Banishing Darkness

"I'm afraid," Hermione said quietly, slipping into the set of rooms Dumbledore had given Remus in Hogwarts when seventh year started. "And I can't sleep." It was the near the middle of the night, but she'd thought Remus would still be awake, and he was. She wanted to talk to him.

"So the Head Girl is wandering around at night?" Remus replied as he turned away from the window, smiling slightly. "Isn't that against the rules?"

Hermione's face became slightly pink. "I thought that there was no point in waiting around in bed for sleep to happen, as I didn't think it was going to," she said frankly. "And at least this way I can patrol the halls and make sure that things are all right for now."

"All of our information says that they'll attack tomorrow, during the Leaving Feast," Remus reminded her. "I don't think they'll show up in the dead of night--Voldemort is flamboyant enough that he wants to be symbolic and kill Harry just as his child life supposedly ends and adult life begins."

Hermione nodded. "It doesn't make me sleep any better at night, though," she confessed. Then she cocked her head, surveying him through wide brown eyes. "Remus, are you afraid? Of what will happen tomorrow?"

Remus closed his eyes and turned back toward the window slightly. "No," he said softly. "What is there to be afraid of? I don't find it likely that I'll survive, and I'm not afraid of death."

"Why don't you think you'll survive?" Hermione asked, taken aback.

Remus smiled sadly. "Peter and I are the last," he replied. "James and Sirius have gone before me. We thought we were invincible, you know," he said suddenly, startling Hermione with the abrupt change of topic. "We thought that no matter how the war went, we would survive and prosper, that we would remain firm in our convictions, and that we would make the world safe for our children to grow up in...and now look at us!" He laughed suddenly, and it was not a happy laugh. "James and Sirius are dead and Peter's a traitor. James's son is going to be in the thick of the battle, and children are fighting the war rather than growing up..."

"We're not children!" Hermione exclaimed, stung. Did Remus really think of her as a child? She didn't want him to--she'd never wanted him to, even when she was a child. But she was seventeen now, and an adult by wizarding standards, and had seen and done more than enough to make her grow up. She was not a child.

Remus turned back and smiled, and it had real warmth. "No," he said, looking at her steadily. "You're not children. But you haven't experienced life the way I have, and I honestly hope that you never have to. I hope for your sake, as well as for theirs, that the three of you are together after this." They both knew that he meant her, Harry, and Ron.

Hermione shivered. The idea of life without Harry and Ron was...not to be thought of. They were like the brothers she never had. And yet, Hermione thought, looking sharply at Remus, he not only thought of life without his best friends--his brothers--he lived it. He believed he was well and truly alone.

But he wasn't. "And you'll be with us," Hermione said, impulsively taking his hand in her own. He was surprised, glancing from her face to their hands clasped together and back again, but he didn't remove his hand. Hermione was glad--she liked the way his hand felt against hers, so smooth and warm and firm.

"You're not alone," Hermione continued earnestly, looking up at him. "You've got all of us--Ron and Harry and me, and the whole Order, and all the professors...we'll stop Wormtail from getting to you, wait and see."

Remus had a slightly bemused look in his eyes as she spoke, but after she finished, he shook his head slightly, as if to clear it of unwanted thoughts, and smiled briefly at her, squeezing her hand. "Thank you," he said, gently and sincerely. "But Peter and I...I don't believe in Divination any more than you do, but if there's one thing that has to happen on that battlefield tomorrow, Hermione, it's that Peter and I will meet. There's too much between us for us to not. Avoidance isn't an option at this stage, I'm afraid." His soft light brown eyes went hard for a moment. "And there are things I would like to discuss with him. While I appreciate the offer..." He shook his head. "There are things we all have to do, and this is one of mine, and my responsibility. Whatever happens to me afterward happens." He looked sad for a moment.

"I wish you didn't have to," Hermione said quietly, aware that she was still holding his hand, but reluctant to drop it. "He's hurt you more than enough already."

Remus smiled, and brought up his other hand to tuck a few errant brown curls behind her ear, and Hermione shivered a bit at his touch, though he didn't seem to notice. "You're a very sweet girl, Hermione," he told her softly. "Whoever you fall in love with is going to be a very lucky man."

His hand was very warm in hers now, and other parts of her body were starting to grow warm too. "Remus, I--" she started to say, then decided that words weren't enough for what she wanted to say, instead raising up on her toes and kissing him on the mouth. She kept her eyes open and locked on his, and could see the swift flash of surprise in his eyes, followed by a rush of warmth. He smiled against her lips and began kissing her back.

It was all too soon for Hermione when he pulled away, and she wished that he'd go back to kissing her again, because it felt so much better than it had with the few boys she'd dated before. It was probably the difference between experienced men and inexperienced ones, and Remus was nothing if not an experienced man.

"Hermione," he said, his hand coming up again to stroke her hair lightly, and she felt a quick stab of relief that he wasn't going to push her away. "Hermione, I'm more than twice your age..."

"It doesn't matter," she said, quietly but firmly. "It never really did, especially not now that I'm seventeen and a legal adult in the wizarding world."

"I used to be your teacher. You're still a student."

"You're not anymore, and I won't be tomorrow."

Hermione could tell that Remus didn't really want to protest, because he was still stroking her hair, but he probably felt like he should. So she kissed him again, freeing her hand from his to place it on his thigh, and his hand tangled in her hair and brought her closer, angling their heads for better access, and Hermione thrilled at the touch of his tongue against her own, and the feel of one hand in her hair and the other on her waist, at his body pressed up close against her own.

"Remus," she said against his lips as soon as she could. "Remus, I want you to make love to me."

He pulled away from the kiss to look at her, though the rest of his body remained in its previous position.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking at her intently. He didn't try to protest, and Hermione was glad for that.

"Very sure," she said with a smile. "I want at least one good memory to carry with me tomorrow."

Remus returned her smile. "I think we could use all the good memories we can get," he said, and Hermione knew that she'd won, and she could finally have this thing that she'd wanted vaguely for three years, and wanted more than vaguely for one.

She'd always been attracted to him, and not in the way that she'd been attracted to Gilderoy Lockhart. Even back in third year, he'd earned her respect and admiration, and there was just something...attractive about him. But she'd dismissed it at the time as a schoolgirl thing, one among many of the girls who fancied one of their teachers. But then her feelings got stronger rather than weaker, and she knew that Remus deserved this, and she wanted to give it to him.

"Well then." She cleared her throat a bit nervously. It was one thing to want it and to say that she wanted it, and another thing entirely to do it. "A bed would be a better place to do this than standing in your sitting room, I think."

Remus looked around, as if just remembering that they were indeed in his sitting room. "Right," he laughed, and the sound of it sent an anticipatory tingle down her spine. There was something almost...sultry about it. She liked it, and wanted him to laugh that way for her in the future. "My lady?" He stepped back from and bowed slightly and held out a hand, and she laughed and took it. He then guided them into his bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Once inside, Hermione froze, suddenly unsure of what to do. Remus looked at her and seemed to understand, because he stepped closer to her and whispered in her ear, "Follow my lead," and she nodded. He'd done this before, and she certainly hadn't.

"Hermione," he murmured, reaching for the clasp of her robes and swiftly undoing them. She let the robes slip off her arms and shoulders and puddle at her feet--she hadn't worn anything underneath them besides bra and panties, because it was a warm night, and there was no point in wearing anything more than she'd needed to. Now she was glad that she'd chosen not to wear her nightgown--it would have been one more thing to take off.

"Remus," Hermione murmured in return, feeling suddenly very warm as Remus looked at her, wearing so little. She felt almost embarrassed, to have someone looking at her when she was only wearing underwear, but throttled down the embarrassment. She wanted Remus to look at her this way, as if she was precious and yet desirable.

"Now you do the same for me," he instructed, and Hermione stepped closer, and raised her arms to undo the clasps of his robes as well. He stepped out of them when she was done, and she saw that he too was wearing nothing more than underwear, but he didn't seem to have any embarrassment when he saw her looking at him, and was smiling gently at her instead. "Come," he said, holding out his hand again, and she took it without a word, letting him lead them to his bed and lay them down on it.

Once they were on the bed and had rid themselves of underwear, Remus seemed to grow even more sure, and Hermione felt a vague stab of jealousy for whoever he'd done this with before. But she thrust it down quickly, because it didn't matter who he'd done it with before, he was doing it with her now. He was doing it with her.

She laughed, suddenly and delightedly, and smiled at Remus when he looked at her. "I'm just glad to be here with you now, this way," she said to the unspoken question in his eyes. And he smiled too, and let his hands draw more laughter from her as they ran lightly over ticklish spots, and gasps as he let his hands roam over her body. This was...so much better than she'd imagined it. Him. The way he was...doing things to her, making her feel more than she'd ever had before, and with that soft, soft look in his eyes, reflected in the candlelight...

The way he moved, so sensually and gracefully, and the way he took her with him, almost took Hermione's breath away. She felt a sharp stab of embarrassment for her own lack of experience, but somehow she knew that it didn't matter to him. He must care about her the way she was, otherwise why would he be here with her? She raised her arms to twine them behind his neck and pull him closer, and he dipped his head to kiss her chest right above her breasts.

He looked up at her again, his body poised just above hers. She could see the question in his eyes, the final chance for her to back out, but she wanted to stay, with him. So she nodded, saw him close his eyes and smile gently at her, and then they were together and moving together, and God it hurt but it felt so good at the same time. Sometimes pain was a necessary before something wonderful could happen, and this was nothing if not something wonderful, the feel of him and her and them. She loved it. She loved how he felt atop her and with her and muffling his cried release into her neck and how he brought her to her peak not long after. She loved him.

"Remus," she murmured, once they were done and he was warm next to her in the bed, suddenly as tired now as she hadn't been before. She knew she should get back to her dormitory, that Lavender and Parvati would want to know where she'd been if she spent the whole night, but Remus was warm and safe, and she wanted to stay with him. She could slip back into the dorm before the other two girls woke up, and just spend the night here, with Remus. No one could banish the darkness of her night fears the way he could.

"It's all right, Hermione," he said in return, tucking them under the covers together and taking her in his arms. "We'll be all right."

And they would be, she was sure. Whatever happened, she knew they would be all right, eventually. She didn't know how--she still didn't believe in Divination, and it was just a feeling she had. That she would be all right because she had Harry and Ron looking after her, as she would be looking after them. That Remus would be all right because he had a reason to want to be, a person to come home to. And that person was her. Hermione smiled, and snuggled closer into his side. Yes, they would be all right.