Never All Together

Chapter 11: Whatsername

It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight.
Picking up the pieces
And walking back into the light.
Into the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lie.
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes.
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle.
If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayer.

--- Jorgen Elofsson and John Reid (Angels Brought Me Here) ---

"Why are you so quiet?" Peter asked James through a mouthful of raisin bread. It was breakfast in the Great Hall the next day, and instead of goofing around like he usually did, or staring helplessly at Lily, James was poring over a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"I'm reading," James murmured in reply. His hazel eyes were intently scanning the story under the day's banner, Lord Voldemort Strikes Anew. Underneath it was the sub-headline Second giant 'hurricane' this month.

Sirius snorted as he took another slice of meat pie. "Nobody here reads the Daily Prophet. No student, anyway. That paper's a waste of good trees."

"Sometimes there's some truth hidden under the rubbish they publish." James looked up from the newspaper, his expression thoughtful. "This Voldemort, what does he want? Why is he attacking Muggles again? That's his second attack this year, and it's only January."

Sirius choked on his food. "I didn't know you knew about him," he wheezed.

"Cut the crap, Sirius," James said. "Of course I know about him; I'm getting the Prophet delivered everyday. Besides, he came to my parents and offered them to be of service to him. Offered them, as if my parents owed him their lives and would be very grateful for a chance to do his bidding!"

"He visited Grimmauld Place, too," Sirius said grimly. "Why do you think he was trying to recruit our families?"

"Because we're rich?"

"That's just half of it," Sirius said casually. "The other half is that we're purebloods."

James frowned. "So he's attacking Muggles just because they cannot do magic?"

"And all the others who he deems are unworthy to practice magic. Mudbloods. Half-bloods. Half-breeds."

Remus' eyes flickered over to them, overhearing Sirius' last word.

"I suppose your parents didn't agree," Sirius continued after downing a cup of hot chocolate.

"Obviously," James answered wryly. "My family doesn't bother itself with all that obsession about the purity of blood."

"I wish mine was like that, too," Sirius said bitterly. He glanced at the Slytherin table, where his younger brother, Regulus, sat. Whenever he looked at him, it was as if he was looking at somebody so much older than him. Gone was the whiny, petty, little brother Sirius knew. In his place was a young man with secretive, shallow black pools for eyes, which were complimented by the mask-like expression he now seemed to wear permanently.

"I hope your parents are safe," Sirius said, still looking at Regulus.

James's heart began beating faster. "What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"He kills without remorse," Sirius said, turning to look back at him with a crooked smile. "And he doesn't see the world in shades of grey. Either you're on his side or you're not. But I suppose he's a bit more merciful to descendants of ancient Wizarding families, seeing as there are very few left."

"Godric's Hollow is well-protected, what with being Unplottable and with the wards set up. I'm sure they're okay," James said calmly. Inside, however, his nerves were strung. I should owl Mum and Dad right after breakfast, just to make sure they're fine.

Sirius nodded understandingly, as though he believed him. He decided not to voice the rest of his doubts. Voldemort knew how to find anybody anywhere, Unplottable or no, with or without wards. He didn't want to further James's worries, however, knowing how much he cared about his parents. At least there's one of us who does.

"There's no need to worry. Not yet anyway, while Hogwarts stands. People reckon it's the safest place to be in, especially with Dumbledore around," Sirius reassured him.

"I bet Voldemort was a Slytherin," Peter commented. "Slytherins totally buy the pureblood mania, even if half of them aren't even really pure."

"Most likely, yeah," Sirius agreed. "Where else would he have learned his stuff?"

"They don't teach the Dark Arts here," Remus reminded, paying them proper attention for the first time that morning. "They teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. I suppose he went to that other Wizarding school in Britain."

Sirius pulled a skeptical expression. "There is another Wizard school here? There can't be that many wizards in Britain. What's it called?"

"I don't know. After all, it's supposed to be a secret. I know only because I heard it from Regina," Remus said, glancing once more at Hermione. She was eating breakfast alone, as usual.

"Does that mean Regina knows Dark Magic, too? She doesn't seem the type," Peter said thoughtfully.

Sirius snorted. "That's highly improbable. Moony just wants to bring her up whenever he can." He looked in the direction where Remus had been staring at for almost the entire time he, James and Peter had been talking. "Look, if you want to eat breakfast with her, why don't you approach her?"

Remus started guiltily but managed a small smile. "That's not necessary." Slightly embarrassed, he lowered his eyes to his plate and resumed eating.

"You'd rather she eat with us, don't you?" Sirius asked. "Why don't you ask her then?"

"I would have if I was sure you could restrain yourself from being rude," Remus replied mildly.

Sirius snorted once more and busied himself with devouring the remaining food on his plate. After a few moments, his head suddenly jerked upwards as he caught sight of somebody passing them. He could never really miss that greasy hair on that pretentious Slytherin's head; it was just too distinctive. He smiled maliciously and automatically reached for his wand on the table. James turned to look at what arrested his best friend's attention.

It was Snape.

Alarmed, James grabbed Sirius' wrist from across the table. "Sirius, don't! Don't! The plan!"

Sirius struggled, but stopped waving his wand in midair just in time. He threw James a dirty look. "Sorry. I forgot," he said, slapping his wand down on the table. He did not sound apologetic at all.

"I won't hesitate to take off a hundred points from Gryffindor next time you forget," James warned him.

Sirius sighed, leaned forward against the table and scowled from Remus to James and back again. "You know, I hope I'm never in love, seeing what it does to you. To both of you."

Remus blinked as though he did not quite understand what Sirius meant. "I'm not--"

"Oh, but it's a wonderful feeling, Padfoot," James interrupted, smiling serenely. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll meet your match someday."

Sirius harrumphed before saying, "What a boring day this is going to be."

James merely continued smiling. "Knowing you, you won't run out of creativity."

"Not if this lasts for two bloody long weeks," Sirius snapped, biting viciously into a buttered roll. "You owe me for this, mate. Big time."

* * * * * *

Lily was twirling a lock of her hair around her left index finger and, at the same time, rolling a plume around in her right hand. She had been trying to start her Potions essay for the past two hours. Potions, along with Charms, was easily her best subject and she usually finished her assignments in a snap, but everything seemed extra difficult today. She exhaled and checked the clock standing in one corner. It was almost five o'clock, and she still had not accomplished anything concrete. She threw her quill on the table in frustration and shot an annoyed glance at the Marauders, who were occupying a table in the far end of the common room.

They had been getting on her nerves for more than a week now. Well, they normally did, but this time it wasn't because they were being too rowdy, or too noisy, or doing anything illegal. On the contrary, they were well-behaved. Almost too well-behaved. They caused no accidents in any of their classes. There was no rambunctious laughter. Lily had yet to catch them playing another one of their ridiculous pranks on their fellow Gryffindors, or even on Slytherins. Severus had been completely hex-free for one whole week, even during that time he taunted Sirius about being a disgrace to the Black family. Ordinarily, Sirius would have turned his wand on his archenemy and hoisted him wordlessly upside-down in the air. But he didn't. He just smiled painfully at Severus and walked away. Severus himself was so stunned at Sirius' lack of reaction, he forgot all about cursing Sirius while his back was turned.

Then there was James, who had conducted himself so excellently as Head Boy over the past week. Amazingly, he had finally realised how ridiculous he looked whenever he was chasing that stupid Snitch without a broomstick, and had entirely stopped doing that. He was also surprisingly courteous towards everybody, fairly taking and awarding points to those who deserved them. He certainly still had that air of arrogance around him, but even that was different somehow. Regal. It was as though he had finally realised the amount of power he held, but had been humbled enough to know how to wield it gracefully. Yes, he still strutted around looking like he was the Minister of Magic, but strangely, he now commanded respect.

He had also stopped bugging her to go out with him. Good. The twit finally got it then. James had also refrained from chattering incessantly during their evening rounds. In fact, if truth be told, he had practically stopped talking altogether. The silence made Lily feel uncomfortable, but every time she sneaked a look at James out of the corner of her eyes, she saw nothing but that unruffled expression on his face. Unconsciously, she noticed how it made his already strong facial features even more prominent. She hated his noise, but she hated his silence even more. It gave her the feeling that the pieces did not quite fit perfectly, that there was something she was missing.

Lily let out another breath and glanced at Alice, who had already filled out three feet of her parchment. Professor Slughorn only asked for two. Tamping down her irritation, she tapped her friend on the shoulder. "Alice."

Alice was obviously so engrossed with what she was writing that she jumped at the mere mention of her name, and accidentally toppled her bottle of ink. "What was that?" she asked irritably, cleaning up the small mess with her wand. Her eyes saw the still empty parchment in front of Lily. "I thought you were working."

Lily leaned closer to Alice. "Have you noticed anything strange about those four lately?" she whispered, her eyes focused on the Marauders.

Alice followed her line of sight and rolled her eyes. "Not really, Lily. But then again, it might be because I do not waste hours watching them. Or one of them."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, you know," Alice said with a small laugh. She tucked stray strands of her blond hair behind her ears and propped her elbows on the table, surveying the Marauders while she talked. "I heard other girls talking about how mature the four of them have been acting lately. I thought their new strategy would drive away the girls obsessing over them, but--"

"Oh, yeah, the Marauders' pranks and teasing really make them irresistible," Lily muttered sarcastically.

Alice bit her lower lip and stifled a smile. In her opinion, Lily had always been oversensitive with anything that had to do with those four boys. "Well, I'm only repeating what I've heard other girls say, so don't bite my head off. Anyway, like I was saying, it seems they're as popular as ever. Even more so, perhaps. Lately, I've picked up sentiments on how their apparent maturity has made them even more appealing. Sexier, even." She picked up her quill and started writing again.

"Puh--lease," Lily drew out in exasperation. "Apparent maturity? It's all an act! I think they're up to something. A prank that's bigger than any they've ever played before. After all, we are about to leave school -- and knowing them, they would think they owe it to the school not to leave without a bang. Right now they're just biding their time and trying to throw everyone off their tracks."

"Maybe," Alice conceded, her eyes on her essay. She wondered if Lily noticed just how much she had whined about the Marauders over the past couple of days. She even had speculations that Lily's recent mood swings had something to do with James Potter almost ignoring her for a week. No matter how annoying James was, Alice supposed her friend enjoyed the way the guy made her feel special. All girls were like that -- even beautiful, smart Lily Evans.

"Maybe? You don't agree with me, do you?" Lily asked persistently, her voice nearly shrill.

Alice sighed and put her quill down. "I think your arguments do have a point, Lily. However, since nothing has happened yet, everything you've said is technically still conjecture. Besides, what do you care if they're indeed planning something?"

Lily drummed her fingers on the polished wooden table, obviously not listening. "They're up to something, I'm sure of it," she muttered feverishly. "And I'm going to find out what it is."

Alice shrugged and carried on with her Potions essay. "Do you think their suddenly good behaviour has anything to do with that new girl?" she asked carelessly.

"Regina?" Hmmm. That was a thought. Lily didn't know much about the new student except that she was exceptionally brilliant in all of their classes. She didn't seem to be a talker and consequently did not appear to have any constant companion she could call her friend -- although admittedly, she had been spending a lot of time with the Marauders. Nevertheless, Lily still wasn't buying the idea that a girl who did not even seem to have enough going on in her own life could significantly change the habits and lives of those around her.

"I don't think so. No," Lily murmured. The Marauders have something up their sleeves. That's all there is to it. Tired of thinking about it, she reached once more for her quill, dipped it in ink and held it aloft over her parchment, poised to write.

Words still failed her. Cursing under her breath, she grabbed her Advanced Charms book instead and started to read.

* * * * * * *

"Padfoot, could I have a look at your essay? The one for Sluggy?" Peter implored. Of the four of them -- five, including Hermione -- Sirius was the only one without a quill and parchment in front of him. Instead, his attention was focused on the set of Gobstones he was playing with and the bottle of butterbeer he had on the side.

"I haven't done mine yet," Sirius answered automatically as he prodded one of the stones with his wand. A marble squirted a gooey substance to an invisible opponent opposite him. Delighted, Sirius took another swig of butterbeer and smacked his lips.

James frowned. "What are you doing there then, messing around with Gobstones? We've got a lot of schoolwork piled up."

"Relax, Prongs," Sirius said, his grey eyes still on his game. "I can finish off that essay in an hour or so. Besides, I still have the rest of the night to do that. And will you please quit performing that act when you're around us? You're starting to sound like a pro."

Was that bad? He would never openly admit it, but James actually found this so-called pretending far easier than supposedly being himself. It took less effort, after all, maintaining one's silence and appearing thoughtful rather than thinking of a thousand mischievous ways to entertain people. "I guess I should remind you then, Sirius, that you do not have tonight." The last word was spoken with finality.

Sirius glanced sharply out the window and then at Remus, who looked ill. A sudden expression of resolution tightened Sirius' features. "Alright, then. I'm going to start it now." He quickly put away his Gobstones set, grabbed a quill and a parchment lying around on the table, and started to write at once.

Peter groaned. "At this rate, Sirius will finish his before I do mine."

Hermione looked up from her own essay. She both wanted to tell Peter to sod off and to avoid talking to him as much as possible. "Which part exactly are you having problems with?" she asked anyway. "Maybe I can help." Especially if it would finally keep you quiet.

Peter looked like he would collapse with relief when Hermione stood up, sat beside him, and began briskly reading his homework and pointing out inconsistencies.

"Padfoot, mate, do you have any butterbeer left?" Remus asked, his voice hoarse. "I desperately need something to warm me up, just enough to help me finish this blasted thing." He drew in a shaky breath and glanced at the clock. A quarter after five. I need to be out of here in fifteen minutes.

Sirius reached for his bag and pulled out another bottle of butterbeer, one of the leftovers from their last unlawful Hogsmeade trip. He wordlessly handed it to Remus, who quickly unscrewed the cap and took one, long drink.

Remus smiled afterwards. "Thanks, Sirius." He set the bottle down and started writing once more -- faster this time, as though he would be turned into a pumpkin at five-thirty.

"You look pale, Prof--Remus," Hermione observed, stumbling over his name. She winced silently, wondering what made it difficult to call her professor by his first name. "Are you sick?"

Her words were a distraction, but Remus welcomed them, especially since they came from her. "Quite," he answered, his smile bringing back some colour to his cheeks. "But this won't last. I'll be good as new tomorrow."

"You should go see Madam Pomfrey," Hermione suggested, faltering at the end of her statement. She hoped they didn't find her knowledge of the school Healer strange.

Remus suddenly felt his blood pounding in his ears, as the familiar feeling of fear rose in him. His head throbbed. She should not know. "Yes, that's what I'm going to do once I finish this essay. Knowing her, however, she'll probably be ordering me to spend the night in the hospital wing."

"Well, I do hope you feel better soon," Hermione said, smiling, before continuing with her writing.

"Thanks," Remus answered feebly. He wrapped up his own essay as soon as he could, his penmanship growing more unreadable with each minute. Finally, he dotted his last sentence with a shaking hand. After a hardly inaudible goodbye, he grabbed his cloak and hurriedly sailed out the portrait hole.

The four of them continued working for another hour and a half until it was time for dinner.

"Why don't you join us for dinner?" James asked Hermione as they descended the stairs to the Great Hall. He thought it was the least he could do for her, after all the help and sympathy she had offered them.

Hermione glanced at Sirius to see how he would react, but he seemed oblivious this time.

"Don't worry about him," James whispered in her ear. "I'll make sure he won't bite." Remus would have wanted it, too.

Hermione smiled at his words. How could she resist him? The protective look in his eyes drew her in, and she nodded. "Now that's better."

The three Marauders, however, seemed to have no desire in taking their time to fill their appetites during dinner. They shoved their food into their mouths with a certain urgency that conveyed they had something better to do.

"Are you going to see Remus?" Hermione asked as she speared the chicken leg on her plate. She thought their friend could be the only reason they were acting that way, but she still couldn't see the need to hurry.

Peter tried to talk while his mouth was full, and ended up gasping for air.

"Anapneo," James said calmly, his wand pointed at Peter. He offered him water afterwards, so that Peter was able to breathe normally again after a while.

"How did you know?" Peter sputtered, his voice croaky.

Sirius kicked Peter hard under the table, and he gave a loud yelp that attracted the attention of students around them. Abashed, Peter decided not to say anything else.

"Could I go see him too?" Hermione asked, a note of concern obvious in her voice.

"He's not in the hospital wing," James said.

Hermione's forehead wrinkled. "But he's ill. Where else would he be?"

"His mother is ill," Peter squeaked, repeating the excuse Remus used to give them back then. "He has gone home to visit her. You must have heard it wrong."

Hermione laughed, but it was without humour. "You're a pathetic liar, Peter. I hope you don't make the same mistake of trying to deceive someone again in the future." But he would. She knew he would. Or would he? The idea of warning James about his friend's future betrayal had been tempting her for days, and she held herself back only because she knew the Potters would survive Voldemort's attack anyway. Besides, his betrayal was what paved the way for the Dark side's defeat. Seems like he screws things up wherever he goes.

Sirius sighed. Peter was only making things worse for them. "Look, Regina, it's none of your business what we do."

Hermione blinked, tuning in once more to the ongoing conversation. Really? And pray, tell, who has been helping James with Lily, Peter with his homework, however unwillingly... "Oh, of course," Hermione concurred easily, albeit through gritted teeth. "I was just worried you were going to break some school rules again and end up ruining the plan." She spoke the last few words with an air of intimacy, as though she was already one of them.

James shook his head. "No, no. This is different."

A sudden thought struck Hermione like a flash of lightning. She had forgotten! She quickly looked up and saw it -- the full moon. The night was clear and the moon's ominous light shone down on them from the enchanted ceiling. Hermione shuddered, comprehension dawning on her.

James had been watching Hermione and spotted her swift reaction to the full moon that had barely risen. Dread filled him. No. She could not have worked it out so quickly. She must not know, for Remus' sake. James feared the knowledge would ruin his friend's chances with this girl even before he started.

Hermione gnawed at her lower lip, pained at the thought of what Remus -- who was so gentle, so mild-mannered -- should go through tonight. She turned to look at James, and her eyes locked in with his. For the first time, James realised what an earthy shade of brown her irises were.

"I hope he's alright," Hermione said quietly.

James scrutinized her more closely, but didn't say anything.

Soon afterwards, the three boys stood up from the table. James shot Hermione a meaningful, pleading look, and she nodded to let him know she understood. He gave a tiny smile in relief, aware of what she meant. She knew about Remus' furry little problem, but it didn't matter to her.

Moony is right. She really has a good head on her shoulders. James decided that it would be a good boost to Remus' self-esteem to hear about it, and resolved to tell him as soon as he could.

"Potter! Where do you think you're going?" a female voice called angrily as the three Marauders started making their way out.

James turned to see who had shouted, and to his amusement, realised it was Lily. Missed me again so soon? he wanted to call back obnoxiously. He struggled against his impulse, however, and calmly walked towards her so that they could have a proper conversation without making a racket.

"I can't do Head Boy rounds tonight, Lily. I have something more important to attend to," he told her politely when he reached her.

"You do this every month!" Lily complained, pulling at her hair. "That's not fair. I've been covering up for you, but this time I'm going to tell the Headmaster!"

James fought with all his might to keep a cheeky retort in check. "Go ahead," he said, allowing himself a secretive smile. "After all, it's what you do best."

Lily was beside herself, she couldn't even speak. Satisfied with having the last word, James turned his back on her and strode towards the doors of the Great Hall, where Sirius and Peter were waiting.

"Wait here," James told them once they had stepped outside the Great Hall. "I forgot the map and the cloak. I'll just go get it upstairs." He dashed off without another word.

After several minutes he came back, slightly out of breath and his pockets bulging. He took out his Invisibility Cloak and motioned for Sirius and Peter to join him underneath. "Quick, just until we reach the Whomping Willow," he directed. It took almost a minute for them to make sure they were completely covered by the cloak, what with James and Sirius' statures and Peter's girth. Very, very quietly, they opened the castle doors and stepped out into the cold, wet night.

As soon as they were a few meters away from the castle, James reached once more into his robes, retrieved the map, and thrust it to Peter. "There," he said.

Peter automatically unrolled the parchment, tapped it with his wand and muttered, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

"What are you doing?" James asked him, confused. "I just wanted you to hold on to the map for the moment."

"Just checking, Prongs," Peter answered glibly. His small eyes quickly scanned the detailed interior of Hogwarts, mentally accounting for the teachers and staff who might not be inside, and could therefore be prowling the grounds. "Everyone seems to be at dinner."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, yeah, that's why we left early this time around," he said.

Peter's eyes fell on the many names inside the Great Hall, and he sifted, with much more difficulty, among them. His forehead wrinkled as his gaze settled along the length of the Gryffindor table.

"Do either of you know a Hermione Granger?"