiled at him then headed back to the cottage.

They stayed up for a bit, eating and having some drinks, and then retired to their bedrooms. Just before Snape entered his, he turned, "Thank you Professor Dumbledore, for being here."

Dumbledore nodded, his eyes twinkling. Early in the morning on Christmas day a knock pounded on the cottage door. Snape got up and went to answer it. Dumbledore had also heard it and was by his side.

As he opened the door, his eyes were met by a sight that froze him in place. Remus Lupin stood in front of him holding an unconscious woman in his arms.

Minerva McGonagall stood beside him holding two small, quiet bundles in her arms.

The headmaster sprang to action. "Remus please bring her in and put her in the guest room. Minerva please follow him. You will see that I have made the necessary transformations."

Snape looked at the pale sleeping woman as Remus strode by. "No it can't be..." he whispered in disbelief.

"Yes, dear boy, it is true. Unbeknownst to us all, she didn't die while she was spying. Rather, she was captured and tortured, but she escaped. She was seriously injured and was found by some muggles. She spent all these months in a muggle hospital until Hermione found her quite by accident. She alerted me and we immediately arranged for a healer to help her. When I was here last, we still weren't sure if she would live or die and we needed to keep her safe from those remaining Death Eaters that would have immediately killed her. But Severus, she is recovering remarkably. She is still very weak, especially considering that she gave birth only a little over a month ago."

Snape's black eyes sprang to life as he tore into the room. Remus moved out of the way as the potions master dropped to his knees and whispered, "Tonks?"

Her dark eyes opened and she smiled weakly. "Severus?"

He grasped her hand. "I thought I had lost you."

"Not if I can help it."

He leaned forward to kiss her softly on the lips.

"I have lots to tell you my love," she stroked his cheek softly, "but the most important thing is that you are now a daddy."

Minerva put the babies down in the bed by Tonks. Severus stared at the two little beings in wonder. One had dark blond hair and black eyes very much like his own. The other had black hair and dark eyes, which suddenly turned blue.

"Congratulations Severus, you have a son and a daughter. Your daughter, we believe, is an Metamorphmagus, just like her mother," Minerva stated.

"Why didn't any of you tell me?"

"Don't blame them, Severus. It was my doing. Albus had told me how much you were suffering over my death and I didn't want you to know that I was alive until everyone was sure I would recover. I didn't want you to suffer twice. I knew if I didn't make it that Albus would give you our children this Christmas. We came on three separate ships because there was worry of an attack by the remaining Death Eaters out there."

Snape turned to the headmaster. "The ships. That's why you kept dragging me out to look a the ships."

Dumbledore nodded, his eyes twinkling. "Yes Severus, I wanted you to have the memory."

"Thank you. This is all unbelievable and miraculous." He stroked Tonks' forehead while looking in awe at his children.

"What are their names?"

"I haven't named them yet."

Remus cleared his throat. He looked at Albus and Minerva. "Perhaps we should give them some privacy?"

"Excellent idea, Remus. Let's put on a nice pot of coffee."

They cleared the room.

Snape smiled for the first time in 10 months. "I can't believe this real."

Tonks chuckled softly. "Do you want me to pinch you to prove that it is?"

He shook his head, his black eyes sparkling. "You are so beautiful."

She snorted. "I look like snorkack that's being devoured and spat out."

"Never!" he responded emphatically, but then he grew more reflective "Why didn't you contact me?"

"I had a head injury. I didn't even know who I was. Not until Hermione found me and a healer started to treat me did my memory slowly come back. Our children were born during that time, which weakened me even more and I wasn't expected to make it. When Madam Pomfrey took over my case, I started to improve and last week for the first time there was hope. Albus was sure I'd be home with you for Christmas. He, Minerva, and Remus pulled me through this and brought me back to you."

"I owe them so much. I have you and two beautiful children." His voice choked up. "It's a miracle."

Tonks brought his hand up to her lips. "I love you so much." He buried his head in her hair, gently holding her and the babies.

Later, as wonderful smells came from the kitchen, Snape, carrying Tonks, came into the living room. He laid her down on the sofa and she rested comfortably against the pillows. He left the room and returned carrying the twins.

"Tonks and I would like to introduce you to Minerva Hermione Snape and Albus Remus Snape. We owe you the world and we both thank you from the bottom of our hearts."

Albus went over to Snape and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you, Albus for not giving up on me all those years ago and for giving me my life back," Snape said hoarsely.

"Merry Christmas, Severus." He patted him on the back. "You are long overdue for some happiness. Just make sure I'm invited to the wedding," he teased.

Snape flushed slightly and nodded. He turned once again to look at the woman he loved holding his children in her arms.

An amazing sensation of warmth and unbridled happiness washed over him.

He couldn't have wished for more.

Bells rang softly echoing up from the town below on Christmas day in the morning.