A Life Worth Living

Chapter 2 - Altitude

Harry rapped cautiously at the door at the very top of the Gryffindor Tower. There was no response. Ron pushed him lightly out of the way.

"Let me try," he said, and knocked rather impatiently, hard enough to bruise his knuckles. There was still no answer from inside.

"That's weird," said Harry, reaching for the doorknob. "Wonder where she could be?"

The door opened with a soft click, and Ron frowned. "That's not like Hermione, doesn't she usually have a locking spell on her room?" He walked in, Harry behind him, and called her name.

"She's not here, Ron," said Harry, glancing at the surroundings. A fire still blazed in the fireplace and there was a note on her bed. He picked it up and read it aloud.

Don't blame yourselves,
Love, Hermione

Ron paled and ran for the door. Harry dropped the small package he was carrying and raced after him, grabbing his shoulder.

"Ron, stop. She could be anywhere; we need to find Dumbledore. He'll know where she is," Harry said, surprising both himself and Ron with his calm tone.

Unable to speak, Ron nodded and they ran all the way to Dumbledore's office. Harry could have screamed his frustration at the sight of the stone gargoyle, and frantically started listing every wizarding sweet he could think of. He was down to Toothflossing Stringmints and Ice Mice when the gargoyle slid aside, and he found himself face to face with the Professor himself.

"Harry! Ron! What brings you two here?" he asked, uncharacteristically surprised.

"It's Hermione," they both blurted at once.

Professor Dumbledore's bemused expression turned to one of concern, and he beckoned them into his office. Harry managed a tine smile when he saw Fawkes, looking magnificent in bright red and gold plumage. He let Ron tell Dumbledore of their discovery of the note and the conversation that had led to the visit to her chambers.

Dumbledore nodded gravely and motioned for them to stay seated while he entered the adjoining room.

"He must be contacting the other Professors," whispered Harry to Ron, who was so pale his freckles stood out. Neither boy was quite sure how to comfort the other, so both sat quietly simply taking comfort in the other's presence.

*****

Hermione had always loved the Astronomy Tower, having spent countless nights at its top, studying the stars and planets with her small Astronomy class. She had even visited it with Harry to deliver Norbert, Hagrid's pet dragon, into the hands of Charlie Weasley and his friends.

But tonight, tonight was different. A sense of calm, even relief, settled over her as she ventured toward the edge of the viewing platform. Below her the castle was still and silent, not a sound could be heard from its grounds. The lake; so serene and seemingly untouched, yet ripples gently lapped at the water's edge.

For the first time in years, Hermione felt at peace within herself. She sat, just taking in the scene for what seemed like hours, though judging by the candles she had left on the small table, it had been but a few minutes of reality.

A cold breeze whispered past her, and she shivered. Slowly, she rose and moved to the very edge of the tower. There would be no backing out now; just one more step and she would be free of this uncaring world. Hermione took a last look around her, then closed her eyes and lifted a foot. For a moment she wobbled, but steadied herself and began to lean forward. I'm coming, she thought desperately, as the faces of her parents entered her thoughts.

The vision flickered and died as a cold hand gripped her arm. Hermione's eyes snapped open in fury, as she spun to face her assailant.

It was Snape.

"I didn't think you would actually do it," he said, pulling her further from the lip of the platform. His black eyes glittered in the candlelight as he continued, "Who would have thought, Hermione Granger, best student Hogwarts has seen for years, attempting suicide."

There was no malice in his expression, but nor was there pity. He wore his usual cold, hard, emotionless look, and his complete lack of understanding made Hermione furious.

"How dare you! You have no right to interfere, this is my life, you cannot comprehend, even begin to understand..." she trailed off as anger entered his own eyes.

"I don't understand? Miss Granger, you are surely mistaken. If you knew anything of my past, you would not make such outrageous claims. Now, I suggest you go and find Professor Neffler, I...understand the pair of you are close."

Hermione nodded, she knew that even in such a situation his tone was not one to be argued with. She started towards the stairs, but stopped and turned back around. However much she despised him, she had one question that needed answering.

"Professor?" she asked, failing to hide the obvious hatred in her voice.

He sighed impatiently, nodding for her to continue.

"Why were you up here in the first place?"

Snape seemed to be taken a little off balance. "I enjoy the fresh air," he told her. "Now you should leave, before you have any more ridiculous ideas concerning great heights."

What a load of rubbish, she thought as she descended the stairs. A Potions master, enjoying being on top of the Astronomy Tower?

A strange weakness settled in her knees as full realisation of what had just occurred struck her. She sank to the ground at the bottom of the tower and curled up around herself, completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

*****

Professor Celia Neffler stood in the doorway to the hospital wing, silently observing the sullen figure sitting by the bed. Professor Snape felt the gaze, and rose to face the watcher. "What now," he asked, irritably.

Without his back to her, Professor Neffler could see that in the last two days he had eaten little and slept less. His recent behaviour confused her; it was not his usual manner to be overly concerned about the welfare of a student, least of all a Gryffindor. "Perhaps you should get some rest, Professor. She might not wake for days yet." She might not wake at all, said a small, bitter voice in her head.

As Dumbledore appeared behind her, Snape bit back an angry comment on her right to complain about his well-being. "When she wakes, would you please inform Miss Granger that she is to see me in my office as soon as possible," he said instead, his icy tone directed at the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. He acknowledged Dumbledore with a small nod, and left the room.

The headmaster pulled up a second chair and positioned it alongside the first, which Professor Neffler gratefully sank into.

"She will be alright, Celia," he said gently.

"Why is she still asleep? It's been over two days." Her voice was now weary, and the dark rings under her eyes were evidence of her own sleepless nights.

"She is in a coma. You have not seen a comatose person before?" Neffler shook her head, and Dumbledore continued. "In most cases, a coma is induced by grievous physical injuries, but I believe that this," he indicated the prone figure on the bed, "is Hermione's mind's way of dealing with her emotional turmoil, so to speak."

"But she will be alright?"

"She will need your help, Celia. It was good of you to take her under your wing after the unfortunate events of last year, and I know how fond you are of her, but you must understand that you can never take her parents place. Do not try to. Comfort her as a friend, not an adult. She will respect you for it."

Professor Neffler looked up from the Hermione's unmoving form to Dumbledore, her level gaze denoting the silent gratitude in her tear-bright eyes. The headmaster smiled, and patted her arm, then moved toward the door.

"Before you go, Professor?" she said.

"I take it your question concerns Professor Snape?"

"Well, yes. Why is he so worried about Hermione? It's just not like him."

"You would have to ask him to be sure, but it is my belief that Severus considers himself partly to blame for Hermione's recent actions. Perhaps he is. Only time will tell. Now I must leave you, I received an owl from the Ministry this morning, and I have matters to attend to." His brow furrowed. "Ah, yes, that reminds me. The message concerns you, also, but this is not the time nor place to discuss it. If you could visit my office sometime in the near future, perhaps I could enlighten you somewhat."

Professor Neffler blinked. She could have sworn she saw a flicker of - triumph? mixed with anger pass across Dumbledore's face, something she had not seen for a fortunately long time. However, turning back to Hermione, she had more important things to dwell on, and forgot it for the time.

*****

Snape sighed in contentment as he marked the last of the fourth-year essays with a large, flowing F. A small knock on the door startled him, and he put his quill aside. "Come in," he said, leisurely.

It was the girl. Granger. He didn't know just whom he had expected, but it certainly wasn't her. Curse her timing! For three days she had been on his mind, and just when he had forced all thoughts of her from his already-cluttered head, here she was, in his office. He straightened.

"Professor Neffler sent me, sir," she said, in a bored tone.

"I am glad to see you on your feet, Miss Granger. You have missed a lot of work. But that is not what I wanted to talk to you about. Please, sit," he said, summoning a chair. She looked at him, then at the chair, and remained standing. His eyes narrowed, and his voice lost its almost pleasant demeanour. "I told you to sit, Miss Granger," he repeated, his tone now dangerously soft.

Reluctantly, she obliged, still not meeting his gaze. "I thought you had more sense than to attempt what you did. That was a very stupid thing to do," he remarked. The girl did not reply, averting her eyes. "Look at me," he said, suddenly. She did not move. "Look at me!" the Potions master demanded. This time Hermione did react, staring up at him with a defiant glare. Severus Snape knew that look, and it worried him. She was, after all, his student. "You would do it again, wouldn't you?" The remark was softly made, causing the mask of relative indifference to fall from her face. He smiled inwardly.

"Yes, I would," she snarled, her otherwise pretty face twisted into a sneer that impressed the Head of Slytherin. "I would have managed it the first time if you," The word was filled with loathing, "had not interfered!"

Snape was now genuinely concerned. "I will have to notify Professor Dumbledore of your intentions, you realise," he said, to all appearances quite casually. "You may go now." Hermione stood, rather abruptly, and walked out of the room without so much as a backward glance.

Snape could not help but stare after her in amazement. Surely this was not the same Hermione Granger that had first walked into his classroom? She was the last person at Hogwarts he had thought would attempt suicide. And she would have, he had no doubt about that.

He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. What had happened to Hermione Granger, that she should fall so far? Oh, he knew about the untimely deaths of her parents, how could he not? He gently rubbed the skin of his forearm where the Dark Mark used to reside.

But that could not be all. Brutal as it sounded, the intelligent Gryffindor know-it-all should have eventually gotten over it, and gone on to make something of her life. Something else had happened, and he was determined to find out what. Now he was intrigued.