Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So mesmerizing so hypnotizing

I am captivated

I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong

I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along

And I am Flawed But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear like the diamond in your ring

Cut to mirror your intentions Oversized and overwhelmed

The shine of which has caught my eye

And rendered me so isolated, so motivated

I am certain now that

I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong

I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn up the corners of your lips

Part them and feel my finger tips

Trace the moment, fall forever Defense is paper thin

Just one touch and I'd be in

Too deep now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away

So let me slip against the current

So let me slip away

I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong

I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Slight hope

It dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption...

------"Vindicated" Dashboard Confessional

Light refracts through the glass charm that swings from a ribbon over a wooden desk leaving hundreds of tiny rainbows. The charm drifts gently back and forth from the light draft that seeps in through the window. Inside the charm is a large script M, bewitched to flash the color of the specific Marauder who owned it. This one, however, was different. It was special. This M flashed a different color then was the specific color for the Marauder who held it. This charm flashed the color of James Potter.

Peter walked into his flat, holding his arm closely to his chest. He didn't notice the rainbows dancing across the room. He was sweating profusely. His heart was racing. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Peter was terrified.

He rushed about the room, mumbling to himself. It was an unconscious response to the amount of stress he was under. He bumped into the kitchen table knocking unwashed breakfast dishes to the floor. Luckily it was all bewitched to be unbreakable, so the dishware just spun on the floor, spilling its contents everywhere. Peter didn't even notice.

Not until he hit his desk did he stop pacing. The jolt sent the forgotten charm clanging to the desk. Peter turned his head quickly looking at what made the noise. It was then that he noticed the charm. A wave of nostalgia washed over his face as his hand reached out shakily to take hold of the ribbon. He sat down at the desk and let the charm swing from his hand, watching the charm, being hypnotized by it.

It was the first time he looked at the charm in years. He'd know it was there, but it was one of those forgotten trinkets that never pop into your train of thought until they spring out at you. He looked at the flashing color Black. He smiled despite himself, remembering the person who gave him this special charm.

It was a gift from James in fifth year, just as they had all achieved their animagus forms and created the Marauders. They all had their individual charms: Remus was blue, Sirius was green, James was black, and Peter was red. These were their colors, colors that represented themselves. Peter cherished his own charm.

One day, coming out of Potions Peter realized he left his paper sitting on the desk. He wanted the paper to send to his mother to prove that he wasn't a failure at everything he did. She really didn't pay a lot of attention to him and was convinced that her only son was a disappointment. He told James, Sirius, and Remus to go on ahead to the common room. He would meet up with them later.

Peter walked into the darkened classroom and picked up his paper. He didn't noticed the figures that followed him. He turned to leave when he bumped into a tall form blocking his view.

"Excuse me," he said. The figure just laughed.

"Aww, if it isn't ickle Peter Cottontail. What are you doing down in the deep dark dungeon after class, Cottontail? Trying to get some extra credit by doing some favors for the professor?"

Peter gulped. The seventh year Slytherins, Crabbe and Goyle, were always targeting him. But they usually didn't do anything without their ring leader, Lucius Malfoy. Peter didn't want to run into him, especially when James, Sirius or Remus wasn't around. A rough hand descended on his shoulder preventing him from leaving.

"Guys, would you just let me go? I-I wasn't bothering anybody..."

"Your presence is a mere annoyance, Cottontail," a cold voice said behind him. Crabbe and Goyle turned him around and Peter's eyes met the ice grey of Lucius Malfoy.

"Lucius," Peter gasped. Lucius smiled.

"Yes, thank you, that is my name. But it sounds vulgar coming from the lips of a mudblood such as you," he spat and moved a step towards Peter. He flinched, but Crabbe and Goyle's hands made it difficult for Peter to move.

"Wh-what do you want, Malfoy." Peter said, not sounding quite as brave as he wished he sounded.

"I think the question is: what do you want," Malfoy said casually, twirling his wand between his fingers. "I thought I told you that the dungeons were off limits to vermin such as yourself after class."

Peter did his best to straighten his spine. He took offense to being called vermin. "Piss off, Malfoy!"

Lucius raised his eyebrow in amusement. He gestured his hand and Crabbe and Goyle let go of Peter. Malfoy stepped up to him and sneered.

"You don't have to pretend to be so brave. Your friends aren't around. Besides," Malfoy ran a finger down Peter's cheek and rested his hand on his chest. "I'm beginning to think you enjoy our little meetings. We have them so often."

Peter's eyes widened with fright. His arms twitched and he smacked Lucius' hand away from his shirt, pulling off a few buttons with the force. "Don't touch me!" he yelled. Lucius snapped his fingers and Crabbe and Goyle grabbed hold of Peter's shoulder. He struggled and didn't notice that his charm had fallen out of his shirt and into plain view.

"My, my, my," Lucius said lifting the charm to eye level. "What do we have here?"

"N-nothing," Peter stuttered. Lucius turned a cold eye towards him and ginned cruelly.

"Well, if it's nothing-" he trailed off as he dropped the crystal to the ground. Peter tried to cry out in alarm but Malfoy's black shoe landed on the ground. A shattering sound pierced Peter's eardrums causing tears to come to his eyes. His charm...

Malfoy laughed in delight. "Oops, must have slipped." He snapped his fingers, causing Crabbe and Goyle to turn on Peter and beat him mercilessly. Malfoy walked away from Peter's screams enjoying the sound entirely too much.

An hour later, James found Peter on the floor of the dungeon clutching the remains of his necklace the way a drowning man would clutch at the last piece of driftwood. He bent down softly, angered at the way his friend's eyes were swelling, and softly shook him.

"Wormtail," he said gently. Peter's eyes fluttered open. He looked around the room, surprised to be on the floor. He was confused until he felt the pain in his ribs, the ache around his eyes, and the glass shards from the broken crystal that stabbed in his palm. His eyes glanced down at the broken mess and then back up into James' brown eyes. Despite himself, he started to cry.

"It's...it's gone." He heaved as he held his hands up in disbelief. "The charm...it's gone."

James stared down at his beaten friend, his anger flaring even more at his desperate cry. "Who did this, Peter."

Peter shook his head. "N-no one, James. It was my stupid clumsy self that broke my charm."

He knew full well he was lying to his best friend, but this wasn't the first time he had hidden the truth. Malfoy and his goons had been beating him up and worse for years. He'd kept quiet, though. He knew that James and Sirius got into enough trouble, what with the pranks they kept pulling on Severus, or Snivellus as they called him. He didn't want anything to happen to them. Malfoy was from a family of power that didn't have any qualms pulling the strings on Hogwarts to get specific students expelled for even looking at their precious son, Lucius, wrong. Peter had plenty of practice living with shame and anger buried deep inside him. That's how he survived his childhood, afterall.

James bent down and helped his friend up. "Come on, Peter. Let me take you Madame Pomfrey."

"But...but the charm," Peter said, looking down at the broken shards.

"Here, Wormtail," James slipped his own charm around Peter's bruised neck. Peter looked at it in awe.

"What...oh, Prongs, I couldn't-"

"Just take it," he said, smiling sadly. That's when Peter knew. Knew that James knew he had been lying to him the entire time. Tears came to his eyes again as James put his arm around the smaller boys frame and almost carried him up the stairs. "Let's get to the Infirmary."

James came to visit him in the Infirmary every day after that. Sirius and Remus stopped by as well, all wishing him well and joking about how clumsy Peter was. Peter just smiled. He had been worried that James had told Sirius and Remus that Peter had been lying to them the entire time. That each time he appeared with a black eye, or a bloody nose wasn't because he had tripped on the stairs or stumbled into a door knob. But if he had told them, they weren't saying anything about it. And for that, Peter was grateful.

He smiled and joked with his friends as if nothing had happened. They playfully punched him on the shoulder and quietly reminded him to get well before the next full moon. Moony promised to fill Peter in on anything he missed in class while in the Infirmary and Sirius rolled his eyes in mock boredom. James was the last to leave. He leaned down to give him a friendly hug and whispered into his ear.

"I know everything, Peter."

That's all he said. Peter looked up into James' brown eyes and felt closer to him then he'd ever felt to anyone. He gulped and nodded. He wasn't capable of speech, he was drowning into those deep brown eyes and didn't care if he ever came up for air. James broke the gaze as he walked out, and it was only then that Peter was able to croak a good bye.

In the months that followed, Peter followed James around more then ever. He laughed at every joke, cheered at every gesture. James didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to revel in Peter's increased attention. Remus and Sirius would just look at each other and shrug. Wormtail had always hero worshipped James. What difference to them was it if the amount of worship increased? Besides, they were too preoccupied with issues of their own.

When James wasn't around, which sometimes happened, Peter would gaze at the charm that James had given him. He could stare at it for hours. It called up warm feelings in the pit of his stomach, feelings he couldn't describe but he knew that he didn't want them to go away. He wouldn't say he was in love with James. Peter seriously doubt he would ever fall in love or know the meaning of what love was, but he knew that what he was feeling was the next best thing. James understood him. Understood what Peter had hidden away from everyone, even his closest friends.

One night, Peter was gazing at the charm when James walked into the dorm room. Embarrassed, Peter quickly put the charm underneath his shirt. He smiled. "James," he called to him.

"Peter, what were you doing?" James said, sounding confused.

"Nothing. What are you up to?"

James sighed and walked over to Peter's bed. He sat down, a look of worry on his face. "Peter, you have to stop this."

He didn't understand. "Stop what, Prongs? I'll do what ever you ask of me."

James jumped up and ran his hand through his hair. "That! Just stop it, Peter! You have to stop this whatever it is you have with me."

"I can't, James. You understand me."

"No, I don't! I don't understand anyone." James started to pace. Peter watched him, his head swiveling back and forth. He smiled.

"Yes you do. You know more about me then anyone else."

"Why? Because I know you've been lying about being violently beaten every time one of us isn't around? Because you're a bloody shitty liar?"

Peter shook his head, not phased by James' coarse words. "No, because of this." He took out the charm and held it dangling from his hands. James ran over to the side of the bed and ripped it out of Peter's grasp.

"This? This fecking piece of glass?" He threw it across the room. Peter jumped up to chase after it when James grabbed his wrist. He pulled Peter close to him. "That doesn't mean anything, do you hear me? Nothing," he hissed.

Peter flinched. "But it does to me, James. Now let me-"

"No!" he shook Peter. "Just stop being such a prat and listen to me! You have to stop this silly obsession you have with me. It's not going to go anywhere."

Peter stared back up into James' brown eyes. He just couldn't stay away from them. They were mesmerizing. And this time, he let himself fall far into them. He leaned up and kissed James gently onto his lips.

He felt James stiffen slightly. A part of Peter wanted Prongs to kiss back, but he knew it was only wishful thinking. He pulled away and smiled, gently removing James' hand from his wrist. He walked over to where the charm had fallen and picked it up, placing it back around his neck. James stood still.

"Don't do that again," he whispered softly. Peter nodded, staring at the charm.

"Whatever you want, James. I'll do whatever you want."

Peter stared at the old crystal. He felt the old feelings again. And for a moment, he forgot about the present. He was stuck in old memories. He never did try to kiss James again. He never attempted anything else. He watched as James grew closer to Lily and finally marry her. He was happy for him. Peter knew that no matter how much Lily thought James understood her, he knew that it didn't match the connection he and James shared.

He never told James that after school Lucius tracked him down. Never told him that the mark had been burned deep into his skin not out of belief, but out of survival. The things that Lucius did to him was merciless. He turned to Malfoy's Dark Lord for relief, thinking that if he played the believer the abuse would end. Peter didn't think he would be trading in one hell for another. One he couldn't escape from.

He never told James because he knew, deep down, that James already knew. Because he understood Peter, James could see past all the hurt and lies to the person that Peter was deep down inside. Even when James made him their secret keeper, he looked into James' eyes and felt the old connection. James had to have known that the Dark Lord had his claws in Peter and this was all part of the plan to bring an end to the madness. James would save him, just as he saved him by giving him the crystal and by that small tiny phrase: I know everything, Peter.

A burning pain ripped Peter from his nostalgia. He screamed in pain. He grabbed his forearm, instinctively holding it hoping that it would stop the fire that coarsed through it. A shattering sound made him look away from the mark that glowed red on his pale skin. He looked down and gasped at the sight.

The charm lay in pieces.