Looking Good

Looking good, Bill. Not bad for thirty five, not bad at all. No grey hairs, not since you plucked the last one this morning...no visible scalp when you stand under the light. Must get a new leather thong, though, mate; this one's looking a bit ratty. Let's see...nice arse, too. These leather trousers were a great idea. Tie flies always catch the ladies' eyes, oh yes. One more button to fasten, though...a little too much chest hair on view. You mustn't be too obvious, Billy-boy.

I always go to the same place when I come back to town. A nice little club down Knockturn Alley called Magical Mayhem. A bit of a dive, but I like to let my hair down once in a while. Working for the goblins is all very well, but they're not known for their social skills and I need to keep in practice. What better way than to 'interact' with as many ladies as I can, in the time allowed?

It's not as if I spend all my free time in there. My extra-curricular activities for the Order might as well be a full time job. Work hard, play hard. This is war, and I need an outlet just as much as the next man.

***

Man, it's dead in here tonight. Where's everybody gone? Tallulah's giving me the glad eye but she reminds me of my mother and my little sister. I just can't go for redheads. Doesn't seem right, somehow. Minda's here too, but she always gets so clingy after sex...I can't be bothered tonight. As for Primrose...I'm not that desperate!

Wait a minute! Who IS that? Very, very nice! I wonder if she'll let me buy her a drink?

"Hi, I'm Bill. I don't think I've seen you in here before?"

"Daffodil."

"Daffodil? That's your name? That's very pretty."

"Thank you."

"Funny, though, with a name like that I'd have thought you'd be a blonde!"

"You are such a charmer, Bill. So, tell me, what brings you here tonight?"

"Company. I'm lonely, Daffodil. I work every hour the Fates send with non-humans...can I help it if I get these ...cravings...for the company of my own kind?"

I gave her my most dazzling-yet-rueful smiles. I'd like to say she melted into a puddle of goo, but she was far too poised for that. She simply raised her glass to me with a small smile, and tipped its contents down her throat, never taking her eyes from mine. That, at least, was a good sign.

After half an hour or so, I'd realised she was one nut I wasn't going to crack. There was something distant and cold about her. Something knowing, too. When she got up and walked to the cloakrooms, she looked back at me and smiled, and I knew she wanted me to follow.

I didn't stand a chance. It was dark back there, the sconces had been put out. I know, because I could still smell the smoke. Two hired thugs were waiting for me and I could have kicked myself when I heard her say.

"He's all yours, boys."

I didn't have time to draw my wand, and I don't think they had brains enough to use theirs, so I suppose I was lucky. Afterwards, through the fug that kept threatening to make me pass out, I heard her say,

"Thanks for the information, Bill. My husband will find it very useful, I'm sure. And who knows, I might even get a new diamond necklace for my trouble."

I looked up at her groggily just as she tossed the long black wig in my face, revealing white blonde hair that was now free to cascade down over her shoulders.

"You should have paid more attention in Herbology, Bill. Any fool should know the daffodil comes from the genus narcissus.

***

These trousers will never be the same again, and I don't think I'll ever get the bloodstains out of the shirt. I wish they hadn't taken half of my earlobe when they pulled the sharktooth earring out, and my nose looks even worse than Snape's. Thank the Fates my hair's all right.

Looking good, Billy-boy. Looking good.

Better send an owl to warn the Order.