Camouflage

Camouflage

I don't remember the exact details of that echoing night, but the memories still flood back to me. I do remember sitting near the ledge of the Gryffindor Tower as the moist air ricochets across my face. I cannot see you, but I know you're there.

The rain falls onto the stones of the castle, boulders that have seen centuries come and gone, but still hold strong. I wonder if it can be that way in my feelings for you. At one moment, they can be so overwhelming that I can do all but breathe... and yet you make me weaker somehow. I don't understand. I don't know if I ever will, but I thank the raindrops for camouflaging tears. As my face becomes so chilled with the never ceasing rain, my heart does too.

I'm surprised that they is no lightening to accompany the symphony of the weather. I lift my hand to catch the raindrops in my hand, but I am numbed. I feel no love, no lust, no pain... just the presence of you. I blink; I cannot distinguish weeping from the beating of the rain any longer. You complete me, and yet you make me something that seems less than human. I know I want you, as critically as anyone ever could, but you are so out of reach that it's unbearable to stand.

I remember the night you left me a rose.

I was watching the rain tumble down through the heavens, gray heavens that sparkle like you menacing gaze. I had always wished for you to finally look at me, not as the mud beneath your shoes, but as your equal, your lover, your soul mate. I longed for you to relax your gaze, if for only a moment, and watch my eyes glisten with the tears of happiness I was warranted. I looked onto the ledge of the protruding window to see a yellow rose twinkling with the captured drops of nature's tears. As I grasped the flower with shivering hands, a thorn tore at my finger. A small trickle of blood released from a token of friendship.

I had looked your way the next morning during breakfast. I saw you watching too.

The rain had yet to cease. I called your name in an anguished whisper that was swallowed by the drizzle. A sob had escaped my lips, nearly sending a friend to check up on poor Harry. I didn't care; they already knew that I would fail to answer anything. I had disconnected them from everything I had once known, and as I thought, another rose appeared. Yellow, for sorrow, brushed the damp satin of my lips as I thought and then was lost.

You watched me the remnants of the following day.

Now I had known to watch for you whenever crystal rain would fall. You had not failed me- I did not expect that from you now. I watched through the muddy grounds for any sign of life that would signal that I had not died as a result from this pain. I had not. Smoke was rising from Hagrid's hut and I could faintly small the scent of his cooking. It brought a mild grin to my face as I remembered all of the times he had visited and laughed. We had no cares or worries as we did now. How could I have let those times slip away so fast? I knew I had tried to obtain them as long as I could, but it was like sieving sand... it only trickled out from my mind faster. For the past weeks, the only thing that had kept me going was the rain, and the anticipation that came with it.

I watched a red rose fall onto the ledge. I saw your smile escape through the dark endeavors of my mind and I saw my future flash all with the motion of seeing that blossom waver in the slight wind. I saw everything I had ever desired, but everything I feared.

But this time it was different; this time I found a note along with it.

For now, it's all I can give. You understand, and I know you can make the right choice. Here's to your completed bouquet and the eternally blooming garden of your love. I'll be watching for you.

Draco

I read the postscript and smile. I can exhale my thoughts and my darkest fears, for I know that you could wash them away with your showers. I know you will share these days with me now.

I lift the last rose as if it were a wine glass, giving a toast to your exact words as I let my tears fall freely at last.

Here's to the next rainfall...