Scar Mates

PENSIEVE PROCHAINE

Dumbledore had outright refused Snape's request for a brandy. "It's not what you need right now, my boy." He installed the still shivering man on the couch, then lit a blazing fire in the hearth. While Snape grumbled on over the loss of his brandy, the Headmaster ordered a meal and hot chocolate.

Pressing a steaming mug into the shaky hands, he pushed the coverlet a bit to sit beside the recovering man. Seeing a bit of color return to Snape's face, he broached the subject, shaking his head.

"Dark Magic cast during a Quidditch match. It was fortunate you acted so quickly."

Snape's face darkened. "It was Quirrell. I'm sure of it. He had the good sense to slip away while I was still...recovering. But he looked guilty as sin. Again. This, coupled with his intrusion into the Grid, not to mention his vigilance in avoiding the both of us since the start of term, does not bode well." He paused reflecting. "Yes, it's Quirrell. But why? What is he up to? If it's about pilfering the Stone, why attack the boy? It doesn't make sense."

Dumbledore was picking marshmallows out of the bottom on Snape's cup, popping them into his mouth. "You are correct. It was Quirrell. Indeed, why is the question. Wanting to acquire the Stone, either for himself or for another, is one matter. Trying to harm Harry makes it something altogether different. Did you notice how changed he was after his return from the holidays? He's nervous to the point of skittishness, and much more reclusive. He used to visit me for chats and an odd game here and there, but now I know he is actively avoiding me."

Snape bit back a small smile and said dryly, "I can't imagine why anyone would want to avoid you, Albus?"

The Headmaster missed a beat at that, then grinned at Snape. "Especially you, Severus," he teased.

"I have found avoiding you to be rather like ignoring a Howler," he quipped back. He did smile then, unable to hide his fondness for the old man.

Snape refocused the conversation. "I think the turban rather odd. Quirrell was never one to call attention to himself."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, that is odd. I assumed it was the influence of his holiday travels." Looking sadly at the now empty cup, he set it down. "I will need to talk with him again. I doubt he'll fall to his knees and confess, but I want to impress upon him that whatever he is up to will not succeed. I suggest you step up your own unique intimidation tactics as well. Have another talk with him, Severus, if you will."

Snape looked at him sharply. "I will, Albus. Also some additional warding on the Gryffindor tower is in order. If he could wreak havoc on the Quidditch pitch, he may be able to get to somewhere more vital, as outrageously stupid as that would be. We are talking about Quirrell, Albus. It boggles the mind that he would have a reason to harm the boy."

The Headmaster sighed. "I don't know, Severus. I can't see a connection between wanting to steal the Stone and harming Harry. However, we must be vigilant, and take the offensive here. I intend to add another layer of protection to the Grid, but it will not be in place until Christmas."

"I'll add some extra patrols, and I think I'll also make some discreet inquiries into his itinerary of this past summer," Snape added.

The two sat in comfortable silence for awhile, Snape casting a longing glance towards the brandy, which Dumbledore pointedly ignored.

Snape decided to put an end to postponing the inevitable. Throwing aside the coverlet from his legs, he sat up. "I believe we should continue with the...Chamber of Horrors," he said wryly.

Dumbledore patted him on the knee. "Are you sure, Severus? You've had a most unusual day. I don't want you to do yourself in. Especially now that the boy may be in danger, and I need you at your best to protect him."

Snape studied him, comprehending, and without speaking, made Dumbledore understand. Don't worry about me, Albus. I need to get off this emotional seesaw, and see the boy safe. "Let's get on with it," was all he said aloud.

The Headmaster insisted he wrap himself in his heavy cloak, then led him by the hand over to the sliver bowl. Taking up their positions on either side, the old man put out a hand to stop the wand just as Snape was about to stir.

"Severus, if it becomes too much..."

Snape flicked his wand impatiently to shake off the hand. "Albus. I'm fine. Let's get this one bloody well done with."

The Headmaster nodded,, then gently placed his hand over Snape's once again. They tilted in, surrendering themselves to the merciless Pensieve.

***

They stood on the periphery of a wide expanse of lawn, bordered by tall, white columns bedecked with burgundy and gold bunting. There were wedding guests ambling about the venue, in high spirits, mingling and sipping at their drinks. It was an odd assortment, both Muggle and wizardkind, sharply defined by their dress. If either group were ill at ease with the other, they did not betray it.

They spotted Snape's younger self a short distance away, leaning against one of the pillars, an untouched drink in his hand. He was taller than the seventh year they had last seen, and the open, expressive face had been replaced with one that was now almost unreadable. He mad no attempt to join with the other merrymakers, nor did he appear discomfited by his solitary status. He looked down, examining the gold cocktail napkin, tracing the red L and J embossed on it.

"I skipped the Bonding Ceremony. Although at this point I did not usually spare myself, I knew that subjecting myself to taking part in it would have been a most unnecessary punishment. You seem to think that I do engage in that occasionally. You may be correct, but I did not do so this day."

Severus carefully folded the napkin, then sipped it into a pocket. He pushed off from the pillar to follow the crowd as it moved towards the driveway, where a horse-drawn carriage with the bride and groom was just pulling to a stop. He placed himself a little off to the side, his hands clasped behind his back. He made a striking figure in his dark green robes edged in silver satin. The breeze caught his full head of flowing black hair, blowing it into his face, but he did not move to brush it away. He stood like a man in control of his destiny, no trace of self-consciousness or awkwardness, so unlike the Severus of the past. His attention was fixed on the carriage.

The crowd began to whistle and hoot as James Potter, clad in robes of ivory and gold, leaped over the low carriage door, landing on both feet. He threw both arms straight up in a gesture of victory as the crowd applauded. He bowed, then opened the door to help the bride step down. Gathering her silver brocaded robes with one hand, Lily reached out the other to James, who instead of helping her down, used it to scoop her over into his arms, then spun them both around in circles, as his mouth found hers for a kiss.

Young Severus did not move, did not second the approval of the crowd with either voice or hand. His dark eyes glittered as he watched the exhibition.

"Albus, have you ever experienced a moment in you life, where time seems to stop, where each one of your senses memorizes what is happening in that very moment? The colors are so vivid that they are forever imprinted on your mind. The air is thick with the scent of honeysuckle and freshly mown grass. The only sound you hear is the beating of you heart. You can feel the breeze blowing strands of hair into your face, and the soft velvet of your robes where your fingertips touch them. You feel transfixed, wanting to look away, desperately needing, to, but know that you cannot. You want to turn and run, but you cannot. You loathe yourself for your weakness and you know that you will pay dearly, but you do not care. You are frozen in this moment. You are overwhelmed by the privilege of possessing it, this moment, of watching, being near, for what you believe will be the last time."

Dumbledore had turned to Snape halfway through his discourse, and was now still considering the man, slightly stunned. "I know exactly what you mean, Severus." There was a note of awe in his voice. "I'm impressed that you managed to wrap words so beautifully around what was essentially a spiritual experience."

"Hmm. Yes. It was an extraordinary moment, the likes of which I've never again experienced." He stopped as they followed young Severus and the crowd moving towards the dining tables. Still walking, Snape continued to speak. "In that moment, she was a vision. And her happiness cut me to the quick. I vacillated between outrage and relief; angry that she could be so happy without me, and yet glad that she was happy, that I would not have to worry about her."

Severus was seated at a table. A young witch sitting next to him tried to engage him in conversation but he did not seem to even be aware of her. He looked dazed, a look of bewilderment on his face, as if he had just awoken to find himself in unfamiliar surroundings.

"Look at me, Albus. I was a fool. If Voldemort had ever seen that kind of vulnerability in me he would have made short work of me."

The meal concluded, the tables were being carted off to make way for the dancing to follow. The sun was beginning to set, and colorful hanging lanterns were lit, giving off a soft, rosy light. Severus had sequestered himself at one of the small, round tables that ringed the dance floor. Again, an untouched drink sat before him, and he fingered it idly as he watched the activity around him. Gone was the unguarded emotion, replaced by sullenness, and a trace of resignation.

His face registered surprise as the chair beside his was pulled out. Looking up to see Albus Dumbledore, he struggled suddenly to his feet. "Professor! I...I...sit down. Please."

"Severus, my boy. How are you? I've been trying to get over here for the past hour, but alas..." He waved at the dance floor.

"I noticed, Professor. I never would have guessed that you knew how to Tango."

"Ah, yes. The Tango. Not for the faint of heart. A dance that can only be truly been done justice by those who have experienced "The Grand Passion".

Severus looked skeptical. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Love, Severus. All-consuming, soul-wrenching, mind-numbing, knee-knocking passion."

"Oh," Severus said. "You mean sex."

Dumbledore was amused. "Yes, Severus, sex would certainly play a part in it."

Severus could not look the man in the face now. They watched the dancing in silence for a few moments.

"Severus," Dumbledore leaned over during a lull in the music, "I wanted to tell you. If you ever are in need of assistance of any kind, you would be welcome. My door is always open to you," he finished softly, reaching up to place a hand on the man's shoulder.

Severus slowly turned to look him in the eyes, before replying in an even, measured tone.

"I am employed now, Professor."

"I know." Dropping the hand, he stood, and was gone.

Snape and Dumbledore glanced at each other. When the Potions Master lowered his head, the Headmaster patted him gently on the back.

Many of the guests had gone, but a few couples still turned on the dance floor to a slow, romantic tune. Severus squinted, looking around the tables, but did not see her. Finishing his drink, he pushed back his chair and stood. As he turned about face, he found her standing there, a few feet away, a look of surprise on her face.

"Severus," was all she said.

"Lily. I... you look beautiful," he managed to stammer out.

She closed the distance between them to place her hand on his arm. Severus felt a lump in his throat that he could not swallow away as his eyes took her in. Her face was flushed from her exertions on the dance floor, and her hair, which had been fastened up, had escaped into curling tendrils that framed her face. The bright green eyes, which had been filled with hurt the last time he had looked into them, were now filled with warmth. He felt as if he were falling.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get over here. I've been trying all evening, but..."

"It's alright. I understand. Everyone wanted a piece of you." He paused, groping for words. "Thank you for inviting me."

She gave him a gentle smile. "Oh, Severus. How could I not invite you? You were the first person on my list. Well, actually, I had to put you somewhere near the bottom, so James wouldn't get his back up."

"Really? I wondered about that. I couldn't imagine he'd want me here. In fact, I know he doesn't want me here. He's glared at me several time, you know."

"I don't doubt it. But I made it clear that he was to restrain himself, and Sirius, or his wedding night..." She stopped, blushing slightly at what she'd almost confessed. Severus blinked several times, not sure what to say, when Lily continued. "And that I was saving a dance for you."

Severus could not help the slow smile that crept across his face. "Well then, since you went to all that trouble of standing up to that insufferable prat, I shan't waste it."

Turning, her hand still on his arm, he led her on to the dance floor, where the band was beginning another slow, soulful song. As they turned towards each other, Snape said to her softly, "You're sure about this?"

"Severus, just dance with me."

Without hesitation, he swept her into a close embrace that made her gasp. "If we're going to do this, we may as well do it right." She responded to this by relaxing completely in his arms and locking her hands around his neck. His arms encircling her waist, he bent his head towards hers to whisper in her hair. "Don't look now, but I do believe that your husband might just hex me."

She laughed softly. "He won't. He knows I have a wand too."

They danced for a few moments, completely at ease with each other. Severus, however, was aware that they had become a spectacle, and maintained a wary watch on his surroundings.

Lily pulled her head back to look him. "How are you, Severus?"

"No, Lily, not tonight. No questions."

Her eyes searched his, then saddened. "Alright, Severus. No questions."

He pulled her close once again, his chin resting on the top of her head.

Snape had a wry grin on his face as he commented to Dumbledore. "I didn't fully appreciate until now what remarkable restraint James displayed in not hexing me into oblivion. Had the tables been turned, I'm not sure I would have been so magnanimous."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Ah, yes, but he would have had to contend with his wife afterwards. That, no doubt, deterred him. And besides loving each other, they felt a great deal of respect for each other. He would have honored her wishes."

The couple now seemed oblivious to their surroundings, as they were the only couple left on the dance floor. All around them, the remaining guests were watching. James Potter stood with his arms crossed in front of him, darkly watching the couple, a muttering Sirius Black at his side.

The catch in Snape's voice made Dumbledore look at him with concern. "For a few glorious moments, I actually pretended she was mine, that this was the culmination of our day." Taking a shaky breath he added, "It was an incredibly weak and stupid thing to do, attending in the first place, and then letting my guard down to indulge in a fantasy."

The Headmaster knit his brow together before voicing his disagreement. "On the contrary, Severus. I believe it took great strength to come here, and great grace also, to grant Lily her wish, knowing how it placed you at a disadvantage." He paused for a moment, then probed. "Do you regret it?"

Snape shook his head. "No, how could I? I believed it to be our final farewell, one without ill will or recriminations. And so it was," he concluded softly.

"And yet, you saw her again? Twice more?"

Snape sighed heavily. "Well, yes. But by then, she was firmly in my mind Mrs. James Potter. Here...I said goodbye to Lily Evans."

Severus felt a slight sense of panic as he realized that the song was coming to a close. Reluctantly, he loosened his embrace as she slid her arms from around his neck. Still moving to the last strains, she reached up to touch his cheek.

"Thank you for coming, Severus. It meant the world to me. I couldn't stand the way we left it."

He smiled down at her. "Nor I, Lily. I'm glad I came."

As the music finally stopped, he took her by the hand, then led her to the side of the floor. Planting a soft kiss on her forehead, he whispered, "Be happy, Lily. Be well. Be safe." Turning her slightly, he extended her hand to her waiting husband. Inclining his head to James in a brief nod, he turned and walked back across the dance floor, continuing on across the lawn and into the trees.

***

It was the Headmaster this time who went for the brandy. Pouring one for each of them, he returned to sit opposite his Potions Master. They sat, not speaking for some time, as once again Dumbledore waited for the other to speak.

"So, what are your deductions, now that you've seen it?"

Dumbledore considered him shrewdly before answering. "Three things, Severus. Firstly, despite being in the service of Voldelmort for some time, you did not hesitate to attend a function that, had you heart and soul assimilated his doctrine, you should not have been able to even entertain the thought of being in such company. That you did so reinforces what you told me about compartmentalizing your life. And I'm surprised that there were no repercussions from you decision to attend. You could have easily been found out.

Secondly, it's a testament to James' maturity that he handled your presence so well. I suspect that he knew there was unfinished business between the two of you, and that the best thing he could do for Lily was to allow it to come to a suitable conclusion. Or so he thought.

Lastly, this encounter allowed you and Lily to part amicably, to leave no hostility between you as you both went on with your lives. It was fortunate that you had the opportunity to do so. It would have crippled you both, emotionally, had you not done so."

Snape snorted at this. Dumbledore ignored him.

"And, it is clear, that although you both believed you had said your goodbyes in a more satisfactory manner, it was not the end of it. It could not be."

Snape raised his eyebrows.

"If you truly love someone, Severus, you never stop. You may move on, to other places and people, you may even love again, but you never stop. I'm not telling you something you do not know. You may not have realized it at the time, either of you, but correct me if I'm wrong, you both realized it before the end?" He raised the timbre of his voice, conveying the question.

Snape felt the power in the old man pull his eyes up to meet his own. "Yes. Yes to all of it."

The Headmaster sat back in his chair in satisfaction. "Ah. Well, then, now we begin to approach the core of your connection to Harry. The heart of the matter is...love."