Scar Mates

PENSIEVE AVERTISSEUSE

Snape was taking the steps up from his classroom when he heard the first sounds of the fracas in the corridor above.

"That hut of Hagrid's must seem like a palace compared to what your family's used to," he heard Draco Malfoy say. Hearing the scuffle that followed, he sprinted up the last few steps, just in time to see the youngest Weasley grab the young Slytherin by the front of his robes.

"Weasley!" he roared. The boy let go, and they both stumbled backward. He felt the familiar burning begin in his arm, and swung around to see the Potter boy standing to the side. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated on shielding his mind, just as the boy frowned and rubbed his forehead.

"He was provoked, Professor Snape," Hagrid told him. "Malfoy was insultin' his family."

The sensation fading away, he addressed the young Gryffindor. "Be that as it may, fighting is against Hogwart's rules, Hagrid. Five points from Gryffindor, Weasley, and be grateful it isn't more. Move along, all of you." He walked through the crowd that had gathered to watch, and continued on to the Great Hall for lunch.

During lunch, he felt the huge, hairy man glaring at him throughout the meal. Obviously Hagrid felt he had been unfair, but he was not inclined to take points from his own house unless one of them had provoked him personally.

He was not surprised to hear Hagrid call out to him just as he was leaving the Hall. I knew he was going to meddle in this.

"Professor! Professor Snape! A word with yeh?"

He turned to wait while the man huffed his way toward him. "Hagrid, if this is about my disciplining...."

Hagrid did not let him finish. "No, no, it's not abou' tha'. I need teh have a word with yeh." He looked around the entranceway. "Some place private, if yeh know wha' I mean?"

Giving the man a curious look, he nodded and led them both off to an empty side-room. Closing the door behind them, he waved Hagrid to a chair. Pulling up another, he sat facing the man who was unusually nervous, even for Hagrid.

"I've bin meanin teh talk to yeh, and it jes kept slippin my mind. Then after the figh' with Malfoy...there's something I gotta tell yeh..." The man stopped, suddenly at a loss for words.

Snape sensed the man needed some encouragement. "Go on, Hagrid."

Making a face, as if screwing up his courage, the man blurted out, "Harry and his friends think yeh cursed his broom a' the match, and he and Ron, and 'Ermione..." he finished with a burst, "they know 'bou Fluffy."

Extraordinary. I don't know which of these is the more amazing Fighting to control his voice, Snape asked, " Firstly, Hagrid, why in the world would they think that I was responsible for the broom fiasco?"

Having gotten some of the burden off his chest, Hagrid's voice had lost some of its emotion. "They know it was a curse. 'Ermione says she saw yeh mumbling, something 'bou keeping yer eyes on Harry."

Ah, the talented little witch, but a little off the mark this time. "I assure you, Hagrid, I was in no way involved in Potter's aerobatics. You may put that ridiculous notion to rest. And the dog...Fluffy," he said the word with a hint of contempt, "how is it they know about that?" He had a suspicion that he guessed the man was about to confirm.

Hagrid looked down, embarrassment flooding his face. "I don' know how they found ou' 'bou Fluffy, Professor, but they think 'e bit yeh, and when they asked abou' 'im, I kinda let 'is name slip."

Snape considered this. They must have been the intruders into the Grid at the beginning of term. And Potter had seen his leg wound in Filch's office. They'd put two and two together and come up with a very Gryffindor four. "I'm disappointed, Hagrid, that you let on to them that you even knew about the dog. It would only fuel their curiosity. As the Grid has remained unmolested, I suppose they decided to 'let sleeping dogs lie'."

The reference was lost on the big man, whose bright eyes were darting around the room, as if seeking an avenue of escape. Wonderful. There's more. "What, Hagrid? Are they still pestering you about it?"

"Well, they figured ou' Fluffy was guardin something..."

Oh Merlin. It just keeps getting better and better.

"And...you told them...what?" His voice was threatening, and the sound of it was enough to convince Hagrid to confess the last, damning piece of information.

"They know 'bout Nicolas Flamel." As he said this, he was already shrinking back in his chair, as if to ward off the blows he was sure were to come.

"They what!?" he roared out the question. "They know about Nicolas Flamel?" He charged on, not even waiting for an answer. "You told them about Flamel! Despite all our warnings not to speak of the Grid at all, you acknowledge that the beast is named Fluffy, and then you tell them about Flamel! What were you thinking, man?" He forced himself to stop when he noticed that Hagrid had slid his chair backwards in fear.

Standing, to put some distance between the two of them, Snape began to pace, not once taking his eyes from the man. "They stumbled onto the dog on their own, although what they were doing in the third-floor corridor is anyone's guess. They somehow came to the regrettably correct conclusion that something is being guarded. The Potter boy saw my leg and correctly surmised that the beast had bitten me." He ignored the look of surprise on Hagrid's face. "They come to you with their remarkably spot on suspicions, and instead of discouraging them, or informing the Headmaster or myself, you tell them the dog's name? Instead of telling them that it was none of their concern, as...it...was...

not...you told them about Nicolas Flamel?" His voice, full of frustration rather than fury now, had dropped to near normal volume.

"Hagrid, you were entrusted with a matter in which it was impressed upon you that secrecy was of the utmost importance. And yet you ended by giving three first years information that could bloody well jeopardize the Stone's safety. This is truly beyond the pale." He stopped, hands on his hips, towering over the man as he glared down at him.

Hagrid sat completely still, staring down at his lap. His face had flushed a deep red, and he exuded misery. Snape pulled his chair back up to sit in front of him. He was still mollified over the man's indiscretion, but knew that he would have to try a different tact if he wanted to draw the man out further.

"Hagrid," he said in a gentler tone, "how did it come down to you telling them about Flamel? What led you to do such a thing?" His near normal tone of voice was enough to raise the large, red-rimmed eyes to his own.

Sniffing several times, then wiping his large brow with his coat sleeve, Hagrid answered in a croak. "I told 'em wha' Fluffy was guardin was between Dumbledore an' Nicolas Flamel. It jes sorta slipped ou'. I woudna tell 'em anthin else. But then I found 'ou they was in the library tryin to figger ou' who he was. I told 'em teh jes drop it. But yeh know, they're jes like a dog tha's got a bone. They're worryin' it teh death."

Snape's face softened a bit as he watched the man struggle. So. All he really gave them was Flamel's name. They already knew the dog was there. Hagrid had just put a name on the creature. He hadn't given them much at all, when it came down to it.

"They don't really know all that much then, Hagrid." Something occurred to him. "Why do you think they're so determined to figure this out? What's driving them to keep at it? They're actually spending their free time in the library to research Flamel?

Hagrid looked suddenly guilty again, but quickly tried to hide it.

"Out with it, Hagrid. What are they up to? I think you know."

The man wanted it done with. "They think it's you that's tryin to steal the...you know wha'."

Snape sat back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. Dear Merlin. What a comedy of errors. The boy I've sworn to protect thinks that I've tried to kill him. Add that to the fact that every time we interact he feels physical pain. Three Gryffindor first years have come alarmingly close to discovering what lies in the Grid, and they believe I have some nefarious scheme to steal whatever it is from underneath the Headmaster's nose. He suppressed an urge to laugh, then briefly wondered from where in the world that impulse had come.

"Hagrid, I advise you to be very careful not to divulge anything further. And if they come gold-digging to you again, I want you to come to the Headmaster or myself immediately. Do what you can to discourage them. I'd hate to have to take points for such a spectacular display of..." He didn't finish, only waved to Hagrid that they were finished.

As he returned to his chambers, he decided that informing the Headmaster of the Gryffindor sleuthing could wait until their meeting the next day when they were once again to visit his Pensieve. As bothersome as their meddling may be, I can't wait to see the look on Albus' face. It isn't often that I get to take him by surprise.

***

He felt cheated by Dumbledore's reaction.

"They did indeed?" Dumbledore asked, a slow smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. "There may be hope for the wizarding world yet, Severus. Three first years have put this much together in spite of all our precautions. And I dare say you feel slighted that this an accomplishment achieved by a group of Gryffindors."

Snape sighed, feeling like he had lost at some undeclared game.

"Harry was with Hagrid, you know, when he retrieved the Stone from Gringott's."

Snape looked at him in dismay, which the old man waved away. "He had no idea what it was, Severus. But he and his friends may have read in "The Prophet" about the break-in at Gringott's. Factor that in with what they most likely saw when they happened upon the dog, and the information Hagrid unwittingly gave them, they marched right on to draw their conclusions." He was grinning outright now. "They managed to come frightfully close to the truth. Of course, they don't know exactly what is being protected in the Grid, and have fixed themselves on the wrong suspect." Chuckling, he finished the last of his tea. Setting down the cup, he refocused his attention on his Potions Master. His grin faded away, and he said softly, "Severus, does it bother you that the boy's opinion of you is so off the mark?"

The sudden urge to lie was quickly dispatched away as a futile exercise in present company. Snape admitted, "Yes, it bothers me. I don't really care if he dislikes me, but that he would think I meant to harm him when it is so far from the truth as to be laughable....yes, I wish he thought otherwise. After all, I made a promise..." he stopped abruptly, as if catching himself just in time.

"A promise to what, Severus?"

"To protect him, of course. A promise to you," he finished quietly, refusing to look at the old man as he spoke.

Dumbledore did not miss this avoidance, but chose not to pursue the matter any further.

"But now we have this problem of inter-connectedness to solve. I see it distressing both of you, and while you have the benefit of knowing that Harry is the source of your pain, he has no idea why this is happening to him. He may already, as you suspect, realize that it occurs only in your presence. All the more reason for us to press on. Are you ready, my boy?"

Snape stood in answer. As they walked to the table, he remarked to the Headmaster, "I can still protect him without suffering this connection, Albus."

"I'm counting on it," he answered as they plunged into the Pensieve.

***

They found themselves pressed against the inside door of Slug and Jiggers Apothecary in Diagon Alley. The interior was crammed with customers, and a queue of them stood at the counter waiting to be serviced. Young Severus stood near the back of the line. The difference between the young man they had watched dance at the Potter wedding and this Severus staggered the imagination. His hair was sparse and hung in clumps. His complexion was sallow, and dark half-moon circles lay beneath his eyes, accentuating the cheekbones that stood out on the too thin face. He stood partially stooped, and his robes appeared at least a size too large.

Dumbledore said to Snape, "I'd forgotten how unwell you were when you finally came to me. This must have been close to that time?"

Snape nodded. "This was the latter part of September. It was entirely by chance, but the fact that I acted so quickly bore witness to the fact that I had been worrying about her. I came to you just days after."

They watched as the wary young Death Eater scanned the store for threats as he waited. The bell over the doorway jingled as another customer entered. His eyes automatically swung to the sound, then froze as he recognized her. Tracking her as she moved down one of the aisles, he glanced back at the counter, then back again to the retreating figure.

Suddenly making a decision, he moved to casually take the aisle parallel to hers, stopping once or twice to examine the wares on the shelves. Gradually advancing on her position toward the rear of the store, he was careful to check on the identity and position of every other patron before stopping opposite her. Now they were separated only by the chest-high shelving between them. Concentrating on the bottle of hellebore he had just picked up, he murmured in a voice that only the woman could hear. "Lily, whatever you do, don't look up. I don't see anyone even remotely suspicious, but we must be very careful. I won't put you at risk."

Her hand stilled in mid-movement, then slowly reached for the bottle she had been about to pick up. "Severus?" she breathed.

"Hmm. Yes. It's me. Lily....is there any chance that James is about to walk in on us?"

Her eyes darted quickly to the door, then briefly back to Severus before she resumed her perusal of the items on the shelf. "No. He's down at WhizzHard Books. I'm to meet him at Flourish and Blotts in an hour."

"Stay a little behind me. I'm going to move further toward the back." Setting down the bottle, he ambled several more feet before leaning in to squint at an item on a shelf, then straightened after picking it up. As he turned the jar, examining its contents, he said, "Lily, I know what you must have heard about me. It's probably all true, and I'm not going to waste any time making excuses."

Still slightly behind him, she softly said to him across the aisle. "It's hard for me to believe that the Severus I knew could be the man I've been hearing about."

Turning back toward her, he briefly caught her eye, before looking down. "You can believe it or not, Lily. It doesn't matter now."

Frowning as she read a label, she replied, "You look terrible, Severus. If you hadn't spoken, I would have hardly known you."

He fought the urge to smile at her concern. "Occupational hazard, Lily. Something I hadn't counted on, you could say." He paused. "You and James are well, and the boy?"

She shrugged at the question. "As well as can be expected, given the times we live in. The baby's almost fourteen months old. A handful."

Casting another glance around the store, he looked at her directly. "Lily," he hissed in urgency. Her eyes came up to meet his, then she casually looked around the shop as she replaced the bottle on the shelf. Picking up another, she studied it for a moment, then looked up at him slowly. "Lily," he repeated, biting his lower lip. "I know I've no right to expect that you'd believe anything I have to say. But when I saw you come in I knew I had to try. Will you at least hear me out?"

Her eyes flickered back to the front, then returned to his. "Go on," she replied warily.

He swallowed visibly, as he realized what he was about to do. "I must impress upon you the terrible danger you're in. The Dark Lord is stepping up his....attentions to those who are opposing him outright. You and James have come to his attention of late. The risks you are taking are so foolish, Lily..."

She cut him off, replying in a low voice that was choked with emotion. "Don't you dare lecture me about taking risks, Severus. These risks wouldn't be necessary at all if there weren't people like you and your friends out there terrorizing the legitimate wizarding world. We have no choice but to fight back!"

He winced as her words, as well as his own heart, condemned him. She had not said anything to him that he had not already said to himself in the recesses of his heart, but hearing the words out loud, from Lily no less, drove a stake of shame into his soul. He thought to himself that she was right--any danger she was in , any harm that might befall her, he would be responsible for. He had made the choice to be a part of this madness.

Controlling himself, his voice was flat. "Regrettable and true as that may be, the fact remains that the risk to you and your family is increasing with each day that passes."

"And you're telling me this why, Severus? Doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of victimizing if you warn the victims?"

He felt his composure crumbling, and was suddenly almost overwhelmed with exhaustion.

Lily's face filled with doubt as watched him, waiting for him to reply.

"Mrs. Potter," he said in almost a whisper, "at great risk to myself, because I care about your wellbeing, I am informing you that the normal precautions that you are taking to protect you and your family will not be enough. I implore you, and James, to consider what I'm telling you very seriously." He watched her face as she internalized this, then added, "Don't think for a moment that I give a damn about James, because I don't, but despite what I have now become, I do care about what happens to you....and Harry."

She looked startled to learn that he knew the boy's name. Glancing around carefully once more, she brought her eyes back to his face. Her expression softened, considering the wreck of the man standing before her, and the danger in which he was placing himself on her account. "Oh Severus, I don't know what to say. I've spent all these months worrying about you, wondering how you could've ended up so lost. And now....this." She stopped, watching him as he gazed over the top of her head, searching the interior once again for threats. When he finally looked down into those green eyes again, she added gently, "I'm grateful, Severus, I truly am. I....I don't know what I'll tell James, but we will be more careful."

"As I said, careful won't be enough, Lily, believe me. Take that into account, whatever you plan to do." Leaning aside to replace a jar on the shelf, he said, "I have to go now."

Turning back to her for the last time, he was chagrined to see that her eyes had filled with tears.

"Don't." His voice contained a plea, and a command. "Don't cry, and don't be grateful. I can't console you, and I don't deserve your gratitude. This was purely impulse on my part. I had no plans to warn you until you stepped through that door. I just saw you, and I...." his voice trailed off.

Blinking back the tears, she smiled. "I always brought out the best in you, Severus."

He smiled thinly. "Yes, you did. In spite of myself. Now, go."

Reluctantly she turned, adding a gentle, "Take better care of yourself, Severus."

He did not watch her as she made her way to the counter. But when the bell jingled her departure, he stepped over to the window, and observed as she made her way through the crowd, standing there long after she was out of sight.

Snape had let the scene play out without comment. He and Dumbledore remained after Lily left, watching the man's vigil at the window.

When he turned away to retake a place in the line of customers., he wore once again the closed, unreadable expression of earlier that day.

"This was the catalyst that drove me to you, Albus. I'd been poised on the brink for months, paralyzed by my indecision. My life was a nightmare, and I found it impossible to sleep, and could barely eat. When I saw Lily that day, I made the decision to warn her without even thinking, and as I watched her walking away to James, all I could think of was how I was going to get to you. I'd known for a long time that it was going to come down to getting out or ending up dead. It was obvious to my....associates that I was not physically well, which they probably attributed to the pace at which my work for the Dark Lord drove me. I did manage quite well, however, to conceal the chaos inside. The only person I ever really socialized with was Lucius, and if he had reservations about me, he never let on." He paused, turning to face the old man. "I don't know how it would've ended had you turned me away, Albus."

"But I did," Dumbledore told him. "So I didn't."

***

Snape massaged his temples with his fingertips, trying to work away a gathering headache. He wondered idly if it was past noon so he could justify a brandy, were the old man to object. Deciding to chance a remark, he headed for the sideboard.

The Headmaster, having ordered lunch for them from the kitchen, tried to waylay him. "Severus, sit down and eat."

Ignoring him, Snape poured himself a smaller amount in compromise. Joining the man at the table, he attempted to placate him by setting the brandy aside and preparing his plate. They ate at first in silence, until Dumbledore brought up the coming holidays.

"You'll be staying here at Christmas as usual, Severus?"

"Of course. I'm rather looking forward to the prospect of setting my own schedule for a few weeks. I have grading to do, some books that I've wanted to read without distraction, in addition to some potions that Poppy needs." Downing his brandy, he concluded, "It will be a pleasant change not to have to be constantly on my guard over the possibility of an episode with....the boy." Strange. I've just experienced a sudden confusion over what to call him....the boy....Potter....Harry. No, he decided, he will remain....the boy.

Dumbledore made a small sound of surprise. "Oh. Didn't you know? Harry will be staying here at Hogwart's for Christmas. He signed up to stay, and I've decided to allow it. Young Weasley will be staying as well, so no doubt, they'll keep each other occupied."

Snape shook his head, and said, "Oh I'm sure they will, especially as they'll have an invisibility cloak with which to amuse themselves. Perhaps I'll be spared the responsibility of their supervision as I won't be able to see what they're up to?"

The Headmaster gave him an amused look. "Are you still going on about that? As I said, you have full rein to address any misuse of it."

"Oh believe me, I will. I'll be on the lookout for it, as it inevitably will occur." He let the matter drop.

Pushing back from the table as tea was served, the Headmaster matter of factly informed the Potions Master, "The mirror is here. Sometime during the holidays, I will need your assistance in placing it in the Grid. It will not be difficult, but it requires a Second to do it, and I would prefer not to involve anyone else but you."

Snape inclined his head. "Certainly, Albus, whenever you wish, I'll be available." He felt the pleasant, warm satisfaction he always did when the old man confirmed his trust in him. Whether it was shown by words, or by the request for his assistance in a sensitive matter such as this, he was always amazed anew that this man had taken a chance with him that had paid off for the both of them.

He must have been half smiling, for Dumbledore set down his cup and smiled in return.

"Why Severus, I do believe I've caught you feeling sentimental. How unusual. Are you ill?"

The almost-smile gone in an instant, Snape growled in warning. "Albus, it'd be nice to have a private moment without you as a partner, especially considering I was thinking about you. Are you so insecure that you constantly need to reaffirm my good opinion of you?"

Dumbledore smiled in affection. "It's so rare to see that kind of smile on your face, Severus, that I wondered what had inspired it. And you know, my boy, that the trust and the sentiment are returned in kind?"

The Potions Master nodded at him mutely. It was not often that the old man spoke so explicitly of their relationship. And it was a testimony to this relationship that they sat so often in just comfortable silence, as they did now. Snape let his mind wander a bit, not really worrying about the other man's ability to decipher his thoughts so easily. He eventually returned to the memory that they had visited that morning, and Dumbledore's intriguing promise that he had something to reveal that could help solve the enigma of his link to the boy.

"Albus, you hinted last week that you would be ready to reveal this secret that you've been hiding. Perhaps before we visit the Pensieve again?"

This drew a shrewd look from the old man. Taking his time, he wiped his mouth with his napkin, then pushed his chair back further to stand, at the same time reaching in to retrieve something from an inner pocket. Withdrawing his hand, he kept his fingers curled around what he was holding. Leaning over the table towards Snape, he extended the closed hand. As he slowly opened his fingers, he reached over with the other hand to lift the object up and out of his palm.

He noted with grim satisfaction the black eyes that widened in shock at the sight of what was dangling before him. Shock gradually replaced confusion, as the younger man tried to process what he was seeing.

Dumbledore withdrew his hand and replaced the item carefully in his pocket. He waited patiently for the man to recover.

When Snape had finally regained his composure, he told the old man, "We underestimated Lily."