Decisions

Decisions by Red Pepper.

Sirius had always been the joker, the ladies man, the leader of their gang. James had been too, until he had finally won Lily over. Then he had changed. No longer was he the daredevil James who charmed Snape's owl to sing 'I'm a little teapot' in the middle of the great hall. No, he had settled down, he was sensible - he was like Remus. And there was only room for one Remus in the group.

That's how things had started. Sirius began to hate Lily. She was the reason James wasn't the same any more and she was the way he could get his friend back. But there is a fine line between hate and love, and soon Sirius couldn't tell the difference anymore. No-one noticed as his days and nights became filled with images of her. He memorised her scent and knew all her favourite foods. He told himself he was planning on how to get James back, but really he was thinking of all the possible ways of getting Lily.

The night after they beat Slytherin was filled with butterbeer and stronger alcoholic beverages. As he left the common room he didn't notice the slim, red-headed figure that followed him out.

"I know you've been watching me." Her voice was quiet but it carried to him down the hall.

He turned around to face her. "What do you mean?"

"I've seen you watch me. I can feel your eyes on me. Not just now and again. It's all the time."

He waited silently as she walked down the corridor and stood directly in front of him. "What are you doing out here anyway?" she asked him.

He didn't answer. Instead he pulled her close to him and placed his lips firmly against hers. She resisted at first, but gave up after a few moments and relaxed into him.

For the next few weeks they would meet up secretly and there was hardly any talking. Sirius pushed his guilty feeling into the back of his head. After all, he'd done much worse. But then he received a note, hidden in his Charms book:

Meet me in the common room, 1am .L.

And he knew something was up. She never put her name, even if it was just her initial.

That night he stood wordlessly while she spoke, the words barely registering. After twenty minutes he knew it was over.

"We can't keep doing this to ourselves." She told him "I can't keep doing this to James; it would kill him if he found out." Her eyes locked with his and pleaded with him, begging him to understand.

He couldn't bear to look at her any more and turned his gaze towards the fire, watching the flames dancing, intertwined. If he reached out it would be like running his hands through her hair. But instead his fingers curled into tight fists, gripping the fabric of his cloak. "You know, you were my favourite mistake and I should know, I've done enough of them. I hope James realises just how lucky he is."

Her small sob told him she was trying not to cry and every inch of him wanted to catch the tears that were bound to fall, but that wasn't his job, that was for James to do and he wouldn't stand in the way for a moment longer. His long strides took him to the bottom of the staircase in a matter of seconds. The hardest part about moving on, he told himself, is learning not to look back.

THE END.