But I Need Your Touch Just Too Damn Much

But I Need Your Touch Just Too Damn Much

IV: Why, Draco, why?

"Harry." Draco sighed, looking very unhappy. "It wasn't like that at all. You know."

"I know? No, I don't know Draco. I haven't know all along. I've been wondering ever since that day." Harry felt angry and victimised at the same time. "So do enlighten me."

- - - - -

With the blush only someone in love could have on his cheeks, Harry walked down the stairs. In his hands he held a hastily - but very prettily - wrapped present. Last weeks had been tough on him. He had expected so much from Draco after they started seeing each other. Stealing kisses in dark hallways, winking at each other in class when nobody was looking and even curl up against one another when the rest of their Housemates had gone to Hogsmeade. It wasn't your idea of the perfect relationship, but Harry was in love. He didn't dare to admit it to Draco, afraid the Slytherin Prince would back away.

But the last weeks had been hell. Every meeting they'd managed to arrange - with difficulty! - Draco hadn't shown up. Harry would get a short note by owl next morning with some lame excuse of having to visit his parents or Crabbe's birthday. Well, tonight he wasn't going to be stood up again. If Draco didn't wish to continue their - escapades, he'd have to say it right to his face.

Harry had just around the corner to the dungeons when he heard raised voices from behind a slightly opened door. He recognised Draco's voice immediately. What the hell was this? 'Busy with my Charms essay,' was Draco's excuse of the day - what bussiness had he talking to someone at this hour? Harry sneaked up to the door, trying to overhear their conversation. Very improper, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Draco-," a low voice ordered.

"Oh no, we're not going through this again!" Draco apparently objected.

"Yes we are. I'm not letting you make this mistake."

"It's no mistake! I've told you before what I want! I'm not pleading with you!"

A couple of minutes both seemed to be silent. But then Harry heard the sounds of two people kissing - it was unmistakable. He could just die right on the spot. Only that moment he realised that there hung a golden plate on the door - saying 'Dr. S. Snape - Potions'. He died even more, if that was possible.

Heavily sobbing he threw his wrapped gift on this floor, he ran back to his room.

He hated him. He hated him. He hated him. All this time, he'd been lied to. All this time, he had been thinking be meant something to Draco. But all this time Draco was with - with Snape! He went crazy from the pain he was feeling, crying with high-pitches wails. He crawled up under his bed, not knowing what to do with himself. If he'd only had a sharp knife, he'd show Draco. He'd be sorry when they'd would find his lifeless body, with red eyes from crying all night. But he didn't. He wanted, but he couldn't.

"What was that?" Draco broke the kiss to listen.

"Nothing." Severus shrugged and tried to pull Draco's lips back to his.

"No, I heard something, I'm sure." Draco walked to the door and looked into the corridor. It was deserted - except for a wrapped present. Draco picked it up.

"What's that?" the potionsmaster asked from his desk.

"I don't know," Draco responded, carefully unwrapping it. As soon as he realised what it was he was holding, tears were welling up in his eyes. No, it couldn't be - please let it not be. But it was already to late. Draco was holding a very fluffy white bunny, he recognised it. Harry and him had seen it in a shop in Diagon Alley, both admiring how cute and realistis the stuffed animal had appeared. And not it broke his heart.

"Fuck," he groaned.

- - - - -

Draco bit his lip. It was coming back to him, how guilty he had felt. How he never had realised he broke Harry.

"I'm so - so sorry." He fumbled in his bag and took out something that once was white. He smelled it.

"I still have him, you know." He smiled faintly at Harry, showing him the bunny.

"I see," Harry said," It looks worn."

Draco nodded. "He goes everywhere with me. Called him Harry - I did. When you left, he was all I got."

"I had no choice, you left me no choice. You completely shattered me, Draco."

"But there's more to it, Harry. I'm afraid to tell you this. But if wasn't as if I was seeing Severus 'just for fun'."

"Oh, he made you kiss him?" Harry said sarcastically.

"No, it was, like - we were seeing each other before us. There were just things, issues, that still had to be dealt with."

"Oh come on, Draco, it had been three months that day, since our first kiss. What did you have to 'handle' still after three months?"

"You knew - that, that day was our anniversary?" Draco was touched.

"Of course, and you would've known that if you weren't too busy making out with your ex!"

"Harry!" Draco now raised his voice for the first time that evening. "I never wished to tell you this, but I see there's no other way." He sighed deeply, as if preparing himself for something important. "Harry, I - I - was ... pregnant." Draco swallowed hard. "We'd just found out a couple of days before. I wanted to get out of it - live me life with you. But Severus kept pushing, he didn't want me to make a big mistake - hurry things because I was so in love with you. He was the only one who understood, Harry." He didn't dare to look up at Harry.

"Pregnant?" Harry couldn't believe his ears. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

Draco shrugged. "I would've, now. But back then, you know how it was, Harry. We were even too afraid to admit that we were in love - how do you think you would have taken that news?"

Harry knew Draco was right. Things were different then. They were too young, their whole lives had revolved in and around Hogwarts.

"But, it was Severus's?"

"Yes."

"What happened to it?"

Draco's face grew red, he started to tear a tissue to pieces. "Died," he whispered.

They were silent for a minute.

"But it was all my fault. If I had just been honest with you, we would've still been together and that baby might have still been alive."

"How did it die?" Harry was almost too afraid to ask.

"He," Draco corrected Harry," I miscarried. All my fault."

"Draco, don't blame yourself! You know it's a lot more difficult for a man to conceive, let along succesfully give birth. You know that. Don't fool yourself."

"Thanks." Draco sniffed.

Harry sat down next to Draco and stroke his back to confort him.

"Here, here, you're allright. I just wished you'd told me earlier."

"I'm sorry." Draco nuzzled into Harry's neck, trying to recapture a scent he had long lost.

Harry wanted to push Draco away, but he just couldn't reject him in a situation like this.

"Chinese tomato soup, the one you like so much?" he asked, whispering, in Draco's ear.

Draco nodded. "Yes, please." He smiled.

- - - - -

Author's Notes: Okay, I know, I know. I'm not a big fan of MPREG myself, but for some sort of reason it just fitted. And the baby's dead and all, so it won't play a big role in the rest of the story - only as story itself.

I hope I didn't dissapoint you all. (And yes, next chapter Harry will be back in his Heartbroken Anonymous class.)

Please review. Do you think Harry should go and visit Severus? Or something else that should happen?