Love Is A Verb

Love Is A Verb

"Dammit, Sirius, don't you understand? They never meant to have me!" Remus yelled. He tried running out of the room, but it was suddenly pitch black. His foot hit something hard, a bed probably, and he fell to the floor, cursing. "What the fuck is your problem?" he cried out.

"If you don't shut your sorry face, I'm going to rip you a new one," came the growling reply from behind him. Remus tried turning around to face the other boy, but he hit his already hurt foot on something else. He bit his lip to stop himself from crying. It was all too much.

"I was an accident!" he sobbed, his voice ringing in the dark dorm room. He tensed, warm arms suddenly surrounding him from behind. Remus turned around and doggedly tried to see his best friend. His eyes could barely make out the outline of Sirius' face. The only source of light in the room was the sliver of moonlight that shone through a small crack in the window curtains.

"No you weren't," Sirius said. But the comfort from those words was ephemeral.

"You didn't see what I saw," he argued weakly.

"Well dammit, then explain!" Sirius demanded.

"Dad has a pensieve at work," Remus began. "I was there yesterday, waiting for him in his office. He was going to take me out for the day, since it'd be my last winter break at home, you know? Next year I may be too busy. The pensieve sat there. And for some reason, I was curious. I found myself peering into it, and then I was sucked in all of a sudden." He stopped, not wanting to continue. The last thing he wanted to do was relive the painful memory.

~

"Did you hear me?" she whispered, unsure of herself. Her eyes scanned the empty room that surrounded them. Thank Merlin for private dorm rooms. "I'm pregnant," she stated again. The boy that sat on the table in front of her blinked his eyes rapidly.

"You can't be, we had every precaution," he reasoned, shaking his head. The girl began to become impatient. Why couldn't he accept the truth?

"You know they aren't a hundred percent effective. I am pregnant," she said as she slid down the wall, her legs crossing and taking a seat on the cold floor. "What are we going to do?" Her question echoed in the room. The boy was terrified out of his mind; it all showed in his wide-open eyes.

"It was a mistake. You can just try one of those charms, get rid of it," he rambled. She stood up, horrified.

"John!" she cried. "How could you even suggest that? There's something inside me now, part you, part me, and I'm not getting rid of it, no matter how unprepared we are." Her strong-will over-powered him, and he began to break down.

"I can't go to graduate-school then, I'll have to get a job right out of Hogwarts, to support it and you, and we'll have to tell our parents and they'll be disappointed in us for being so irresponsible and you won't be able to pursue your piano career because we won't be able to afford the school for you either and....and..." he stopped rattling on and just sat quietly. She sat down next to him and put her arm around him, pulling him to her.

"You're right, John, it was a mistake--"

~

"And that's it," Remus whispered. "Dad came in then. I was pulled out. I don't think he realized what memory I'd seen. How could he not know!" Remus shouted suddenly. He overcame his friend's grip and stood up, running to the corner of the room. He had to get their voices from his mind. Had to get rid of the picture of his parents crying over the fact of his conception.

The scarlet ribbons. He pressed his fingers into his eyes until he saw the swirling scarlet ribbons. They had a soothing effect on his currently wacked out psyche. But it was only temporary as well.

"I fucked up big time, too," Remus began. He chuckled pathetically. "Not only did they not want me, but I burdened them even more by going out and getting bitten by that fucking werewolf! So they have a son they didn't want, but he's a werewolf too! They hit the jackpot of unfortunate events!" Remus removed his thumbs from his eyes, but still kept them closed. Tears started down his face without his permission.

Once again he felt arms around his upper-body.

"You know, Sirius. You're the only one I let touch me," he confessed softly.

"Oh really?" Sirius asked, slightly intrigued.

"My parents never hugged me. So I got used to not being touched. That psychiatrist they sent me to awhile ago said I had some sort of effed up phobia; Aphephobia. I hate touching and being touched." He wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffled. "But for some reason, it's okay with you." He wrapped his arms around his darker-haired companion and held on for dear life. It felt so nice, to finally be okay with it. They sat wrapped in eachother's arms for a good while before Remus finally pulled away. He stared into his best friend's eyes, searching for the right thing to say, to thank him, but Sirius cut him off.

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. Imagine if now, all of a sudden you found out you'd gotten a girl pregnant. You'd be scared to death too. But they didn't get rid of you. They didn't. And even if they never really showed you the love you needed and deserved, I bet you anything they still felt it. They've grown to love you so much that to not have you in their life would be hell. It doesn't matter that at first they were witless and irrational, because they gave life a chance. And that's what matters."

"Yeah...yeah.... I guess you're right...." Remus replied softly.

"It's the same for me, mate. It'd be hell if you weren't in my life. And I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life showing you how loved you are, and giving you what you need," Sirius said, meaning every word. Remus was taken slightly by surprise, but it merely clicked. Yes, of course, he thought. And he wasn't the least bit surprised when he found lips pressed against his, entreating him to let himself be loved.

Of course, love is a doing word.