Haunted

Come here...pretty please?
can you tell me where I am?
you... won't you say something?
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost
and the shadows keep on changing...

I'm shaken out of my reverie by someone grabbing my hand. I look over and see Seamus smiling at me. I smile back, glad he's having a good time. I know I'm never any fun to be around. All I want to do is sit back and observe. But for some reason Seamus wants to marry me anyway.

"Harry, come join the party." He tugs my arm and I just shake my head. I'd rather stand out in the comfort and protection of the black night.

"No, you go have fun. I'm okay out here with my beer." I take a swig of the amber liquid and instantly wish I had an entire case. Tonight could get expensive.

"Come on! Ron and Hermione are pretty drunk, and they want you to come join us. Please." He's pleading with those large eyes of his. I can't resist his eyes.

"Okay, fine," I say as I let him lead me through the masses of people towards their table.

I love Seamus, I don't know why. He is so full of life, so much different than me. I'm dull and brooding, while he's exciting and bubbly. We are like night and day. So completely different, but together we make a beautiful balance.

The last few years have been a blur for me. I have existed and not really lived. There is a difference. Existing means that I do just that - solely go on in my everyday life. Living means doing things and most of all, feeling, something I haven't done in four years.

I keep my distance now, even with Seamus. I vow to myself every day that I will never truly love anyone ever again. Not after last time. Not after Draco. Draco numbed me for all eternity.

"There you are." Hermione sits so happily in Ron's lap, her brown curls falling perfectly next to his radiant red strands. They're so happy. It's almost depressing.

"Hey." I sit down, lean back in my chair, and drink the rest of my beer. It flows through my limbs, making them tingle and feel alive. I look around for a waitress, but there isn't one, so I stand up to go to the bar.

"Where're you going, love? You just sat down." Seamus grabs my hand, pint glass in the other. I hold up my empty bottle.

"I need more beer." He stands up to come with me. "No, Seamus. You stay with Ron and Hermione. I'll be back." He pouts and I lean over to give him a kiss. He smiles and I smile back because it makes him happy. I'm numb, and I try not to think of other lips I have kissed. Lips attached to pale skin, silver-blonde hair, and steel-blue eyes. I head for the bar. I need a beer.

I order a beer while a guy standing a little ways down winks at me. I just look away. I am Seamus's. And I'm not interested in fooling around with anyone else.

I gather from the reactions I get from people that I am attractive. Seamus tells me I have a strange beauty. I just grab people and they're hooked. I don't understand it. I don't think I'm worth a second glance.

The bartender gives me my beer and I lean back against the bar, looking out into the club as I drink. It's so noisy and rowdy, and I hate it. I just want to go home and go to sleep, away from all this. The loud music invades my head and the proximity of everyone around suffocates me. But lazily I scan the room, and I spot them. Blonde hair and steel-blue eyes.

Across the room I see my destruction, the one who caused my life to end. And he's staring straight back at me.

I look away, turn around to face the bar, praying I imagined the whole thing.

"Hello, Harry." That voice. Hairs stand up on my neck and goose bumps break out on my skin. I feel like I'm going to drown in the liquid of his words.

"Hello, Draco." I turn to look at him. Porcelain skin, rose lips, ocean eyes, and glowing hair. The source of my existence standing before me.

"How have you been?" He squeezes in beside me at the bar. Oh so close. The smell of skin, the warmth of his body captures my senses. I grip the bottle until I know my knuckles are white as snow. My body turns towards his like it's magnetically drawn to his core.

"I've been alright. You?"

He shrugs, his shoulders falling up and down in perfect grace. "Been doing fine. Nothing spectacular." He takes a sip of his drink, and I'm not surprised to smell the familiar scent of a martini. Draco still hasn't changed from his martini. "Who are you here with?" He sets the martini glass down. I watch his hands, the beautiful hands of a god, hands that I have submitted to so many times before.

"Ron, Hermione, and Seamus." I bring the bottle to my lips and gulp. He twirls the glass between those beautiful, long fingers.

"Figures. I never thought you'd stop hanging around them." He stops twirling the glass and carefully brings it to his lips. He watches me evenly over the rim. "What are you doing afterwards?" I watch as the liquid cascades over his lips. His tongue sneaks out and licks the remains off his bottom lip. Soft pink flesh on those rosy lips.

"Nothing." I never do anything. My life doesn't exist without Draco.

"Let's meet at Backstreet 21 afterwards. Say 11?" His eyes are cool and reveal nothing. My whole body screams, "I'm a wreck."

"Ok. 11." I finish my bottle of beer in one swallow.

"See you then." He turns and disappears again into the crowd. I watch the crowd, thinking I imagined it all. Draco couldn't have been real. It's only my mind playing tricks on me.

"Harry!" A hand grabs my shoulder and I jump. I turn around and stare into the confused face of Seamus. So plain, so earthly. I smile weakly, purely for his benefit.

"What's going on? You've been up here for ten minutes at least." I hold up my empty bottle.

"I need another beer." Seamus grabs it and yells at the bartender, his voice rough and thick with accent, not smooth and fluid with the influence of the heavens.

"Hey! Another beer!" He grabs the beer from the bartender and hands it to me. Putting his hand on the small of my back, he leads me away. Broad hands and rough fingers of someone ordinary. His hand lowers to my ass and he rests it there, squeezing it so softly.

"How about we leave and go home? I can think of a million dirty ways I want you." He nips my ear playfully. I look out into the crowd, searching for the glow of silver-blonde hair.

"I want to go for a walk. I'll be home later tonight." Seamus pouts at me, but it doesn't work this time. I have far greater things on my mind.

"Harry." His pout becomes more exaggerated and I smile weakly. I lean over and kiss him deeply. He wraps his arms around me and I deepen the kiss, exploring every inch of the pink flesh. My brain knows I'm kissing Seamus, but inside my mind's eyes I see Draco, smell his scent that is still lingering, taste his martini on my tongue.

"Damn baby. Are you sure you don't want to come home?" Whispers in my ear from a stranger.

"I'll be home later. I promise." I kiss him once again and wave to Ron and Hermione. I walk through the masses, not feeling the weight of their bodies as I press through the crowd. My mind is focused on one thing. Two words. "Say 11?" Eleven. Such a beautiful number.

I push the door to the club open and pull my coat up around my face. The wind cuts through me, opening old wounds with one swift blow. The shadows dance around me, each one reminding me of a past long forgotten. My life is played out on the sidewalk before me, the years spent with Draco mapped out for my heart to follow. The world around me knows he's back in my life, just as my heart knows.

I glance at my watch. 10:50. Ten minutes before I live again. And I'm counting every second.

Slowly I see the neon sign coming into view. The words "Backstreet 21" glowing at me wildly, beckoning me into its grasp. I walk towards it like it's the only place left in the world.

Pushing the door open, I look around. There are only unfamiliar surroundings and the pull of the past. I am so lost. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm engaged to a wonderful man, yet I'm secretly meeting the only reason for living. My old lover, the only one I've ever loved. Only one I'll ever love.

Walking towards the bar, I glance over my shoulder and spot the silver-blonde gleaming from across the room. I turn and walk over towards the beckoning light. Draco's sitting at a table waiting.

"You're late. I thought you weren't coming." I look at my watch - it's 11:10.

"Sorry. I had to walk from the last club." I take off my jacket and sit down. Draco has a beer sitting there for me, and I pick it up gratefully.

"Are you still writing for the Prophet?" He sips his martini slowly. He has all the dignity in the world and I feel clumsy chugging my beer in front of him.

"Yes. Freelance. I don't really have to work that much. I invested well, but you know that." It was painful bringing up the past in which we shared. But he just nods in response.

"I remember."

"What are you doing?"

"Traveling." He twirls the glass with his fingers again. I'm hypnotized by those fingers.

"Oh." I study his face carefully, memorizing every inch of the sight I thought I'd never see again.

We sit in silence for a moment, and I can't stand it. I want to hear his voice.

"Draco, why did you break up with me four years ago?" I say it. The one question that has been burning on my tongue for years. He looks surprised, but recovers quickly.

"I didn't love you." So calm and collected. So perfect, like always.

"There has to be more than that." I bring the bottle to my lips to wash the words from my mouth. I am someone else - I can't really be saying all this.

"There was no more. I didn't love you anymore. I love you in my own way, always will. But not enough to be with you." Those words spoken. Those small, harmless, yet deadly words. I nod.

"I see." Draco cocks his head towards one side. The faultless sharp angles of his face magnify his superiority. He was chiseled out of smooth marble and I was molded from a lump of clay.

"You still love me. I can see it." He smiles and looks almost sad, yet amused. I just look away and jump when I feel the touch of his hand on mine.

"Harry." I turn to look at him. His thumb is rubbing over the back of my hand. Each stroke leaves a trail of fire. I gaze into his eyes and feel my soul set afire. I'm alive again.

"Yes?" My voice breaks and I hate myself for being an open book.

"I miss you." Three words and in them eternity is again possible.

"But I thought - " He hold his hand up to stop me. He closes his eyes as he shakes his head. The light eyelashes flutter across his pink cheeks.

"No. Don't ask questions. I'm not sure what I want or feel. I love you in my own way, but I'm not in love with you. I miss you like crazy. You're all I think about."

The world starts spinning out of control as I absorb the words he just said to me. He misses me. I'm all he thinks about. Holy shit.

"I've got to go." I stand to leave, but Draco grabs my hand. He has ensnared me in his trap by only touching his skin to my own.

"I know about Seamus." I stop and hang my head down. Seamus. He doesn't deserve this.

"I have to go, Draco. Seamus is waiting for me." I can't believe what I am saying. Telling Draco I have to leave him. I have no clue what I'm doing. My life is spinning out of control.

"Let me walk you out." He grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers with my own. I walk as slowly as I can, not wanting to pull away from Draco's touch.

I push the door to the club open with my free hand and feel the cold against my skin, but putting on my jacket means ending my contact with Draco and I'd rather freeze.

"Harry, I want to see you again. Come to my flat tomorrow night. Please?" He steps closer to me and I can feel his breath on my lips. I close my eyes at the closeness between us and he leans in and kisses me. My body is in shock. Draco is kissing me again. I never thought this day would come again. I drop my hand from his in order to wrap my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss. This time the pink flesh I am exploring really is Draco's. And I've never tasted anything so sweet.

He pulls away too soon and looks at me tenderly. A warm palm is against my cold face and I turn it so my lips meet his palm. I close my eyes and kiss it gently. Draco smiles.

"Tomorrow night?" I nod my head in agreement. The only thing that would keep me away would be death itself, and then I'd probably still find a way back to my lover's arms.

* * * *

And I'm haunted
by the lives that I have loved
and actions I have hated
I'm haunted
by the lives that wove the web
inside my haunted head


I walk back to the flat in the cold. The night is dark around me, as dark as my soul. What am I doing? I'm engaged. I shouldn't be consorting with past lovers.

The wind whips around my feet as I stare at them, trudging along a predestined course I am blindly following. A course that leads me in and out of Draco Malfoy's life, with no concern for the state of my soul or that I am adversely affecting the souls of others.

I don't care - but yet I do. Seamus doesn't deserve this. He didn't leave me broken and bleeding four years ago. He never traded me for a demi-god. He never possessed my soul like this.

I walk slowly up the stairs to our flat. All the lights are off and I know Seamus is asleep. A wave of burning guilt washes itself over me. I told him I'd be home. My watch says it's 2:28. I've been away from him for too long.

Quietly, I open the door and find him curled up on the couch sleeping. He's an angel - the innocent one. He's been caught in my web of deceit and betrayal. He's only a pawn. I watch him breath and take in his sleeping form. He's gorgeous, a beauty, a piece of art. But someone I will never love. And it's not fair.

I'll never be his. Even when I mutter the words 'I do' I won't be his. I'll live in his home and grow old by his side, but my heart and soul will belong to Draco. Seamus loves me and I don't love him. I love Draco and he doesn't love me. I'm treating Seamus just like Draco is treating me and I'm a terrible person. I'm corrupting an innocent - Seamus' blood is on my hands.

I kneel before him and will myself to love him. There is so much there to love. But my heart is blocked. I can't force it to release its grip on the mere memory of a lover.

I gently place my hand on Seamus' shoulder. He is so warm, so real under the feel of my fingertips. His flesh is so inviting, his body trying desperately to grasp for my fleeting attention. "Come on, baby. Let's go to bed." Seamus blinks groggily before smiling.

"That was some walk." So trusting, so naïve. He grins and raises up to kiss me. I grab his hands and lead him slowly to our room, undressing as he settles into bed. I climb in beside him, and he wraps his arms around me tightly. He starts nibbling my ear affectionately and climbs on top of me. Seamus takes full charge of my senses. His scent intrigues me and my body naturally responds to his advances as it always does. My soul may be dead, but my body is still alive.

He moves atop me like a dream. He knows where to touch and how to kiss to evoke the best reactions out of me. He brings me so close - so close to the edge.

Silver beams shine under my closed lids. Oceans of steel blue, porcelain and roses are all I see illuminated by the silver light. I close my eyes tighter as the images become more defined. I see my life - my existence. Draco is making love to me.

"Come for me, Harry." Seamus' words rolling off Draco's lips. He smirks and I break.

"Ohmygod! Draco!" And I come.

* * * *

Don't cry, there's always a way
here in November, in this house of leaves,
we'll pray
please... I know it's hard to believe
to see a perfect forest
through so many splintered trees
you and me
and these shadows keep on changing...


I hear his sobs from the living room. His body is racked by them and all because of me.

His words still burn in my ears. "You bastard! I love you and you fucking call out /his/ name! HIS NAME!" And then he hit me. Drew back his fist and I watched it in slow motion as it headed straight for my face and hit, sending blinding pain throughout my body. It's not like Seamus to be violent. But he was driven purely by rage.

I still can't believe I let myself do that. The feelings, the longings, the lust that I buried years ago has all been dug up and lain out for all the world to see - or my world at least. Seamus has seen, and now I'll never be able to hide again.

Seamus still doesn't know I saw Draco earlier - or that we kissed - just that I still love him enough to call out his name while Seamus fucks me.

I stand up and go to the coffee pot. I make my only comfort, French Vanilla Latte. How I've missed the taste.

Gripping my cup tightly, I walk through the white swinging kitchen doors and into the living room. Seamus is leaning against the fireplace mantel, head on his arms. He doesn't even look up.

I walk around the room, looking at the pictures hanging on the walls and sitting in frames. The bright faces of Seamus smiles out and waves energetically as mine only grin. I look content. Other pictures show Ron, Hermione, and me, many from our Hogwarts days.

I pick up one picture from our fourth year right after the second task. Back then I didn't realize that defeating a dark lord would be easier than defeating your heart. Back then I never thought my life would end up so fucked up. None of us thought we'd completely shun the magic world in order to live a muggle existence - just because we needed to bury the past. We kept old friends and lovers, but buried a life we loved. We never realized we'd turn out this way.

I turn and watch Seamus' back heave with sobs and absently touch my face. A puffy purple bruise is forming under my right eye. He luckily didn't break my glasses, but he should have. Pay back for breaking his soul. I hate that I have done this to him. I can't take back what I said, but I can make everything right.

"Seamus." I take a step towards him. He looks up, eyes red and face pink. I kick myself and curse Draco.

"I don't want to talk to you." His words pierce straight through me.

"I have something to say."

"I think you've said enough." Ouch - that hurt.

"Please. Don't. I'm so sorry." I hang my head in shame. I deserve everything he decides to give me and all the rage and fury he inflicts upon me. I deserve it all.

"You should be. I love you, Harry. I fucking love you. All I ask of you is to be loved in return. Is that so much to bloody ask?"

I sigh. "No, Seamus. It's not." Yes, it is.

"I know I'll never be Draco Malfoy, and I bloody well don't want to be. I also know you'll always love him. I'm okay with that. But, Harry. You've got to realize that you aren't with him anymore. You're with me dammit. And I can't take this." He looks so pitiful. If he asked right now, I'd give him the world on a silver platter. And all he asks is for me to love him, the one thing I'll never truly do. But I'll die trying.

"Harry, I don't know if I can stay with you. I don't know if I can marry a man who calls out the names of past lovers when I make love to him."

"Please, Seamus." I panic. I can't live without Seamus, without Draco, without anyone at all. "We can fix this. I promise." I know we can. We must be able to. I have to be able to make at least one thing in my life work. I have to make it work with Seamus since I've proved I can't make it work with Draco. I don't want to be alone.

"Can we fix it? I can't fix that you don't love me." He is so right. I only nod.

"Seamus, I do love you." I do, in my own way. "I'll never forgive myself for calling out Draco's name during sex. But please don't throw our life away because I fucked up." I can't believe it's really me saying all this. These words flowing so easily out of someone else's mouth.

"Harry, I can't handle this again. I know Draco fucked you up, but I don't care anymore. I love you. Right now I'm wondering why, but I do." Damn, he knows exactly where to hit. I have to make him happy. My happiness is second.

"I know." I shake my head and walk over to the mantel to join him. I grab his hand and look him deep in the eyes.

"I promise you, Seamus. It'll never happen again." He nods in understanding and agreement, and I die. I'm now his.

* * * *

I'm haunted
by the promises I've made
and others I have broken...
ohh, I... I'm haunted
by the lives that wove the web
inside my haunted head


I walk slowly towards Draco's flat. I don't know what I'm going for. I should bury Draco in the deepest regions of my soul, but instead I walk towards his flat.

How can I choose anything? How can I make a choice between an angel and my destruction? Seamus is my life now, not Draco. Draco left me, and I will leave him.

But now Draco is back in my life. He misses me. The one dream I've ever dreamed is back.

I've made a promise to Seamus, one for life. And I do love him - in my own way. I want to grow old with him - so I won't have to do it alone. Seamus is better than nothing.

What am I thinking? I'm settling. Draco is the only one I've ever wanted, will ever want. I won't deny that fact.

But I've told Seamus I would fix everything. No more calling out Draco's name and loving him. I can do that - maybe. He won't have to know that I'm on my way to see Draco, He'll never have to know. I can make him believe he's the only one. I've got to. It's the only way.

There's no way I can voluntarily give up the only second chance I'll get. I knew I'd never get to see Draco's face again, but my lips kissed his full and warm ones again. I can't give this up. I will pretend to love Seamus and play the game, but I'm going to be with Draco.

No - I can't sacrifice Seamus just because Draco misses me. What happens when the next demi-god comes along? I'll be gone then. Seamus is the one. But I'm still going to this one last night with Draco.

* * * *

I'll always want you,
I'll always need you,
I'll always love you
and I will always miss you...


I knock on the door and wait. My one night has begun.

"Come in," Draco says as he opens the door. I walk in awkwardly, all of a sudden not sure why I'm there.

"Sit down." I take off my coat and sit down. The couch is the same as it was four years ago. My mind conjures up the mental images of Draco and me on the couch. I turn towards him, blinking away the past.

"Wine?" He offers me a glass and I accept. I would take anything from those beautiful fingers.

I sip it slowly as Draco studies me. Every move I make is wrong. I feel so small and vulnerable under his penetrating gaze. He stands up and crosses the distance between us. Before I can register anything, his lips are pressed to mine. The wine is spilled from my glass and seeps into the couch beside me. I kiss him back hungrily, pull his body close as his hands start to roam. My entire body is afire. Every touch sets off stars under my eyelids. It's paradise.

He touches me softly, removes my clothes so gracefully. I remove his clumsily and soon we are two naked forms sprawled on a couch.

Skin to skin, mouth to mouth. His warmth enraptures me. His silky tongue slides into the deepest regions of my mouth, entering my soul. Our skin slides so easily over one another's; slick, smooth, and graceful, every part of ourselves touching.

Chest to chest, palm to palm. My arms are above my head; he's holding me down. I'm completely under his control and anything he'd ask me to do, I'd do. I throw my head back and I feel his tongue trace a wet line across my throat.

Hip to hip, thigh to thigh. I feel his desire for me. It pierces through my shield and I'm finally alive again. The world spins around me like a dream. He's all over my body and I'm all over his. We're too separate. I need to be inside his skin. I want nothing more than to coexist in the same body as Draco Malfoy.

I start to moan his name. I'm driven wild by him. His lips trail kisses down my body as his fingers play like feathers across my burning flesh.

Draco can't take his mouth from my body. He kisses me like he's never tasted something so grand. I grasp his hair and run my fingers through those silky strands.

I look down just as he looks up at me. Our eyes connect, bringing our souls together. He rubs his hands slowly down my thighs, intensifying every heightened emotion I have. I'm lost in his eyes, as he is in mine. A soft moan escapes my lips and he lowers his head.

I cry out in ecstasy. Draco's mouth has never felt so splendid around me, his soft tongue touching everywhere at once, his hands working around deeper places on my body. I am sprawled out for him, I am his wonderland.

I watch Draco's head sliding up and down. His head moves with a fluidity that only he possesses. He's like water and I'm like air. And we are only complete when we meld and become earth.

Draco lifts up his head and I cry out. He smiles softly and crawls up to meet my lips. I taste myself on him and hungrily search for more. Draco lifts me up and turns me around. My back is pressed against his slick chest, and I can feel the simple rise and fall of it.

He rubs tantalizingly close to me, as his hands freely roam my planes. My mind is a whirlwind of color, of emotions. The only thing I can think about is Draco inside me.

"Please, Draco," I moan softly. He gently bites my ear as he lifts me up a little, slowly and almost painfully I slide over him. I throw my head back against his shoulder and stifle a cry of pain. He kisses my cheek and I relax onto him, our bodies melding together as one.

I start moving against him, eliciting a sound from his cherry lips. His hands feel around my body to find their destination, and his fingers meld around me like they were created to be there.

My thrusting against him and his hands sliding so slowly up and down bring me further into insanity. I start crying out, and Draco begins placing kisses on my cheek, neck, shoulders, back.

My pace quickens and I'm lost. He grips me tighter as I explode, his name flowing like honey from my lips. I relax against his body and he takes both my hands into his. I turn my face to grab his lips in a kiss. A few more thrusts and he's screaming into my mouth. I can feel him filling me and I again lose myself at the hands of Draco.

He wraps his arms around me and we stay as one for a long time, neither moving, breath in sync, and lips together.

Finally we shift and I stand, pulling Draco up with me. He kisses me again and pulls me to his bedroom. I crawl into bed with my love and fall asleep in his embrace.

* * * *

Come here
no, I won't say please...
one more look at the ghost
before I'm gonna make it leave
come here
I've got the pieces here
time to gather up the splinters,
build a casket for my tears


Bacon. The smell around me is bacon. I blink confused - Seamus doesn't like bacon. I look around as the events of the night before come crashing back down on my shoulders.

Draco. Me. Sweat. Love. Sex.

I grope absently for my glasses and my eyes adjust. The room is exactly as it was when we were together. It would be so easy to convince myself that time has stood still and none of the past four years has happened. I'm still Draco's and Draco is still mine and Seamus is just a friend from home and life is perfect. But shifting my weight I realize life has gone on and time has progressed and nothing will ever be the same.

I throw the covers back and step onto the soft carpet. I glance around for my clothes, but can't find them and take a towel from Draco's bathroom instead. I drape it around my waist and pad into the living room. My clothes are haphazardly laying with Draco's, a reminder of what I did the night before. I grab my underwear and trousers and put them on quickly. I pull my shirt over my head as I walk into the kitchen.

Draco is a picture of beauty, standing at the stove, nothing but boxers as the sun glints off his pale skin and silver hair. A picture of perfection.

"Morning." He smiles over at me when he notices me in the room. He walks over to me and kisses me on the lips. Torn, I kiss him back, still not wanting last night, this day, this moment to end.

Silent, I sit at the table and wait for Draco to finish breakfast. My mind will give me no rest, my conscious no release. After making love for hours to the only person who has ever touched my soul, then sleeping shamelessly in his embrace, my mind is about to catch up with my heart.

What am I doing? This is wrong, yet oh so right. Draco is standing here in front of me, happily ready to give his all, and my thoughts are ironically with an Irish bloke across town.

Draco sets a plate down in front of me and gives me a grin that was meant only for the highest of beings. Words glide past his lips, every word, every syllable a symphony to my ears. I lose track of everything that he says and enrapture myself solely in the sound. He pauses and I look up. He is staring at me expectantly, and I blink. My only response.

"Snap out of it, Potter," he sneers. The illusion is broken. The yellow sunlight filtering through the curtains illuminates the translucence in his hair, the razor sharp edge in his steel eyes. Change. His entire demeanor has changed. Whether I imagined the tenderness, the love, the beauty of last night I do not know. All I know is that the dangerous gleam in Draco's eye will bring me to destruction faster than simply living without him.

I stand up abruptly and a flicker of surprise flashes so quickly in his eyes that it's gone just as it appears. My breakfast untouched and cold, I walk to the door, Draco following.

"Where do you think you're going?" Draco narrows his eyes. Poison. He's beautiful and he's poison. His poison has already invaded my body, but the quicker I get away, the slower it will spread and claim my soul.

"I'm leaving." My hand reaches for the brass door handle, and I feel the firm grasp of Draco's hand on my shoulder. I lower my head and sigh. Caught by the poison one last time. Turning around, my heart shatters again. Everything he did to mend it last night has just been in vain. One look at that perfect godlike face, those elegant fingers touching my bony, awkward shoulder, those eyes full of vitality delving deep into mine, void of anything but emptiness, has shattered every shred of soul I had left.

"Harry - "One finger to those rose lips, the soft, puffy tissue underneath my rough fingertips, and with a turn I'm gone out of the door, down the stairs, and into the blistering cold.

Nothing matters now. I did everything that I was supposed to. I chose Seamus. I left temptation. I did the right thing for everyone else and the wrong thing for myself.

That doesn't matter. Like last time, I will move on. My heart will close up, my soul will bleed itself dry, and my mind will play out for all the world to see. Harry Potter will marry the handsome Irish man who loves him and cast the perfect blonde who saved and destroyed him with every touch out of his life forever. A life where smiles are fake and love is dull and life and tears are buried so deep they will never be found. I'm walking into my own personal grave - my only problem is I'm still living.

* * * *

I'm haunted
by the hallways in this tiny room,
the echoes, there, of me and you,
the voices that are carrying this tune...


Walking down the aisle I see the myriad of faces I should care about. The blurs of color, the smiles and tears of joy. My smile is plastered on; a plastic mask of what the world wants to see.

This ceremony is something Seamus wanted. Wanted to show the whole world that he loved Harry Potter and that Harry Potter loved him back. I do nothing but agree. I can do nothing else; I don't care enough to protest. My world consists of my eyes looking out into an existence I don't participate in. My mouth moves and my body reacts, but my mind lays trapped in a coffin buried deep within myself.

"Dearly beloved." Seamus smiles brightly at me and I smile back. I love him only because he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to love me, yet I want so desperately to try and be good to him. I can't bring myself to crush his soul like mine.

"Do you, Seamus Finnegan..." The room is closing in around me. Somewhere behind me a man is telling Seamus than through sickness and health we will be together. The only thing I hear is a lazy drawl laced with slight sarcasm. Flashes of silver blinding me as porcelain hands touch my face. Rosy lips touch my own and a scent of perfection invades my senses.

"And do you, Harry Potter..." Steel blue oceans that are raging grasp my soul and pull me into the tempest. On the tumultuous seas I am lost, yet frighteningly at home. The feel of elegant limbs surround me and comfort me. It all dissolves with the question, "Till death do you part?"

"I do," floats across my lips. Now I am truly dead.

~Fin